A place to share our fears...

[*Chels*]

As our due dates are looming:eek:its all becoming more and more real....
Thought here would be a good place to share any worries,fear,anxieties we are feeling!And being the awesome gals we are,we can give each other support and advice.
Now...after all that corniness:laughing:I 'll start:

I am starting to freak!!!For nearly 3 years,I have just had one child to dote all my attention too!Now I am worried how to handle 2!
My biggest stress is the boys sharing a birthday,or being so close to it.What was I thinking??

Second thing is the whole birth thing.Not worried so much about giving birth(thats easy!:p) but I really want everyone to just fark off and leave me alone.I dont know what I am going to do with Riley,I know SOMEONE will look after him,but we desperatley want our babymoon,and I want to keep everyone AWAY!
Especially my MIL.I cannot be farked dealing with her.Luckily Riley was 7 weeks old when we moved over so I had 7 weeks of peace before I came LOL.
I know shes gonna be in my face,and I will probably have to b!tchslap her!!

Sooo those are my worries.....for today.:D

[BazzasMum]

Ok...

I'm worried this bub will be breech - just not sitting right this time - and they'll slice and dice me. No choice, straight into surgery :eek::hissy:

I'm worried my sis won't get the time off , or will be too late arriving and I'll have no-one to look after DS when in labour. I DO NOT want him there....... Or that I'll have to do it all myself (not such a huge drama, since DH spent as much time on the gas as me last time around!) while DH looks after him.

I'm worried how DS will cope with me being away for a few days. He still sleeps with me - despite all my best efforts so far to get him to stay in his own bed.....

I'm worried my body will never get back to normal, as I won't have enough time/money to join the gym or even just to exercise in the lounge.

[mum2ethan]

Great thread Chels!!!! :thumbsup:

Fears... i could be here all night!!! :laughing:
Well my main one at the moment is what affect GD will have on my baby, and that ive given bub the worst possible start in life :gloomy:.

Im worried about Ethan spending so many nights away from me (he has NEVER spent a night away in his life)

Im worried about the c-section, and the preping for it (spinal etc) and that they will deliver bub too early and have possible breathing difficulties (but in saying that i believe c-section is the right choice for me)

Im worried about how im going to cope with bub and Ethan especially since DP owns his own business and wont be on leave for very long at all (only a few days) but in saying that i have lots of family and friends who will be there to lend a helping hand.

Im worried about the recovery of the c-section and not being able to pick up my boy when he gets upset etc...

Im worried i wont have everything ready for when bub comes!! Ive been slack in getting things organised :o

Im worried about things financially, im worried that i will "run out" and have to go back to work sooner than i wanted...

Ok thats all i can think of for now (that and its home time!!!)

Mel xoxox

[kirra]

Excellent idea.

I am worried too about leaving DS Liam haven't spent much time away from him ever maybe a few hours so concerned for him and me. I know he will be ok as mum will be here giving him soooooo much attention.

Another worry that I had this time last preg was what if there is something wrong with the bubs when she comes out. I have had all scans and everything looks fine but its in the back on my mind and I won't feel better till I lay my eyes on her and she passes all the test.

We haven't done anything for setting up for the baby, and it kinda worries me But as long as she has clothes and a bed to sleep in I know deep down those other things don't matter, Oh and nappies will need nappies.

Last thing is my over the top sister who I would prefer not to think of as my sister I have managed to avoid her most of the preg but I know she will turn up sooner or later to make my life hell and to make snide comments about me. Grrrrrr :yelclap::yelclap:

[FirstTimeMummy]

Hi Ladies,

Great thread.. :thumbsup:

I am worried that I wont know what to do with a baby!!! I am worried that i wont know what each cry means and that I wont be a good Mum. I am a good Mum to my step daughter but I inherited her at 2 so missed the baby stage...

I am really freaked out about the possibility of a c-section. I really want to try to avoid one as long as neither bub or I are at risk. I have an irrational fear of anaesthetics or of being numb (most people are scared of heights or enclosed spaces!!)... I am worried that i will panic if my OB says i need one. :confused:

I'm not really worried about the pain of VB. But I am concerned that my Hubby will be so horribly put off me after seeing a baby come out of my hoo ha that he wont ever want to touch me again... :crying:

I am worried that because i am still small but bub is measuring normal size the he/she will run out of room and will come early... I am working up to a week before due date and am scared that my waters will break at work!!!!! :eek:

But mostly i am just worried that our little angel will be ok......

Caitlin
xx

[*Chels*]

Ok so it seems that most of us are fearing being apart from our other kids,and what to do with them during labour.

FTM-There is no way you cant be a good mum:no:I too am worried about how to look after a newborn,and I have already had one!
I think it all just falls into place,mothers instinct kicks in and you just survive it!
As for VB birth-seriously it isnt that bad!Cant be if we keep going back for more LOL
My DH was there every second of labour-he was watching it all!Dont know how he did it,its not something I wanna see!But it didnt put him off me at all,in fact I think it made him in awe of me and what us women can really do!!!

[happyhips]

Great thread!!

For those who don't already know, my scans showed a high nuchal trans and a soft marker for Down syndrome so -

I am becoming absolutely terrified that my baby will be born with Down syndrome and that I won't love him or won't be able to bond with him. I think that if he comes out normal I'll cry with relief rather than joy. I can't help but think that this is the last 8 weeks of my life that will be normal and the rest will be filled with the trials of a disabled child. I am terrified that the only sibling Jasper will have will be one with a disability and that I will have to have another baby so that Jasper doesn't feel the burden alone when we die. Most of all I'm afraid that he will take away the almost perfect life that my little family has.

Are these thoughts selfish and unfair to this little baby growing inside of me? Absolutely, but I feel better for writing them so that I can face them instead of hiding them away.

Annette.

[loulousmum]

Happy Hips - I think all the things you are feeling are completely normal. Have you thought about seeing a pre-natal counsellor just to talk through some of it? Belmont Private Hospital run an excellent pre and post natal service and you don't need to be depressed to use it!

Fears:
I fear that I will become resentful of DH and babies for all the things I have had to give up because of the unplanned nature of the pregnancy.

I fear that I will lose my 'edge' with the professional side of things and suddenly only be able to talk in an interested and intelligent way about babies and housekeeping (although I know it is the most important and natural job in the world)

I fear that I'm not completely grasping the situation because I am now quite calm about having four kids aged 4 and under in the house.

I fear that the natural birth I want will lead to complications for one or both twins and that the c-section will lead to complications for me.

Most of all - I am fearing babies making an early arrival even though I know that I must be prepared for it (bag is now 3/4 packed).

Great idea Chels.

[kamb1403]

Please don't think this is a joke.

My fear is waking up from my c-section and being told I have twins. The doctors have assured me there is only one. I already have twins and a singleton and don't think we could handle having 3 children under 2. Ryan will be two, or just about two, when the baby is born.

[PinkLily]

Good thread!! And all ladies - we should never feel horrible or guilty for expressing our fears. We all have them, and this place is the perfect place to express them freely, especially as we are all such a wonderful bunch of girls, & guy :D

One fear I have is that this baby won't go into the correct position for a straight-forward birth. I desperately want to have a natural, safe birth for my baby that I hoped for last time...
DS was posterier so got stuck and distressed. Almost had to have emergency ceasarean (after a very long labour), but doc managed to turn him and he was eventually born via forceps (& failed vaccuum). DS had head trauma so wouldn't feed until he was 4 days old, so had to be fed via tubes :( Was really distressing for us, and has now made DH afraid of the whole birthing situation. Especially after seeing what I went through, he wants me to have all the pain relief available. But I am still sticking to my original plan - as natural as possible...

