View Full Version : The Big Debate...
SamanthaJane
25-04-2006, 12:39
I have planned (with much thought!!!) since i found out i was pregnant that i wasnt going to breast feed, instead i want to use formula from birth. My mother has been trying to convince me to breast feed, as its cheaper and "thats what they are there for" but its more to me than just cost$!
I have 2 friends who had babies young and both only breast fed for a few weeks as they found it too tiring, and said bottle feeding with formula was much easier! I know everyone says breast milk is best, but if i'm not comfortable doing it, doesnt that over rule what doctors say is best??? I am only young and will still be at home for the first few months after the baby is born so that i can get help from my family. If i bottle feed, any one of my family members or friends can feed the baby if say, i am sleeping, too tired, not available etc.
I really dont want to be made to feel like i am being selfish for a decision that was made with much difficulty! Everyone just assumes i would automatically breast feed and its so hard to have to say why im not going to, because there is no real clear reason.... its just a feeling, and what i feel comfortable doing. I'm sick of being questioned about it!:mad:
What are your opinions on this? Should i breast feed because thats what everyone is telling me to do, or should i go with what i feel is right??? I feel like i have no one backing me up on this (except my bf who says its my choice):crying:
P.S For those of you that do bottle feed- what formula did you use from birth? I'm trying to organise all this stuff early so that there isnt as much pressure when the big day comes! Lol!
Hi Sam
I think it is completely your choice. Yes, they say breast is best but I dont believe it is if mum is tired & sore & unable to care for her baby. Good on you for making a decision. A friend of mine did the same thing, she decided from before her DD was born that she was going to bottle feed & never tried it - she is no less of a mother than anyone else.
I breast fed for the first 3 weeks then switched to formula. I used S26 Gold first but switched to NAN around 3 months - I find DS sleeps much better on NAN (and it is $5 a tin cheaper!)
Hope this helps
SamanthaJane
25-04-2006, 12:50
Thankyou so much its a nice feeling to have support:hugs:
moonblossom
25-04-2006, 12:53
The choice is completely yours to make. Even though breastfeeding comes naturally to me, I understand it doesn't to everyone.
When I give birth, my first instinct is to put babe to breast, but my sisters were complete opposites and couldn't even imagine doing the "breastfeeding" thing.
Your this childs mother, do what you feel is best, but between you and I, I will always think Breast is Best :)
I just wanted to add that many people will have something to say, but that just comes with being a mother - ultimately as long as you give your bub as much love as you possibly can, the rest are minor details. It's been said many times before, if you lined up a heap of people there would be no way you could tell who was bottle fed & who was breast fed.
Good luck, I'm sure your little bub will be loved & happy
PS - I used milton tablets to sterilise bottles first, but have since switched & bought a microwave steriliser, soooo much easier.
misskittyfantastico
25-04-2006, 12:55
Oh jeepers, this is going to be an interesting thread. This is my opininion on the subject;
If you are able to breastfeed then you will be giving your child the very best start in life.
Unfortunately when you become a parent, you will learn that you have to put your child not yourself first. If you're considering not even trying to breastfeed because of no clear reason then yeah I have a bit of a problem with that.
I can guarentee you will be tired...for 3 months I was so tired that I broke down in tears at the end of the day...but that's part of parenting. Anything worthwhile im life isn't "easy".
You can also express breastmilk so others can feed your baby when you are "sleeping, too tired, unavailable etc."
So, in summing up, I think that if you are able to breastfeed then I really think you should
sopolicha
25-04-2006, 13:03
My opinion, seeing that you asked for opinions, is that you should at least attempt to breast feed. You never know, you might really enjoy it and the sense of satisfaction that it can give you. You might feel differently after the baby is born. It is much cheaper and there is no need to sterilise, heat up etc etc.
A bit boob can fix nearly everything in a little crying baby. JMO
jessgray
25-04-2006, 13:03
i am getting the "you should breast feed the next one"from my MIL :thumbsdown: :laughing:
i dont pay attention to her coz really its up to you what you do.only you knows whats best :)
i use heinz nuture formula with DS we switched to this at 4 months after using the amcal one.:)
SamanthaJane
25-04-2006, 13:09
I think categorising it into "If you are able to breastfeed then you should" is a bit unfair.
Its just like saying if you can run then you should run, not walk
Or if you can swim, then swim dont just paddle around.
People do what they feel is best for them, and they always will- thats an attitude that will never change.
I'm all for breast is best, honestly i am, but theres so much more to it than "do it because thats what breasts are there for". And next time when i'm older perhaps i will have changed my mind...
But like milliesmum said, this thread will be interesting. I just hope people respect my feelings and dont be too rude about it.
misskittyfantastico
25-04-2006, 13:14
What I was trying to say is that it is fact that breastmilk is the best thing for babies, and I'm struggling to understand why, if you are able to do this wonderful thing for your child, you wouldn't?:confused:
SamanthaJane
25-04-2006, 13:33
Because i personally do not feel comfortable about it??? the idea obviously does not come as freely and as welcoming for me as what it was for you and many other women who do breast feed.
Ana Gram
25-04-2006, 13:38
I just hope people respect my feelings and dont be too rude about it.
Good luck with that!
When it comes down to it, it is ultimately up to you what you do. I think the issue goes deeper than you will be able to explain on a public forum. Bottom line is that you need to do what is going to keep you and your child happy and healthy at the end of the day.
MonkeyMum05
25-04-2006, 13:42
I think you should do whatever you feel is right.
Breastfeeding can be very difficult at times... I know there were times that I REALLY wanted to give it up - days where I felt like I was walking around with my boobs out all day long, nights where I got zero sleep - but perservered, and am glad that I did.
You will probably be tired for the first few months whether you breast feed or bottlefeed... thats just the nature of having a new bubba. Hopefully though, with your parents help, you might be a little better rested.
Something else to consider is that there is extra work involved in making up bottles, sterilising etc.
Also, when breastfeeding, you can go out somewhere without having to make up bottles, or go home because you forgot to bring a bottle, or find somwhere to warm it up, etc... your milk supply is right there on your chest... warm and ready to go!:thumbsup:
Have you considered maybe trying out breastfeeding for a few days, and seeing how it goes? I found the maternity nurses to be very helpful when I was getting started.
If you decide that you were right all along, and don't like it, then you can just stop and change over to formula... but it can't usually be done the other way around (ie - formula to breastmilk), as your supply will dry up.
Personally I am generally pro breastfeeding, but can see why you may be concerned about it, and even why you may not want to do it.
Whatever you decide to do will be the right thing for you and your baby. It is entirely up to you. You know what you are capable of and what your limitations are.;)
Anyway, Congratulations on your pregnancy!:thumbsup: Sit back and enjoy it!
MonkeyMum05
25-04-2006, 13:47
Because i personally do not feel comfortable about it??? the idea obviously does not come as freely and as welcoming for me as what it was for you and many other women who do breast feed.
Sorry, I hadn't read this post before I posted mine! I feel a bit rude about telling you to gove it a go and see if you like it !
If you personally don't feel comfortable with the idea, then don't do it.:o
Do what you want but try and take some of your baby's needs into account during the decision making process.
If feeling uncomfortable with something is a good enough reason for you not to do it, then it doesn't matter what other people think.
Its actually not all about you anymore, but you are the one in charge of making these decisions for yourself and your baby.
SamanthaJane
25-04-2006, 13:58
Monkey Mum- i felt no rudeness from your message at all:D
That was in reply to MilliesMum who didnt understand why i didnt want to breastfeed.
Honestly- i am all for breast is best, and that is the honest truth, and I REALLY WISH i felt comfortable about it.
With that said...maybe i'll change my mind along that way.... but i doubt it, once i've decided something its done- im too stubborn:D
It is completely what you feel comfortable with. For me, I did have trouble establishing breastfeeding (nipple blisters, grazing etc etc) but I kept at it and in about 6 weeks we got the knack and I never looked back. I breastfed my DD for 13 months. I am now breastfeeding my second child and it took half the time to establish this time and it is very easy. It does take some time and we llive in a culture where we don't see it a such in our family circles and for many of us our mothers did not breastfeed, so learning from our older generation is not as accessible as it once was or is in other cultures which makes it more difficult. That is why it is handy to educate yourself on how to breastfeed before you have your baby. The more knowledge you have about it before you start, the easier it is or to trouble shoot if you have problems establishing. It is also important to know where to access support in the early days too.
Personally, I find breastfeeding easier than bottlefeeding for me and a lot more portable. I never have to find a microwave or heating facilties, wash bottles and teats, never have to worry about sterilising, boiling water or any of that. And if I ever did want DH to feed then I can express some for him (but him feeding is not an issue to me, he does many other wonderful things to help out). To me breastfeeding is more convenient. But that is my choice and what I like about it. My SIL bottlefeeds and is happy as anything about it. To her, she finds bottlefeeding easier. She was not keen on breastfeeding past 3 months. I suppose we are lucky that we live in a society where we have choice. In other societies throughout the world you would not have this choice. And we are lucky to have another option if breastfeeding does not work out or there are other complications.
Breastfeeding does take time to establish, but once you and bubs get it is is very easy and very convenient. Don't expect it all to just naturally happen. I think a lot of people feel that it should and when it does not, feel that they are failing. It is not unusual at all to not immediatley find it natural. You and your baby learn how to work it.
All I can say if thouroughly investigate both sides. Breast and Bottle both put up a pretty good debate, so really it comes down to what works for your baby and you. It is a very personal thing. Only you can make the decision.
Goosie22
25-04-2006, 14:03
theres so much more to it than "do it because thats what breasts are there for".
Exactly, Breastmilk contains things that Formula can never hope to copy, these things are essential for the optimal development of your baby. It is not simply a choice of which feeding method you choose, its what is best for your baby and your health.
I hope when you say you have come to this decision "through much thought" you have looked at the risk associated with formula feeding?
some food for thought (http://www.naturalfamilyonline.com/5-bf/312-formula-report-2.htm):)
Chickadee
25-04-2006, 14:08
For first formulas, there is some disagreement as to which is "best" for bub. And actually some bubs do better on one compared to others, ie they may have problems with constipation or upset bellies on a particular formula. But you won't really know that until you try one. What I suggest is to talk to the birth centre or hospital you will be going to and find out what brand they use, and then buy a tin of the same to start you out at home. Don't stock up too much though because it is possible that that brand won't suit your bub and you'll need to switch.
If you are interested in becoming more comfortable with breastfeeding, or just finding out how it all really works, then it might be good for you to have a one-on-one talk with another mum who has breastfed. It will either convince you that you really don't want to bf or may help you be more comfortable with it and dispell any myths about it all. You could try talking to someone through the ABA or on here, just make sure it's somebody you're comfortable with and who will respect that you are just looking for info and not to be convinced or "converted".
Fact - the sole reason for women having breasts is for breastfeeding, not just to pad out our clothes! Perhaps you need to start thinking of your breasts in a different light?
Fact - you will be tired regardless whether you breast or bottle feed.
Fact - you shouldn't close your mind to things before you try them, you just may be suprised at the wonder of it all.
Fact - you're living at home with your mother, you'll probably do things her way just to stop her nagging you! And as much as we all hate to admit it, they (our mums) have been there before and can sometimes offer valuable advice.
Fact - you will be tired regardless whether you breast or bottle feed.
Yes! Absolutely:D Tiredness is just part of becoming a new parent. It is not exclusive to any partcular feeding technique.
SamanthaJane
25-04-2006, 14:32
Yes i agree both sides are tiring. Tiredness has nothing to do with my decision to want to bottlefeed.
It was simply the reason why my friends decided to stop. I know the facts of both sides as i have been researching both sides since november when my sister fell pregnant. So i dont need a lecture on the facts... all i asked for was for opinions- opinions meaning those who have experiences from bottle feeding and experiences from those who have breast fed.
Please hold off on the "lectures on facts" and stick to your individual experiences please.
moonblossom
25-04-2006, 14:34
I'm sorry Samantha, but FACTS are what we study to gain our experiences from. You asked for opinions and your getting them.
Be greatful people are actually giving facts and opinions
ButterflyKisses
25-04-2006, 14:35
I FF my DS not by choice but because my milk came late and then he wouldn't attach, tried nipple shields still no luck so nurses put him on formula. Several times a day with the help of a lactation specialist we tried to no avail so I ended up expressing and topping up with formula.
I would have given anything to of been able to BF my DS for so many reasons. Better for him, cheaper, convenient, on tap, no sterilising, no measuring, no packing/unpacking formula/bottles etc everytime you go out for 5 mins just in case bub wants a bottle. Then sometimes when you're rushing here and there and you are delayed getting home and you haven't packed enough bottles bubs is going hysterical until you get home to give him a bottle. I've even accidentally left a bottle in the back of the car only to find it a day or 2 later and let me tell you in hot weather it pongs.
having said all of that it's obviously easier when they are able to hold onto their bottle and you are out shopping they can feed themselves in the pram whilst you continue to shop rather than you having to sit and waste time when there are bargains to be had :laughing:
FF babies do chew a big hole in your pocket. My DS would go through a tin in a week. At the beginning I was paying $13.99 for a tin of NAN and by the time DS finished drinking formula my local chemist was selling them for $15.50 whilst Coles/Woolies/Action were selling them for around $16.99 and some chemist shops that I checked out were selling them onwards up to $20. Also I was finding I was tipping heaps of unfinished bottles down the sink at least with BF there's no wastage.
however, regardless of my thoughts above in the end it is entirely your decision and you should not be made feel guilty about which method you use.
this topic like circumsion or to vaccinate/or not to vaccinate will always be a controversial topic and no-one should be made feel guilty for making a decision that they think is best for their child.
Please don't get cross when people give you their opinion when you actually asked for it. As Moonblossom said, we draw our opinions from facts. If you think our opinions are painful, just wait... there's more painful opinions coming... and not from those who have already posted... batten down the hatches....
the_queen
25-04-2006, 15:19
You are lucky to have a choice about the way you feed your baby. There are mothers who are extremely passionate and enthusiastic about breastfeeding, but ultimately are forced to make the heartbreaking compromise to feed the baby formula. :crying:
Good luck with your baby.
Ana Gram
25-04-2006, 15:25
Fact - the sole reason for women having breasts is for breastfeeding, not just to pad out our clothes! Perhaps you need to start thinking of your breasts in a different light?
*sigh* this fact is not quite right. Human breasts are not just about breast feeding. Every other mammal in the animal kingdom manages to breastfeed without the type of breasts we have. We evolved this way for mating purposes as well, they tell the male when the female has reached sexual maturity and is ready to mate. Much like baboons with their big red butts, they are there just to look good they let the male know when they are ready to mate.
I am hoping I'll be able to breastfeed.
It's free for starters.
That's why I have boobies.
There are things my boob-milk has that formula doesn't.
You say you're going to feel uncomfortable - that's because you have that in your mind. I say the same thing - I'm going to feel uncomfortable popping a boob out and shoving a bubs onto it. but I'm going to give it a go! :) Who knows, I might feel really really embarressed and decide to use formula or expressed milk in public, but I may also feel completely comfortable with doing it, I'm not going to know until I'm actually in that situation.
Good luck.
*sigh* this fact is not quite right. Human breasts are not just about breast feeding. Every other mammal in the animal kingdom manages to breastfeed without the type of breasts we have. We evolved this way for mating purposes as well, they tell the male when the female has reached sexual maturity and is ready to mate. Much like baboons with their big red butts, they are there just to look good they let the male know when they are ready to mate.
Well the mating thing must have just been good luck for me. My boobs are still pre-pubescent size at near middle-age! LOL!
Shazbutt
25-04-2006, 15:32
I tried BF with DD1, had a lot of trouble (not making enough milk, trouble latching), and eventually FF her after 2 weeks of trying. I was not comfortable in BF at all (actually, i HATED it!), but did it because of the pressure of relatives, midwives, and general society. Starting to FF lifted a heap of weight off my shoulders, and DD thrived. I am glad i made that decision...i probably would have even if i didn't have troubles BF.
This time around with DD2 i FF her straight from birth. It was so much easier for me personally, as i was not stressing about her not getting enough nutrition etc....
It is ultimately your decision, if you don't feel comfortable doing it, then don't let anyone try to pressure you. She WILL get the things she needs from formula, people have used it for generations.....they wouldn't if it wasn't sufficient. Sure, there are 'risks' with it apparently, but isn't there with everything? Both my girls are healthy, and all my sisters were formula fed too, and we're all alright.
Good Luck with your decision. Do whats right for you.....:)
Ooh, forgot to add that i use/used s26 for both girls...haven't had any dramas! :thumbsup:
ButterflyKisses
25-04-2006, 15:33
We evolved this way for mating purposes as well, they tell the male when the female has reached sexual maturity and is ready to mate. Much like baboons with their big red butts, they are there just to look good they let the male know when they are ready to mate.ah ha!!!! maybe that's why DH and I have been having mixed signals about when I want to mate of late - perhaps I had better go and paint my big butt red so he knows when he has the go ahead!!!!! ;)
good one Chell!!!!!!!:laughing:
Hey Samantha,
I reckon the best thing for you is to stop thinking about it and just chill till it all happens.
We can all look at both sides and speculate on what will be best for you, but until you bub is born you're missing a critical deciding factor - experience.
I'm not dismissing your decision. I feel you should do whatever feels right for you, but I don't believe you can make a final decision until you're in the moment and feel what it's like to breastfeed.
I'm sure a lot of bf'ing mums here will agree that even if they were excited about it or determined to bf, the concept was still foreign till you have the experience.
Pregnancy, childbirth and everything that follows is a very cathartic and empowering experience. It's amazing how suddenly, when you've given birth and the midwife places bub on the boob, your boobs can change from funbags to feedbags. You're whole perception of life changes, not just about your breasts, but about everything - physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and socially.
I suggest reading and listening to everything that people have told you, and file it away for reference later. Instead of taking it all on board and using it to base your decision, wait until the time is right to make the decision.
People get so caught up and stressed out trying to make decisions in life prematurely - that is, before they have all the facts and experience they need to make the best decision for them. Just enjoy your pregnancy for now and decide when the time is right. It'll save you a lot of stress and heartache, both in yourself and when dealing with others.
Just tell people that you haven't decided yet either way, that you don't want to stress about it right now or discuss it, and that you'll go with the flow and do what feels right for you all after bubs is born. :hugs:
moonblossom
25-04-2006, 15:35
VERY wise words elissas:yelclap:
rynosmum
25-04-2006, 15:41
Before I had bubs, breastfeeding seemed a bit surreal to me - I hadn't been exposed to friends who had breastfed and I myself was bottle fed. I wasn't the sort of person that wanted people looking at any of my 'private' assets and honestly, it all seemed pretty primal to me.
When I had my baby, he had a lot of trouble feeding in the first 4 days, in fact, he just wouldn't. I ended up having nurses and midwives show me how to manually express colostrum into an eyedropper so I could give him 4mls every couple of hours.:o Then we had trouble with attachment and it wasn't until day 4 that he started to feed - and I was learning all of this, very frustrated, in front of my husband and at times my parents who had come to visit.:o
I was so tempted to give him formula as he was losing weight but the hospital didn't really support the idea and I didn't know what to give him so I kept persevering.
Then it clicked for both bubs and I and we found it to be the most amazingly rewarding experience. I was devastated when I had to wean him. I even got to the point where I would breastfeed him in public etc without a second thought.
It really is best for bubs and even if you can get just a few weeks of it, it would be a huge bonus. Do what is right for you but don't rule it out - if you start, you will realise how incredibly natural it is.:hugs:
lukaelmo
25-04-2006, 15:57
all i asked for was for opinions- opinions meaning those who have experiences from bottle feeding and experiences from those who have breast fed.
Please hold off on the "lectures on facts" and stick to your individual experiences please.
Okay, here is my individual experience :D .
I have been BFing the dude for 9 months now. I was determined that I would BF him from the start, and I say determined because I had heard many stories about how hard it was.
And, at the beginning, it was very hard. I am not one of those women who just seem to do it naturally, it really was only sheer determination that kept me going. And do you know what else kept me going? The though of having to remember to buy formula, mix it up, sterilise bottles etc . I am soooo lazy, even at 9 months now, the dude hasn't ever had a bottle :laughing: .
Now we are great at it, and adore feeding the dude. I love it when he falls asleep when I am feeding him. But he would fall asleep with a bottle in his mouth too :D .
I didn't have a goal of how long I would BF the dude when I started, and I still don't now. When I want to stop, I will.
And if I hadn't wanted to BF in the first place, then I wouldn't have.
So I did what I wanted, and could, and you can do what you want too:D .
Hey Samantha,
I reckon the best thing for you is to stop thinking about it and just chill till it all happens.
We can all look at both sides and speculate on what will be best for you, but until you bub is born you're missing a critical deciding factor - experience.
I'm not dismissing your decision. I feel you should do whatever feels right for you, but I don't believe you can make a final decision until you're in the moment and feel what it's like to breastfeed.
I'm sure a lot of bf'ing mums here will agree that even if they were excited about it or determined to bf, the concept was still foreign till you have the experience.
Pregnancy, childbirth and everything that follows is a very cathartic and empowering experience. It's amazing how suddenly, when you've given birth and the midwife places bub on the boob, your boobs can change from funbags to feedbags. You're whole perception of life changes, not just about your breasts, but about everything - physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and socially.
I suggest reading and listening to everything that people have told you, and file it away for reference later. Instead of taking it all on board and using it to base your decision, wait until the time is right to make the decision.
People get so caught up and stressed out trying to make decisions in life prematurely - that is, before they have all the facts and experience they need to make the best decision for them. Just enjoy your pregnancy for now and decide when the time is right. It'll save you a lot of stress and heartache, both in yourself and when dealing with others.
Just tell people that you haven't decided yet either way, that you don't want to stress about it right now or discuss it, and that you'll go with the flow and do what feels right for you all after bubs is born. :hugs:
Yep! Well said too! :) I couldn't agree more.
Kirstlea
25-04-2006, 16:07
Hi Samantha
Congrats on your pregnancy:yelclap:
To be honest I never even thought about whether I would bf or ff it all just happened. I must admit I felt a little uncomfortable about bf initially but soon got into the swing of things. I managed to get to a week shy of 6 months and then dd was on ff we used S26 which seemed to work well.
One piece of advice which I am sure everyone else on this site including your mother will agree.
Don't make too many decisions, they all go out the window the minute bubs is born. Everything changes including your inner self.
I was one of those people who planned to take dd to work and take up netball asap and there was no way a baby was going to dictate to me when I could and couldn't do things.
This is how it turned out.
I am a SAHM and do some work from home in the middle of the night
I do not play A grade netball anymore as I don't want to train, rather be with my family
We don't get to go for coffee in the city at 11pm at night like we used to.
People say come for bbq at lunchtime - I say sorry dd will be asleep.
That is how having babies has affected me and I wouldn't change it for the world but if you had asked me that prior to her being born I would have laughed at you.
I am sure most of this is because I have had very active life already - you on the other hand are only just starting.
You can not possibly know how you will feel until bubs is born.
Do what is right for you and do not feel pressured by anyone to do anything that you don't feel good about. Love and nuture your child and all will be good.
Kirsten
Kirstlea
25-04-2006, 16:09
And what Elissa said:thumbsup:
Sorry just read that post.:o
melfunction
25-04-2006, 16:09
If i bottle feed, any one of my family members or friends can feed the baby if say, i am sleeping, too tired, not available etc.
Although I have ff my child almost from birth and don't generally get into these debates, but the above statement really stuck out to me.
Can I ask why you wouldn't be available to your own child?
nemosmum
25-04-2006, 16:14
I havent read any other posts (sorry i am short of time atm:o )
I breast fed for 11 months, hated it with a passion for the first 4-5 months but I kept going for two reasons
1. Guilt, everyone knows breast is best for your growing baby, its a fact:thumbsup:
2. Because I decided to put up with a little bit of discomfit and depression LOL inorder to give my bub the best start I could!
You are becoming a mum and you will, like the rest of us mumma's, do the BEST for your baby.....what ever that may be:thumbsup:
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and Im sending you positive vibes :hugs:
SamanthaJane
25-04-2006, 16:39
Although I have ff my child almost from birth and don't generally get into these debates, but the above statement really stuck out to me.
Can I ask why you wouldn't be available to your own child?
There are many reasons why any mother wouldnt be available for their child. For example- having to work. Some parents cant afford to be a stay at home mum. Or say if the mother was very sick or needed to have operation and needed to stay in hospital for a week- perhaps the child isnt able to visit the mother 6-8 times a day for feeds.
There are many reasons why parents are unable to be available for their child 24 hours a day. In emergencies yes we can all make arrangement, but when it comes to feeding, a baby doesnt need their mother around to survive for that one:D
sopolicha
25-04-2006, 16:45
[COLOR="DarkOrchid"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"] If i bottle feed, any one of my family members or friends can feed the baby if say, i am sleeping, too tired, not available etc.
Why don't you just wait and see what happens. Things may well work out for you where you don't need to have an operation or return to work. A number of women still manage to bf and work full time.
Peaceangels
25-04-2006, 17:08
I really think it (breastfeeding) is one of those things you have to go into with an open mind - don't make the decision (will/won't) until you absolutely have to.
You may try it in hospital and find it amazing, but then again you may try it and decide it is not for you, I personally wouldn't make the decision until I gave it a go.
In my own personal experience, I was determined to give it a go (for at least a couple of months) because I wanted to give my baby/s the best possible start in life. After perservering through cracked nipples for 8 weeks I found it to be the most wonderful and amazing experience, so convenient, so portable, so comforting and so easy and I bf them both for much longer than a few months as a result.
Ultimately the decision is yours and whatever you choose people are always going to have "opinions", so I found that it was much easier to not get offended by peoples opinions, but rather to take it all on board, decipher out the **** and use what suited me to my advantage :thumbsup:
Goodluck as you begin this journey into motherhood..........:)
Heya SamanthaJane,
That's why I suggest waiting before you decide. It can be so easy to express and freeze feeds, and have them there waiting in case you can't feed - or so other people can feed and you can rest etc. Lots of ways to skin that cat. If you like breastfeeding (I love it and savour every sleepy moment ;) ) then you can alway find ways around things. I find it easier because it's always ready to go, I don't have to worry about sterilising anything and I don't have to find a kitchen so I can warm it up. But that's how I feel, you may not feel the same way. After a while I got the hang of it and relaxed and now I'll just leave whenever I need to leave and not be worried about when DS is going to want his next feed. I just play it all out as it happens.
But I was also hoping you could ask yourself this question, and I apologise if it's confronting, but I think you need to ask yourself (and not necessarily answer it publicly, this is for you).
What was your motivation for posting this thread and asking for opinions? Was it because you're feeling alone and are looking for support? Are you just venting because people aren't supporting you? Are you scared that you're not making the right decision, or scared of other things that are to come? Are you worried that your maternal instincts won't kick in, or that you will fail feeding or in other parenting areas, and you're making decisions in order to avoid the issue altogether (and thus looking for reasons to support any avoidance)? Are you looking to appease your own guilty feelings about your decision?
There are other potential motivating factors here but I won't go through it all.
If you believe that you need validation for your decision, you'll need to find some inner strength and realise that only you know what is truly best for you, and your bub. You are going to come across SOOO many people who will be quick to judge, or tell you their opinion (and many of them don't mean you any harm), so it's a case of "get used to it" (sorry if that sounds harsh). But you need to find confidence in yourself and hold true to what you believe and what you want.
Even breastfeeding mums will tell you how quickly people judge them if they choose to feed for more than 6 or 12 months, or feed in public, or hold off solids till after 6 months, or not feed supplementary water...
Judgement is rife and it affects every new mum. It's like we're going through some kind of initiation rite sometimes.
Just remember that you are going to be an awesome mum who is already trying to do the best by your baby.
But like I said in my last post. Just relax and enjoy - you'll be flying by the seat of your pants like all other new mums in no time ;)
sopolicha
25-04-2006, 17:37
Another lovely post elissas.
Kaileysmum
25-04-2006, 17:38
I wasnt comfortable with bf, but I gave it ago for the baby's sake. But saying that it lasted for 5days. I started her on S26 (had no troubles with it either) as she wasn't attaching and was very hungry.
If you aren't comfortable with it don't do it, yes it is best for bub, but it doesn't work out for everyone. Maybe you should just give it a go, and if you really hate it stop. But if you just want to ff from day 1 do it, you just have to expect a lot of people to make you feel bad about it. Just do whats right for you.
As someone said if you ff get a microwave sterilize they are great. You could talk to your midwife on what formula they think is best to, if you want info on the different type. Good luck with your decision.
I think its nice to be prepared in case breast feeding doesnt work out for whatever reason. I never stopped for a minute & thought I wouldnt be able to do it, but when I couldnt I was guttered - made worse by my own guilt, no-one judged me but I still felt terrible. It's nice to know that other options are available should it be required.
MummyCharmzy
25-04-2006, 17:46
I was 16 when DS was concieved and I thought much like you are back then, I was set on bottle feeding not breastfeeding.. then not long after I turned 17 DS was born 9 weeks prematurely and expressing milk for him was the only thing I could do for the first 6 weeks he spent in hospital. This completely changed my opinion from then on about it. I ended up expressing for DS for almost 5 months, he never learnt to breastfeed as it was too hard for him and I was desperate to get him home so just continued to express.
When DD was concieved I was adament I was going to breastfeed her. She was born 5 weeks premature and lacked the sucking reflex as well as having tongue tie which wasn't picked up until she was a month old. We tried for 10 weeks to breastfeed, the whole time I expressed and bottle fed her as the bf'ing just wasnt happening but after 10 weeks and countless visits from lactation consultants, day stay at the local hospitals breastfeeding clinic etc etc etc I conceded defeat and stopped trying to feed her, just continued expressing until she was 14 weeks when it all became too much keeping my dwindling supply up - which I now know was because I had already concieved my newest bub - so I stopped expressing and just bottlefed her formula.
Once again I am adament I will breastfeed this time, and if I cannot breastfeed (which is likely as I look set on having another premature baby) then I will try my hardest but will express for at least the first 3 months - would much prefer the first 6 months.
Its all personal choice of course but I really think breast milk is best for baby and perhaps if you think breastmilk is best but want the 'freedom and flexibility' of bottlefeeding then expressing for your baby might be an option. It is a lot of extra work though, it basically doubles the 'feeding time' so if your baby is feeding for 30 mins every 2 hours you don't get much sleep, its DEFINITELY worth it in the long run though! Just invest in a good pump from the start!
Formula wise I use Heinz for my bubs. I tried the more expensive ones like S26 gold and they made both my babies very sick. Talk to your midwife about what formula the hospital reccommends, they have plenty of experience with it. I know for premmie babies at my hospital they use Nan formula but I prefer heinz, my son had reflux and Heinz 'sat' the best with him when I switched him to formula.
Best of luck either way!
There are many reasons why any mother wouldnt be available for their child. For example- having to work. Some parents cant afford to be a stay at home mum.
Actually - I work and breastfed my children. They have never had a bottle of formula in their lives, so that is not a reason not to breastfeed.
I think elissas post is spot on. If you truly want opinions then the best one I can offer is to go in with an open mind. If you are simply looking for support for a decision already made be upfront about it and that is what people will provide.
My secondary opinion is that breastfeeding, after the first couple of days, was easy for us, saw both my girls grow quickly and healthily, saw me lose weight quickly for the first time in my life (loved that!) and was free. As a mum on a restricted income a factor you really need to weigh up is the cost of the formula, bottles, sterilising etc.
Actually - I work and breastfed my children. They have never had a bottle of formula in their lives, so that is not a reason not to breastfeed.
I think elissas post is spot on. If you truly want opinions then the best one I can offer is to go in with an open mind. If you are simply looking for support for a decision already made be upfront about it and that is what people will provide.
My secondary opinion is that breastfeeding, after the first couple of days, was easy for us, saw both my girls grow quickly and healthily, saw me lose weight quickly for the first time in my life (loved that!) and was free. As a mum on a restricted income a factor you really need to weigh up is the cost of the formula, bottles, sterilising etc.
I also worked and breastfed my two for an extended period (years), so working is not a reason not to breastfeed.
Well put again Draughty.
Pippi Longstocking
26-04-2006, 10:26
I really have an issue with formula being about "personal choice". I think formula, as a back up, is a fantastic thing. It has saved the lives of many babies and that can only be a good thing. But, as a first choice, I think it is selfish. Where does the baby's right to have the optimal food come in to it? Just because they cannot articulate thier rights does not make them invalid.
As a mother, you have a duty to provide the best you can for your child. And breast IS best. It is a fact.
I don't buy into the whole happy mum = happy baby bollocks. Some mums are happy when stoned off their nuts out partying somewhere with their babies in the care of others - I don't think the bubs are particularly happy though.
Ana Gram
26-04-2006, 10:35
About the whole "guilt" and "grief" thing. I gave up breast feeding for a number of reasons primarily for a health issue. I get told that it was my choice, which is was not. If I argue that fact I get told it's because I feel guilty or that it's grief from having to give up breastfeeding. Getting annoyed that people imply that you are anything less than a good parent because you are not breastfeeding does not mean that you feel guily or you feel grief. It means that you are annoyed at having to justify to OTHER people a personal matter which they neither have no control over or can do anything about.
