What is my XDP doing to my poor son?!?!?!

[Benji]

Well.. where do I begin?! :eek:

When my XDP has his 2 days a week off, he spends them here, we go out to do shopping etc as I am selling my car and currently not driving it.

He's not willing to take DS on his own and TBH I'm very happy about that.

XDP asks DS questions like "do you want to brush your teeth now?" "do you want dinner".. now, I'm all for giving children a bit of independence but I don't think a 2yo is going to say yes to questions like this. It drives me insane. XDP will do anything to keep DS happy and therefore quiet even if it's at the expense of DS's health.

He gives him lollies (A LOT of lollies) to bribe him into doing things - get in the pram without a fuss, be good at the shops, anything really. XDP gives him pretty much waaaaaaaaaaay too much junk food.

Yesterday was his day off and today DS is driving me insane. His routine is all out and because he is used to doing whatever the heck he wants around XDP he is giving me grief all day. Usually our day nap is peaceful, we lie and chat. Today: he screamed and cried and fought me for an hour.

I just had to have a whinge because this is driving me insane. I can't talk to XDP about it because I get the whole "I'm his father" story.

AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!! :hair::hair::hair:

[Mathermy]

:hugs:
That must be incredibly frustrating for you. Even within my relationship with DH, he and I do some things quite differently.

Unfortunately it is far easier to find middle ground that we are all comfortable with when the parents are together-in your situation it must be really tough as I would imagine your ex might see anything you have to say as being out of malice or spite.

I suppose there is nothing much you can do about it except perhaps feel some comfort in the fact that he is unlikey to do undo all the great parenting you put your effort into in a couple of days a week :hugs:

ETA just reread your post & realise that you said you noticed a difference in his behaviour after being with his dad. Perhaps it will just be a matter of the transition that is difficult for him? rather than what happens with each parent.It must be hard for a child so young to be able to understand the different rules etc but I suppose it's not much different than if he was in someone else's care for a few days a week-like daycare or something?

I don't really know what to say....just hugs!

[Benji]

Thanks makingalolaorliam :)

That's exactly what I thought - that he would take any "advice" I give him as me trying to put him down. He just doesn't realise how difficult it makes things for me. His heart is in the right place and when we were together he did nil parenting so I'm glad that he's making an effort it's just so.. OMG :banghead:

I really feel like crying today. I just hate this.

My house is usually peaceful, structured, we have healthy food and snacks.. aargh!

[Mathermy]

Thanks makingalolaorliam :)

That's exactly what I thought - that he would take any "advice" I give him as me trying to put him down. He just doesn't realise how difficult it makes things for me. His heart is in the right place and when we were together he did nil parenting so I'm glad that he's making an effort it's just so.. OMG :banghead:

I really feel like crying today. I just hate this.

My house is usually peaceful, structured, we have healthy food and snacks.. aargh!

When it comes to me and DH I always think to myself what is it that i really want from him-do i want him to look after our child or do I want him to look after our child in exactly the same way I would?:o Which is of course kinda impossible and probably unfair:o

I think if 90% of his time is in your great environment then surely he will be alright.:thumbsup:Perhaps just those transition days might be a struggle-but if you are prepared for them and understand his behaviour then it might be a little easier to bare:hugs:

[Benji]

Oh totally makingalolaorliam. I know exactly what you mean. I don't want XDP to parent in exactly the same way as me and my parents are very different themselves. I love the fact that DS loves his dad and his dad takes him out to have fun and spoils him. It's just a bit too much spoiling. I suspect all of the preservatives are wreaking havoc on his poor little bod and he's acting out (not to mention the fact that he's allowed to do whatever he wants).

You're right - I will just have to get ready for the battle :laughing:

I just want my boy back today!

[Mathermy]

Oh totally makingalolaorliam. I know exactly what you mean. I don't want XDP to parent in exactly the same way as me and my parents are very different themselves. I love the fact that DS loves his dad and his dad takes him out to have fun and spoils him. It's just a bit too much spoiling. I suspect all of the preservatives are wreaking havoc on his poor little bod and he's acting out (not to mention the fact that he's allowed to do whatever he wants).

You're right - I will just have to get ready for the battle

I just want my boy back today!

:(:hair::(

If he has him at your place perhaps you could pack him a lunchbox or arrange a platter or something-sort of in a non confrontational way like "I prepared you guys some snacks so you won't have to bring/make anything today" or maybe just hide any sweets or anything.

Or you could be dishonest and tell him you suspect he has an allergy or something to some colour,preservative etc?:devil:
Not that I am advising you to do that :o

Perhaps you could make a chart like REALLY visible in bright colours with stickers etc displaying your daily rountine with DS, just mention it to your ex like "oh you could follow this if you want, it's what he usually does and he likes it" or something. He might snigger or something at the suggestion but you may spark his curiosity and he might just follow part of it:fingerscrossed: or at least get some ideas?

[Benji]

You are a genius :D

I'm going to do exactly that!

Lunchbox and routine chart are fantastic ideas, and he can't see that as an attack on him, can he? :thumbsup:

[Mathermy]

You are a genius :D

I'm going to do exactly that!

Lunchbox and routine chart are fantastic ideas, and he can't see that as an attack on him, can he? :thumbsup:
I wouldn't think so :)

Just make him feel like it is his idea :rolleyes: :devil::devil6: