Happy With One...

[SweetSerenity]

Hi Ladies,
Well me and Brett have chatted and we both decided that we're happy to have just one child :)
Anyway, alot of my work friends ask "So whens the next one?" and i generally tell them later down the track....one of them though i told that we weren't going to have anymore and her response was "You have to"...?????:confused: Since when do i have to have at least 2 children???
I know alot of people dont agree with children growing up without siblings etc, but i see it as, i want to provide the best i can for the one i have now, rather than struggle to provide for two both emotionally, financially etc...Plus he has lots of baby friends and see's one of them weekly, so it's not like he doesnt interact with children at all.
Plus Brett and I feel complete with Peter!
Im not completely ruling out a second, but im pretty certain that it will remain the three of us....is that such a crime???
Mind you, my colleague who said i "have" to have two has a 7mth old and is pregnant with her second which is due in sep, so she'll have two under one! Plus she has a bit of PND, (which i also do) and to be honest, i dont agree with her bringing a second into that situation....i dont think its fair....as you need to be emotionally stable to cope with two, which i know she's not.
So am i a bad mum only wanting to keep it us 3??

[Baby Girl]

It is your family and your choice!!

I was an only child and loved it - if I could go back and change it - I WOULDN'T!! At some times I thought about it but looking back now I wouldn't have liked having siblings.

I always said if I had a boy first I would have another (because I would have been happier to have an older brother but not a younger sister when I was younger) but I had a girl so wasn't having anymore. Then I fell by surprise with DD2 and that works for us and now we are considering a 3rd - we will be timing it for a boy!!

Only you and your hubby know what is right for you and yours.

As for the lady you work with, that is obviously what is right for her, it definitely doesn't mean it is what YOU HAVE TO do!!

[lukaelmo]

"You have to"...?????

Hmmm that's interesting :laughing: .

Bearing in mind that it is you who has to carry, give birth to and then raise said 2nd child, I think you are entitled to a little say in the matter :laughing: .

It is your family. Another friend that you talk to will tell you one is enough and the world is overpopulated as it is. Another will tell you to have two more, as that's what she is doing. You can only win if you do what you and DH do what you want to do.

[MummyCharmzy]

People are so rude. Its completely your choice if your family is complete or not. I never realised that you'd get it 'both ways'. I want a large family, some people have a fit hearing that I'd love another baby after this one is born (those that know me have always known I wanted 4 children of my own and now having a stepson just means I want 5!) but its none of there business.

I'm sorry anyone would say such a thing to you. Its 100% your choice, its your life and your family! Just ignore anyone that says anything like that.. and know that basically you can't win either way because if you do have another one you'll start getting the 'are you finished now' comments - even if you fully plan on having more children!

Take care,
Charmaine

[Issey]

Natalie, we have one child pretty much for the same reasons as you have decided. It can be annoying as ALWAYS people are saying 'so when will you have another' :confused: When we say we are just having the one, they say 'oooh you will change your mind' or 'oh thats not fair on him'..... grrr

I feel blessed with my little Tyger. There is no evidence that having one child is a negative, in many ways I see it as a positive. Also I think people should be more sensitive when asking these things as sometimes you CANT have any more or are LUCKY to have been blessed with one.

[sopolicha]

Hey, your choice entirely.

Look out, you have at least 15 child bearing years left in you. What you want at 30 might be entirely different to what you want at 20.

[Scout]

I never even expected to have one! The thought of being pregnant and raising a child had horrified me for well over 15 years but alas I had a maternal urge last year. Which is a good thing - I'm looking forward to being a mum.

We, however, will only have one. Lots of reasons - mainly economic, age constraints and the fact that I have suffered from terrible ante-natal depression and never want to put myself or my family through that hell again (and who knows whether I will have PND!).

A lot of my friends are now having children in their mid-30's and are choosing only one. Perhaps quite selfishly, most of them will admit that it is easier to fit one child into your life rather than two or more. As an only child myself, I know that is the case and can probably incorporate that viewpoint in with my reasons above.

Don't take on others expectations or their guilt! It's your choice!

[Mamaduke]

DH & I are discussing whether or not to have a third.
I sometimes feel that with Jesse at 4 and Lucas almost 2, things are getting easier now...why make things 'complicated' (for want of a better word).
Then one of my friends said...
"The only child you regret, is the one you didn't have"
...and I'm back to square 1!!!

[cwsmum]

When we say we are just having the one, they say 'oooh you will change your mind'

lol That's exactly what I said to my DH while I was preg with DS, and also after DS was born whenever he mentioned one bub being enough...and when DS was almost 2yrs DH asked if I wanted to ttc another, I hadn't mentioned more kids for mths either so I didn't talk him into it...I'd still like one, maybe 2, more, but we'll just wait and see if DH wants anymore in a couple of years. No rush.

Good on you for telling people that...I always kinda changed the subject or just said 'when we are ready' :o

I don't think anyone has the right to tell you how many kids to have, it's not like the population of the country depends on it :rolleyes: (I'm one of 5 and couldn't imagine having only one bub, but thats just me) The only thing you have to do is whats right for you :D

[Bellarose]

Hi Natalie,
You sound just like me... I havent had a bub yet... I'm still trying to get the courage to have the first... But I have the same thoughts as you. I think of the time and the cost. I may change my thoughts after I have the first... who knows. Stay happy.

[littlepickle]

I always thought tha I would have two. I have number one on the way - due in August, and I am seriously thinking of stopping at one. Its not that I havent enjoyed this pregnancy so far, its just that I am quite comfortable with the thught of sticking to just one. People keep saying to me that I will change my mind after Elise is born - but who knows..
I think it is totally your decision if you want to have one of 10 kids! Its nobody elses choice to make!

[shed]

I have only ever wanted one child. If you had asked me when I was five years old I would have told you the same thing. Only one for me. One precious, cherished little treasure and how desperately I have wanted him/her, but only him/her, for all these years.

Turns out its a him that I am getting and I can't wait!!

I have been told by some interfering old busybody that I am "selfish" for only wanting one. Not quite sure how that works? Selfish in what way?

I would rather have ONE if I want ONE than have TWO if I wanted ONE.

We can afford one without relying on handouts. We can send him to a great school, we can give him a wonderful life, but actually thats not really the reason, the real reason is because I only want ONE.

DP wants two. He thinks only children "grow up funny". I told him any kid of his is going to grow up funny anyway LOL.

People tell me I will change my mind, and that's fine. Maybe I will. And if I do I will have another. But it won't be because of what they say.

[JATS]

We're already getting "so whens the next one coming" too from our families :mad:

We do plan on more, my sister knows we're trying but no other family.

After fertility issues to have #1 and now again that we're ttc#2 the whole ttc thing was wearing me thin a while ago and my aunt asked (as she always did when we saw her) and I just said to her "after all the trouble we had concieving the first time we're lucky to just have one!!!" She looked very embarassed and hasn't mentioned it since :D

So if you want to be :devil6: just make out you CAN'T have more and you won't get hassled! :thumbsup:

[Blessed Mum]

I was pretty young when I had DS & I never wanted any more children. I was very content with him & wanted to give my all & everything else to just him. DH has 2 children from a previous relationship who are somewhat older so he's always left it up to me to decide & was happy with what I wanted. Well last year about this time we got the surprise of our lives with being pregnant with DD. I was really anxious, unsure etc & I love it & her of course...........now I'm trying to convice DH #3 for us needs to be soon & possibly a #4 :eek: . Our family & friends can't believe that it is really me saying this. So go with things as you feel it is right.......it all works out in the end.(sorry it ended up so long)

[BabyJoy]

Natalie, you're not the only one feeling this way. Before I had Laura, DH and I discussed having two children, but now that I have her, I really don't feel any need to have another child. He hasn't said anything, but I know DH would love to have a son, but you can't just pick the sex of your baby... and so what if it's another girl... would he then ask for child number three, just in case we have a boy? I found childbirth really traumatic and am terrified of going through it again... perhaps I'll change my mind down the track. I'm also sick of doctors and midwives saying, "oh, that's what they all say, and then they show up a year later pregnant again". Friends haven't been so bad, but a work colleague said if I had another baby I'd get fat! (This from a woman who has one child and is obese!) It's weird how some people think.

A friend of mine was an only child to quite old parents for their time (she is 28 now and her parents are in their 60s) and she hated it, which is why she chose to have at least two kids. I had two younger brothers and hated that, so I really don't think your own experience of having (or not having) siblings should be the deciding factor on whether or not you have one or more children. Just as everyone else has said, it should come down to what is right for you and your partner, and your firstborn because like you said, if they are getting plenty of interaction with other kids, then they're not missing out on anything.

[TTannyaa]

We were only going to have one child, due to economic reasons, we wanted to be able to give our baby everything we didn't have when we were kids because our parents couldn't afford it. We wanted to send Chloe to private school and basically give her the world and then oops, I accidently got pregnant (on the pill) and along came our second beautiful daughter. Now I am trying to convince DH to try for number 3 :p unsuccessfully I might add. I often wonder what would have happened if Simone hadn't come along. She turned 1 yesterday and has brought so much joy and happiness into our lives. Good luck to everyone out there, I hope you all have a sensational mothers day tomorrow, I know I will. :D :D :D

[defaipe]

i want 4 kids and there is no way id put up with someone telling me i shouldnt!
so if you want 1 then you want one. bugger everyone else!:D