I fear that our finances will mean that I will have to return to work earlier than I would like.

I'm worried that I won't get close to my pre-pregnancy shape - as I'm a bridesmaid in November! I don't want to look all bloated.

And I worry about my relationship with DH ...

[JumpingBean]

Fantastic thread!:thumbsup: I'm so glad I'm not alone in a lot of thoughts and fears going thru my mind lately.

I'm scared of the birth! I don't know how I will go this time and how long I will hold out til pain releif. They gave it to me pretty quick with DD and so this time I'm hoping they will again!

I'm worried about how DD will be having a brother or sister. She's a real mummies girl and I hope she copes ok with a sibling. Also having to leave her to go to hospital for a couple of days is worrying me also as I've never left her more than a couple of hours. (i'm a SAHM).

I'm scared of having to be induced as I was 10 days over with DD and due to be induced, I have a feeling I'm going to go over again this time.

I'm scared of sleepless nights and chasing a toddler all day too! I'm going to be a zombie...

[naebie]

Like Sam, I am worried that bubs is going to make an early appearance. That said, I have now reached 28 weeks, which is a big milestone as far as one of my drs is concerned!

I am worried about the kidney issue that was identified at my morph scan and that bubs is going to need to have corrective surgery... At my scan 4 weeks ago they said the kidney was in the normal range but that could change! I'm just being optimistic and hoping for the best.

I am scared about bubs size- At all of my scans, bubs was measuring quite small, but my fundal height is now measuring a few weeks ahead since going on bedrest. I'm hoping that it means that bubs has caught up in size and not just that I'm getting fat.

I am so excited but so terrified about my life changing forever! I am going to have a little person who depends on me and as much as I love the sound of it, it scares the cr@p out of me!

[KrissyM]

This is a great idea!! Its so nice to know for once the things Im worrying about are 'normal'
My worries
Having an epi or c-section, I have an unnatural fear of both and am desperate to avoid both they scare me more than the actual thought of giving birth.
My SIL demanding she be allowed in for delivery (fortunately DP is very supportive of me not wanting anyone but him)
Im not too worried about what to do with bubs when I take him/her home Ive actually relaxed a lot on that one used to be petrified but more so what will happen if bubs has really bad collic or cries all the time for no reason cause if thats the case I have no idea what to.
DP really doesnt seem to understand what impact this baby will have. He is so used to coming home and sitting in his shed for a bit and having 'him' time but I cant see that happening as much once bubs is born. I have told him things will be different but hes also pretty easy going so he does tend to just go with the flow.
And like most others Im worried about finaces, thankfully I get paid maternity leave but I dont want to have to go back to full time next year and have been told by my principal that I may have to either go back full time or not at all due to the high number of part time teachers (shes said the same to all that want part time next year) but its harder with me cause im having 2 terms off.
Im sure I'll come up with more fears later esp after mon nites antenatale class on the actual birth.

[FirstTimeMummy]

KrissyM - I totally agree!!! I too have an unnatural fear of epi or c-sect! It's the whole needle and numb thing that gets me........ :eek:

[farmmummy]

Chels great idea. One would think being number 4 I wouldn't have any fears but I do.

I'm worried that something will go wrong like it did last year with Jack and I'll have gone thru 9 months for another funeral. Don't think I'll find realief until all the checks have been done and the heart is working on all 4 valves.

I was looking at my Va-jay-jay the other day:o to double check about the thrush and it's the first time I've seen it that way since Jack. Not nice so now I'm scared of outsides coming out because I'm already so streatched and the pain of birth. On top of that I'm worried that if I was to have a c-section that something would happen to me and Matt would be left alone. I don't think he'd cope if anything happened to me not after loosing Jack.

I'm wondering how I'm going to cope with a 3 year old who already does things to push my buttons. Have I done the right thing having another bub maybe I should have listened to what was happen last year maybe I'm not ment to be a mother to any one other than Sarah I mean some days I feel like a real bad mum, more often than not these days my fuse is just so small.

I'm worried bub will want to come early like Sarah tried to. I can't afford any time off at the moment not till the house is done and we've moved at least.

ummm think that's it for now I'll let you know if there is more. Sorry for such a long winded post.

Nikki x

[QueensMum]

I am becoming absolutely terrified that my baby will be born with Down syndrome and that I won't love him or won't be able to bond with him. I think that if he comes out normal I'll cry with relief rather than joy. I can't help but think that this is the last 8 weeks of my life that will be normal and the rest will be filled with the trials of a disabled child. I am terrified that the only sibling Jasper will have will be one with a disability and that I will have to have another baby so that Jasper doesn't feel the burden alone when we die. Most of all I'm afraid that he will take away the almost perfect life that my little family has.

Firstly, Happyhips, I just wanted to say that your post really hit a note with me. I would feel exactly the same way. I had to read your post out to my DH and he was mightily impressed that you were able to speak so openly and honestly. All my thoughts will be with you on the 4th that your Bubba is everything you hoped for. :hugs:

My fears (for today anyway) are:

- Something being wrong with Bubba. I feel guilty at times that my diet wasn't as good as it could have been. I drank coffee / tea and ate take away probably more than I should have.

- How my girls will respond to having a baby taking up so much of Mummy's time. I hope that they don't feel that they are less important or loved just because Mummy is sometimes paying them less attention than before baby came along.

- How I will handle 2 x toddlers and a 1 x newborn once DH has gone back to work

- That I won't remember how to take care of a newborn.

- That I won't be able to function well dealing with sleepless nights and 2 x active toddlers during the day

That is all for now..

[becca022]

I'm worried that bubs will come early.
I'm scared of the birth because I had a planned caesaren with ds & even though the machine was picking up contractions when I got to the hospital after my waters broke I didn't feel any of them. How will I cope with the pain? What if I don't really have any pain til the end & I don't get to the hospital on time & she's born at home... or worse on the way to the hospital.
I'm scared of coming home from the hospital & coping with a disabled child & a 'normal' child. What if DS misses out on things.... what if Ella (bubs) misses out on things & our time because Thomas takes up so much time?
Also I'm scared I'll leak meconium again like with ds & something will happen to her, or they'll decide to to a caesaren again to get her out quick.

[happyhips]

Thanks QueensMum, it's actually very confronting for me to read because they truly are my worst fears. I think deep down I know that no matter the outcome everything will be ok as holding a real life baby in your arms is totally different to the one you imagine it it be. It was certainly good to put my feelings out there though because I could face up to them. I certainly appreciated your support :).

[sweetperfectchild]

I worry about horrid things.

I'm terrified of going overdue because I've seen so many bad things happen to over due babies and my baby is already big. I worry about stillbirth.
I worry about what would happen to my baby if anything happens to me. I worry that my family wouldn't carry out my wishes and give the baby to my cousin as I want.
I'm so focussed on having a live baby that I'm not in the least bit concerned about labour, breastfeeding, being a single mother...!
She's all I have.
I worry that her father won't take an interest and I worry that he might.

[Mrs Potts]

Lots of hugs for all of you. This whole pregnancy and motherhood thing is so hard!

I don't have any fears regarding the birth as I'll be having my 3rd c/section so I know what to expect there. I can cope with the newborn thing (mostly). My fears are more practical ones once bub comes home:
-bub and DD (2 yrs) will share a room. I worry about them keeping each other awake, and not settling well together.
-I worry about getting toddler DD in and out of the car after DH goes back to work following the c/s.
-I worry that bub will take to breast feeding (the other 2 didn't) and the constant demands on my body will drive me mental.

But all in all, I'm just excited at the thought of another little miracle in our home. My fears are nothing in the scheme of things, and I'll work around them when the time comes.

[Electric Mumi]

My fears in a nutshell are...


Waters breaking and going into fast severe labour somewhere public..Kane was born after 1 hr
That bubalicious will be born with a disability
That she will be stillborn :no:
That I will tear\have to be cut
That I wont cope having more than 1 child
That Kane will hate having a sibling as he has always been the special only child
SIDS
That she will be a massive baby!!
That I will have to be induced
That I will have to have a ceaser
That I will never have time to myself for extended periods

[naebie]

My fears in a nutshell are...


Waters breaking and going into fast severe labour somewhere public..Kane was born after 1 hr
That bubalicious will be born with a disability
That she will be stillborn :no:
That I will tear
That I wont cope having more than 1 child
That Kane will hate having a sibling as he has always been the special only child
SIDS
That she will be a massive baby!!
That I will have to be induced
That I will have to have a ceaser
That I will never have time to myself for extended periods


Hey Mon, my fears are almost identical to yours (apart from the ones regarding 2 children). As time gets closer to my due date I am feeling more and more anxious about these issues, especially about bub being stillborn. I can't help but be terrified, especially after a previous miscarriage. SIDS is another one I am particularly woried about, my Mum lost a baby to SIDS 12 months before I was born, and I had sleep apnoea as a baby, which apparently puts my babies at increased risk.
I try so hard to be optimistic, but the reality os these things all scare the cr@p out of me!

[*Chels*]

Mon-I worry about 2 kids too.Riley has pretty much co-slept with us from day dot.Hes been having lots of nightmares lately too,so I am worrying about how to deal with 2 kids waking thru the night(and DH works nights)
Also worried how Riley will cope with a bro after being centre of attention for 3 years!

I am worried about labour.I was in labour for like 2 days before I went to hospy.This time,being 2nd time round and having taken the rasp leaf tea I am worried I wont get to hospy in time and not get to have a waterbirth!

And SIDS-My lil bro died of sids at 11 weeks,so I was really paranoid with Riley.

Renee-Have you thought about getting one of those matress monitors that beep if bubs stops breathing?

[~*clairesmum*~]

Well im scared that i will have to have a c-sec... i no its not a bad thing but to me it is, due to i went natural birth with claire n no drugs, and him being a boy i keep thinking everything is going to go wrong

i wontbe able to breast feed for as long as i did ith claire even if its only part time i breast feed claire fulltime for 9mths n parttime till she was 18mths,

that claire will hate us for having a 2nd baby, she will not bond with bub, that i wont have time for claire anymore, that i wont be able to handle 2 kids... n claire is very a mummys girl,

that DH n i wont make it through having a 2nd baby, or tha bub is oing to have something wrong with him...

I dont care if hes Massive as claire was n i dont like bubs that are to tiny, i dont care if i tear cause i did with claire...

But i think most of our fears are the same...

oh and that labour will be really long cause after have 6.5hr labour with 1.5hrs of pushing with claire i don want a long one, n i dont want to push for as long

[84zsazsa]

Mmmmm...my fears will probably seem nutty :laughing:



The maternal instinct wont kick in for me.....Ive never been a baby or even kid person myself...I have always talked to kids like adults and often felt that they annoy me!! Awful hey.....Yes this has changed since I fell preggers and I seem to be madly in love with bubba already but I do worry the love wont come naturally....:o
That the mood come down after bub will hit me hard. I have handled my depression really well for yrs and it doesnt effect my life now as much but I worry it will again.
That there is something else wrong that they didnt pick up on the scan or that seemed not to be an issue til he comes out.
That this pregnancy will turn me off more kids and bubba will be stuck being an only child like me!!..:(
SIDS.
Worry wort I know and I try not to do it often.

Danni

[Electric Mumi]

Mmmmm...my fears will probably seem nutty :laughing:


The maternal instinct wont kick in for me.....Ive never been a baby or even kid person myself...I have always talked to kids like adults and often felt that they annoy me!! Awful hey.....Yes this has changed since I fell preggers and I seem to be madly in love with bubba already but I do worry the love wont come naturally....:o
That the mood come down after bub will hit me hard. I have handled my depression really well for yrs and it doesnt effect my life now as much but I worry it will again.
That there is something else wrong that they didnt pick up on the scan or that seemed not to be an issue til he comes out.
That this pregnancy will turn me off more kids and bubba will be stuck being an only child like me!!..:(
SIDS.
Worry wort I know and I try not to do it often.

Danni

So funny coz I feel the same Danni. I get annoyed with kids too..and do treat them as little adults. Sometimes I know I exppect too much of Kane, but he rolls with it. I never wanted to hve 1 kid as I was an only child but I do worry about having more than 1, 24 hrs a day. My depression has been good for a long time now (am on low dose meds) but I do worry that after the baby is born that I will get postnatal depression...not that I did with Kane but I didnt have to take him home straight away either...I was eased into motherhood with him, didnt even have to worry about umbilical cord!

So yeh, glad Im not alone with those inner personal fears! Prob good for u to know u arent either!:hugs:

[84zsazsa]

So yeh, glad Im not alone with those inner personal fears! Prob good for u to know u arent either!:hugs:


So good to know im not alone with all that chic!!.....:kiss:

Danni

[PrincessT]

My fear is something being wrong with bubs and not being able to do anything about it.
I dont have any fear other than that thankfully. Fingers crossed it stays that way.

[matildajade]

OMG where do i start!?

Up until now my only worry was that something would be wrong with bubs....

Now that things are starting to happen there are so many more!!

My labour with ds was only about 1.5 hours and we live 55kms from the nearest hospital!! Dh works shift work so im worried he might not be around when things start happening

My biggest fear is i wont be able to handle being a mum to 3. I dont want any of my kids to miss out on anything and would never forgive myself if i did a crappy job beacuse i was too selfish to stop at 2 kids....

Probably have a few others but they are my main ones/

[kelly2781]

great thread

My fears are

bubs being stillborn
SIDS
bubs having a disability or something wrong that they haven't picked up on the scans
Rachelle feeling left out (i want her to be involved as much as possible)
having to have an emergency c-sect
MIL - she is coming down from QLD i know she will SH!T ME - she already is
DP being down the pub and wanting to drive me (i have a back up plan for that)
DP in the delivery ward after drinking (if this is the case he wont be coming in he has already been warned)
none of my back up's being available (although i have 5)

[Emmz]

My fears are numerous and as follows:

That I will give in and have drugs and then regret it the rest of my life
That bubs will be huge (he is already measuring at 37 weeks at 35)
That I will feel differently about my stepdaughter
That I will get depressed after the birth
That I will be lonely
That I was not healthy enough during my pregnancy
That I will come home without a baby as my mum's first son was stillborn and I am having a boy

And my biggest fear is breastfeeding. I hate having my breasts touched, adjusting my bra or brushing up against something makes chills run down my spine and sickens me (always felt like this even before pregnancy) so i am dreading it BIG time

[myusernamewoohoo]

What a awesome thread I dont know how I missed it lol
I have sooooo many fears .
Its my 7th child but for some reason Im really worried about labour .
My last ds was a hard labour so I pray this isnt the same
my last 2 were induced ,I dont wanna be induced, they were both hard .My last natural labour on my own was 1 hour with my 4 th I pray I go into labour on my own .
I worry about a still birth
I am 37 weeks I messure 43 weeks so I am so worried about have a huge baby and something goes wrong .
I hope that she is healthy
most of all I worry about the birth ,I just have a feeling I cant shake .I am almost tempted to ask for a epi I have never had one .
I also sometimes think maybe a c section would be safer for me being number 7 and the risk of bleeding out .
oh gosh Im worried about all of it .
thanks for reading this its nice to see Im not alone and scared alone .People think cause its number 7 that Im a pro ,soooo not true

pen:)