Grumble about unwanted advice

[genegeenie]

Ok. Just have to vent.

My mother has just stayed (again) and seems to take it personally that we choose not to CC, to b-feed whenever he wants (16mths) and to settle him to sleep.

He is a light sleeper and I feel like she is purposely banging about in defiance of our quietness. I know she is off talking to the rest of the family about it as they all make comments...

My partner's sister is also determined to sell us the virtues of CC. Its falling on deaf ears but I am about to lose it. Who are these people to dish out unwanted advice? Why does it make me so annoyed? Is it just that i am a little tired and moody for pregancy #2?

GRRR.

[Mummaholic]

We use CC ourselves, but the fact is that it is your child! Therefore completely up to you how you feed and settle him. I know how frustrating this *apparently* "well intentioned" unwanted advice can be and I just wanted to give you hugs.

You know your child better than anyone so know what suits him. I have found that saying, "thanks but we do it this way, as it works for us" doesn't stop the criticism althogether but they know you are right so will be mercifully quiet for a few precious moments with raised eyebrows. These people are usually certain they are 'right' because their childen survived, didn't they? LOL.

I can't stand it when people yell and slam doors, talk loudly near my sleeping DS and if I ask them to quieten down, tell me he should get used to it. Um, I wouldn't be able to sleep through that either!

[Sunnygal]

I have the same prob with my parents and in-laws! Its so annoying and always makes me doubt my abilities as a mum! I also comfort my kids to sleep and (oh my gosh) breastfeeding my 8mth old! (Yes my mum thinks I should stop - seriously!)
I just ignore it the best I can, and try not to let it get to me...
Sorry don't have any advise just to say you are not alone!

[Laksa]

my MIL is the same. pffft to her!

MY BABY MY BUSINESS.

if she starts up again when this baby comes, i am seriously going to have a go! look out!!!!

:laughing:

[MummaBear03]

I had the same problem with the CHN. She eventually got fired when she gave me formula and really pushed it onto me when breastfeeding was going so well and there was nothing wrong with my baby! She was 4 months old and crawling up on hands and knees quite fast and into everything, how could my milk possibly have been bad! And as for the lack of CC use :rolleyes: she was so happy and settled, she obviously wasn't suffering any ill-effects from going to sleep on the boob and only having 10 minute cat naps in my arms and on the boob. It was only the 2 of us living together, so who would it have been a problem for? Certainly not the 2 of us, seemed the CHN had the problem. She also told me off about using cloth and making more work for myself, I told her that until I bring the nappies in for her to fold, it's not her problem to worry about how much I have to do.

I don't know why people do it. Maybe because they feel bad for having done it themselves and think that if everyone else does it like they did then it makes it ok?

[Leisa21]

I have the same issues with my MIL well not anymore I have nothing to do with her now:D. I think its that people use things that worked for them and made their life easier so they think you're silly to do things that to them look harder. I've just learnt to humour them by saying oh thats great advice I'll give it ago and think nothing more of it!

[chococat]

Geez, i really dont know how i would deal with that. I have no family here , which is good in that fact that noone questions my choices. But i do know what you mean, we co slept for the first 6 weeks, and when i mentioned that to people i got " Geez you wanna put a stop to that, you will never get her out" or " Really?? Why are you doing that??" Coz she is a tiny baby that needs her mummy that's why.!!!

Maybe just tell her that you have heard her opinion, but are choosing to do it your way, and that you dont appreciate her talking to other family members about your choices. You dont question their choices, then finish up with " it is all about respecting the choices that I make, as i respect the choices that other parents make"

Did that make sense or am i just rambling. It would really peeve me off to her my mum go on and on about it, or deliberatly try and sabotage the peace and quiet in your home.

[~Bec~]

Two things I've learnt since becoming a parent:

1. There is a large group of people out there who apparently are experts on raising your children and like to tell you so at every opportunity.

2. (I got this from talking to my Mum.) No matter what you do, when your children get older they will tell you that you did it wrong. :rolleyes:

[genegeenie]

Thanks ladies. I dont feel so grumpy now she has been gone a while.

It just gets under my skin, even though I feel ok doing it our way and dont want to change... its just bizarre that people dish out advice on parenting so freely.

Have tried to explain where I am coming from but she says things like 'it will come down to a battle of wills' and 'its a modern world' (when I talk about co-sleeping being natural and the norm in lots of communities).

SIL even said 'he is controlling you'... give me a break!!

xx

[Sunnygal]

I get that 'you're letting him control you too' Thats so annoying!! It would be controlling if it wasn't something I wanted to do, not if its something I enjoy doing!

[SuperGranny]

hello, im sorry to say this, and i really dont do it myself, but if you look under thirty and you are pushing a pram, some one will want to tell you something about your baby. If you have a mother or a mother in law, close by, at any time of day or night, they will want to tell you something about your baby. I dont know if this is an instinct, or just some queer thing that women do. What ever you are doing it will be right or wrong depending on who is speaking at the time. You just have to make your own choices, and go with what works for you and your baby, try to practise saying, 'thanks for that advice, I'll give it a try" and then go ahead with your own plans. Love and hugs,Marie.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

Any persistent unwanted advice is irritating.
My mother does it too, but less often now.

Maybe you really need to be upfront with them with an "I am happy it works for you but I won't do that, I am choosing my own way and am not trying to change you to be like me am I?"

They may REALLY need some sort of push to stop it.

It does eventually start making you feel like an incompetent parent, which you are not!

Oh, and joshcamgrandma, I am WAY under 30 but nobody says boo to me. WooHoo!

[susiehomemaker]

Geez people are so damned annoying! Why cant they respect your wishes as a parent and not take it as a personal insult towards the way they parented you? Mum & I had a fight over giving Laura juice ffs..... "it didnt do you any harm!"
I don't know why people cant just step back and allow people to parent the way they want to... ((((hugs))))

[JATS]

Doesn't matter what you do there will be those who agree and those who disagree, and there will be those who feel the need to butt in.

I have found the ones who butt in are always the same people too, even if you do the 'right' thing according to their school of thought they will find something to complain about.

I've found it annoys them no end to just smile and say I'll stick to what works for us thanks. :wave: