Self Esteem Issues

[Pippi Longstocking]

I am having some problems with my 6 year old daughter. She came home from school sobbing again today - this has happened a few times. She says that nobody likes her and she has no friends at school.
I don't know how to help her or what to say. I can hardly march on in to school and demand that the kids be nice to her, but this is what I feel like doing :o . She has always been a sensitive kid and this is really affecting her.
A big part of the problem is she is a bit of a dobber. I have spoken to her about this and emphasised that there is no need to dob unless someone is being hurt or property destroyed etc - only if it is important. I have talked to her about role modelling good behaviour rather than dobbing on naughty kids. The thing is, I think the dobbing is related to her own feelings of inadequacy. *sigh* I don't know how to help her to feel good about herself. None of the other kids have shown even a glimpse of low self esteem - quite the oposite really :thumbsup: .
But where did I go wrong with her? She is sad and I am her mummy and I don't know how to make it better :no: :(

[Sarie]

Our 3 year old has just started on the dobbing thing, my 4 yearold neice has done it for a long time.
I don't know how to help you really. Unfortunately 'kids will be kids' and sometimes they can be quiet hurtful.
I wish I had some advice... but I'm not at that stage yet.
best of luck

[Elfin]

****** I can feel your pain. As parents all we want is for our children to be happy. My son is 7 and went through the dobbing phase and it has eased off now. I just explained the difference between big and small issues eventually it sunk in. I wanted him to feel comfortable to tell a grown up if there was something upsetting him, or there was some danger etc but not to just nit pick on other kids (hope i am making sense). It certainly is a hard one.

I would also talk to the teacher just to see what his or her perspective is and if they have noticed anything going on. I find though the best way to encourage friendships is to organise playdates outside of school. I also found that outside school activities can also boost self esteem and it creates opportunities for friendships. You sound like a great caring mum and I am sure you have done nothing wrong, some kids are just sensitive and take things to heart. That is why I found talking to the teacher always helpful if there was a problem as sometimes I found that my ds' reality wasn't the true reality. Best wishes to you and your dd:)

[Pippi Longstocking]

Easterlily, great minds think alike....I have just returned from speaking to her teacher.:)
The teacher said something interesting. She said she has been observing her and noticed that she appears to sabotage any friendships she may make. If kids start getting close to her, she will pull away.
I'm wondering if this has anything to do with issues she has with her dad. He has flitted in and out of her life whenever he pleases. She may be reluctant to get close to people because she may feel that they will abandon her.:( That would also explain why she has been reluctant to bond with my husband too.

My poor baby, she is such a sensitive little thing.

[the_queen]

Poor Skye-Ann :( I have no useful advice at all, just wanted to convey my sympathies. :kiss:

[Peaceangels]

Sorry to hear about Skye-Ann (lovely name!) :hugs:

Have you considered taking her to see a child counsellor, just a thought. She may just need that outside influence to help her understand all the issues she is having difficulty dealing with.

I know when my parents divorced (not comparing your situation to this) it affected myself and siblings very deeply and I wish my parents had taken us to see a counsellor. It was until 15yrs later as an adult I saw a counsellor and those feelings were still very deep rooted and definately not resolved when somehow I thought they were.

I do hope she (& you) are feeling brighter about the situation real soon! :hugs:

[Elfin]

****** so glad you saw the teacher, it sounds like she gave you some insight into the problem but did she have any suggestions on how to help Skye-Ann??

I think Peaceangels suggestion is a good one. I was wondering however if you could encourage a group friendship rather than one on one. By that I mean organise some playdates with a few girls rather than one, so she feels she doesn't have to depend on one friend. Might be less threatening, anyway just a thought. Hope things improve quickly:)

[misskittyfantastico]

My DD is only 7 months but I know from my own experiences growing up, that joining an outside school activity really helped my confidence as young girl. I personally joined an art class where most of the kids were shy and sensitive like me. But it could be sport or dance or singing...anyhow, that's my suggestion. I really feel for you and your daughter:hugs:

[Hokey Pokey]

MMMMM my 7 y/o went thru this phase but it passed after a few weeks. I just kept reminding her that she was such a great person and that maybe she should find some nicer friends who make her feel happier!!