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kas3
20-07-2008, 16:43
I'm 30 weeks pregnant and I'm not coping at all. Life feels very hard. I'm becoming more and more despondent. Depressed, teary. Quick to anger.

I'm terrified of natural birth. The thought of it makes me cry. No matter how many positive stories I hear, all I can focus on is the bad ones. Birth feels very dangerous. (My mum and I nearly died when she had me - my gp thinks my fear stems from this.)

I would very much like a caesarian - my ob has said he will support whatever I choose. But everyone I have spoken to in real life, including my DH, thinks I should try natural.

I'm so scared that things will go bad for me. I'm concerned about possible aftereffects - stitches, incontinence, ongoing pain, prolapse - more than the birth itself.

I really don't think I could cope with these things. Weirdly enough, the recovery from a caesar doesn't scare me. I know it's abdominal surgery, but I really think I would handle this kind of pain a whole lot better than something going wrong with my private parts.

I've always had problems "down there". When I was a child, I had heaps of problems and doctors prodding me etc. I even had to go to an gyno at 3. (Turns out I was short of oestrogen which is why peeing hurt etc.) As an adult, I've had recurring UTDs. And I hate pap smears. My first came back abnormal and I had to have a coloscopy (sp?).

I'm scared I will resent my son and my husband if I'm damaged by a natural birth. I've told DH this, but he thinks I'm being silly. I've also warned him that I may leave him and our son if things go bad and I can't cope. He doesn't think I would do this - I'm not like that apparently.

I want to be a mum, but maybe I'm just not meant to be. I'm so focused on getting the baby out, I can't even think about what's going to happen when the baby is here. It's even got to the point where I comfort myself by pretending I'm not pregnant, just to give my mind a rest.

I don't know how I'm going to get through these next 8-10 weeks. I feel like I'm cracking up. Any advice you can give me would be most appreciated.

drshari
21-07-2008, 19:27
Dear kas3
Thank you for your post. What you have described, your fear of childbirth, is not entirely uncommon. In fact there is a whole industry of childbirth education that has arisen to address just the issues you have raised.
The other part of your message is about ante-natal depression, again a relatively common occurrence (so as it turns out you are not completely abnormal by any means!) :).
The BirthSkills program addresses both of these issues, which both deserve more attention than a quick reply can address. If you like the sound of what you see on the website www.birthskills.com.au please email me directly and I would be very happy to help you. Alternately, seek out a psychologist you has experience dealing with antenatal depression and book in for a c-section - the option is out there for a reason!
I hope to hear from you - shari@birthskills.com.au
best wishes
Shari :hugs: