Am I completely alone? Does ANYONE feel like me?????

[bunoven]

Here's the deal. I have a DS9 and DD6 and we are TTC number 3 and have been for about 4 months. The thing is, I currently work nearly 30 hours a week and we have about 8 hours a week of after school activities between the two kids. I suffer from depression and have found some relief through medication but I am not taking it while I am TTC.

My problem is that I do NOT feel like I can work every day and still be the Mum I want to be. I am stressed, tired, my job is REALLY frustrating me at the moment and we have all been sick recently so I have had to have some time off. I am short with the kids and DH because I am stressed and just want to concentrate on getting myself back on track and focus on our family. After talking to DH, we tried to have my hours cut back at work but to no avail, so I have resigned. I just want to be a happy, healthy Mum who can be there for her kids. Is that so wrong? I know it means we will have to sacrifice things and I will look for some work for about 3 days a week when I am feeling a bit more on top of things but I just seem to have people all around me who just don't understand my reasoning at all. All mother's who work of course. Interestingly, the ONLY person who seems to get it, is my Mum who said that she was "so proud of me for cutting back my hours" because she knows and UNDERSTANDS WHY I am doing it.

I don't know, I can't really explain myself properly on here I don't think. I just feel that I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. Does anyone understand that? :crying: Am I being lazy and do I have to justify my reasons to anyone else???

[Lastcenturymum]

No it's not wrong to want to be the best mum you can.

And yes all mother's work - some in the home and some out of it - and a lot spend a lot if time in the car. Don't try to live to others expectations - you will never win. Make your choices and stick with them and what your heart says.

Sounds like something had to give and if you are TTC then it's probably a good idea to have a break for a while.

I know how much time is spent in the car too as kids get older.

I hope you find some peace and sanity in your life and all the best with you know what :hugs:

[sunnyflower]

I completely understand.

I am a single mum and i only work 3 days a week and i'm exhausted.

I think you did the right thing in resigning,you know what works best for your family.:)

[susmamma]

I hear you loud and clear.
And that's the decision we made too... to cut back in order to have a parent at home to look after the kids.

I worked out the other day that kids in childcare have about (on average) less than 3 hours a day with their parents (during the working week ). It just breaks my heart to know that babies, toddlers and three year olds are spending up to ten hours a day being raised by other people and having such a small amount of time with a parent to guide and nurture them in the early years of life.

There are so many things financially we have put on the back burner... buying house etc... but in my heart, for us as a family I want to spend more than an hour in the morning with my baby, and two hours at night before they go to sleep.

(This is in no way making digs at women or men who work, we all make our decisions based on what we think is the best for our families).

I'd always worked out how many hours a day a kid was in child care, not how many hours a day a parent actually spent with their baby.... I still feel upset just thinking about it.

Good luck with your decision... :hugs:

[SimplyMum]

I worked out the other day that kids in childcare have about (on average) less than 3 hours a day with their parents (during the working week ). It just breaks my heart to know that babies, and toddler and three year olds are spending up to ten hours a day being raised by other people and having such a small amount of time with a parent to guide and nurture them in the early years of life.

This is my family at the moment.:(



(This is in no way making digs at women or men who work, we all make our decisions based on what we think is the best for our families).



Totally agree.

Although I hate the thought that I don't get to see my DS more than an average of 2hrs a day during the week, it's what has to be done at the moment. We try and make it up by having special Mummy and DS movie nights and such and in another year, I can take a break from tafe and have a year just concentrating on being Mum rather than 5 different personas!

I think the op has made the correct decision, even if it's only temporary. You sound as though you are at the end of your tether and you desperately needed a well earned break!

[Angelmist♥]

Sorry hun, but you're a mother:rolleyes: you are always going to be damned if you do, damned if you don't :(

I'm a SAHM who studies uni part-time and I still get asked constantly why I'm not working yet.:mad: I was even asked recently by a family member of course, why I was taking up precious university spots considering I'm older.............I'm 28:laughing:

Don't listen to them mate, honestly. Only you can decide what's best for you and your family:hugs:

[*Chels*]

Sorry hun, but you're a mother:rolleyes: you are always going to be damned if you do, damned if you don't :(



So true!!
I am a working Mama,altho my son is at home with Daddy while I work and vice versa.Juggling work and home is hard enough,let alone throwing depression and TTC into the mix!!
Do what is right for you and your family,and stuff everyone else!:cool:

[bunoven]

Hi guys, thank you all so much for your replies. I really, sincerely appreciate it. You are right Angelmist, you are damned either way. I know that financially it will mean some sacrifices but that is something we are prepared to do and you know what, it costs NOTHING to go bike riding, picnicing, to parks etc. I told the kids last night and they are completely ok with the fact that there will be less takeaways etc. Truth be known, they would probably prefer some oven fries, chicken nibbles and a 99c bottle of soft drink at home anyway!!! And we could do that for about $5!!!

Again, thanks so much. I knew there would be people out there who understand. They are just not around me! :)

[MummyGoingMad]

I want to say I'm proud of you for making that decision. One day if I'm in that situation I hope I'm strong enough to do the same thing. You have taken control, chosen something that you connect with. Don't feel guilty because there's always time to go back to work later, and this is a dilemma we all face. You need to make decisions for YOU because if you are happy and healthy, it will flow on to everything else - including your families happiness. TTC is probably not going to be successful while you are upset and stressed. You dont have to make huge sacrifices, there are plenty of viable ways to cut costs and budget successfully and I gaurantee that having a happy, healthy mum is the best thing your boys could ask for. Good luck :hugs:

[bunoven]

Thanks MummyGoingMad, you are right. I am sitting here at work right now having a really crappy day and just can't wait till I can completely change my focus. So tired of wasting all of my energy here. I have a splitting headache and am trying to work with a completely impossible person. I don't paid nearly enough to justify staying here and having the life sucked out of me.

Really wish I hadn't agreed to give a months notice... I fear now that they are just being very relaxed about it all and are going to really take there time. I did it in order to help them out and one of my boss's has not spoken one word to me in 3 days and there are only two of us in the office!!! Ah well, not much longer now I guess.

Thanks for all of your kind thoughts. You have all cheered me up no end. :)

[susmamma]

Thanks MummyGoingMad, you are right. I am sitting here at work right now having a really crappy day and just can't wait till I can completely change my focus. So tired of wasting all of my energy here. I have a splitting headache and am trying to work with a completely impossible person. I don't paid nearly enough to justify staying here and having the life sucked out of me.

Really wish I hadn't agreed to give a months notice... I fear now that they are just being very relaxed about it all and are going to really take there time. I did it in order to help them out and one of my boss's has not spoken one word to me in 3 days and there are only two of us in the office!!! Ah well, not much longer now I guess.

Thanks for all of your kind thoughts. You have all cheered me up no end. :)

use the month to get your affairs in order and to enjoy the last taste of freedom you'll have for the next few years!
remember right now you can go for a coffee without any child hanging off you!
just ignore the boss who isnt talking to you, some people dont cope very well with change. you've done the right thing offering a months notice, i think that shows your a proffessional and considerate person.
just take your time, do your job well and take deep breaths each time your work mate drives you bonkers. soon you'll look back on this time and remember it with fondness as you're knee deep in nappies, sore boobs and no sleep!
:hugs: