Making no progress - HELP

[scarecrow]

Alex is almost 3 1/2 and we are getting nowhere trying to get him toilet trained. It is driving us crazy. He knows how to go - he just refuses. It's only if he thinks there is something in it for him, and not just a sticker anymore, that he will go. He goes off and hides to do his poos and doesn't own up to it, even when you can smell it through the house.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

[Belby]

hmmm, it's tricky isn't it, I work in child care and came across this type of behaviour fairly often. Have you tried lots of positive reinforcement when he does go - eg, well done, good pooing,what a clever little person etc with lots of smiles and telling other family members (like dad or siblings) when he goes in the toilet. This might help and when he does go in a place that is not appropriate being calm and changing him and cleaning up without giving it too much attention or saying alot to him. I found this worked as often it was for attention and when child did poos etc in inappropriate place they enjoyed all the fuss they created - taking this attention away seemed to stop the behaviour and they came to enjoy the good 'fuss' that was created when they did go in the appropriate place - eg toilet!
Hope that may help :)

[mumofethan]

Hi scarecrow...

i understand where you are coming from with not willing to do poo's in the toilet... my stepson refused to give up nappies, and the only way we could get him out of them was because he had to start pre-entry kindy. He was 3.5yrs. He turns 4 in a month and we are still having trouble with "number 2's". Unlike your little boy he doesnt hide them, he just wont go until his nighttime nappy is put on. He has only done one poo in the toilet. When he did this we made the biggest deal out of it, lots of praise, he got to ring his grandparents and told tell them, and he got a small reward...

we still have problems but apparently it is normal behavior.

:D

Michelle

[Crazyfamily]

Hi,
I also know how you feel. My son was 3 in October last year and was afraid to poo in the toilet. Had no trouble with wees. He also waited until his night time nappy was on to do it or asked for a nappy. He recently did a poo in the toilet while I sat in there cuddling him to reassure him he was safe. When he did it I gave heaps of praise and rang everyone to tell them the good news. The next time he needed to do a poo he went on his own but asked me to cuddle him. From then on he has just run in and done it on his own and calls me to see the surprise. I am now hopeing sometime in the near future he will no longer need nappies at night but he dosn't seem even close.
Good luck.

[scarecrow]

We give him heaps of praise, tried the sticker chart, make a big fuss, but it doesn't seem to help. About the only motivation that works is if he get's to play with a particular toy he hasn't played with for a while, or gets something new. My next strategy will be to come up with a list of possible incentives, and hopefully find one that will encourage him to go this time, and then another to get him to go in an hour and so on.

I understand about the attention seeking. Once we discover he has done a poo, he runs away so gets a game of chase into the bargain. It's hard to not react, but maybe we need to just let him run away on his own and grab him when he returns without too much fuss.

Thanks for the ideas.

Andrew

[cwsmum]

We are just starting to toilet train our son. He is 26mths old and has been telling me when he needs to poo most days for the last week or so.

It is a bit of a battle to get him to sit on the potty for even a couple of minutes so we went out and got him a few new books that he can only read when he is sitting on the potty, he has lots of other books to read whenever he wants. This seems to be working as he will sit and read his books which also distract him from his poo which he was getting quite good at holding in til he had a clean nappy on.

We chose books coz our son sees daddy reading the newspaper while he is using the toilet, so he can be like daddy :rolleyes:

Maybe you could try something like that, a special toy would work too, even if it is just one that he hasn't played with for a while and you make it the 'potty toy'.

Good luck, hope your son gets the hang of things soon :)

[Moorish]

Hi all,

My dd (3.5) has had some bowel trouble (prolapsed bowel) since Jan this year due to severe constipation after a doctor gave her a hard-core dose of antibiotics for tonsilitis. So our toilet training efforts were put on hold until about 6 weeks ago. She's been on "Parachoc" to ease the constipation & get her regular again since Jan & now she's almost caught up with all the kids in my mothers group who've been training for months - it only took her 1 week (& 2 accidents) for her to be daytime trained. She still has a nappy for nap time & night time but I have the same problem as Caroline, MumofEthan & Scarecrow, where Chelsea "saves" poos for her night nappy. If she does - we try not to get angry & empty the poo from the nappy into the toilet and tell her that next time we'll do it in there like a big girl. She's done it in the toilet at a restaurant once & at grandpa's house when she stayed for 4 days - but just refuses at home, we'll get there.

I read something pretty funny the other day but I haven't been game enough to try it yet! :) If anyone tries it can they leave a post here to let us know how they go?!

Suggestions:
* For those toddies & kids who are being trained for either the potty or the big toilet, mums & dads, buy a colourful pingpong ball & draw a face on it. Pop it in the potty or toilet and kids have to try and pee/poo on the pingpong ball. Apparently it's a great distraction and the pingpong ball won't even flush down due to it's weight (don't quote me - it's just what I read! :) )
ALSO
* Carry a potty, spare pants & trousers in the boot of the car while training so child can stop and pee if on the road, at the shops etc, not as daunting as using public toilets and much cleaner.
* Ask child once every hour if they need to use potty/toilet. If they say "no" leave it at that, but if you see them dancing around 10 minutes later trust your instincts and pop them on for a pee. Also, do this before you leave the house to go shopping etc and you shouldn't have to worry during the trip there.
* If your child has a friend the same age who is potty/toilet trained ask to visit them and have that child demonstrate to your child how to do a wee/poo on the potty/toilet. I had to take my dd's little friend to the toilet at the library as her mum was busy & I asked if she'd mind my dd watching (!!) She encouraged it and it was like a little lightbulb flashed above my dd's head as she watched her friend hop on the big toilet & tinkle!
* If child does a poo in night nappy, take them to empty contents into the toilet and tell them that's where they go & we'll try to do #2's there next time
* Let child watch mum & dad do their business on the toilet and let the child flush (this is half the fun according to my 3.5 yo!) Tell them that if they do their own #1&2's there they can flush again themselves.

Sorry this post has been so long - just wanted to get as many tips out as I've been given over the last 6 months! If anyone has any suggestions for me, I'm all ears as I still battle every day to get Chelsea to poo in the toilet!!
Thanks, Anna :)

[scarecrow]

UPDATE

We have started attacking this again with some limited success. Basically offering him extra special treats and keep offering different things until we find something he wants enough that he will go. For example, he got to play with his special Thomas train set, got to stay up a bit later and watch a little bit more TV. He even went at his uncle's place today. We figure any bad habits he might pick up through this can be gradually worked out later. I like the ping pong ball idea. Might be worth a try. I'll give almost anything a go at this stage. The other trick we are trying is to get his little brother to watch so he can learn as well.

Thanks for the tips.

Andrew

[willsmum]

We are now on day 3 of underpants after 2 weeks of pullups.

After trying everything we could think of for months, and getting desperate cos he starts kindy in August, we just told him that the shops didn't sell nappies to fit him anymore. Ditto with pullups after the second week. He just kind of shrugged his shoulders and was trained just like that.

He asked how to stop the wee just coming out. I told him that when he wees he pushes, so to stop it he just had to do the opposite. Thank goodness he understood!

We do have a special pack of nappies (we call them ni-night nappies) that he wears to bed cos he still isn't night trained. He understands that these are only for when he has 'jamas on.

[meges]

Alex is almost 3 1/2 and we are getting nowhere trying to get him toilet trained. It is driving us crazy. He knows how to go - he just refuses. It's only if he thinks there is something in it for him, and not just a sticker anymore, that he will go. He goes off and hides to do his poos and doesn't own up to it, even when you can smell it through the house.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Either let him sit in it all day and then he will learn he doesnt want to be smelly and messy or put him in undies and pants or i know this is a messy one let him walk around the house with no pants on at all.My daughter hid when she was doing poos then i watched for her to hide and grab her and stuck her on the toilet then she learnt

[scarecrow]

Time for an update. After getting to the point where no amount of incentive would work, we gave up and backed off for a few weeks. Didn't mention it and just changed him when required. Then we carefully started suggesting he go and he has now been more agreeable. Yesterday he went the whole day in undies, including spending half the day in the car. He went at MacDonalds and also on a couple of trees. We have to make sure to remind him to go but he isn't resisting too much so fingers crossed he continues to progress.

Tried the ping pong ball, but he just wanted to keep flushing it and I got worried he and his little brother would decide to try and see what else they could throw in there and try and flush.

One thing that did seem to help a little is to get his little brother to watch while he goes and then he has a go himself.

He hasn't got to doing poos on the toilet yet but I now have a glimmer of hope that he will get there.


Scarecrow

[Maghan]

This will make some of you feel better - my little boy is 4, turning 5 in December and still does a poo in a nappy. He will hold on for days if necessary. The way I figure it, having healthy bowels is far better than being constipated. Most kids don't do poos at school, they wait until they come home, in fact some friends don't do poos at work!

Eventually he will have to realise that this is not what big boys do. Once my little girl who is 2 is out of nappies, there will be no more nappies in the house, so something's going to have to happen, I hope!

Bribery and rewards have not worked, our paedatrician is not concerned either, it's within the "normal limits", as long as they have the control over their bowel and bladder that's the important thing.

I personally couldn't think of anything worse than leaving him in it all day, that's got to be unhygenic and I'm not going to fight with him and make him sit on the toilet all day. You just have to have a bit of faith in the human body and mind... or just be cleaning up poo for the rest of your life!

[Melissa1983]

Hi
DD has been toilet trained now for about 4 months, sometimes she will hold on and do a poo in her nappy, but the last few days she has started doing in the toilet :)
I found bribery didn't work on her either, but my mum introduced the wee wee dance, and so i have to do that every time she does poos in the toilet. So far so good.
Good luck