Q for those who put bub in bed and let them self-settle

[UmmInayah]

Hi,

Just wondering, I have recently stopped patting or rockng DD to sleep and instead sit next to her bed and shhh shhh the whole time haha.

It can take up to 30 mins for her to fall asleep on her own without me holding her (she doesn't cry, just wriggles around.. excessively!), which I imagine is reasonable considering she only just started doing it, and I am hoping that the time gets shorter as she gets used to it.

Anyway, I have tried to leave the room before, and she can see me leave and gets absolutely hysterical if I am not with her.

So, I am wondering - when you leave bub to settle, do you let them watch you leave the room? Or do you sneak out without them knowing?

Thanks :)

[SorenLorensen]

i think it depends on the baby as to what parents do and what works.
DD2 has always self settled and is happy to watch me walk out of the room (she lifts her little head up to watch me walk out every time), she is not really a cuddly baby (:crying:) and like to be left alone to fall asleep.

[UmmInayah]

Thanks SL. I guess I shouldn't complain. At least I am not sitting there rocking her with an aching back.

Just wish I could be doing something more productive with my 30 mins just sitting there :rolleyes:

[Benji]

Thanks SL. I guess I shouldn't complain. At least I am not sitting there rocking her with an aching back.

Just wish I could be doing something more productive with my 30 mins just sitting there :rolleyes:

Why don't you find a good book to read? Might be a bit of a nice relax time for you, and you never know, she might get faster at falling asleep as time goes on :)

[UmmInayah]

Why don't you find a good book to read? Might be a bit of a nice relax time for you, and you never know, she might get faster at falling asleep as time goes on :)

I wish I could.. but since she was really little we always kept the room super dark, especially at night as she would be distracted by everything.. so I am basically sitting in the dark shhing.

I am too scared to get a night light for fear of disturbing out sleep routine etc. I really don't want to stuff around too much with her sleep cos it took me SO long to get where I am.. IYKWIM?

[mummyjessie86]

I put DS in his cot, tuck him in, make sure his dummy is in, give him a kiss goodnight and then walk out. He stuffs around for about 5-10 mins and then realises he is there for the night and starts to cry LOL. I give him one minute of crying... go back in and settle him. Then if he starts crying again i let it go for 2 minutes then go back in and settle him. If this whole routine takes more than 15 minutes, then i will get him up and rock him off to sleep. After a week or so he got the picture, and now knows when he is put into bed and gets his kiss goodnight then its sleep time. Most of the time he will cry but i only need to go back in once and put his dummy in and he will go to sleep.

I wanted him to see me leave the room and be able to go to sleep knowing im not in there, but am just outside if he needs me.

[Benji]

I wish I could.. but since she was really little we always kept the room super dark, especially at night as she would be distracted by everything.. so I am basically sitting in the dark shhing.

I am too scared to get a night light for fear of disturbing out sleep routine etc. I really don't want to stuff around too much with her sleep cos it took me SO long to get where I am.. IYKWIM?

Ahhhh yes, I get ya! My boy was the same.

Got an mp3 player? :p

I guess it couldn't hurt if you see if you can sneak out, if you both end up distressed you can just go back in!

[SalTheGal]

Maybe try to leave when she is not quite asleep but pretty close to it..so that she is in a semi concious state...then gradually leave earlier and earlier?

Also when DS needs the sshhing to get off to sleep (occasionally if he is particularly unsettled) I find I can walk away if I do it shh'ing whilst I am walking and stop just outside the door still shh'ing for a minute of two slowly getting softer and softer- so its not an abrupt stop of the shh noise if that makes sense!!

[UmmInayah]

Maybe try to leave when she is not quite asleep but pretty close to it..so that she is in a semi concious state...then gradually leave earlier and earlier?

Also when DS needs the sshhing to get off to sleep (occasionally if he is particularly unsettled) I find I can walk away if I do it shh'ing whilst I am walking and stop just outside the door still shh'ing for a minute of two slowly getting softer and softer- so its not an abrupt stop of the shh noise if that makes sense!!

i think i might give the leaving earlier and earlier a go.. I will see how she goes tomorrow for her day sleeps.

Thank you everyone for all the advice! Will keep you updated :P

[reAllytee]

Gosh i dunno whether you want to hear this or not !!!

Will start with Squeak cause funnily enough even with all his issues he is the easiest in regards to getting to sleep !

Basically we just pop him down, pop his crocodile next to him ( stuffed of course ;) ) give him a kiss, pop the dummy in, make sure he has the sheet up near his face ( he rubs it over his face ! ) then walk out & he is off !

Its only on bad nites etc that he wants cuddles & to be held upright due to pain but overall he will go down to sleep ok its later round 12am that it all starts.

Oh & he has only just worked out how to pull himself up which he tends to try now once we leave the room but its a case of going back in & laying him down then he goes off. Seriously he is a breeze !

Boof ...

OMG Boof on the other hand ! I was still rocking him when he was 12 - 18mths old most nites but at the least i would be in his room till he fell asleep in a chair beside the cot.

At 2yrs we changed him to the toddler bed before Squeak arrived & auugh what a nightmare that was ! He would get out all the time so in the end being pg i gave up & he would come lay in our bed fall asleep with me then i would transfer him. By the time Squeak was 6wks we were having so many issues that we started making him go straight to his bed ( Squeak was in our room so he would wake him up thinking it was funny etc ! ).

This has meant that i have squeezed into bed with him till he falls asleep & now even at 3yrs this is what he demands .... Oh wells im hoping by the time he finds himself a wife i wont need to do the cuddling anymore :p:laughing:

[SorenLorensen]

Just wish I could be doing something more productive with my 30 mins just sitting there :rolleyes:
get yourself a nintendo DS :laughing:, you coudl do sudoku or crossword puzzls and not have to turn on the light. DD2 is still in our room (shes 5 months) and i need to give my brain a work out before i go to sleep and becuase i cant turn on the light i now play my DS.



there are SO many different techniques out there though. some will say stay with bub until bub falls asleep so if they wake they see you there, others will say let bub see you walk out of the room that way if bub wakes they wont get scared or upset that you are gone since they knew already you weren't there. then there is hold bub till fast asleep, until just about to sleep, put bub in bed before their eyes start to drop. pat bub, rock bub, swaddle bub, play music, put on the radio, keep everything quiet, go about your normal house hold noise.....ect.
it can be SO hard, and i am truly thankful that i have gotten good sleepers. i can not even begin to imagine what you have gone through to get to where you are but i applaud you for still having any hair left on your head :hair: (thats if you still do :p:laughing:).

i hope things keep getting better, i have read a few of your post about your DD sleeping and even though it may be hard for you to remember sometimes you have come such a long way, you are doing a great job. :hugs:

[bubbasmum]

Ds watches me walk out of the room every night. Sometimes he gets a little upset but I let him cry a little while (a few minutes) and then he settles himself.

[~Bec~]

Just wish I could be doing something more productive with my 30 mins just sitting there :rolleyes:

I so know what you mean. For ages we would put DS is our bed, each lie beside him and pat him to sleep. The room would be very dimly lit and nice and warm. However, it also meant that we would nearly fall asleep (and sometimes did nod off for a bit) which is a bit of a problem with there's stuff to do for the next day (eg housework, CC preparation). It got to teh point where we could spend 2 hours trying to pat him to sleep on the bed. He was just crawl off or push your hand away. :( DF would often take him out for a drive to get him to sleep. Recently we've gone back to getting him to self settle in his cot using a modified (gentle) CC approach which seems to be working. Last night it only took him 20 mins of off and on grizzling!! He did wake up about an hour later though and was crying but fortunately he let me rock him back to sleep (he doesn't usually like being rocked or patted). Tonight it took about 12 mins of off and on grizzling to get to sleep and he hasn't woken up yet. :goodvibes:

ETA: *answer the post Becs...!* I'm not sure if DS sees me leaving the room. I think he does, it's rare we can make it out of the room without him starting to fuss. He starts fussing as soon as you lay him down though.

[reAllytee]

Gosh you dont know what to do with those 30mins ?!?!?!?!?

SLEEEPP !!!!

LOL !

Thats my opportunity to snooze heh & its wonderful ! I swear thats the only thing that gets me the through the 500 wake up calls through the nite ... Ok so im exaggerating it isnt 500 but it certainly feels like it by 6am !!!!!

[UmmInayah]

I don't know how you do it Ally.. I would have lost it by now. I only have 1 bub and I'm complaining!

I think I might invest in a nintendo DS hahaha, that would be awesome!

Most of the time I don't want to fall asleep cos I want to spend time with DH in the evenings, and it takes me so long to nod off anyway, I would have to lie there for an extra 1 hour before I actually fell asleep! LOL.

I guess I will just sit next to her, maybe slowly move to just standing and then taking a few steps back toward the door etc.

Thanks everyone for all the advise!

[monkeytoes]

Have you tried putting a radio in her room with it untuned (static noise). It's the same as us saying shhhh shhhh. Try having static playing and each night stand/sit further and further away from the cot until she doesn't need you there anymore.

[UmmInayah]

Have you tried putting a radio in her room with it untuned (static noise). It's the same as us saying shhhh shhhh. Try having static playing and each night stand/sit further and further away from the cot until she doesn't need you there anymore.

I do have the fan on in the closet, and sometimes the humidifier, and I am findng that sometimes it will drown out my shhing. I haven't tried the radio, but I will give that a go if it doesn't end up working.

Thanks heaps!

[justmum]

Have you tried moving your chair a little closer to the door? Every 3 or so days if you move the chair closer to the door you should eventually get to the point when it's right next to door and you can slip out.

Or do your shushing for a while then stand and keep shushing. Every few minutes take another step to the door shushing then when you get to the door if she starts up again you can shush from outside.

[UmmInayah]

I would love to be able to do that.. but I think the outside light might wake her up. She sleeps upstairs and the downstairs light shines through into her room.. hard to explain.. but since I am living with my mum, there are so many people here it is impossible to have all the lights off so that I can get out of the room with her being awake and opening the door.

I will see how we go..

[rainbowmummy22]

Sound like me a few months ago, I tried the self settle thing for months, and felt it wasnt the right thing for my DD. I read a book " Helping your baby to sleep" cant remember author, which gave me a few good ideas without CC. It all ended when I just started feeding her to sleep, it really was that simple. And I'm annoyed so many people told me not to do it, because it would have prevented all the trauma in the early days. When she was little I would hold her to sleep with a bottle of EBM (difficult feeder), and when she was older I put her down in her cot with one. It really was the solution for me.