Foot in my Mouth

[SassyMummy]

It's since been removed, but yesterday I made a post about my feelings regarding my younger brother expecting to be a father. I only found out yesterday and so my feelings which were posted were very jumbled and quite mean - especially in regards to the mother of the child.

Between the time that I posted the message, and the time that I have written THIS post, I had time to think about the whole situation. I re-thought everything and decided that I was being far too nasty to the mother-to-be and wasn't giving her any credit at all. In fact, I was being a down-right b*tch.

Only VERY RECENTLY have a I discovered that she is a new member to this forum. I didn't know when I posted that she was already a member. I was informed by a moderator and was quite shocked. I always thought of this as my own little retreat...where I could discuss my thoughts and whatnot with strangers without fear of being heard by people I knew in real life.

I'm not certain, but I imagine she read my post.

I feel SO MEAN and SO CRUEL and just so furious with myself. It was bad enough for me to THINK that way about her...but to publically discuss it was even nastier. Of course I had no idea that she might READ my personal thoughts...but I guess I should have realised that there is possibilty that it might happen.

I wrote her a PM of an apology explaining everything as best I could and with as much honesty as I could...but I am still worried that she will hate me for what I have said and deny me a reconcilation.

I WANT to be there for her and my brother in their time of much-needed support, but I'm afraid that me putting my foot in my mouth will ruin it all.

I've never had a "happy family" but with babies being introduced into my family, I REALLY WANT TO TRY TO MAKE IT WORK! My daughter deserves to know her cousin-to-be and deserves to have the best and closest family she can have. I also believe that so does this baby. I just hope I haven't blown their chance at having that by being a selfish and nasty brat.

I also really want to be a part of this baby's life...and I only hope that the mother forgives me enough to let me. I also want her to forgive me so that we might be friends. Both of us could use a few more (can't everyone?).

Is there anything I could do to PROVE to her that I'm sorry for being a b*tch? Or do I just deserve to be unforgiven?

[MilkOnTap]

I think that by having the balls to write this thread proves to me that you regret what you said earlier. Its difficult to take things back entirely (I suffer from foot-in-mouth too) but I usually find that a sincere apology usually helps. (Oh and a box of chockies and flowers dont go astray either!)

Best wishes on the extended family! :hugs:

[reAllytee]

I think making this post at least shows you are sorry for what you said etc.
I also think that it should be a stepping stone onto a path of reconciliation if both of you want it enough.
I really hope that you can work past all that has happened & look forward to the arrival of the new bubs which will hopefully mend all wounds.
Good luck.

[rynosmum]

I hope you are able to come to some type of agreement.

Sometimes family is all that we have.

As I said last night though, it is really up to your brother and the mother of his child to decide the path that they are going to take with this pregnancy. It isn't unfortunately up to you to make it happen.

That said, I wish you both all the best. Babies need families but mothers also need support.

[Tam-I-Am]

Hi SassyMummy,

Please please don't take this as me having a go at you or trying to make you feel worse than you already do, cause that's the last thing that I want. I think its obvious that you're very sorry, but from experience, sometimes that just isn't enough to heal the hurt of somebody being really horrible to you. I hope it is in your case, but just be aware that the mother of your brother's baby (lets call her your SIL for convenience sake) may not be ready or willing to reconcile with you.

I didn't read the original post, so don't know what you said about her (I'm not asking for an explanation BTW) - but I can imagine how awful it would be for her to come across your post, and how hurt and gutted she would feel. I'm sorry I'm not much help, but all I can say is, give her time. You have to earn her trust again, and this might take a while. If you are genuinely wanting to become friends with her (and it sounds like you are), then if she rejects your initial attempts - DON'T get defensive and angry - just cop it on the chin, and keep trying to gain her trust. Like I said this might take a while, but all you can do is keep slogging on.

Goodness knows, we've all done stupid things that we regret, you just have to live and learn.

Hugs, :hugs: and I really hope things work out for you:fingerscrossed:

[Odessa]

Personally I would have thought a PM would be enough, by posting this thread you've dragged the issue out into the open where many people who may not have been aware what went on are now fully aware. Sometimes discretion is best. Best of luck, though.

[xkwzit]

Hi SassyMummy

I'll confess that I'm the one who deleted your post, shortly after we mods realised that you were talking about a member, because I knew you would never have posted it if you had thought that she might read it.

You can't really forget that the hub is a public place, and really anything you say here can be read by anyone for years after you post it.

I think that you'll work it out, you can only keep showing her that you care and that you're interested.

Cheers

[SassyMummy]

Thanks everyone.

I think things are going to be good - though I'm not 100%. She told me she was hurt, but that I wasn't the only one to have the same initial reaction, and that she'd put it down to shock.

I'm also very happy that she said she'd neverkeep the baby from my mother and I...guess that shows how grown up she actually is.

As for dragging the matter out publically, I guess yeah, it is drawing attention to something others might not have known about, but the only person who could really get any negativity as a result of it would be me - and I was fine with risking that.

I do need to remember that this forum is accessible by EVERYONE...but I guess it's easy to forget sometimes...especially since nobody I knew personally has ever had anything to do with this site. I just felt free about discussing issues and whatnot...the same as anyone who has said "I hate my MIL!" and figured the MIL in question would NEVER read such a post.

I guess I'll have to learn to be a bit more careful about what personal issues I ask advice on from now on, because I know that not everyone here is a stranger anymore.

THANKS FOR THE REPLIES

[TTannyaa]

Hi Stacey, I hope everything works out for everyone involved. Families are so important.
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Funkychicken]

It really seems like this is something that was suppossed to happen. If you hadn't posted you may have carried all those feelings and never moved past them. This way you both have an open ground in which to talk and discuss things. You may (:fingerscrossed: ) find you both get to know one another better and form a deeper relationship.

[Chickadee]

The family issues Sassymummy has referred to are being worked out within the family and the other bubhub member, and so I think this thread is best closed now.