So just shoot me okay...

[OJandMe]

I'm putting this in the 'discuss it' because I don't know where else to put it..

My boys are circed. I never really thought anything of it until I joined BubHub. I didn't think it was this huge great big nasty thing that so many people make it out to be. I wasn't embarressed by it, I didn't feel judged by it, I honestly didn't really think that anyone even thought about the choice parents made in regards to the circ issue.

But since being on BubHub I've become paranoid. Now when my kids go swimming I'm constantly thinking people are going to judge me coz they are circed. When it's none of their business anyway, nor do they know my reasons, nor should I have to explain myself.

BUT.... I realised the other day that it's all so stupid. I was changing G after swimming, and thought "oh no, this mum next to me is going to think I'm an awful parent because G is circed" ... and then her DD whacked G on his head, and she slapped her hand for it. (now this little girl was just a tad over one)..

And I thought to myself :eek: I can't believe she just hit her daughter like that! Like a one year old understands that, and their little hand bones are so delicate.

So there you have it. We all judge on different things. There I was thinking "oh no she's going to judge me" and then there I was thinking "oh my, I wouldn't dicipline my one yr old in that way!"

But I know she's a great Mum, even though she chooses to dicipline in a different way.

And I know I'm a great Mum, even though my boys are circed.

I use cloth, I baby-wear, I play with my kids, I use encouraging words, I'm an advocate for breast-feeding and co-sleeping, I'm anti-CC, I spend time teaching my kids about people, and being polite, and using their manners, and having compassion. I allow them the freedom to express their emotions, and try to always stay above the situation, understanding that I am the adult, and they are only 3 and don't have the same way of seeing things or dealing with things that we do.

I don't think that having my boys circed has affected my parenting in any negative way....

And I know that everyone has parenting philosophies they adhere to. No one is the same.

So why don't we all just lay off each other, hey?

[M~T~J~M]

:yelclap:

[Benji]

Ok :yes: :shakehands:

Does that include everything or just circ? Cos I'm very much like you OJ when it comes to parenting but did use a form of CC (I was there next to him the whole time) when I was desperate. Oh, and I do vaccinate also. I want people to lay off that a bit too.. ok sorry I'm ranting now!

[OJandMe]

Yeah I vaccinate too.

And besides being an advocate for breastfeeding, all my kids were formula fed past 4 months coz I couldn't do it, regardless of trying everything to keep my supply up.

So I think that we need to let up on much more than just the circ issue.

Let's all just try and raise adults who can make our future beautiful... and hopefully do a better job of looking after our world than we and our parents have.

[DQ]

:thumbsup:

Good on you :yelclap:

[MummaBear03]

Good on you for putting that out there.

And what do you mean you don't smack your 1 year old :eek::shame: 1 year old's deserve smacking just like everyone :p

I know we all judge, I do it all the time. I see a mother scream at her child and judge before thinking of how she was feeling that led to that and what went on prior to me even seeing them in that one particular shop.

[Benji]

Yeah I vaccinate too.

And besides being an advocate for breastfeeding, all my kids were formula fed past 4 months coz I couldn't do it, regardless of trying everything to keep my supply up.

So I think that we need to let up on much more than just the circ issue.

Let's all just try and raise adults who can make our future beautiful... and hopefully do a better job of looking after our world than we and our parents have.

Well said OJ. :)

I must apologise, I did say in one of the "circ" threads that I got a shock when I saw a circumcised baby and I must say it's probably just because I've never seen one (on a bub) before. I'm sorry for that. I don't think any less of his mother, or any other mother for that matter for choosing to circ.

Yes, we all need to lighten up a bit. I think the real issues in today's society that need discussing get lost somewhere along the lines and we get sidetracked!

[WorkingClassMum]

You made a decision based on your knowledge and beliefs and - to the best of your knowledge - a good thing for your children.

There's a lot of difference in circ'ng and smacking your child - the two do not compare. Circ'ng is done in the belief that you are protecting your child and the man he'll be from on-going infections and problems. Smacking is often the physical manifestation of an adults inabily to cope with a child's behaviour, and is applied in the belief that as an adult, smacking will teach a child by negative/painful consequences for undesirable behaviour or action that the action or behaviour wont be repeated.

I never gave two thoughts about getting DD's ears pierced - I had them done when she was 1. I never considered that I was scarring her, robbing her of free choice or abusing her in any way.

And yes, OJ - I think you are a brilliant mum and a wise lady and a smart person as well, with 3.5 wonderful (spirited:p) children. You also have a fantastic relationship and understanding with your DH.

Your posts are well considered and balanced - your opinions are voiced in a very non-judgemental way. If you bring your kids up based on your posts - they are going to be 4 (or 5 or 6...) wonderful individuals - circ'd or not.





ETA - I also smack my kids





BTW - hmph - if you don't put Brisbane in your signature or avatar - I'm not a mind reader!!!!!! argghhh if I'd checked the internet whilst I was away - I'dve been there for coffee or somthing:crying:

[Verdi]

OJ and me!! Well said:yelclap:
i didn't circ my kids, but i do smack as part of my discipline, to others what we do is wrong but to us it is right. As long as we love our kids i really don't care how you parent.

everyone should just stop and think about parents rights to be the best parent they can possibly be, whether you smack, circ, or cc or formula feed it really does not matter, because bottom line is that we LOVE our kids.

People we also forget that religion plays a big part of their lives and sometimes that includes circing - so to these parents who circ for religious reasons they do it out of love cause they think it is required of them by God to do so -
i hope i make sense, but as parents we make decisions for our kids to what we believe is the correct thing to do.
Lets stop berrating each other as parents.:thumbsup:

I think all of us mums who are on Bhub are great mums cause we come to this forum for advice and information and that to me alone shows that you are a good parent

[reAllytee]

*bang* :p

You are an amazing mum & you made a decision that is different to others which happens & its that simple.

By golly im glad im not going to be you in a few weeks time :p:o:laughing:

[Sheer Bliss]

I do agree that we need to let-up on LOTS of issues, esp when it comes to judging others for their parenting decisions. The reason that i personally get 'worked up' over circumcision, is that it is surgery on a newborn baby, often without much pain relief. It's in a different class to feeding, co-sleeping etc. IMO it is physically changing your child permanently, and it cannot be reversed. I don't get upset when people make the choice in an educated way, but it makes me sad when i hear about it happening without much prior knowledge about it. I can certainly understand that years ago, it was just 'the done thing' and so it was done without much thought. But when public hospitals stopped preforming it, and finding a dr became difficult, that is when you would have expected most people to actually stop & think about what they were doing. If someone stops and thinks about what they are doing to their son, and feel the benefits outweigh the risks, then I can respect that, it just makes me really sad these days when it happens because the dad wants to look like his son. I know there are LOADS of people that give it more thought than that, but my personal experience with my friend....she didn't know anything about it, 'he'd probably divorce me if i said no anyway' 'he's done so it makes sense to get his son done' These were her reasons, i tried to talk to her more about it, but she just said it was her husbands decision, none of her business. THAT is what upsets me, that a mum can consent to surgery (in her case - a premmie baby that wasn't due for a week when he had it done) on the basis of it's none of her business.

I also have a friend that circ'd her son - she looked into it, and based it on an educated decision - and i respect her choice, no judgement. So for me, it's not the actual decision, it's the (lack of) thought that goes into something so serious.

[reAllytee]

So for me, it's not the actual decision, it's the (lack of) thought that goes into something so serious.


:iagree:

And i think this is the case in most of the controversial topices whether it be circ, c/s, b/f etc its all mainly a lack of understanding when others dont 'think' about it.

[misskittyfantastico]

It's very easy to be black or white - decision wise, until you know and respect someone who's made a parenting choice that you find abhorant. Everything then is a smooshy grey.

I guess for me, I don't support the practice...but I will never abuse those who have had it done.

[westerner]

Oh goodness.. How long have you been blue for MK??
Am i really slow??

[Roopee]

I must be slow too- I came in here expecting a little padlock sign and I see your blue!:D

[misskittyfantastico]

Oh goodness.. How long have you been blue for MK??
Am i really slow??

Not real long...:hugs: You aren't slow!

[Ashleigh<3]

I would never jump on someone because their son(s) are circed.
What's done is done.

I will however remain anti-circumcision and if in a 'discuss it' section, the points I want to bring forth will be brought.

This is not to say I hate the opposition.
I am just 'disagreeing' with the opposing side.
This is not to say I think the opposition are bad Parents.
I am just 'disagreeing' with the opposing side.

We've all been there, we've all been in a position where we've disagreed about differing parenting preferences.

I could write a huge list of my preferences and there would be 100 members ready and willing to raise their hand and disagree.
Upon meeting, would they give me a dirty look and tell me to F*** off? Doubtful. :)

[Pixie]

I think discussions and debates are a healthy part of life. But at the same time one needs to respect each others opinions and choices. My closest friend here in the UK does everything in the Gina Ford book what ever that is I have never read it. And I do what my heart tells me as she does with many things, But hey her kids is a champ and he's a happy little soul and I don't judge her and she doesn't judge me.

I think at time people assume their way is the only way and we all must adhere to it.

Errrr no!

[Phyllis Stein]

I agree with what Misskitty said - life can get very confusing and grey when you respect a person but don't respect all their decisions - I just accept that life (and people) will never fit into neat little boxes like that, and nor should we expect them to.

I'm very anti-circ, but I wouldn't judge you - I judge the practice or the decision itself. I would aim my criticism at the factors that keep it in place, at providing information, at challenging some of the thought processes that surround the procedure. I wouldn't abuse the parents who get it done. They might take my criticism of a decision they happened to make as abuse, but it doesn't come from a place like that.

Criticism will never go away. The world is always changing. Things that were acceptable hundreds of years ago are not today - things we do today will one day be seen as outdated. All we can do in the present is take responsibility for our choices and do the best we know how with the information we have at hand.

Some parents choose to reassess their choices on the basis of new information or points of view, which can bring up uncomfortable feelings; on the other hand, it might convince them they were right to make the decision. Others might choose to ignore new information completely. The impossible path to take is to hope that it all just goes away.

[shed]

ooh, O&J, please don't think I am judging you if I write something anti-circ. All I want to do is discuss it because I have a little boy and we went through the process of deciding.

I think you are a great mum, I love hearing about your lovely little family.

Anything I write (about just about anything) is almost always in regard to things that happen in the future, including circ threads, rather than judging what someone has already done. This includes breastfeeding, vaccination, induction and circumcision. I sort of write for the eyes of a newly pregnant woman coming along and reading it, if that makes sense. Because that's what I did all those moons ago, and that's how I learnt so much, and it has helped me.

I am not here to sit in judgement of anyone because, to be honest, I don't really care all that much about what people have decided once the discussion is over.

I am nowhere near as judgemental as people might think. My GAF factor is actually quite low :laughing: :yes:I just like to discuss things from all sides and post how I came to my own decision.

Its nothing personal with me. Pretty much ever.

[OJandMe]

BTW - hmph - if you don't put Brisbane in your signature or avatar - I'm not a mind reader!!!!!! argghhh if I'd checked the internet whilst I was away - I'dve been there for coffee or somthing:crying:

:crying: Have you come and gone ALREADY!! Come back!!


*bang*

You are an amazing mum & you made a decision that is different to others which happens & its that simple.

By golly im glad im not going to be you in a few weeks time :p:o

:laughing: yeah..... and the SWHTF in these threads.


:laughing: I don't think I have felt any 'personal judgement' from the circ threads.. but I know that by reading the threads, and by sometimes participating in them it does make me feel 'anxious' when out there with my naked little guys in the 'real world'.

And I agree with those PP who said, when you have a friend or someone you respect who has made a different parenting choice to you.. it does go smushy grey. But it doesn't make them any more or less of a parent than us.

[NewBeginnings]

Hear Hear Gret! :yelclap: You always put and say things so wonderfully...

We do what we feel is right for our kids... and we can only hope that we are raising them to become wonderful human beings!

What one parent thinks is right for their kid might not be what is right for another! So what... at the end of the day it doesn't really matter! So long as they are healthy and loved! what else really matters?

[forbetoel]

Great thread, and it is so true...we all do things very differently, and while I would not circ my own sons, I would NEVER judge someones parenting abilities on one little choice..whatever that choice may be.

Some people like judgeing....it makes them somehow feel more superior, and more confident in their own choices. *shrug* I don't need any body to tell me that I am making the right choices for my sons, and I hope that people can respect the choices you make for yours.