Teley
03-08-2008, 20:48
My little man Alexander is perfect. I guess every mother says that, but my Alex is definately perfect in my eyes!
I was reading Sara's thread about her Alex, and I thought I should write in here. There are things that my Alex does that sometimes put me on edge -- you could say it's mother's intuition I guess. Many times I've told myself I am paranoid, many more times I've told myself I'm just a feral horrible mother.
He is a wonderful boy, always ready with a smile or a laugh with people. I don't think he has autism because he definately does know how to interact with people, he is popular at daycare and he loves playing games with me. He is bright and he's very good at puzzles.
There is something about him though that makes him slightly different to the other kids, something about how he sometimes behaves and how he interprets social signals, especially in large group situations. It's hard to notice unless you know him really well -- when he goes to the doctors he is very well behaved, plays quietly with his toys, always put them away, so the doctors don't see much wrong with him. Because that's not a big social setting, he deals with that very well.
I just find that in big social settings I see him straining to understand, to relax, to sit still in his chair, to comprehend all the interactions and the unsaid systems going around. If he gets frustrated he can get destructive and fly into tantrums (which is a normal part of a three year old too). His daycare teachers tells me that sometimes it's hard to control him because nothing she says or does gets him to relax. I've tried coming in to daycare with him, and as long as I'm around he is very relaxed and happy. I think I've even cottoned onto why -- it's not just my presence and my voice, but when we make eye contact and most important if he's getting tense I come up and touch him on the back softly or on the shoulders and he relaxes. He won't relax if anyone else touches him, I think that could be why at daycare we have so much trouble whilst not at home at all. Recently I was told he just started hitting children in the playground with a stick and wouldn't stop (which is unusual), but I don't think it's that simple, there must have being a reason, it's just that with him he has trouble expressing himself socially so often people just don't get it.
Why am I writing this? I don't know...I think it's me trying to get my thoughts onto "paper" and figure out what it is. The other reason was that sometimes I get down on myself and say to myself "it's because you're a horrid mother that you can't get your child to develop at the same pace as others" which leaves me depressed and self-hating what I have done wrong.
Whatever it is, I am sure when he is an adult he will be fine. I was very similar with a lot of things when I was little; I had trouble interacting in large social settings too. It's just that right now we may need guidance. We've had breakthroughs recently with his behaviour, his understanding of social environments and even his speech which is also suffering because he was making weird noises with his throat, so hopefully I haven't jinxed anything!
If anyone has any thoughts to add feel free.
I was reading Sara's thread about her Alex, and I thought I should write in here. There are things that my Alex does that sometimes put me on edge -- you could say it's mother's intuition I guess. Many times I've told myself I am paranoid, many more times I've told myself I'm just a feral horrible mother.
He is a wonderful boy, always ready with a smile or a laugh with people. I don't think he has autism because he definately does know how to interact with people, he is popular at daycare and he loves playing games with me. He is bright and he's very good at puzzles.
There is something about him though that makes him slightly different to the other kids, something about how he sometimes behaves and how he interprets social signals, especially in large group situations. It's hard to notice unless you know him really well -- when he goes to the doctors he is very well behaved, plays quietly with his toys, always put them away, so the doctors don't see much wrong with him. Because that's not a big social setting, he deals with that very well.
I just find that in big social settings I see him straining to understand, to relax, to sit still in his chair, to comprehend all the interactions and the unsaid systems going around. If he gets frustrated he can get destructive and fly into tantrums (which is a normal part of a three year old too). His daycare teachers tells me that sometimes it's hard to control him because nothing she says or does gets him to relax. I've tried coming in to daycare with him, and as long as I'm around he is very relaxed and happy. I think I've even cottoned onto why -- it's not just my presence and my voice, but when we make eye contact and most important if he's getting tense I come up and touch him on the back softly or on the shoulders and he relaxes. He won't relax if anyone else touches him, I think that could be why at daycare we have so much trouble whilst not at home at all. Recently I was told he just started hitting children in the playground with a stick and wouldn't stop (which is unusual), but I don't think it's that simple, there must have being a reason, it's just that with him he has trouble expressing himself socially so often people just don't get it.
Why am I writing this? I don't know...I think it's me trying to get my thoughts onto "paper" and figure out what it is. The other reason was that sometimes I get down on myself and say to myself "it's because you're a horrid mother that you can't get your child to develop at the same pace as others" which leaves me depressed and self-hating what I have done wrong.
Whatever it is, I am sure when he is an adult he will be fine. I was very similar with a lot of things when I was little; I had trouble interacting in large social settings too. It's just that right now we may need guidance. We've had breakthroughs recently with his behaviour, his understanding of social environments and even his speech which is also suffering because he was making weird noises with his throat, so hopefully I haven't jinxed anything!
If anyone has any thoughts to add feel free.