Advice for the birth??

[Vienna]

Hi Dads! :wave:
I'm due to have a baby in six days, and my husband is very excited.

But I'm worried he's not going to be prepared to cope with the potential drama of labour.

He says "I'll be there" - but I don't know if just 'being there' (and not really knowing what is going on) will be enough.
As my only support person (my family and friends are in NZd), I really need him to help and support me through the birth, (keep me focused, massage, breathing, etc), but am I expecting too much of him??

He's never had anything to do with birth or babies before (as with most first time dads).
I've tried to warn him that it could be fairly distressing and full-on for him to see me in so much pain (we're going for a natural birth).
I've suggested he read up on it, but he says he'll just "go with the flow"...

Just wondering if any dads have any advice I could pass on to him to help make it an enjoyable experience for him?

Thanks!! :sunshine:

[Leisa21]

:wave: I'm not a Dad but my hubby is a member on here and I'll send him on after dinner :) He did read a lot during my pregnancy (probably more than me) I was really worried about him being there. But he was amazing!! I think he cried at one point because I was demanding and epi and mum and my midwife were saying its not what she really wants she's in transition. He felt torn I think because he didnt want to say give it to her because he knew I didnt want one but to see me in that kind of pain was distressing for him. But he snapped out of it and went on with the job. As I said I'll send him on because he was the one going through it and he'll be able to explain how he handled it :) Good luck.

[MetalTechHead]

First of all, it really depends on the bloke...

I think that, just like motherhood, fatherhood-liness (my invented word for the day) is something that sort of 'switches on' when it is 'Go Time!' as I call it..

Has he given you any reason to be worried?

Do not be too quick to jump to conclusions - it can be dangerous for relationships as that is an element of distrust and suggested inadequacy...

Sorry if that sounded harsh, but it wasn't meant to be..

Give him the chance to show you.

[DadinDecember]

Give him the chance to show you.

I like that phrase, i think it apply's to everything. Girls tend to look for instant answers, but sometimes it's not possible.

[yummymummy90]

Hi,

Just wanted to tell you that he will be fine when I went into labour with my first my other half was GREAT he new nothing about having babies we never went to any classes not to mention that he is a young dad he new nothing lol (worked alot). I think that it will come to him in the moment and he will support you all the way and when he holds bubba in his arms for the first time he will think its the greatest thing on earth.

Ps. Just remember its alright to scream and call names out, pull his hair its all good lol. The best thing is to get him to rub your lower back its great when in labour.:smiliedance:

[Seacretsquirrel]

Sorry to butt in but thought I would share.

My other half was great too (but I had my mum too for justin) He was really worried about all the blood and stuff (was affraid he'd pass out) and really didn't want to cut the cord. I ended up borrowing the DVD "Being Dad" from the library (I worked there so I requested it as we didn't have it - but please make the request if your local library doen't have it and they will look into getting it) It was great full of useful honest opinion from dads (and beer drinking :yelclap:) he actually sat and watched the whole thing and found it useful.
On the day he was so great he even looked when DD was crowning - this from someone who was threatening to be in the bak of the ute in the carpark drinking beer with my dad - He didn't cut the cord and doesn't regret it (mum got to cut it and was so honoured).
I just went with the flow and told him (little white lie) there was no pressure I wanted him there but if he couldn't stand it he could bail (either stay up the head end or away from the bed a bit or out of the room) and in the end it was no issue.
Good luck with your birth and I am sure he will be there to support you.

oh and the best piece of advice tell him to only give you TWO fingers to hold on to when in labour as you can't do too much damage to two as aposed (sp) to a whole hand.

[bluey]

Not a dad here either, but my hubbie coped really well. His biggest tip for your hubby would be take off his wedding ring, I nearly smashed it into his hand by squeezing it so tight with my first labour lol!!! Every birth since, the first thing he did walking into the labour ward was take his ring off :)

All men are different and what one copes with another doesn't. My BIL was next to useless, asking my sis if she wanted more oj, whilst she was in agony but otherwise he coped well and he is petrified of needles himself.

[MetalTechHead]

I still laugh uproariously when I recall the pain my sister put my bro-in-law through...

BIL: "Just breathe, honey!"
Sis: "*expletive deleted*"
BIL: "It's okay, I'm here"

At this point the bro in law found a metal kidney dish making a beeline for between his eyes - with no time to react..Long story short - he woin't forget that birthing any time soon..

[FarmerBlog]

Coming from a dad that did alot of reading/research, classes and all the doctor appointments. As a new dad you can never be prepared for labour...

We had a birth plan that we worked out together, but 20 hours that was thrown out and then 22 hours later we had a wonderful son :thumbsup:

All you can do is support your wife/partner during labour