Recommendations please.... PLEASE?

[Ashleigh<3]

We've got a wild one on our hands, she has inherited my famous melodramatic, stubborn temperament and we're struggling.

My Parents are really no help with their advice, instead they're laughing which I suppose is warranted after the hell I put them through.
:p

DD is Two in early October so this makes her 22 Months old.

Our main concerns are:

Screaming, in a profuse manner if something does not go her way. (Always in the early hours of the morning- does not want to go to bed).

We had a neighbor come running over the other night knocking on our door because she was that concerned about our daughters screams she thought she needed medical attention. (Nice to know we have concerned neighbors).

Another neighbor who ran over and banged on our door a few times, simply a knock and run to get our attention.

I understand the total annoyance of a young toddlers screams but please, we do not know what to do other then what we are already doing which, obviously isn't helping.

When she has these screaming fits, I bring her close to me and I try to reason with her in a calm, quiet manner. Now there have been times where I've lost my cool and I've said to her sternly! "Chloe- be quiet! Do not scream."
Lot of good that did me. I've only shown her that it bothers me. On other occasions I've been left with no choice but to bribe her- yes I do feel guilty about it but eh, I can't erase my steps.

We simply cannot ignore a screaming child, what else can we do? We can't cover he mouth when she screams, I'm sure if our neighbors heard us covering up her screams they'd be JUST as concerned.

I think they think we're harming her which is totally not happening, we are loving, attentive parents who do all that we can to nurture and care for our daughter.

I just hate knowing that we are now on these terms. WHO knows what their thinking. :(
I seriously wouldn't be surprised if DOCS showed up, If that happens, clearly they will see that the environment she's in is safe, clean, comfortable and that the mere problem of these screams, is frustration- I'm not worried about my daughter being taken away because there is absolutely no cause for concern.

My Mother suggests I bake a huge batch of cupcakes and serenade our neighbors with the cupcakes along with an apology and explanation. But, eh, I don't think I need to do that to be honest. A part of me really wants to approach the neighbors and let them know that she's going through a stage and that we're working on it, but then the other part of me feels like I do not need to justify our life story... iykwim?

I'm losing it anyhow, totally open to all suggestions, oh and criticism, if there be any at all. Sometimes you need a good kick up the butt to help get back into gear, so please, kick my butt....:hugs:

[neostudded]

Toddlers can be so difficult, it is just her age really.
Sounds like such a difficult situation, but yeah, toddlers can go from happy to distraught and a screaming mess within a few seconds.:hugs::hugs:

I dont have any advice other then take each day as it comes.

[Areca]

Ignore her completely. When she starts just get up, walk away, and pretend like she doesn't exist (just watch her iut of the corner of your eye so she doesn't hurt herself but don't let her see you doing that) until she calms down. She'll probably get worse before she gets better (as she tries out other ways to grab your attention during the screaming fits) but it will work. If your parents are going to laugh, tell them they must do it in another room.
DD1 did this and everything we tried made it worse. She would scream for up to 3 hours. I started completely ignoring her and she started calming herself down within 5 minutes. Once she was calm I'd then go and talk to her (would explain why she couldn't have what she wanted or whatever it was that caused the screaming match). These days she only does it when she's extremely overtired.

You said you can't ignore a screaming child, but you can. When DD1 was going through it I spoke to our paed about her and ended up getting first step parenting (a program that helps parents when they don't know what to do with their child) and even though I'd figured out the ignoring thing before they came to visit that was what they recommend.

If we were out in public I'd strap her in the pram, not look at anyone and go about my business, and complete ignore my child who sounded like she'd start frothing at the mouth any second.

To top it off DD1 used to scream out 'ow, ow, ow' repeatedly while screaming. I'm positive my eighbour thinks I abuse my daughter.

[punkbaby]

Ignore her completely. When she starts just get up, walk away, and pretend like she doesn't exist (just watch her iut of the corner of your eye so she doesn't hurt herself but don't let her see you doing that) until she calms down. She'll probably get worse before she gets better (as she tries out other ways to grab your attention during the screaming fits) but it will work. If your parents are going to laugh, tell them they must do it in another room.

:iagree:

I feel your pain though my now 3.5 year old does it and i am at wits end. I have resorted to ignoring her now too, if she winges or cracks it i just say when your ready. Slowly its working but i still pull my hair out. She is so naughty and its so embarrassing when she does it but i just hold my head high do what i have to do and tell her that when shes ready to talk to me i will listen.

I have tried the punishment thing, that didnt work, i tried the stern talking too back (no raised voices just firm nasty mummy voice) that didnt work, i yelled back one day :( that made it worse.

As for your neighbours, i have one neighbour who knows all about dd shes great we were chatting out the front and i was talking about her behaviour and she was most supportive, her kids had done the same so she could relate.

I wouldnt go serenading them with cupcakes but maybe if you see them out just have a chat to them tell them whats going on, they dont need the full story, then again you dont have to justify things :) Your parents sound like my mum, mum didnt realise how dad dd was till she had a hissy in front of her, mum used to laugh it off but now she knows that its a serious sort of thing and to be firm with her too.

Good luck with her :hugs:

[Lastcenturymum]

Oh hun. I feel your pain. Your parents are way out of line and should be offering help and support.:shame:

I think punkbaby has about the best advice. I can't recall from when ours where that age, that just wasn't acceptable behaviour and they didn't scream (much, or I forget!) They need to know it's not acceptable and know there are consequences. It probably depends how you react to it - if you raise your voice (and I don't blame you!) it only feeds their screaming. Is it a tantrum? I guess at 22 months it is and I think that is why ignoring that behaviour works bettter.

Just be consistent in what you do and if you carry out a threat (boundaries) make sure you carry it out. I have some good parenting books that worked for us, but they are back home.

Oh and if your neighbours have had or got kids, ask them how they dealt with such stuff. And if they sniff and say their kids never did it, they are lying ;)

Hang in there hun.

[Missy75]

I can totally understand how you're feeling. My DD was a shocker at 2 and 3 years old. I carried her home from a restaurant once under my arm like a football, her kicking, hitting, screaming her head off, through a busy beach side suburb. :o

You said in your op that she inherited it from you. I can see now that DD actually learned it from me. Not that I was throwing tantrums and screaming like a child, but she learned that if she didn't do what I asked, I would get cranky, raise my voice, threaten punishement. So when she didn't get what she wanted she learned to get cranky and it just escalates from there. Also, I underestimated children's ability to sense energy - when she was getting upset, I would get tense in the fear of a tantrum and she could feel my tension and her anger would feed off that. Sounds like a bit of 'hocus pocus' but it's really true. I've got a 2 year old DS now and I'm trying to remember to keep a calm energy (not just pretend) so that he can stay calm and we can talk about whatever his problem is. It's something that I'm still learning.

:hugs: I hope it's a very short phase for you all.

[Ashleigh<3]

Thank you for all the advice ladies.


Ignore her completely. When she starts just get up, walk away, and pretend like she doesn't exist (just watch her iut of the corner of your eye so she doesn't hurt herself but don't let her see you doing that) until she calms down.We definitely do try this. But you see, she doesn't calm down. The longest screaming fit we've ignored was about 20 minutes. :dizzy:
She spent most of that time kicking and head-butting walls/door's. Angrily wiping things off surfaces. Throwing things across the room, tipping her drink out on purpose, she does all these things to get our attention so if we continue to ignore her, the house will be ruined.

As for my Parents, they have some theories, they think I should just keep giving her what she wants until she stops- it works but it's wrong. It's spoiling her and she is not learning anything positive from it.


Is it a tantrum? I guess at 22 months it is and I think that is why ignoring that behaviour works bettter.It's a real hissy fit, if things don't go her way- Screaming is her way of whining about it.


My DD was a shocker at 2 and 3 years old. I carried her home from a restaurant once under my arm like a football, her kicking, hitting, screaming her head off, through a busy beach side suburb. :o We have to resort to this when in public.
We are waiting for the day where we can go out in public and not have to worry about her going loco but that is asking a bit much.

If we're at a restaurant, she'll want to grab the food when it's too hot, so we try to show her that we're blowing on it to cool it down but she goes completely feral and shoots across the table, grabs it and burns her mouth then screams because of it.
If we do keep her away from the hot food, she'll scream because of that.
Trying to reason with her by giving her other foods only ****es her off because she doesn't like to be singled out, she wants what everyone else is having- fair enough. BLEGH!

I definitely do think it's my fault that she behaves like this, far from denial.
I have thrown hissy fits in front of her. I don't scream but in the past my Dad and I would argue/yell at each other, in front of her and it's totally my fault for subjecting her to that.

Now it's working on how to reverse it.

[sunnyflower]

Try the book 123 Magic.It's really good!!

[Myztik]

It's hard but I've found ignoring it is the only way to go, no matter how long they carry on for. DS2 is very similar atm, he'll swipe things off tables, benches etc as he stomps past, throw anything he can get his hands on and slaps my legs al; the while screaming at me to do this or 'gimme that' etc :rolleyes: It's no fun. I generally pick him up and place him somewhere where he cant destroy anything and walk away (usually his bedroom with a baby gate in the doorway). If he stops yelling I go back and ask if he's going to speak to mummy nicely now and if the yelling starts again he goes back to his room.

It's a work in progress but it's slowly starting to help.

[Ashleigh<3]

It's hard but I've found ignoring it is the only way to go, no matter how long they carry on for. DS2 is very similar atm, he'll swipe things off tables, benches etc as he stomps past, throw anything he can get his hands on and slaps my legs al; the while screaming at me to do this or 'gimme that' etc :rolleyes: It's no fun. I generally pick him up and place him somewhere where he cant destroy anything and walk away (usually his bedroom with a baby gate in the doorway). If he stops yelling I go back and ask if he's going to speak to mummy nicely now and if the yelling starts again he goes back to his room.

It's a work in progress but it's slowly starting to help.


Thanks for the advice. We do have a baby gate and it's saved us quite a few times.

I am hoping she gets over this screamer-phase, time will tell.

[NewBeginnings]

OMG Ash! I could have sworn you were talking about my son then! :eek: Dead set... everything you have written.... from the none stop screaming to the spilling drinks on purpose and trashing the house.... OMG that is MY SON! :doh:

I have tried the playing on his emotions.... nothing.

I have tried to throw a tantrum back.... nothing.

I have tried time out and other forms of discipline similar..... nothing.

At times I have let rip :(.... well that didn't work either!

I have just started on the ignoring thing.... and to be honest now that I think about it... the times I force myself to COMPLETELY ignore it.... ie not saying a word to him the entire time.... it does actually work.... he settles a lot quicker than the times I try bribe him or calm him.

I too am waiting for the day DOCS comes to my door.... as my neighbour is literally a thin wall away from me... and the walls are paper thin.... because he is feral of late!

Seriously though.... your neighbours should understand toddlers... and that there is not a lot you can actually do about them for a while.... they just have to learn and outgrow it.

My GP caught a glimpse of my son's feral attitude the other day.... and he must have seen that I was about to start pulling my hair out,.... and he reassured me it is COMPLETELY NORMAL! and it is just a stage.... some never go through it, others outgrow it... and some faster than others... and some... well let's not go there! :laughing: but even he suggested the ignoring.

I just hope for both our sakes... it's something they outgrow.... and fast... so we can keep what hair and sanity we have left! :laughing::hugs:

[Myztik]

Oh yeah, the other thing I was going to say was stick a sign on the door that says "It's ok.. I have a 2yr old' lol.

[mummeeto2]

OMG Ash! I could have sworn you were talking about my son then! :eek: Dead set... everything you have written.... from the none stop screaming to the spilling drinks on purpose and trashing the house.... OMG that is MY SON! :doh:


Sounds just like my son too! There are times when he doesn't get his own way & starts screaming like I've just hurt him, problem is he's 5 feet away :laughing:. I've often wondered what the neighbours think.

Ignoring him seems to work the best, then talk to him when he's calmed down. He's starting to get better. He even walked away from a kid we thought he might hit at playgroup the other day, we were so proud of him :smiliedance:

It's hard for the kids cos they can't really recognise & deal with their emotions how we can, so tantrums are generally their first reaction which they can't really control

[Miriam]

My DD is nearly 15 months old and has already started throwing tantrums. I have been using the methods of Aletha Solter who is a child psychologist. She has an excellent website and her approach is very loving and gentle. :thumbsup:

[Missy75]

DS threw a huge tantrum a couple of months ago. I wanted to ignore him but I could feel my blood starting to boil. So I grabbed my ipod and and turned it up (probably too loud for my health) and just had an occasional glance out the corner of my eye at him. It really did help me to tune him out and stay calm, and he eventually calmed down on his own.

Myztik - Love the idea of the sign on the door. Wish I'd thought of that when we lived in a unit with DD as a toddler.

[indigoin0z]

Oh yeah, the other thing I was going to say was stick a sign on the door that says "It's ok.. I have a 2yr old' lol.

thats brilliant Myztik!!.. THANKU!! i have been worried about moving back to a neighbourhood again for this very reason... now when it happens soon I WILL BE DOING THIS.. as i am very anxious about upsetting others - :o

i agree with the others Ashleigh...
its all normal - so they say, but some are so much worse than others..
our #2 has been worst so far [he would even throw his headback so hard on the -carpet covered concrete- floor i would constantly be in my room in tears scared he was going to get a brain injury.. still to this day think he did..]
but we think #3 might be going to give him a run for the title...

good luck Ashleigh.. it sounds like you are doing a great job to me :yes:

[Ashleigh<3]

OMG Ash! I could have sworn you were talking about my son then! Dead set... everything you have written.... from the none stop screaming to the spilling drinks on purpose and trashing the house.... OMG that is MY SON! Our kids have always been too alike, I am starting to think the whole reason for them being here on earth is so they can conspire against us. :p

Maybe if we put them in the same room together they can see what one another looks like when they pull a tantrum- might make them think twice...


Oh yeah, the other thing I was going to say was stick a sign on the door that says "It's ok.. I have a 2yr old' lol.Such a good idea, thanks Myz! Definitely considering it. :)


Sounds just like my son too! There are times when he doesn't get his own way & starts screaming like I've just hurt him, problem is he's 5 feet away :laughing:. I've often wondered what the neighbours think. OMG she does this too. :eek:
She always says, "Ow ow owwww", too even if she hasn't hurt herself, it's just one of her expressions. Our neighbors are obviously worried.


our #2 has been worst so far [he would even throw his headback so hard on the -carpet covered concrete- floor i would constantly be in my room in tears scared he was going to get a brain injury.. still to this day think he did..]
I know what you mean Indigo, we have the same worries.
The only good thing about having main carpet living areas is for this very reason.
We learnt the hard way at my Parents home, all tiles.
We actually had to make a rule that if she was playing with something she shouldn't be, no one could take it away from her unless they had picked her up off of the floor because it was just too risky, she'd fling her head back in anger and literally smack it down so hard, you'd think it would kill her. :(
It's just so scary. *cringes*

Thank you for the advice ladies.
A friend recommended Omega3 kids chews.
She's been taking them for two weeks now and I guess we'll wait and see if they start helping with her behavior.
I'm not going to solely rely on them for curing her bad temperament but we will incorporate anything we can.

[Chickadee]

I didn't have a screamer (thank goodness!) but I can imagine how hard & frustrating it would be for you. You mentioned Omega3 - the other thing to look at is preservatives in her diet. When DD was 2.5 I switched bread brands & cut out fahita wraps and it made a huge difference to the number and severity of tantrums she was having. It certainly doesn't hurt to try it :thumbsup:

[Ashleigh<3]

I didn't have a screamer (thank goodness!) but I can imagine how hard & frustrating it would be for you. You mentioned Omega3 - the other thing to look at is preservatives in her diet. When DD was 2.5 I switched bread brands & cut out fahita wraps and it made a huge difference to the number and severity of tantrums she was having. It certainly doesn't hurt to try it :thumbsup:

Good tips Martha, thank you.

Her diet is fairly good, for most part of the week. There are a couple days out of the week where I'll let her have a naughty snack which is silly on my part because she's made it that far without eating something unhealthy- I shouldn't give in.

She has a lot of wholegrains- no white bread in this house, dried fruits and nuts. Diluted juice, water. She loves food.

I have to be careful with the word chocolate around this house... I guess if I buy dark chocolate I won't need to feel guilty.

[Myztik]

Sounds just like my son too! There are times when he doesn't get his own way & starts screaming like I've just hurt him, problem is he's 5 feet away :laughing:. I've often wondered what the neighbours think.

You'd love my 6yr old :rolleyes: I asked him to tidy his room up the other week so he bolts out the back door, climbs a tree and sits on a branch screaming blue bloody murder for like 45minutes :o Seriously he was screaming out things like "you just want to hurt me' and 'your going to try and kill me so I'm not getting down' :eek:

I ended up going and sitting out the front so the neighbours could see I wasn't doing anything :o Luckily they all seem to know that he's an extremely spirited, vocal little thing. :o

[susmamma]

Have you tried the thinking step?
It worked with Lola our then 15 month old who used to do the most high screamed pitch you have ever heard.
The worst was out in the supermarket... people used to have to cover their ears.

One week of the thinking step and it never happened again (well almost never ,....:yes::laughing:)

Frankly we used to let Ella scream (who is now 3)... and it was a nightmare. I once ingnored her (she was probs 2 at the time, for 45 minutes while she screamed her lungs out (why you ask? well she'd woken up from her nap and didnt want to be awake... :rolleyes:)
I dont think I could go through another child who yelled like that and so with Lola the thinking step was the perfect solution.

[Areca]

Thank you for all the advice ladies.

We definitely do try this. But you see, she doesn't calm down. The longest screaming fit we've ignored was about 20 minutes. :dizzy:
She spent most of that time kicking and head-butting walls/door's. Angrily wiping things off surfaces. Throwing things across the room, tipping her drink out on purpose, she does all these things to get our attention so if we continue to ignore her, the house will be ruined.

As for my Parents, they have some theories, they think I should just keep giving her what she wants until she stops- it works but it's wrong. It's spoiling her and she is not learning anything positive from it.

It's a real hissy fit, if things don't go her way- Screaming is her way of whining about it.

We have to resort to this when in public.
We are waiting for the day where we can go out in public and not have to worry about her going loco but that is asking a bit much.

If we're at a restaurant, she'll want to grab the food when it's too hot, so we try to show her that we're blowing on it to cool it down but she goes completely feral and shoots across the table, grabs it and burns her mouth then screams because of it.
If we do keep her away from the hot food, she'll scream because of that.
Trying to reason with her by giving her other foods only ****es her off because she doesn't like to be singled out, she wants what everyone else is having- fair enough. BLEGH!

I definitely do think it's my fault that she behaves like this, far from denial.
I have thrown hissy fits in front of her. I don't scream but in the past my Dad and I would argue/yell at each other, in front of her and it's totally my fault for subjecting her to that.

Now it's working on how to reverse it.


Ash, I've ignored DD1 for anywhere from over an hour to up to three hours in the past. She knows you give in to her so she keeps going and does what she needs to do to get your attention. Don't let her ruin your house. If DD1 throws something, I walk over, pick up what she threw and put it up high so she can't reach it. I just keep doing this. She would come and hit me and I would walk away. She has slammed her head in to walls etc. before too.
When a screaming fit comes on, just go around and pick up anything that she might use to destroy the house (drinks etc.) and ignore her.
When they realise that no matter what they do they aren't getting attention for it they will lessen the time they chuck the screaming fit for. DD1 only does it for 5 or 10 minutes now. If I'm at someone else's house, or at the shops or whatever I strap her in the pram and ignore her. I had to start taking the pram out with us for this purpose alone.
You need to be stern with your parent's. My parent's would hate listening to her (understandably) and would try and reason with her. I had to get all authorative on them and tell them that they were to either ignore her completely or they were to leave if they couldn't handle it. At the end of the day she's my daughter, and I'm her mother and they must respect that....regardless of whether they agree with my parenting choices or not (I later explained to them that I'm not doing anythnig wrong by ignoring her, I am not abusive, I'm not yelling at her or hitting her and I absolutely refuse to have a spoiled brat on my hands. I told them that they had to listen to me or they'd have t osee less of her while we got her under control).

[Ashleigh<3]

Have you tried the thinking step?
It worked with Lola our then 15 month old who used to do the most high screamed pitch you have ever heard.
The worst was out in the supermarket... people used to have to cover their ears.

One week of the thinking step and it never happened again (well almost never ,....:yes::laughing:)

Frankly we used to let Ella scream (who is now 3)... and it was a nightmare. I once ingnored her (she was probs 2 at the time, for 45 minutes while she screamed her lungs out (why you ask? well she'd woken up from her nap and didnt want to be awake... :rolleyes:)
I dont think I could go through another child who yelled like that and so with Lola the thinking step was the perfect solution.

I'm sure I'd get a lot of exercise with the thinking step.



Ash, I've ignored DD1 for anywhere from over an hour to up to three hours in the past. She knows you give in to her so she keeps going and does what she needs to do to get your attention. Don't let her ruin your house. If DD1 throws something, I walk over, pick up what she threw and put it up high so she can't reach it. I just keep doing this. She would come and hit me and I would walk away. She has slammed her head in to walls etc. before too.
When a screaming fit comes on, just go around and pick up anything that she might use to destroy the house (drinks etc.) and ignore her.
When they realise that no matter what they do they aren't getting attention for it they will lessen the time they chuck the screaming fit for. DD1 only does it for 5 or 10 minutes now. If I'm at someone else's house, or at the shops or whatever I strap her in the pram and ignore her. I had to start taking the pram out with us for this purpose alone.
You need to be stern with your parent's. My parent's would hate listening to her (understandably) and would try and reason with her. I had to get all authorative on them and tell them that they were to either ignore her completely or they were to leave if they couldn't handle it. At the end of the day she's my daughter, and I'm her mother and they must respect that....regardless of whether they agree with my parenting choices or not (I later explained to them that I'm not doing anythnig wrong by ignoring her, I am not abusive, I'm not yelling at her or hitting her and I absolutely refuse to have a spoiled brat on my hands. I told them that they had to listen to me or they'd have t osee less of her while we got her under control).

Thanks again for the advice, I read your post out to DF and we're going to try the hardcore ignoring out. :fingerscrossed: I'll keep you posted.

She had one screaming fit today, it was earlier when she was trying to unplug the vacuum cord from the wall, DF moved her away and she went psycho.:cool:

[susmamma]

I'm sure I'd get a lot of exercise with the thinking step.


yup - reckon i lost about 5 kilos running to put her back on it. back on it. back on it. back on it. back on it. back on it... etc/

but no more high pitched screaming!

[Areca]

Good luck Ash!!! The hardcore ignoring worked really well for us! We went from all day, every day being full on screaming matches ( she didn't even stop to take a breath some days!) to them being much less frequent and much easier to control.
These days I can actually reason with her (not give in to her, but be able to explain why things happened etc and offer an alternative that I am happy for her to do/have).

Now, I've just got to figure out how to get her to stop bashing up her sister! lol

[NewBeginnings]

Our kids have always been too alike, I am starting to think the whole reason for them being here on earth is so they can conspire against us. :p

Maybe if we put them in the same room together they can see what one another looks like when they pull a tantrum- might make them think twice...

oh can we :D can we :D can we :D! Dead set they are both very much alike aren't they! Too scary lol.

Double ACE I never thought about going as far as you do.... my DS will go room to room looking for something to trash.... I'll keep your tips in mind and see how we go...

and Myztik.... I feel so normal knowing my DS is not the only one who throws a tantrum after a nap because they don't want to be awake! :laughing:

Ahh kids hey! :p

[Ana Gram]

Ruby was a screamer. And she liked to head butt the floor or throw things. I basically did everything that Double Ace has mentioned. It can be very painful when you have to listen to the screaming for hours. The worst was out at the shops. I had a lot of errands to run, she didn't want to (would have been about 2ish) and screamed the entire time. It was a challenge in patience.

[Ashleigh<3]

and Myztik.... I feel so normal knowing my DS is not the only one who throws a tantrum after a nap because they don't want to be awake! :laughing:

This is us too.. :laughing:

She took a three hour nap earlier and it was a mission trying to wake her up.
Lots of kicking and whining. But.... then she saw her food on the table and all was okay.

[reAllytee]

Yep i agree with everyone else .... Sadly anywhere over an hour can be normal & even 3hrs yep normal :rolleyes:

It seems hard & horrible but you have to stand your ground because as DA said she knows you give in the harder & louder she screams so its going to take a hell of a lot now to break it.

That sounds terrible as though i mean break her spirit but thats not what i mean !

You need to show her how to handle herself a little better iykwim. Show her its ok to be angry, sad, mad, happy, calm, etc etc etc but she has to show it in another way rather than say screaming, throwing things or the likes iykwim.

You are basically helping her to understand her feelings etc because at this age they are frustrated that they cant communicate enough or talk well enough let alone rule the world. So when she starts her hissy fit get down to her level & say in a calm tone " Mummy understand that you want this or you want your own way but will not talk to you while you scream/ thrash etc " then walk away or another option is to move her somewhere safe that she cant do too much damage to the area or herself so you would add to that sentence that " you can stay here till you are ready to talk to Mummy ".

Does that make sense ?

With Boof the other thing we did was start teaching him about being angry, sad etc & showing him smilie faces with the appropriate emotion. Many get a lot out of a poster being up with these on so the kids can point to them to show their emotions iykwim.

Also dont be fooled by head banging ... They never hit themselves hard enough to do damage & yes it sounds awful etc but honestly they do know what they are doing ! They also learn real quick not to throw a tanty on tiles or the likes after a few goes of realising that hurts more ;)

[Ashleigh<3]

Yep i agree with everyone else .... Sadly anywhere over an hour can be normal & even 3hrs yep normal :rolleyes:

It seems hard & horrible but you have to stand your ground because as DA said she knows you give in the harder & louder she screams so its going to take a hell of a lot now to break it.

That sounds terrible as though i mean break her spirit but thats not what i mean !

You need to show her how to handle herself a little better iykwim. Show her its ok to be angry, sad, mad, happy, calm, etc etc etc but she has to show it in another way rather than say screaming, throwing things or the likes iykwim.

You are basically helping her to understand her feelings etc because at this age they are frustrated that they cant communicate enough or talk well enough let alone rule the world. So when she starts her hissy fit get down to her level & say in a calm tone " Mummy understand that you want this or you want your own way but will not talk to you while you scream/ thrash etc " then walk away or another option is to move her somewhere safe that she cant do too much damage to the area or herself so you would add to that sentence that " you can stay here till you are ready to talk to Mummy ".

Does that make sense ?

With Boof the other thing we did was start teaching him about being angry, sad etc & showing him smilie faces with the appropriate emotion. Many get a lot out of a poster being up with these on so the kids can point to them to show their emotions iykwim.

Also dont be fooled by head banging ... They never hit themselves hard enough to do damage & yes it sounds awful etc but honestly they do know what they are doing ! They also learn real quick not to throw a tanty on tiles or the likes after a few goes of realising that hurts more ;)

Thanks for all the great advice Chelle and Ally.

Taking it all in! ALL OF IT!

[Ana Gram]

Also dont be fooled by head banging ... They never hit themselves hard enough to do damage & yes it sounds awful etc but honestly they do know what they are doing ! They also learn real quick not to throw a tanty on tiles or the likes after a few goes of realising that hurts more ;)

Oh yes! Ruby started doing this on a carpeted floor and it looked like she was doing it quite hard. We went to a holiday house with my parents one Xmas which had hardwood floors and she only did it once.

[KaM]

I just wanted to say you are most definitely not the only one going through this. Matilda is EXACTLY the same .. I visited the Paed and he checked her over after being witness to one of her best shows . . even sent her for a brain wave scan . . but it was all normal .. he basically said. . she is overtired (bad sleeper) and its just her current temperament. . .

Matilda has the most high pitched glass shattering scream . . omg .. its horrid!

I do my best to ignore her . . I have given in . . especially went out because I hate the looks I have gotten . . especially on a bus or train .. but lately. . I let her scream . . what can they do to me! Sometimes I just smile at people . . I have even had one guy come up to me and ask to shake my hand for having such a talented daughter. . .

Ignorance is bliss . . just keep chanting it to yourself. . if need be . . stick some head phones on and loud . . either way your gonna be deaf by the time your 30!!

[indigoin0z]

......Matilda has the most high pitched glass shattering scream . . omg .. its horrid!.....


oh gosh... it brought shivers up my spine..
my DS2 does these.... we definitely know he only has 1 testicle... we are soooooo hoping he hasnt lost the other.....:( [waiting for paed appt]
its sheer torture!:hair::banghead:

[SuperGranny]

HI, I think I can say this hasnt happened to me, but I do remember the odd occasion with a flare up. Its important to separate the behaviour from the child. It is the behaviour that you need to deal with. The Child needs love and attention but the behaviour has to be learned. Dont be so focused on who to blame. If she has seen you behave badly accept that and still work with her behavour. You dont want mum and dad laughing about this, least not near the child, she will get confused messages. This behaviour has to be not allowed and not ever found amusing. It is work in progress and you and your partner have to be consistant weather you ignore, or punish with time outs, or no story books. or you put her in a bath to calm down. whatever works, but the screaming must be clearly the wrong thing for her to be doing. and when the screaming stops then she gets what ever she needs, not necessary whatever she wants. Hope this helps Marie.

[Aroha0509]

To top it off DD1 used to scream out 'ow, ow, ow' repeatedly while screaming. I'm positive my eighbour thinks I abuse my daughter.

My lovely daughter did the same thing for awhile, she used to screech out like she'd really hurt herself everytime someone told her no. We just ignored her and after a week or so she learned that screaming didn't mean she'd get what she wanted. Now we very rarely have screaming fits unless she's really overtired. I think that all you can do is ignore it, they learn fairly quickly that you're not going to give in to them. It is very frustrating that it's also affecting your neighbours, maybe you should just give them a quick apology the day after one of the screaming fits, at least then they realise that you're aware of the situation and not sticking your head in the sand.