Here is another fact - A mother's life, opinion and preferences in how she lives her life does not automatically stop once a baby comes out of her. Making your entire life about your child is unhealthy.
And another fact - just because a woman decides to not breastfeed does not mean she is not thinking about her baby's needs. If something is going to affect a woman's mental wellbeing in a negative way, it won't be good for the child. That is a fact. And don't we want what is good for the child here?
And before I get countered with the "well breast is best" comment, well duh like I haven't heard that a million times. Maybe we should change it to "Breast is best.....but sometimes it just doesn't work out and that's ok.'
EDIT: the clocks have changed back and all my posts are going in the middle of the thread rather than the end.
misskittyfantastico
26-04-2006, 10:37
Too true ******....in our house we now have a "minority rules" policy. It's all about the bubba:thumbsup:
There are so many choices you have to make as a mother and if you feel like you are doing the right thing by bottle feeding then do it. i know breast is best and i slogged it out for 6mnths with supply lines,feeding my baby every hour just so that she could be breastfed(obviously there was formula thru the s/l) and I was also on fenugreek and Domperidone. At 6 mnths my doc told me no more Domperidone and just to hope that my milk would stay. it didnt and i felt awful, I cried everytime i made a bottle. but back to the point, I know i beat myself up about having to go to bottles. my advice would be if you really dont think you can do it dont feel bullied into it but it really doesnt hurt to give it a go and see if you like it. I think most mums can vouch for me when i say that the feeling of your baby taking its very first feed from YOU is something you will never forget nor replace...
Kaileysmum
26-04-2006, 10:41
I don't buy into the whole happy mum = happy baby bollocks.
I disagree with this statement. When I had dd, I really wanted to BF. I tryed and tryed and it was so hard, as dd didnt want to attached, screamed everytime Id try, and then screamed more because she was hungry. Being a first timer at the mum thing, this stressed me out, I was crying all the time, dreaded BFing time, wished she would just stay asleep. I was a very unhappy mumma, and was starting to wish she was never born, as I was having such a hard time with her, and I was on the verge of getting postnatal depression. A midwife came to my house and we talked it over, I then decided to FF. And everything changed. Bub was happy, I was happy. And everything has been wonderful ever since.
So I think that if the mother is unhappy, it will effect the level of care they give their child. So that is why I believe happy mum=happy baby!!!
diamonds22
26-04-2006, 10:42
hey how come my latest post displays earlier then my original post?? :confused:
Jax Tellers Old Lady
26-04-2006, 10:42
I really have an issue with formula being about "personal choice". I think formula, as a back up, is a fantastic thing. It has saved the lives of many babies and that can only be a good thing. But, as a first choice, I think it is selfish. Where does the baby's right to have the optimal food come in to it? Just because they cannot articulate thier rights does not make them invalid.
As a mother, you have a duty to provide the best you can for your child. And breast IS best. It is a fact.
I don't buy into the whole happy mum = happy baby bollocks. Some mums are happy when stoned off their nuts out partying somewhere with their babies in the care of others - I don't think the bubs are particularly happy though.
Hey i have to say that i totally disagree with what you have said. I breastfed for the first three weeks and it totally didnt work for me so then put my son on the bottle and he was fine. I believe there is too much pressure on breast feeding every mother has the right to decide what she wants to do. formula doesnt harma child and noway does it have nay affect on there ability to be happy and healthy and thrive in there enviroment. Imo isnt it better for a baby to feel at ease with a happy botlle feeding mother rather than a very tense and uptight mother. I think people need to get out of the darkages and realise that times have changed and just because what works for one may not work for another. It is totally a persons individual choice and i dont think people have the right to comment.
misskittyfantastico
26-04-2006, 10:45
About the whole "guilt" and "grief" thing. I gave up breast feeding for a number of reasons primarily for a health issue. I get told that it was my choice, which is was not. If I argue that fact I get told it's because I feel guilty or that it's grief from having to give up breastfeeding. Getting annoyed that people imply that you are anything less than a good parent because you are not breastfeeding does not mean that you feel guily or you feel grief. It means that you are annoyed at having to justify to OTHER people a personal matter which they neither have no control over or can do anything about.
Here is another fact - A mother's life, opinion and preferences in how she lives her life does not automatically stop once a baby comes out of her. Making your entire life about your child is unhealthy.
And another fact - just because a woman decides to breastfeed does not mean she is not thinking about her baby's needs. If something is going to affect a woman's mental wellbeing in a negative way, it won't be good for the child. That is a fact. And don't we want what is good for the child here?
And before I get countered with the "well breast is best" comment, well duh like I haven't heard that a million times. Maybe we should change it to "Breast is best.....but sometimes it just doesn't work out and that's ok.'
EDIT: the clocks have changed back and all my posts are going in the middle of the thread rather than the end.
Well I must be pretty unhealthy then...my DD depends on me completely, and my life is totally about her - It wasn't her choice to come into the world.
And, actually I initially was quite put off by the idea of breastfeeding and I disliked it intensely initially but I persevered because I put my childs needs first.
Kaileysmum
26-04-2006, 10:47
hey how come my latest post displays earlier then my original post?? :confused:
Im having the same problem. Just put a thread up in general chat to see if anyone knew what was happening.
Kaileysmum
26-04-2006, 10:49
About the whole "guilt" and "grief" thing. I gave up breast feeding for a number of reasons primarily for a health issue. I get told that it was my choice, which is was not. If I argue that fact I get told it's because I feel guilty or that it's grief from having to give up breastfeeding. Getting annoyed that people imply that you are anything less than a good parent because you are not breastfeeding does not mean that you feel guily or you feel grief. It means that you are annoyed at having to justify to OTHER people a personal matter which they neither have no control over or can do anything about.
Here is another fact - A mother's life, opinion and preferences in how she lives her life does not automatically stop once a baby comes out of her. Making your entire life about your child is unhealthy.
And another fact - just because a woman decides to breastfeed does not mean she is not thinking about her baby's needs. If something is going to affect a woman's mental wellbeing in a negative way, it won't be good for the child. That is a fact. And don't we want what is good for the child here?
And before I get countered with the "well breast is best" comment, well duh like I haven't heard that a million times. Maybe we should change it to "Breast is best.....but sometimes it just doesn't work out and that's ok.'
EDIT: the clocks have changed back and all my posts are going in the middle of the thread rather than the end.
TOTALLY AGREE!!!!
the_queen
26-04-2006, 10:50
i dont think people have the right to comment.
:confused:
um.... this is a forum. The whole idea is for us to all put in our opinions and comments.
Jax Tellers Old Lady
26-04-2006, 10:53
umm yeah sorry that wasnt worded right what i meant is i dont believe people should make judgemental comments that make a person feel ilke what there doing is wrong and makes them question their own parenting skills. sorry didnt mean to offend
the_queen
26-04-2006, 10:55
Nobody can make you feel anything. If someone's comments raises a certain emotion inside you, then it comes from you. I switched to formula - I do not get offended by people saying "Breast is Best" or saying that formula is not ideal. In fact, I agree with them!!! Because I know 100% that I did everything I could to continue breastfeeding, I have no guilt in the knowledge that I gave it up.
bronny-jane
26-04-2006, 10:56
samantha, the choice is yours, i bottle feed my babies and am going too with this one as well, i dont feel comfortable with brestfeeding for my own reasons, that no matter how much someone tells me otherwise will not change.
its better to feel comfortable about what your doing, than to do something your not to keen on to please others.
Ana Gram
26-04-2006, 10:58
Well I must be pretty unhealthy then...my DD depends on me completely, and my life is totally about her - It wasn't her choice to come into the world.
And, actually I initially was quite put off by the idea of breastfeeding and I disliked it intensely initially but I persevered because I put my childs needs first.
So you are saying you don't do anything in your life that isn't about your child?
misskittyfantastico
26-04-2006, 11:11
So you are saying you don't do anything in your life that isn't about your child?
She's 7 months old (tomorrow) I have no family support in the area, there is no day care, my DH is a farmer and works stupid hours....so yeah everything I do is with her and about her. It's not easy but it's just the way it is.
Kaileysmum
26-04-2006, 11:12
And, actually I initially was quite put off by the idea of breastfeeding and I disliked it intensely initially but I persevered because I put my childs needs first.
I think we all put our childs needs first, BF or FF.
Pippi Longstocking
26-04-2006, 11:13
Exactly Queenie. :yelclap:
I also bottlefed my last son. Yep, I felt guilty when I heard the "breast is best" message. And I know exactly where that guilt stemmed from - I made the wrong choice. Breast is best. Formula is a fantastic second choice.
And people DO have the right to offer their opinions. The OP asked a question and I answered. You don't have to like my answer but I really suggest keaunu's mum that you examine where your response is coming from.
diamonds22
26-04-2006, 11:14
Hi Samantha,
Lol i hope your still reading this thread (heheh when i post something controversial...I usually try to stay away for the responses as they end up making me feel worse!)
Anyway I just wanted to say, that reading your thread you sound really mature, and I also wanted to say I believe you ARE doing the right thing...I kinda have the same stance on bottle-feeding as you..I will be electing to bottle-feed straight away (I know what your feeling...and I also know lots of people 'just don't get it'..its not even worth trying to explain it to them..they either know or they don't.)
I do have medical reasons for not Breastfeeding...however even if I didnt I would still bottle-feed as its my choice...people seem to forget where not living in the dark ages anymore...formula is very advanced and does give our babies all their requirements. I'm so glad your boyfriend is supportive...my hubby is the same..just listen to him and do what you feel is best. Forget about everyone else’s opinions on the matter as yours is the only one that counts..in the meantime just learn everything u can about bottle-feeding to give yourself a good head start (I have stacks to learn..so exciting though!!)
BIG BIG :hugs:
Pm if you wanna talk more/need more support…lol I know these thread can get you down sometimes! Good luck sweety!!(most of the time is great though :thumbsup: )
bronny-jane
26-04-2006, 11:15
you know this is supposed to be an area for positive support for your choice to bottle feed, not a place to be hounded because you dont breastfeed:mad:
i dont appriciate seeing people trying to force their opinion on others, give it a go....this is what annoys me, i did it didnt work, and am not going to try again, end of story.
and people who say think of the baby, i am thinking of my babies, im not comfortable with brestfeeding and would be devastated if i developed bad feelings towards my child, because i was doing something that i wasnt comfortable in doing.
i'd rather be a happy bottle feeding mother, than a depressed breastfeeding mother.
Pippi Longstocking
26-04-2006, 11:15
Forget about everyone else’s opinions on the matter as yours is the only one that counts
With all due respect, what about the baby's opinion?
Kaileysmum
26-04-2006, 11:16
Hey Samatha,
Just do what is right for you. If you have any questions about FF then PM me I'm happy to help in anyway. Its hard thing to tell people you've decided to FF as BF is a big thing, people just judge you. I found this when I put dd on formula.
misskittyfantastico
26-04-2006, 11:21
I think we all put our childs needs first, BF or FF.
IMO if you ARE ABLE to breastfeed then you should at least try because it is fact that breast milk is the optimal food for an infant. I was telling of MY experiences with breastfeeding MY child. I do not want anyone to imply that I'm forcing my opinion on anyone. This is a forum, the OP asked for opinions. If you don't like what I have to say, then ignore me...simple as that:)
diamonds22
26-04-2006, 11:22
Hi ******,
If a baby isn’t settling on one formula, than change formulas until you find one that is right and agrees with him/her (unfortunatly babie cant talk..so there reaction is the best opinion anyone can go off) An enormous amount of people are brought up on formula and have no adverse effects at all (my mum had my sister on the breast. but she wasn’t settling and something wasn’t right.she changed to formula and my sis couldn’t have been happier.she tried breast for all of us and had the same reactions occur...when we were changed to formula we slept, didn’t cry as much ect)
Formula isn’t a 'bad word' and nor doe’s it make anyone less of a mother..all i am saying if it feels right for you do it...if you want to try breast first then do that as well...just make sure its what you feel is right (as well as being informed of the info from docs) I believe babies are just as healthy on formula as they are on breast..it depends on the individual. not everyone has perfect milk that meets all the nutritional/vitamin values of what can be recreated in formula.
I think Samantha has made her decision (from reading your post/please correct me if I am wrong) and if she has made her decision then she should start researching all she can about formula and which is the best...people always have different opinons...but i think if she has made her decison she should concentrate on learning as much as she can about formula to give her baby a fantastic head start (thats not to say she shouldnt read up on breastfeeding either...she might decide at the last min to give it a go)
k..take 2.(time difference...lets see if it works now cos its 11:23 now)
bronny-jane
26-04-2006, 11:25
IMO if you ARE ABLE to breastfeed then you should at least try because it is fact that breast milk is the optimal food for an infant. I was telling of MY experiences with breastfeeding MY child. I do not want anyone to imply that I'm forcing my opinion on anyone. This is a forum, the OP asked for opinions. If you don't like what I have to say, then ignore me...simple as that:)
i think you should do what feels right for you, not what everyone else thinks is right
There are so many choices you have to make as a mother and if you feel like you are doing the right thing by bottle feeding then do it. i know breast is best and i slogged it out for 6mnths with supply lines,feeding my baby every hour just so that she could be breastfed(obviously there was formula thru the s/l) and I was also on fenugreek and Domperidone. At 6 mnths my doc told me no more Domperidone and just to hope that my milk would stay. it didnt and i felt awful, I cried everytime i made a bottle. but back to the point, I know i beat myself up about having to go to bottles. my advice would be if you really dont think you can do it dont feel bullied into it but it really doesnt hurt to give it a go and see if you like it. I think most mums can vouch for me when i say that the feeling of your baby taking its very first feed from YOU is something you will never forget nor replace...
and again..
i know breast is best but lets put 100 people in a room and try to pick those that were BF and those FF. i just think there is too much guilt laid on mummies these days..
diamonds22
26-04-2006, 11:32
i know breast is best but lets put 100 people in a room and try to pick those that were BF and those FF. i just think there is too much guilt laid on mummies these days..
standing ovation for you Jazzysmum!!:smiliedance:
Jax Tellers Old Lady
26-04-2006, 11:39
With all due respect, what about the baby's opinion?
I think thats a really silly thing to say there is nothing wrong with my son if anything he is well advanced for his age he is happy healthy and thriving and it never upset him that i had him on bottles. I dont think you have a right to say that bottle feeding is selfish. Its opinions like that that make mothers think they are doing a bad job.
Kaileysmum
26-04-2006, 11:40
IMO if you ARE ABLE to breastfeed then you should at least try because it is fact that breast milk is the optimal food for an infant. I was telling of MY experiences with breastfeeding MY child. I do not want anyone to imply that I'm forcing my opinion on anyone. This is a forum, the OP asked for opinions. If you don't like what I have to say, then ignore me...simple as that:)
You are allowed have you opinion. I wasn't saying that you were forcing your opinions at all. Sorry I just took it the wrong way, Ive just had a lot of people judge me on not BF for very long.
the_queen
26-04-2006, 11:44
Its opinions like that that make mothers think they are doing a bad job.
Again, nobody said that you or any other mother are doing a bad job!!! The title of this thread is "The Big Debate" which is very true - this issue causes a lot of debate! But nobody can make you feel anything. If you feel like you have done a "bad job" then examine your own emotions and insecurities.
******'s point - what about the baby's opinion - is perfectly valid. A baby is hard-wired to want to breastfeed. What are the reflexes a newborn has at birth?? The stepping reflex, the grasping reflex, and the rooting reflex. For what reason does s/he have the rooting reflex?? So that when mother instinctively holds baby close to her bosom, as mother's have done since the dawn of time, baby will instinctively find that nipple and do what comes naturally.
the_queen
26-04-2006, 11:45
You are allowed have you opinion. I wasn't saying that you were forcing your opinions at all. Sorry I just took it the wrong way, Ive just had a lot of people judge me on not BF for very long.
And I personally had a lot of people judge me for even attempting to breastfeed at all!! Motherhood is about putting the child first, and growing up enough to deal with other people's judgements.
misskittyfantastico
26-04-2006, 11:50
You are allowed have you opinion. I wasn't saying that you were forcing your opinions at all. Sorry I just took it the wrong way, Ive just had a lot of people judge me on not BF for very long.
No I'm sorry that you've had such a hard time of it. I know we are all trying to do what is best for our kids...and no one likes to feel judged. I guess it's all about developing confidence in our decisions.:)
Kaileysmum
26-04-2006, 11:50
And I personally had a lot of people judge me for even attempting to breastfeed at all!! Motherhood is about putting the child first, and growing up enough to deal with other people's judgements.
I think people will always judge you no matter what you do. Its life. I dont care that people judged me at all, I think I put my child and myself first when it came to feeding her. I just took milliesmums mum comment about "putting the child first" in the wrong context.
Kaileysmum
26-04-2006, 11:52
No I'm sorry that you've had such a hard time of it. I know we are all trying to do what is best for our kids...and no one likes to feel judged. I guess it's all about developing confidence in our decisions.:)
Thanks I just wanted to clear it up.
bronny-jane
26-04-2006, 11:52
No I'm sorry that you've had such a hard time of it. I know we are all trying to do what is best for our kids...and no one likes to feel judged. I guess it's all about developing confidence in our decisions.:)
i agree, i feel confident in my choices to bottle feed, and they way i have raised my dd's so far......except disipline....they still have it over me here:D
keenansmummy
26-04-2006, 12:18
Hey SamanthaJane
I am going through the exact same thing as you at the moment, I have decided not to breastfeed and am getting alot of you should do it because... from people
I know they say breast milk is best but I know plenty of people that have formula fed and there babies are much more healthy then ones I know that have been breastfed - In my opinion at least if you formula feed they have a constant of the same nutrience whereas breast changes with everything you put into your body...
I think women who smoke are much more selfish then those who choose not to breastfeed but are given alot less **** from people...
Keep to what you want, at the end of the day it is your body and your baby and you will know what is best for them :smiliedance:
And lastly for someone that is saying that they are still young etc you sound extremely mature, and congrats on your pregnancy:yelclap:
moonblossom
26-04-2006, 12:27
Not even going to touch that one, leave it to you girls :smiliedance:
Pippi Longstocking
26-04-2006, 12:31
I think women who smoke are much more selfish then those who choose not to breastfeed but are given alot less **** from people...
Mumtobe, it's interesting that you brought up smoking, because I was thinking about this earlier...
It is pretty much accepted that it is the babies right to be smoke-free. That is a right.
It is pretty much accepted that it is the babies right to be alcohol free. That is a right.
It is pretty much accepted that it is the babies right to be clothed according to the weather...kept in a safe environment...cuddled....medicated when required...yet it appears that it is not the babies right to be fed the optimal food? I find this perplexing.
Mumtobe, it's interesting that you brought up smoking, because I was thinking about this earlier...
It is pretty much accepted that it is the babies right to be smoke-free. That is a right.
It is pretty much accepted that it is the babies right to be alcohol free. That is a right.
It is pretty much accepted that it is the babies right to be clothed according to the weather...kept in a safe environment...cuddled....medicated when required...yet it appears that it is not the babies right to be fed the optimal food? I find this perplexing.
SMOKING-low birth weight,stunts babies brain development
ALCOHOL-feotal alcohol syndrome(??)
The rest go without saying, i dont think we can put smoking and bf in the same gategory. FF will not poison your baby!
Pippi Longstocking
26-04-2006, 12:39
FF will not poison your baby!
No it won't. But it won't offer all that breast milk can. Do you dispute that?
i dont dispute that at all but i strongly disagree with putting smoking and drinking in the same category as FF your baby
Pippi Longstocking
26-04-2006, 12:43
If you read back a few posts, you'll note it wasn't actually me that did bring up smoking. ;) Although I do think it was an interesting comparison...
i think pregnant women that smoke are in a very different category. i understand why people FF but i will never understand smoking when pg..
I'd just like to say that I think there is a very fine line between offering advice & insisting & some people need to be careful of that, especially when it is written so things can be taken the wrong way.
Regardless of breast or bottle, the best food a mother can give her baby is LOVE :thumbsup:
I would say that you need to do what is comfortable for you and your baby.
I didn't want to BF, it was not in me and in the end I couldn't anyway so I have bottle fed both my boys, and when I finally manage to get #3 he/she will also be bottle fed.
I also looked at it in my DH could also be a part of the special times and give him some of the special moments aswell.
I have bonded beautifully with my two boys, and they are both happy and healthy boys.
I was once given a fantastice piece of advice. When I first fell pregnant one of my friend's dad's said to me
'You will have everyone giving you advice and telling you the right way to do things. Say thank you very much and listen to what makes common sense to you and throw the rest out the window.'
Freddyboy
26-04-2006, 13:15
My opinion is why would you not want to give your baby the best start in life?
Breast milk is made exactly for your baby it has what they need and is the optimun food for them, so why choose something that doesn't even run second best? (Donated Breastmilk is preferred before formula.0
Can I ask what is the factor that makes you uncomfortable?
I believe being uncomfortable is not a good reason for choosing not to provide your child with the optimum food. Its sort of like only giving a child canned vegetables as you are uncomfortable with cooking vegetables from their raw state IYKWIM.
I believe that you should try it, do a lot of reseach on the benefits of breastmilk for both infant and mother. Its just not a decision that should be made with a shrug of the shoulders and the thought that oh well formula is just as good...because it isn't.
This is your child's life you are talking about and shouldn't we be giving our children the best start in life if we are capable of it? Why should they not be given this due to our own feelings of being uncomfortable with the idea?
I am un-comfy with breast feeding in public so I use a wrap no one can see a thing, I love BF it's truly a gift if you are able to do it, not all women can, and not all babies latch easily. I'd say don't rule it out, but just go with it..there will be many more things along the way that will make you in-comfy more than BFeeding!!
At the end of the day it's your body your baby and your choice.
poshBecks
26-04-2006, 13:24
This is the way I see it. Both of my children got a great start with breast milk. I couldn't handle it so, i put them on to the bottle. I feel that both my children are happier & healthier because of it. They now have a more relaxed, less uptight mummy who has actually bonded BETTER with the bottle than with the breast ( it was hard to bond when I was not enjoying it at all).
I really dont see why this has to become such a debate? Fact. Yes b milk is better. We all know that, we've been told a million times. The whole breast feeding experience however not always the best option for everyone.
The whole comparison to smoking & alcohol though... :thumbsdown: :mad:
Smoking & alcoholism puts our children in harms way.... feeding them Formula DOES NOT!!! How dare you suggest that we are not giving our children the best we can.
I am VERY confident in my decision to bottle feed. I just wish people would stop judging us!!
There. Thats my 2 bobs worth.
Couldn't agree more Becky
I really dont see why this has to become such a debate? Fact. Yes b milk is better. We all know that, we've been told a million times. The whole breast feeding experience however not always the best option for everyone.
The whole comparison to smoking & alcohol though... :thumbsdown: :mad:
Smoking & alcoholism puts our children in harms way.... feeding them Formula DOES NOT!!! How dare you suggest that we are not giving our children the best we can.
I am VERY confident in my decision to bottle feed. I just wish people would stop judging us!!
There. Thats my 2 bobs worth.
Jax Tellers Old Lady
26-04-2006, 13:37
This is the way I see it. Both of my children got a great start with breast milk. I couldn't handle it so, i put them on to the bottle. I feel that both my children are happier & healthier because of it. They now have a more relaxed, less uptight mummy who has actually bonded BETTER with the bottle than with the breast ( it was hard to bond when I was not enjoying it at all).
I really dont see why this has to become such a debate? Fact. Yes b milk is better. We all know that, we've been told a million times. The whole breast feeding experience however not always the best option for everyone.
The whole comparison to smoking & alcohol though... :thumbsdown: :mad:
Smoking & alcoholism puts our children in harms way.... feeding them Formula DOES NOT!!! How dare you suggest that we are not giving our children the best we can.
I am VERY confident in my decision to bottle feed. I just wish people would stop judging us!!
There. Thats my 2 bobs worth.
ditto to that
Pippi Longstocking
26-04-2006, 13:42
And yet my question remains unanswered...why should the mother's right to bottlefeed over-ride the baby's right to breastfeed?
MamaSage
26-04-2006, 13:43
Just from another angle, it is a shame that breast vs bottle has become such a touchy issue. Maybe if it was not such an issue women would not feel as pressured to breastfeed and be more likely to SUCCEED at it and love it. If all women had the education and support they should have it may be very different. Women hear so many horror stories about difficult feeds, sore nipples, routines, colic, blah blah :ecomcity: that some are put off before they even try it, which is really sad.
Why the need to push the topic?
Ana Gram
26-04-2006, 13:46
She's 7 months old (tomorrow) I have no family support in the area, there is no day care, my DH is a farmer and works stupid hours....so yeah everything I do is with her and about her. It's not easy but it's just the way it is.
It's one thing to press pause while you are looking after a baby and another to give up your life because you have a baby. If that's the way you choose to live, then that is what must be right for you. I just don't understand or agree with it because I could never live that way.
I think this is a trap that a lot of mothers fall into. What happens when the baby grows up and gets their own life and your entire reason for living has gone off without you?
I don't put my child first. My health and happiness is of equal importance as my child's. If I am not happy, fulfilled, interested and excited about what I am doing with my life, I can't look after my child and teach her to actively find happiness. I don't think I can explain it very well, so if anyone else knows what I am on about feel free to explain it better!
MamaSage
26-04-2006, 13:47
And yet my question remains unanswered...why should the mother's right to bottlefeed over-ride the baby's right to breastfeed?
I agree. But add to the list the baby's right to an intact foreskin, to have the choice whether or not to have pierced ears, the right to not be left to cry, the right to not have solids until they are ready, the right to not be bombarded with viruses minutes after birth, the right to be born without drugs entering it's system.. the list can go on and on.
poshBecks
26-04-2006, 13:49
And yet my question remains unanswered...why should the mother's right to bottlefeed over-ride the baby's right to breastfeed?
You know what..... our little ones dont have a voice yet. We are making decisions that we feel are the best for our children. Its not a matter of life & death. It just food!! Chill out!!!
poshBecks
26-04-2006, 13:53
You are damned if you do..damned if you dont.
Even giving your opinion is dangerous these days there si bound to be someone who jumps down your throat.
So let people make and learn form their own choices...this world isnt perfect but it might be one day....If we learn to accept differences and guide rather then judge...
ditto:thumbsup:
the_queen
26-04-2006, 13:55
You know what..... our little ones dont have a voice yet. We are making decisions that we feel are the best for our children. Its not a matter of life & death. It just food!! Chill out!!!
It is just food.... but then again, it isn't JUST food. A human brain does the most growing and developing from conception to age 5.
To me, the formula vs breastmilk debate is kinda like this: I could take the exact right number of multi-vitamins to ensure that I was not malnourished. But wouldn't it be BETTER to just eat wonderful, fresh, unprocessed foods??? If I had something wrong with me that meant I could NOT eat food, then I could take the vitamins as a substitute. And while theoretically it would be just as good..... well, it just wouldn't be the same, would it.
Pippi Longstocking
26-04-2006, 13:57
Chill out!!!
*snort* Yes, clearly I am very irate and must chill out immediately... :laughing: ;)
We are making decisions that we feel are the best for our children And yet we all agree that breast is best....
I agree. But add to the list the baby's right to an intact foreskin, to have the choice whether or not to have pierced ears, the right to not be left to cry, the right to not have solids until they are ready, the right to not be bombarded with viruses minutes after birth, the right to be born without drugs entering it's system.. the list can go on and on.
I agree with you agreeing with me and also agree with all of your other points :D .
[QUOTE=******
And yet we all agree that breast is best....QUOTE]
Yet not always possible.
Shazbutt
26-04-2006, 13:59
I just want to say 'ditto' to everything Becky (Becca-Rae) has said so far....well put.....
A un-rested, stressed, uncomfortable and unhappy mother does not lead to a well rested, non-stressed, comfortable, happy baby. I was so stressed when BF DD1 that i was swearing to myself and bawlin, and resenting her whenever i fed her (or tried to). Now that is not a good thing.....The change to FF worked for us, and we bonded so much better after it.
Do what is right for you, and no-one else. You'll know whats right for your bub when the time comes! :)
poshBecks
26-04-2006, 13:59
:ecomcity: Yes that is a good point. My point though is.... chill out!!! We are doing the best WE can!!!
I'm leaving this thread now. SamanthaJane...... feel confident in your decision & dont worry what other people think!! :)
Pippi Longstocking
26-04-2006, 14:00
To me, the formula vs breastmilk debate is kinda like this: I could take the exact right number of multi-vitamins to ensure that I was not malnourished. But wouldn't it be BETTER to just eat wonderful, fresh, unprocessed foods??? If I had something wrong with me that meant I could NOT eat food, then I could take the vitamins as a substitute. And while theoretically it would be just as good..... well, it just wouldn't be the same, would it.
I love that analogy Queenie:yelclap:
Pippi Longstocking
26-04-2006, 14:03
Sarie, I agree with you, it is not always possible to breastfeed. We are discussing choosing to bottle feed here :)
I was a bottle fed baby. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for formula. My mother wasn't around to feed me and Dad has raised me since I was 3 weeks old. I acknowledge that formula can save lives. But to choose a second-rate food when first rate milk is available is in my opinion very selfish.
And ****** you are entitled to your opinon. I have bottle fed both boys and fully intend to bottle fed the next. What you may consider selfish I consider my choice.
Ana Gram
26-04-2006, 14:16
The original poster has already stated that she is uncomfortable with breastfeeding for personal reasons. You are just pushing the same point over and over and over and over and to be honest it is getting quite tiring and frustrating. If the mother has negative feelings and is stressed out over the very idea of breastfeeding, it is almost a guarentee that it won't be successful.
I absolutely hated it. I dreaded feeding times and wished I hadn't had DD at those times. I was actually glad when I then got a health problem which made me discontinue breastfeeding. Life from that point on for DD and myself was a million times better and that was the best thing for us. If by some horrible misfortune I had another child, it would be on the bottle from the start. There is no way know I would go through that again.
Perhaps what the OP could do is express while also bottle feeding for the initial health benefits.
diamonds22
26-04-2006, 14:17
heheh should i be game to re-enter the debate ;)
******
The mothers right to bottle-feed overrides the baby’s right to breastfeed because the mother knows best…Sometimes breast isn’t always best therefore in the interest of both parties the mothers right to override is perfectly legitimate.
Queenie
Your analogy was good...lol however the opposite could also be said... if you can take multivitamins and not be malnourished then the fact remains as to why bother with the fresh stuff? The fresh stuff could still be lacking vitamins due to bad produce conditions and pesticides wouldn’t it be better to have an artificially advanced substitute that is proven to be just as good/better in some instances? (taking into account that science is very very advanced these days)
If formula wasn’t safe, it wouldn’t be so widely available/promoted...its has all the nutrients/ requirements...even more so then SOME mothers milk can provide...so why would it be better to feed breast when in some instances formula is best? (also taking into account also what Shazbutt said about the mothers emotional stance/needs)
Anyway I think this thread is just going to keep going round and round in circles with no 'winners' though it has all been a very interesting read and good points brought up on both sides of the debate:thumbsup:
Becca-rae you don't have to go.:)
Mum&bubs
26-04-2006, 14:20
Well I think this thread is making a very interesting one.
I personally agree to go with what YOU feel is best for YOUR baby. Really no one has the right to tell you what is best for YOUR baby. My daughter is 13 months & is still being breastfed but is now taking a bottle during the day. I dont see a change in her at all. I think some people are being a bit rude in their comments to people who are just doing what they think is right. Do what you feel is best & thats all that matters. Its your bubba, your creation, your angel so take care of it the way you think is best not the way your neighbour, MIL, mother even thinks is best; we are mothers we learn as we go but we shouldnt be pressured into feeling bad if we dont do what "everyone" thinks is right for our baby.
Thats just my opinion :o
the_queen
26-04-2006, 14:22
If formula wasn’t safe, it wouldn’t be so widely available/promoted...its has all the nutrients/ requirements...even more so then SOME mothers milk can provide...so why would it be better to feed breast when in some instances formula is best? (also taking into account also what Shazbutt said about the mothers emotional stance/needs)
Formula is widely available and promoted because it is produced by corporations who stand to make trillions and trillions of dollars if a woman chooses their product over the free product she produces herself.
poshBecks
26-04-2006, 14:23
Becca-rae you don't have to go.:)
Well, I didn't want to say something that I'll regret later. Plus like you said... it's just going around & around in circles!! :) I've said my 2 bobs worth. I'm done. :p
Kaileysmum
26-04-2006, 14:25
But to choose a second-rate food when first rate milk is available is in my opinion very selfish.
My mum BF my sister and got really bad mastitis (SP??) and was hospitalized and had to get her boobs cut open and drained. After that experience she chose to FF me and my brother, even though she could still BF. Can I just ask do you thin that is selfish???
So people have personal issues why they CHOSE to FF. I have issues with my boobs as my mum died of breast cancer (the same breast she had the bad mastitis in), and anything to do with boobs scare me. I only BF for 5 days, gave up because of latching problems and stress, so my issues weren't the reason for stopping, but maybe others have similar situations, where they might be traumatized and have that as a personal reason why they chose to FF.
I think if people don't know the background of the person they should maybe find out Why they feel uncomfortable, before they advocate BF and say the person in selfish.
Peaceangels
26-04-2006, 14:26
And where's SamanthaJane while all this is going on, this is her thread after all ........:D
Funkychicken
26-04-2006, 14:29
Wow, what a long thread. So I am a huge breast feeding advocate but that is incidental here. You are going to do what you want to do regardless. All you may have achieved here is more confusion and pain for yourself because when the time comes to feed your baby, all these posts will go running through your brain. I'm not saying this to be mean or hurtful in any way, it is just the nature of what happens when you get caught up in these sorts of 'discussions'. Ultimately how you feed your baby is your decision.
I will only add one thing- (just can't help it) If you go with FF please, please, please at least feed your baby your colostrum-it is so, so important to thier development-and it is only for 3-4 days.:)
MamaSage
26-04-2006, 14:29
I think it is sad that people don't even try, even when they may have had a difficult time fisrt time around. But I think that with everything, birthing included. You never know what could happen next time, it could be totally different.
Funkychicken
26-04-2006, 14:31
Formula is widely available and promoted because it is produced by corporations who stand to make trillions and trillions of dollars if a woman chooses their product over the free product she produces herself.
For anyone who is interested in following this up have at look at this site-
http://www.newint.org/issue110/lid.htm
Note the date also, this is still happening today.
Pippi Longstocking
26-04-2006, 14:32
My mum BF my sister and got really bad mastitis (SP??) and was hospitalized and had to get her boobs cut open and drained.
I had mastitis with my middle three children. The best thing one can do for mastitis is breastfeed. I personally didn't develop an abscess but a good friend of mine did, was hospitalised and had her breast drained and went on to continue breastfeeding until her boy was 3. She was told, as was I, that the worst possible thing to do with mastitis is wean.
diamonds22
26-04-2006, 14:33
And where's SamanthaJane while all this is going on, this is her thread after all ........:D
:laughing: lol shes in good hands...shes 'private messaging" me ..lol but rest assured...she is reading the posts ;)
I have to admit I haven't read every page of this thread, but I'm quite confused about the original post. First SamanthaJane said she's already decided to formula-feed, then she asked for opinions because she's undecided, and then she said she probably won't change her mind because she's too stubborn... :confused:
SJ, that sounds to me like someone who is perhaps wanting to formula feed based on others' experiences, but experiencing some inner conflict about whether that is the best decision. If that is the case, I hope you can take some of these "pro-BF" posts at face value and process what people have said rather than being defensive and digging your heels in just because you can iykwim. (sorry if that didn't make sense).
If you choose to feed your baby formula, he/she is:
* 5 times more likely to die from SIDS
* 10 times more likely to be hospitalised in the first year of life
* at far greater risk of suffering from allergies, juvenile diabetes, asthma, excema.... etc etc etc.
I'm sure this has been posted before, and those are proven facts. NO, FF does not guarantee your baby will be sick! It simply increases the risk, and so it is indeed your choice and that choice is whether your "feeling uncomfortable" is worth taking that risk with your baby.
As others have said, why not just give it a whirl? Some people try it and absolutley love it. And if you happen to love it, you are not only giving your baby the best start in life nutritionally, but you are saving yourself about $1200 per year and all the hassle of sterilising bottles and making up formula and running to the shop 'cause you've run out of formula. Aarrgghhh.. who needs that when you have it on tap and free?! ;)
Kaileysmum
26-04-2006, 14:41
I had mastitis with my middle three children. The best thing one can do for mastitis is breastfeed. I personally didn't develop an abscess but a good friend of mine did, was hospitalised and had her breast drained and went on to continue breastfeeding until her boy was 3. She was told, as was I, that the worst possible thing to do with mastitis is wean.
Well this was 30 years ago (my sis is 30), she had to wean, the reason is because she got a very bad infection in her breast from the mastitis. Also they cut the milk ducts, so with me and my brother, she would have only been able to BF out of one boob.
It is not going to change the babys quality of life just because you FF. They still grow up the same, doesnt make them any different. In the end the child isnt going to know any difference, except for the skin on skin contact.
Kaileysmum
26-04-2006, 14:43
:laughing: lol shes in good hands...shes 'private messaging" me ..lol but rest assured...she is reading the posts ;)
Same. I dont think she really expected this, seeming its in the BOTTLEFEEDing section.
poshBecks
26-04-2006, 14:50
I just have to say, ( I know I said I was going... :rolleyes: ) that I know a few Breast fed babies who were hospitalised before 1.
bronny-jane
26-04-2006, 14:52
If you choose to feed your baby formula, he/she is:
* 5 times more likely to die from SIDS
* 10 times more likely to be hospitalised in the first year of life
* at far greater risk of suffering from allergies, juvenile diabetes, asthma, excema.... etc etc etc.
I'm sure this has been posted before, and those are proven facts. NO, FF does not guarantee your baby will be sick! It simply increases the risk, and so it is indeed your choice and that choice is whether your "feeling uncomfortable" is worth taking that risk with your baby.
what are the risks for breast feed babies, how about those babies with teenage parents. what about genetics, i was formula fed, and i was not and rarely am sick, my dd's were bottle fed too, and are fine. in general i think you'll find that the decision to bottle feed, isnt made on a whim. my reasons for ff are extremly personal, and are something that would not just go away because others think im being selfish.
MamaSage
26-04-2006, 14:52
Im sure there are, but on the whole, statistically FF babies are hospitalised MORE than BF babes. Nobody said that BF babies NEVER get hospitalised.
poshBecks
26-04-2006, 14:54
Im sure there are, but on the whole, statistically FF babies are hospitalised MORE than BF babes. Nobody said that BF babies NEVER get hospitalised.
I realise that... I just think thats a load of crock that all. JMO
bronny-jane
26-04-2006, 14:56
Im sure there are, but on the whole, statistically FF babies are hospitalised MORE than BF babes. Nobody said that BF babies NEVER get hospitalised.
im just curious on what the stats are, people seem quick to judge ff mothers throwing quotes and stats at us, what are the stats for bf babies and those babies of teenage parents;) :D
Shazbutt
26-04-2006, 14:58
I realise that... I just think thats a load of crock that all. JMO
ditto again....:)
ditto again....:)
yup me too
MamaSage
26-04-2006, 14:59
Ok, Becca-Rae, Science says so. You can't argue with that.
And for what it is worth, Bridie was part FF due to my illness. So I am a sinful bottle feeder too. Please don't attack me.
I am kind of scared to be getting into this one given how new I am here...
When I was pregnant with baby #1 I decided I would formula feed. My mum was very against it and pleaded with me to do some research. I did and it changed my mind...
The scariest part was that there are formula recalls for AWFUL things... sure it's not that often but still.... possibly feeding my baby something that is poisoned or dangerous was not up there on the scale of what I thought I should do as a new mum.
When it came down to it and I met my baby for the first time.... I couldn't possibly formula feed her while I was capable of breastfeeding (after all I had read).
It may seem strange but there are plenty of wonderful ways for other family members to bond with your new baby....
Pink
PS THANKS MUM!
Shazbutt
26-04-2006, 15:02
It may seem strange but there are plenty of wonderful ways for other family members to bond with your new baby....
Goes both ways! There are also plenty of other ways for you to bond with your baby if you don't breastfeed! Its not gonna make you feel deatched and them hate you later!
Exactly, you bond just aswell with your bub if you breast feed or if you formula feed.
I think this will just keep going round the same old circles cause the Breast feeders will have their facts and figures (which is great I'm not being catty:) )and the Bottle Feeders will stand their ground...
misskittyfantastico
26-04-2006, 15:06
It's one thing to press pause while you are looking after a baby and another to give up your life because you have a baby. If that's the way you choose to live, then that is what must be right for you. I just don't understand or agree with it because I could never live that way.
I think this is a trap that a lot of mothers fall into. What happens when the baby grows up and gets their own life and your entire reason for living has gone off without you?
I don't put my child first. My health and happiness is of equal importance as my child's. If I am not happy, fulfilled, interested and excited about what I am doing with my life, I can't look after my child and teach her to actively find happiness. I don't think I can explain it very well, so if anyone else knows what I am on about feel free to explain it better!
It's all about choices. My choice is to put my child's (and my DH's) happiness first...I couldn't live happily any other way.
I hope that I will always be a part of my childs life. My parents are my best friends...I'm sure that sounds lame but that's how it is. And when DD's gone off to do and be who she's going to be, I'll be fine, happy, contented...pretty much as I am now.
MonkeyMum05
26-04-2006, 15:06
Thank you, Princess Niamh!
I have been wanting to say somemthing along those lines, but didn't want to cause any more controversy :D
I had a couple of friends at school (16-17 year olds) who didn't go through with their pregnancies...IYKWIM... So I think that however SJ decides to feed her baby, (as long as its not barley water and honey, like Tom and Katie :D ) is going to be fine. Good on her for having the strength and courage to go through with the pregnancy!
(Did that make any sense...? probably not... but I'm sure you can all see what I'm getting at.)
moonblossom
26-04-2006, 15:13
Has anyone heard of a baby being allergic to their mothers milk? I never have personally and wonder if breastfeeding was more utilised, if allergies would be avoided spesh when it comes to milk?
Just a thought :detective:
SamanthaJane
26-04-2006, 15:13
Gee arent we all getting a bit nasty on here girls!
I can not believe this thread has turned into such a b**** fest.
All i can say is those of you who are saying "breast is best nothing else is going to be anywhere near better" or "why bottle feed if your breasts are fine" or "your baby wont be as healthy on formula" should be ashamed of yourselves. How are mothers who are forced into bottle feeding supposed to feel about those statements??? That their baby is disadvantaged and unhealthy, even though it was not their fault in the first place that they were unable to breast feed? That their baby wont grow and develop as well??? That their baby wont live very long because there is an added risk of SIDS??? Or that they will be in and out of hospital due to illness and allergies??? Think about what you are saying and who could be reading it! :thumbsdown:
I did not go to the breast feeding section of bub hub and post a message about how beautiful my baby is on formula feeding and how you MUST all follow my lead because i respect the fact that every single person on this planet is different and has different values, standards, preferences etc.
I asked for opinions (meaning experiences) on what you each did whether it be bottle or breast. I did not ask for facts about risks of formula feeding (i know all the facts- im not a dumb uneducated young girl who thinks this is the easy way out!) nor did my original post ask for people to FORCE me into a decision on breast or bottle. I was simply asking for experiences.
Some of you ladies need to grow up and realise we live in modern times. Everyone who uses this website is after experiences, opinions, stories at some point and we each need to respect everybody's decisions.
For those of you who decide to retaliate against my comment all i have to say to that is :ecomcity: :ecomcity: :ecomcity: i'm not listening. If you dont have something nice to contribute dont say it at all. BubHub is a place for supportive comments, and if your not going to stick to that i suggest you stay away from the thread please it isnt fair on anybody
moonblossom
26-04-2006, 15:16
DAMNED IF YOU DO, damned if you don't. DONT ask for opinions for advice again Sam..This was subjected as DEBATE..and that is exactly what you got.
bronny-jane
26-04-2006, 15:20
DAMNED IF YOU DO, damned if you don't. DONT ask for opinions for advice again Sam..This was subjected as DEBATE..and that is exactly what you got.
i think she meant that it was a debate with in her family.
i agree this is supposed to be a supportive area for people who ff, not a place to be condemed:crying: :D
She did ask for a debate, but there is a certain way of saying things.
keenansmummy
26-04-2006, 15:21
I am not wanting to get into a slanging match with everyone on which is better bf or ff
but in my opinion this breastfeeding forum is for women that are wanting to breastfeed for whatever reason and not a place for breastfeeding to be forced upon them,
everyone is entitled to there opinions yes but there is sharing and then there is plain abuse, I am sure that every single person at one stage or another during there pregnancy or raising children have had people saying or thinking how wrong they are doing something
but at the end of the day you do what you think is best for your children and should not be put down or feel degraded for your choices
I think it is fantastic that SJ is thinking about her own feelings as well as what is best for bubs because if she is unhappy breastfeeding that would have a negative affect on her bub
SamanthaJane
26-04-2006, 15:22
DAMNED IF YOU DO, damned if you don't. DONT ask for opinions for advice again Sam..This was subjected as DEBATE..and that is exactly what you got.
Debate was actually referring to the debate between my mother and myself.
misskittyfantastico
26-04-2006, 15:23
I think you need to re-read your opening post....you asked for opinions, you titled the thread the big debate. No one has said that mothers who formula feed are bad mothers. I am not at all ASHAMED of myself or my posts. If you didn't want to hear both sides of the story, perhaps you could have started this thread:
I am pregnant with my first child and planning to bottle feed.
Which formula do you reccommend?
Might have saved us all alot of time and effort.
moonblossom
26-04-2006, 15:24
Respect is all I give here SAM, and if you read back you will see that. You start a debate, then you expect it to get heated, but you know something? At the end of the day we all respect each other's opinions.
That is something you WILL learn, the more you post here
OK - regardless of what SamanthaJane called her thread, it is pretty obvious that she is looking for support - if you are unwilling to offer that, then please go to another thread.
Pippi Longstocking
26-04-2006, 15:26
Oh right, so SJ asked for opinions but only if they were the ones she wanted to hear! Silly me!
That isn't a debate, nor is it helpful. She asked, I answered *shrug*. I offered my experience - 5 babies, 4 breastfed, one bottlefed.
Oh and I was a teenage mum ;) . My firstborn was never hospitalised. Never has been and she's 11 now. She was breastfed until she was 2 and a half years old.
OK - regardless of what SamanthaJane called her thread, it is pretty obvious that she is looking for support - if you are unwilling to offer that, then please go to another thread.
.... Well said
Shazbutt
26-04-2006, 15:27
Samantha Jane, you sound like a very mature and very well educated young woman, no doubt you will be a great mother, no matter what you choose to do...:)
I am sorry this turned into such a sh** fight, and i don't beleive you ASKED for a debate, just opinions....(even though i did get involved in it to an extent). If people had read your original post properly they would have noticed that.....'
Good luck for the future!
SamanthaJane
26-04-2006, 15:27
OK - regardless of what SamanthaJane called her thread, it is pretty obvious that she is looking for support - if you are unwilling to offer that, then please go to another thread.
Well said sharvs!!!:hugs:
SamanthaJane
26-04-2006, 15:28
Samantha Jane, you sound like a very mature and very well educated young woman, no doubt you will be a great mother, no matter what you choose to do...:)
I am sorry this turned into such a sh** fight, and i don't beleive you ASKED for a debate, just opinions....(even though i did get involved in it to an extent). If people had read your original post properly they would have noticed that.....'
Good luck for the future!
Thankyou shazbutt:hugs:
bronny-jane
26-04-2006, 15:30
this is a subject thats close to all of our hearts, its going to bring up alot of emotion.
sharvs i think you are right.....the best food is love......at least thats something we should all be able to agree on:p
Shannon's right Samantha, you certainly have a great out look, I wish I was a mature as you at your age...
You will be a great mum and if you chose to Bottle Feed great stuff. Despite what some people think it has a lot to do with how you feel about yourself. If you are stressed or not into Breast feeding 100% the first place you'll see it is in your bub.
Best of luck with the track you choose and know you will always have support here!:hugs:
SamanthaJane
26-04-2006, 15:32
Oh right, so SJ asked for opinions but only if they were the ones she wanted to hear! Silly me!
That isn't a debate, nor is it helpful. She asked, I answered *shrug*. I offered my experience - 5 babies, 4 breastfed, one bottlefed.
Oh and I was a teenage mum ;) . My firstborn was never hospitalised. Never has been and she's 11 now. She was breastfed until she was 2 and a half years old.
****** i never once asked for opinions (but only the ones i wanted to hear) :shame:
all im saying is we should respect each other.... coming on here stating how much better breast milk is and that we should all do it because its healthier for our babies may offend those mothers who could not breast feed and were forced to bottle feed against their wishes. How are they supposed to feel, think about that!
jarrahsmumma
26-04-2006, 15:39
I failed at breastfeeding and do not take offence to people saying negative things about FF. I have had to FF my son from 7 weeks. My problems stemed from bad information and lack of support.
I hate every bottle that i make for my son, even now at 16 months.
I feel like a **** mum in this respect, mainly because the choice was taken away from me. I did not get to choose. You can. What ever you choose will be right for you. All I ask is that you are informed for either side.
I am due in November with bub #2 and determined to BF. This time around I am so much more informed about every aspect of BF.
Please check out the ABA website.
all the best
Pippi Longstocking
26-04-2006, 15:43
all im saying is we should respect each other.... coming on here stating how much better breast milk is and that we should all do it because its healthier for our babies may offend those mothers who could not breast feed and were forced to bottle feed against their wishes. How are they supposed to feel, think about that!
SJ, did you miss the part where Ipointed out that I had bottlefed one of my children? I am not offended by pro breast feeding statements because I know THEY ARE RIGHT! Breast is best. if a mother genuinely could not breast feed and had to use ofrmula, she has nothing to feel guilty for. If a mother chose to bottlefeed whilst being able to breastfeed and felt guilty, I would hope that she thought further about it and analysed where that guilt stemmed from. In my opinion, she would have cause to feel guilty.
Pippi Longstocking
26-04-2006, 15:45
Oh and SJ, you certainly DID ask for opinions. A direct cut and paste quote from your opening post...
What are your opinions on this?
SamanthaJane
26-04-2006, 15:46
the second part of my post was not intended for you personally ******, thats why i separated it from the first paragraph.
SamanthaJane
26-04-2006, 15:47
Oh and SJ, you certainly DID ask for opinions. A direct cut and paste quote from your opening post...
Read further on in my posts and you'll see i explained myself for this one already ******! Now stop with the lectures and questions u are not the boss of me and i do not need to answer to you!!!:shame:
SJ, did you miss the part where Ipointed out that I had bottlefed one of my children? I am not offended by pro breast feeding statements because I know THEY ARE RIGHT! Breast is best. if a mother genuinely could not breast feed and had to use ofrmula, she has nothing to feel guilty for. If a mother chose to bottlefeed whilst being able to breastfeed and felt guilty, I would hope that she thought further about it and analysed where that guilt stemmed from. In my opinion, she would have cause to feel guilty.
Disagree... a mother makes a choice and shouldn't have to feel guilty.
Shazbutt
26-04-2006, 15:51
Oh, i am dying every day from my guilt of not BF my girls...NOT! They are happy, healthy girls, and because of that i do not feel guilty!
Sarie's right....its a mothers CHOICE!
Sorry Samantha :o
What are your opinions on this? Should i breast feed because thats what everyone is telling me to do, or should i go with what i feel is right???
Just had to go back and re-read the opening post after I was told that SJ only wanted support for bottle-feeding and after being told I should be ashamed of myself for posting facts about formula feeding. oh looky.. seems I didn't get it mixed up at all.. she actually asked for opinions! And now doesn't want them.
Sam, I told you that it's your choice and that in making your choice you will need to weigh up the costs and benefits. If that is being disrepectful, clearly I missed something in manners class. I don't know how I could have been any MORE respectful.
Do what you like. You're obviously going to anyway. Just don't pretend to want opinions when all you really want is someone to validate the decision you've already made.
oh I see someone already pointed that out. Boy, this thread is moving fast.
I'm out of here.
sopolicha
26-04-2006, 15:57
I think it is fair enough. She is about to bring a child into the world ffs.
Chickadee
26-04-2006, 15:58
Enough. Calm down and lay off the original poster.
There have been pages and pages of discussion of bf versus ff, the pros and cons, who's right and who's wrong. And it serves no purpose because there is no ultimate "right" or "wrong" and any useful information has been lost and hidden by personal arguments.
Does anyone have anything constructive and helpful to add to this thread? If not, don't bother posting.
EskimoMumma
26-04-2006, 15:58
Sorry ladies but i wont even touch this debate on which is best because thats not what SamanthaJane asked for..
My experience with DS was horrid, I did breastfeed, but he could never attach properly, and found out 3 days afte rbirth that he had a tongue tie and needed surgery for it to snip it. after about 9 weeks of trying to breastfeed with him constantly crying for food, he was sucking but just wasnt attaching and was so painful (bruises, skin actually coming off) and this is countless visits to the lactation consultants and the clinics and still nothing, the nipple shields did no thing! and after i tried him out on formula, Nestle NAN he slept for the first time more then 2 hrs. I was so happy and reliveed and form the on he was bottle fed.
second time around with DD, i chose not to bf at all. I did not want to go through that kind of pain and suffereing when i had done so much already. and im glad i made that decision, her appetite is HUGE! and i personally dont think i would have been able to keep up with her..
and that is my experience. Good luck in going ahead with whatever decision you feel :hugs:
Freddyboy
26-04-2006, 16:41
Its not a matter of life & death. It just food!! Chill out!!!
I think that is one of the main problems that people just think of it as 'just food'.
If you had a choice or fresh food made for you, for your system that is 100% perfect and a can of soggy beans, what would you pick?
Freddyboy
26-04-2006, 16:43
:ecomcity: Yes that is a good point. My point though is.... chill out!!! We are doing the best WE can!!!
But is the best you can do deciding that you don't want to do it becuase you are uncomfortable with it?....Best schmest my goodness!
Oscar's mum
26-04-2006, 16:44
I am not trying to start an argument, but can someone please tell me what is so uncomfortable about breastfeeding? I mean besides wrong positioning etc!:confused:
SamanthaJane
26-04-2006, 16:45
Thankyou for sharing your experience mummy2alexandmary that is what i wanted to read about after all:D
P.S Have started a new thread for Support For Mothers Who Bottle Feed. Ladies with support please feel free to join in... read the rules first though:D
Freddyboy
26-04-2006, 16:53
Some of you ladies need to grow up and realise we live in modern times. Everyone who uses this website is after experiences, opinions, stories at some point and we each need to respect everybody's decisions.
I think that perhaps others need to grow up too and not make the decision to not breastfeed because they are uncomfortable with it. That to me is an immature attitude.
Living in modern times doesn't give you the right to not feed your child the optimum food if you have the capacity to do so.
SamanthaJane
26-04-2006, 17:05
This thread is being closed
****Text removed by moderator*************
Okay - enough. This is not a breast feeding thread versus a bottle feeding thread. The original poster asked for opinions on both. While plenty of useful information has been provided, far too much inappropriate and misplaced emotion has been infused into the thread. Thank you to those who posted.
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