What age to start?

[mummydee]

I would like to kbow what age everyone started to use controlled comforting/crying. Our bub is 3 weeks old and I am already starting to recognise the difference in her cries. She is starting to do those cries when she is in bed, the ones that say "I want to be picked up and rocked off to sleep". I dont really want to get into this routine again, my DS wouldnt go to bed awake until he was well over 12mnths old.

So my questions are:

Is she too young to start CC?

Am I a horribly mean Mum for wanting to do this?

Any feedback on peoples experiences would be fab!

[sopolicha]

My first response to your questions are yes. I don't know of any person who would control cry a baby who is three weeks old.

At this stage she is way to little and just wants to be close to the same location where she has been for the previos nine months.

My DD has just turned 7 months and I am only dipping my toes in the water of CC now.

[Goosie22]

So my questions are:

Is she too young to start CC?

Am I a horribly mean Mum for wanting to do this?

Any feedback on peoples experiences would be fab!

I dont agree with Controlled Crying at any age and 3 weeks is very small to be sick of comforting your baby (what type of support do you have?), I think that the baby is crying for a reason and that reason is that it wants something. Sure babies cry when they are not beign CC'd but they are with you and that is what being a mother or father is about, nurturing and caring for you baby. Many people will come and put forward they have done it to their babies and no harm done ect, their children are very small still...far from adults so they are yet to see the side effects. Psychologist often site attachment, seperation disorders as part of their diagnosis with personality disorders/behaviour problems/mental health problems

I think there are plenty of things you can do without resorting to these types of things, have you heard of "No cry solutions by Elisabeth Pantley?" some good points in that book. I found using a sling helpfull when they were very wakeful and co sleeping.

Finally I dont think your a horribly mean mum for wanting to do CC after all what else are you supposed to do when your told you have to get this baby to fit some kind of normal mould, however I would be very careful to which "expert" or "sleep trainer" you listen to. Why not try to acept the fact that babies wake because they need to be feed or changed or just cuddled and live in the knowledge you are giving your baby what she needs your attention ........your arms a long time empty.

crying in arms (http://www.awareparenting.com/comfort.htm)

[cosmic]

The short answer is YES 3 weeks is far too young to be considering CC. Even Ferber didn't recommend it be commenced until 6mths and he is now back-pedalling and suggesting that even that may be too young.

She has been comforted by you, your body, your smell, your warmth and with you constantly for 9mths. She's now thrust into this whole new world of sights, smells, sounds, strangers, lights, noise etc etc.. and it is only natural that she would want to be close to you, your body, your smell to feel settled.

Please, please, please don't leave her alone to cry. :(

[Baby Girl]

At 3 weeks old it is you interpretting her cries to mean "I want to be picked up" what she is really saying is "I am a little afraid in this huge space and would like to be held by the one person I totally trust".

3 weeks is definitely too young. Babies have no concept that you will return until well past 6 months so at her young age she is probably feeeling a little abandoned and very scared in her cot all by herself.

Instead of hearing her cries while she is in her cot, pay more attention to her tired signs and put her down when she is ready and then it might take a couple of minutes for you to comfort her while she is laying down by rubbing her chest or back and just letting her know she is not on her own while she is going to sleep. I did this with DD2 and from about 6 weeks she has been a dream to put to bed.

Besides that they don't start to develop "habits" until after 8 weeks, maybe even closer to 12 weeks so giving her a cuddle at this age is not going to harm anything you do for bedtime in a few months time.

Good Luck.

[Sarie]

Don't start yet. 3 weeks is too young. We CC'd both our boys from around 3 months. But 3 weeks is just too little.
You are certainly not a horrible mum. You're new to the game and your exhausted, perfectly normal. You'll find she'll probably pick up a routine in the next couple of weeks anyway.
:hugs:
Sarie

[Lunar]

WAY WAY WAY too young!
I don't like the idea of CC either but it was the only thing that ended upo working for DD1 (but that's a whole other story...she has a few probs)
The others are right.
Baby just wants to feel secure and safe. Everything is so new to her still and will be for a while still. If she is not hungry, not wet, not dirty, is warm and is still crying she just wants a cuddle. I say enjoy those cuddles cos when they get older you have to BEG them for one!

[mumma bear]

Both my DD & DS have gone to bed without crying basically since being born. This is what i do.

When baby is awake take into room, make sure blind is closed. Swaddle baby on change table then hold upright on your chest so they can nuzzle into your neck. Pat them on the back for 2 to 3 mins until their body is calm but they are not asleep then put them into the cot/bassinette and leave the room. If they begin the cry leave them for 5 minutes, time it then return to the room roll them on their side and pat their back until they are sound asleep. It would take long for them to settle within the first 5 mins.

It isn't controlled crying because you don't go in and out. Once you go in you stay there until they go to sleep.

[poshBecks]

I dont agree with Controlled Crying at any age and 3 weeks is very small to be sick of comforting your baby (what type of support do you have?)
Sorry, I thought this was a pro- controlled crying thread? :rolleyes:

Anyhoo. I agree that 3 weeks is probably too young. She just wants to feel safe in her mummy's (or Daddy's) arms!! CC is only recommended after 6 months. :)

All the best.

[draught]

Mummydee - I have used cc with both my children, but I agree with the other posts (including the anti-cc ones) that 3 weeks is too young. At three weeks she is not going to learn to put herself to sleep, which is the idea of CC - she is just too young. She still needs to feed a lot, be cuddled a lot and grow etc. You aren't a horrible mummy - I too want to avoid falling into habits that were exhausting and soul destroying with the next baby - but the bottom line is, without any judgement being passed on you, that cc would probably be completely ineffective as she is too young. Much better off cuddling, patting, rocking to sleep (have you thought of one of those baby hammocks - a friend of mine swears by it - you rock them off to sleep without killing your arms). At 6 months if life is impossible then you could think about it, but I foudn that even at 6 months my daughter was too young to understand and learn and it was much more effective when they were older.

Good luck finding a sleep solution that works for you.

[CandyJane]

Even the most militant CC advocates do not suggest it for babies under 6 months old.

CJ

[Pippi Longstocking]

I am not an advocate of CC at any age but at 3 weeks? Please please please don't! Little babies cry for a reason. They don't do it to be manipulative. They don't do it to deprive their parents of sleep. They don't do it to be annoying. They have no concept of manipulation - they cry because it is the only way they can communicate. At this young age, you are still learning their cues. Bubbies have different cries for different needs. To ignore the cries would be sending the message to the baby that you are not understanding their cries.
Yep, your baby will more than likely learn not to cry. But that will be because s/he will feel abandoned and know there is no point - the cries will be ignored. That is sad. :(

[melfunction]

Yes, far too young.

[Tea Lady]

I think you're sensible for wanting to not get into patterns that were hard last time, but I agree with what someone else said about them not getting into "habits" for awhile yet. I think mumma bear's idea about getting bub nearly asleep before putting them down sounded like a good idea to try (although my DD wouldn't have a bar of it!).

It's so hard in the first few months, but I'm sure you'll muddle through somehow :hugs:

[draught]

Thanks for the positive support Tea Lady:thumbsup:
I think that the original poster probably has the message loud and clear now. Let's all remember that those first few weeks of a new baby are quite difficult and new mother's are vulnerable. Mummy-dee - there are some helpful suggestions on what might be alternatives to CC to help you get through. If you have any questions about what else you might do, please post again with a question. In the meantime this thread will be closed.