Just started fertility treatment

[princess]

Hi my name is deborah and I am new to this site. I just wanted to touch base with anyone else out there who can assure me that what I am experiencing is normal.
My husband and I have not been using contraception for nearly 3 years but I guess that we have really only been putting in an effort for 2 years, that is timing using temp, mucus test and counting the cycle. (Anyone else thought that having kids would be the easiest thing in the world?) Well finally we went to see the specialist and after a few tests here we are on our first course of clomid.
I am having a hard time coming to terms with having to start fertility treatment (that old "it should come naturally" adage again). But the biggest thing that I would like to know, is it normal to have constant thoughts about getting pregnant or having children? It seems that I am obsessed with it. It is so distracting - I find that I cannot work to my fullest capacity, I am always tired and just truly don't "care" beyond the immediate realms of whether I am going to get pregnant. I look at others with children and have envious thoughts.
At least I have stopped crying 24/7 for this month anyway.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to "control" these wandering thoughts? Is it normal?
I feel that I am on my own in this (besides my darling "rock" of a husband). I feel the only other person who I can talk to is my girlfriend who lives 1100km away - and even then I feel that I shouldn't burden her with my issues.
I have had advice from my mother (and other avenues) to give up work, start slowing down my lifestyle, relax etc etc etc. I am at my wits end knowing what to do?
I do have a very busy life but I really enjoy it and still manage to have time to spend with my husband. I meditate, I am having acupuncture - what else can I do? What am I doing wrong? I think that is basically the problem. I am suffering from low self esteem from this whole fertility treatment stuff. Surely it is normal to feel like this.....
I realise that I am not as worse off as other women. And I am very grateful for what I do have but sometimes it is hard to get past the "I haven't had a baby yet".
Oh well, I don't expect anyone to reply and I apologise for using this forum as a "vent" but boy do I feel better getting it out and rereading it myself. It has put it in perspective a little (until the hormones take that down turn trip again)
Thank you for having a forum like this!

[H&B'sMum]

Vent away Deborah, that's what we are here for. I kinda understand what you are going through. We tried for over a year to conceive Harry and I tried a Herbal Tonic before we were off to the specialist. Thankfully this worked and my 14 month old son is proof of this. Have you tried alternative therpies, like a Herbalist or Homopathy?

I had the same thoughts and obsessive behaviours. I couldn't see another pregnant woman without having horrible thoughts and huge pangs of jealousy, it was really hard at times. I would surf the net consently looking for the lastest research and seeing if there was anything else I could do.
I hated being told to relaxe and hated being told 'it will happen when it's suppose to', it didn't help me become pregnant and I was usually told that stuff from woman who were already pregnant or had children. It was fine for them they had what I wanted.

All I can say is keep on the clomid. It does work. And try to stay positive and I hope you get your BFP really soon.

[draught]

Hi deborah
I too had to use clomid to fall pregnant with my first baby, and was eternally frustrated by people who would say "just relax and don't think about it and it will happen" - yeah right!! I felt like a failure, I had to avoid people with babies as I got really upset, and it started to destroy our marriage. Of course, just to prove everyone right, we finally did get pregnant after we decided to take a break from the treatment as it was causing so much stress for us. I got pregnant the day we told the doctor we were taking a three month break - typical isn't it?!

I have no words of wisdom other than to say that it is worth it all, you are not alone, and of course you are thinking about it all the time - it is something that is really important to you. Rather than feeling a failure I decided in the end to be happy that we live in a time when there is help for us, so we don't have to go through life without the opportunity to be parents. And it doesn't matter how you get them - babies are still very special.

I wish you lots of luck and happiness :p . And if you need to vent or ask questions or to not feel alone, this forum is a great place to do it.

[princess]

Thank you very much Theresa and Karena,
Your words are appreciated.
Have visited an acupuncturist who has prescribed an overall naturopathic review of diet etc and also some yucky herbs. AM using the holistic approach theory - use herbs, acupuncture, healthy lifestyle and clomid.
Good news yesterday though, bloods are showing that I am either ovulating or close enough too it. So yehah! That would explain the "high" compared to last week. Life doesn't look too bad. Although very reluctant to have the forethought of pregnancy. Don't want to let myself be let down if things don't eventuate this month. But still the thoughts wonder. I wonder how I ever manage to get my work load finished each day with so many distracting thoughts.
Oh well, at least I know I am not crazy or alone. Thanks for reminding me I am not the only one going through this....

[cath]

Hi Deborah,
you are definitely normal. I too became quite obsessed with getting pregnant and felt like I was going a bit insane (took as a year with a miscarriage along the way). It was all I could think about and even though I tried to focus on other things and enjoy myself when I went out with friends like I used to my mind was always not quite there because I was deep down really miserable because I wasn't pregnant. I don't know what the answer is to controlling the wandering thoughts - it is very hard. I ended up quitting my job after I broke down into a hysterical mess after I wasn't pregnant again and it had been a year since we had started trying. My husband was fantastic and encouraged me to have a month off and focus on myself a bit and do things that I would enjoy. I stopped work and started walking our dogs every morning and then shopping for fresh food and cooking new recipes everyday (I love cooking) and I started to feel so much better. I completely relaxed once I wasn't at work and even found I didn't think about getting pregnant as much (was really happy with my life as it was for once) and within a week of leaving work I was pregnant (which I didn't expect and was so suprised by). I too was about to go on Clomid because I was diagnosed with PCOS and had crazy irregular cycles but by some miracle I was already pregnant the day I was being given the script.
Best of luck. I know 2 people who have become pregnant on their second round of Clomid. It will happen for you. Look after yourself and know that you are not alone. Feel free to vent here anytime you need.

Cath

[princess]

Thanks for your words Cath.
It is so hard for me....I am usually such an in control of myself person. I cannot believe how distracted I am by all of this. I feel that I have had my choices ripped away. Lost control of my body??? Obviously though I never had control in the first place. (Geez listen to me - and this is the best I have felt for a while???)
It is such a challenge to focus my thoughts on the "here and now" and concentrate on the tasks at hand. I have lost sight of the "career" goals and sometimes even the daily tasks. Last night was probably the first time I have used the washing machine for a few weeks. Thank goodness my DH is so patient, understanding and just a gem of a man. (Think I might keep him). The next 8 days will be so long.

Does anyone know is it normal for a woman who is on a 29 day cycle to ovulate around day 19/20?

I have gone from being a 32 day cycle to a 29 cycle. And when we initially started seeing the specialist, he did say that I would probably be ovulating around day 18 but since then my cycle has changed to a 29 day cycle.

Cheers
Deborah :confused:

[draught]

Not sure if I can help on the cycle question - I was having a 35 day cycle on clomid and ovulated on day 20/21 - it seems to differ for everyone.
Be strong, and be nice to yourself. If you can, have a facial or a massage, or go out somewhere nice for dinner with DH (he probably deserves and needs it too!!)

[BROWNY]

Deborah, l just wanted to wish you all the very best of luck with your treatment.

l too have always been in control of my life and l hate the fact that l have no control over this! l try to keep myself busy at work and keep my mind off things - but it doesn't work, l'm constantly counting the days etc..

l'm going through IVF at the moment and there have been many occassions where l have cried constantly! l sometimes even find it hard to go to a shopping centre where all you see is mums and their children. l now even hate celebrating my birthday - it now means another year older(as always) , another year has passed without falling pregnant, each year l seem to say 'this time next year......' l love my husband and we have a great life together but we desperately want to have a child of our own.

My mum always says 'a problem shared is a problem halved' l only wish that was true! l don't think anyone really understands, unless they have been through it themselves.

Chin up - l'm sure our dreams will come true !

[Bec@Brisbane]

Hi guys
Just a note re OV. I underwent inferilty treatment both pregnancies and my o&g said you always ovulate 14 days before you get your period. So if you are a 29 day cycle you would ovulate on day 15. I hope this helps

Bec :)

[jori]

Hi Deborah. i to had the same thoughts as you. it took my husband and i a year and a half to conceive our little boy. everybody kept telling me to forget about it as it will happen. it consumed all my thoughts 24/7. everybody kept saying relax. in the end i had a bad accident where i broke both my legs and two weeks later i fell pregnant. i tell you i wasnt very relaxed at that point. its a running joke that i fell because i couldnt run away from my husband. we are trying for number two now and we are hoping it wont take so long or such drastic measures. anyway what i am trying to say is my heart is with you because i understand how hard it is. just be there for each other and keep on loving each other and most of all dont give up.

[Leisha]

I can relate to all of you who have replied....(Everyone kept telling me that it will happen when the time is right and I always swore I was going to deck the next person who told me that!!) It took us 7 years (5 of really trying) to fall pregnant with my little boy.... It was only in May last year that a doctor diagnosed PCOS and decided to put me on clomid - I fell pregnant on the first cycle.

Deborah - keep your chin up and just hang in there.... I pray your dream will come true just as all of ours has.

[princess]

Thanks Glenda,
Wow that was pretty drastic to break your legs just to get pregnant but hey if it works....unfortunately bone breaking pain is not my area. I broke my foot once and boy it was yuck.
Best of luck with number 2. I would say "break a leg" but its probably not appropriate in your case so cheers to a BFP soon Glenda.

Leisha Thanks for your words of confidence too. It has been a relief to find some wonderful websites and forums like this to help. I have also started my own little diary which has allowed me to really come to terms with my emotions etc. AF has paid a visit so it looks like I'm off onto my second round of clomid. Have to call the specialist today. I am actually feel okay with it at the moment, strangely enough. I was kinda expecting to be really upset if I did get AF this month. Maybe I am coming to terms with things....and my DH has been the most wonderful support I could have.

Best Wishes
Deborah

[IAdoreYou]

Deborah - YOU SOUND just like I was. I can so sympathise with you on all levels .. with regards to ovulating, don't GO buy the books or temps .. in the end we did IUI with my partners sperm .. I don't know if you know about IUI .. its a simple procedure that gets sperm right up into the cervix and my eggs just drop down naturally and its up to nature to fertilise and implant .. that worked for us 1st go after 2.5 years of tears , temps, clomid, profasi, charts, test, naturopaths, vitamins, exercise, legs in the air, a Salpi ( procedure to make sure my tubes were open ) and everyday sex .. YOU NAME it we tried IT!

All my blood work came back fine, my hubbie had good sperm .. so we decided to go see a Dr De Ambrosis ( OUR angel ) a fertility specialisit as I had enough!
He pretty much said lets try IUI and I did Clomid and gonal-f and got blood tests done daily to pinpoint ovulation and then was inseminated with Dh's sperm on the day he told us it was happening .. 1st go we fell pregnant and I sadly miscarried at 9 weeks though with a blighted Ovum an empty sac .. I was so sad though happy it ACTUALLY happened ..
2nd IUI - bfn *sigh*
3rd IUI - Success ... and look at me now - 36 weeks pregnant and having a baby girl!

All I can say is .. sometimes it is OUT of our control .. have you been to see a fertility specialist ?

If you live in Brisbane - I highly recommend My Dr.

He was EXCELLENT!

((((Hugs)))) good luck - IUI is so easy to do .. the injections can be a little rough, though so WORTH it!

Lisa.

[princess]

Wow Lisa,
Congradulations on your pregnancy. It must have been a relief when you did fall pregnant to at least know that you can....although very very sad about losing it. DH and I talk about all kinds of scenarios....I think we would be very upset if that happened (but relieved to know that we can at least fall).

DH and I are seeing Dr Salisbury (at the Mater). He is really cool and seems to fit us well. I think he has a similar humour to us (its the only way I have managed to get through the days - my DH is a marvel with keeping me laughing) and I think Dr Salisbury really empathises with us and is very patient with my silly questions.

We started with all the usual test, sperm count, tubal patency, ovulation etc. All normal - it would have been easier if he found a problem. Now the little white pills.

Dr Salisbury wanted us to try 3 months on Clomid and monitored ovulation with "natural" conception (not that I call him calling up and telling us to "go for it" a natural conception - but its hilarious trying to keep the mood).
If that is not successful we will be going on to IUI. Personally, in hindsight, maybe we should have gone straight to that (due to possible side affects of "hostile" cervical mucus). Oh well - it might need to be a consideration earlier then 3 months but then only another 2 rounds to go (I have just started my 2 course)

I have also been seeing an acupuncturist and on herbs and changed my diet (not that it was bad in the first place) - but have cut out most process foods and mainly eat only a fresh fruit, vegetable and extremely balanced diet. It is amazing what you read about food and how it can interfer with fertility. But I have always said you read into things what you want to take out.

Its all about the journey....lets hope mine is short like yours. I feel extremely happy for you and very hopeful after reading your story that soon I will get a BFP.

Thanks for your inspirational reply. Best of luck for July.

Deborah

[Sonja]

I too found myself in a position where pregnancy was not going to happen for us naturally. My husband and I decided to start trying for a baby when we first moved to Melbourne after a very difficult few years in another city. He went through a phase of not wanting children which devastated me as although I didn't want them then and there I knew they would be part of my future. After a time we decided to move cities and once he was happy, he realised that he did want a family (phew). Imagine my frustration to learn after 12 months of trying that due to a low sperm count it just wasn't going to happen for us without IVF (ICSI). It is very hard when you have friends or family with children. One of my closest friends could not stop talking about her daughter - I just had to withdraw from our friendship for a while until she came to realise that it was a very painful time for me and learned to shut her trap. But another friend put a great spin on the whole situation - apparently in some cultures holdling other people's children / babies increases the chances of pregnancy.

I am now pregnant and due in August. My advice to you Deborah is to not lose perspective - I remained busy at work and socially and didn't make infertility and conceiving the main focus of my life. If it did never happen then I did not want to find myself in a place where I had given up everything for something that I wasn't going to have. Yes it is hard but every parent has challenges. My sister-in-law has an autistic son and my sister's child was born very premature. I guess we face our issues early.