Not Really Into the Idea of Breadfeeding AT ALL!

[SydDi]

Hi ALl,

I was wondering if I could get some encouragement, and maybe some help in changing my mindset...

I'm 32.5 weeks pregnant and the idea of BF really just does not appeal to me! And last night at my antenatal class, we discussed BF and now I'm even less impressed.

Firstly let me say - I intend to breast-feed. I'm unsure how long, but I KNOW it's better for baby - that much has been continuiously rammed down my throat on every occassion.

My main problem is that I'm already very big breasted. The idea that my breasts are going to be EVEN BIGGER mortifies me!! They are already just so cumbersome I just don't know how I'm going to handle growing more. Can you tell me, after the initial engorgement, do they go down at all? Even a little?

Secondly, I'm an older first time mum. I've spent my whole life being selfish. To be completely honest, right now I feel abit resentful that my body is making all these sacrifices. And that my body isn't mine even after the birth. I don't feel resentful towards baby - more towards my partner actually. I sometimes feel that he's reaping all the rewards whilst I go through at least a year of giving up access to my own body. Does this feeling magically disappear after the baby is born?

Watching the video of babys on the breast last night did not make be go OHHHH AAHHHHH! Quite the opposite actually. Can anyone give me any encouragement at all? The midwife said something that concerned me... She said that she can pretty much assure that if you are not into this 100% you'll give up. I'm not committed 100% but I know I have to do it. HELP!

[Nomsie]

Hi :wave:

I completely understand how you feel- I am unsure about breastfeeding, but I intend to do it because it's way better than bottles IMO.

My Mum borrowed a book from the library for me called Breastfeeder's Anonymous- I can't remember who wrote it, but it's an Australian author. I'm only part-way through it, but I think it is helping me get a lot of things sorted in my head, and I think you might benefit from reading it too.

Goodluck on whatever you decide- there is no law that says you have to breastfeed, and as I said, I completely understand the resentment etc and the feeling of loss of control of your own body. :hugs: :)

[sam's mum]

umm, where to begin.

you already know what the advantages are, so I guess the first thing that I would do is write a list of your top 3/5/10 whatever reasons for breastfeeding so that if you do want to give up, you can look at the list and remind yourself why you are doing it. talk to your partner about what support you want from him if you start talking about switching to formula.

I would contact the ABA and talk to someone now so that they can start to help you work things through.

with DD1 I was an A cup and went to a D cup overnight on day 3. after I finished feeding I went back to a B. Over the years I have put on weight in my boobs (among other places) and with the next two my cup size didn't increase, my boobs just got firmer. I don't think you will really know what will happen with your boobs until it happens.

In terms of being selfish, me too! and I am lazy. this is actually one of the reasons that I breastfeed. It takes less time (once you get established) and you need to lug less stuff around with you.

good luck, I hope that you can get everything sorted out.

[Duchessa]

I can understand how you feel Syddi. Breastfeeding isn't easy, even for mums who are 100% "into it". I have a nearly 5 month old baby now, who is 100% breastfed and who I will probably feed to term, and I also have twins who I planned on bfing until 18 months or so. I didn't make it that far due to ill health and other complications, but I did make it to 9 months with them.

Breastfeeding the twins was an intensely unpleasant experience. It was emotionally and physically demanding. I hated the sensation of having them attached, I struggled to cope with the demands of bfing the two of them, I struggled with mastitis issues, body ownership issues, etc etc. But I was 100% committed to giving them the right start and that commitment (cemented with the knowledge that breast is best and there for not an option, *for me and mine*) enabled me to continue with it.

So even though you may not be "100% into it" you can be 100% committed to doing what you owe your child - the milk that is the normal and best food for them (which you already know).

re the bit about dh reaping all the rewards and you shouldering the burden... That certainly didn't pass for me once the children were born, but I am a breastfeeding stay at home mum, so dh has a lot more freedom than I do. I'm sure that will balance as time goes by, but tbh, I think that the mother bears the brunt of the negatives of bearing children, particularly in the early years. You just need to keep reminding yourself that you chose it too.

Good luck with it, it isn't easy. Mothering is the hardest job you will ever do. Do it right - the way that you think you should be doing it (ie you know you should bf) and you will be tremendously rewarded by your "sacrifice" or what I prefer to call my "gift".

[Lyglc]

When I had my first child, I knew that I wanted to breastfeed for the reasons that it was the best for the baby.

i know this is a really western thought, but to me it seemed a bit strange to have a baby sucking on you, due to breasts normally being a more sexual thing.

Anyway, I started bf my daughter - had quite a few issues with it and ended up seeing a lactation consultant. gradually over time it did get easier.

But the strange thing for me is that I found I really enjoyed it.

After being pregnant, where the baby is completely reliant on you for everything, I found that breasfeeding was the one thing that only i could do for her - other people could cuddle her, bath her, change nappies etc, but for me it ended up being a really special time - I felt special knowing only I could provide for her in this way.

At about 10 months I introduced formula as I went back to work (still bf first and last feed in the day), and this was also a different experience to me than what i imagined. It was nice in someways to be able to have a bit more flexiblity with my time and not having to be there for every feed, and also I got to look in her eyes while giving her a bottle, which you can't do when bf.

With second child I really looked forward to breastfeeding and I am again this time round.

I guess all I'm trying to say amongst all my waffle, is that you may find it quite different than what you expect.

(my boobs did feel huge while I was breastfeeding and it was nice when they went back to a more normal size after I finished feeding, but in the overall scheme of things it is only for a particular time in your life, not forever).

[misskittyfantastico]

I felt very similar to you prior to the birth of my daughter..to save me writing it all out, here's a link to a post I made some time back:

http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=31653&highlight=story

In terms of boobs, mine went up a cup size initially but within a few months I was back to my normal size.

As for being selfish - I don't think you're alone feeling that way! I know for me, parenting in general, has meant that someone else always comes first - and it was a HUGE, GIANT, ENORMOUS adjustment but now - it's normal - it's fabulous, even.:D

I'd agree with the midwife - I see BFing as a relationship, you have to be committed, otherwise, it's just too easy to give it away...not everyone has struggles feeding, but many do - for me, I promised myself that come hell or high water, I would BF my child for 3 months. I bought no bottles or formula "just in case" - I had to set myself up to succeed.

Do as much research as you can - check out other's stories in this section and the celebrating breastfeeding section, join the ABA and surround yourself with supportive people.:yes:

[SydDi]

Thanks for the encouragement ladies, and for the link to the other thread. I especially want to thank you for letting me know I'm not alone in this feeling of resentment. I hate feeling this way, but find I just can't stop myself sometimes. I guess I'm just nearing the end of what has already been a long journey just to realise that it's not over yet!

[shed]

I found that breasfeeding was the one thing that only i could do for her - other people could cuddle her, bath her, change nappies etc, but for me it ended up being a really special time - I felt special knowing only I could provide for her in this way.

I felt the same. It was quite a confidence boost for me because only I could do it, and also because its something that is a bit special I found that people made allowances for it and sort of ran around after me a bit. It was quite good actually :D

We are still going, at nearly 2yrs, and my boobs have gone down to a B again. They went up to a DD but I put a bit of weight on as well so that contributed to it and I just lost 10kg because I had my wedding, so that contributed to it as well.

It takes about six weeks to really get into the groove of breastfeeding, so maybe give it that six weeks, which will get the colostrum into bubs and get them off to a good start and then see how you feel.

You can't predict how you feel, some people think they will love it and are determined to do it but end up hating it and quitting, so it makes sense that it would go the other way sometimes as well.

Just give it a go and see what happens. That's my advice. If you hate it then stop, but try and get through the initial stage so you can evaluate it properly coz the first few weeks are a bit of a PITA for everyone so that doesn't count.

As for the selfish thing, don't worry, who isn't selfish these days? lol. I had my DS when I was 37 and I am still selfish. I just include my little boy in with my selfishness now, ha ha, its DH that suffers, ha ha, just joking. Don't worry about this, it all just works itself out with the help of a little magic called oxytocin. You'll be fine, in fact you'll be GREAT.

[Mathermy]

From one big breasted gal to another! :hugs:

My breats are GG cup so I know exactly what you mean about cumbersome breasts! For me at least breastfeeding didn't make them too much bigger, nor where they ever really engorged or painful which was a surprise. Actually come to think of it they didn't seem "bigger" they just felt sort of plumper and more firm-which was actually kinda nice :laughing:

They seemed to adjust to bub's needs fairly quickly and apart from a few logistical issues (as in I had to literally hold up my enormous breast so as not to suffocate my bubba!) we had a happy and successful breastfeeding reationship.

So I guess what I am saying is being bigger breasted isn't necessarily going to be a problem.:hugs:

Best wishes!

[Bearskin]

All the PP's have made great points so I will just add that don't forget that although there are times it feels like you will be breastfeeding forever, its really only a short amount of time.

I'm tandem feeding my 2.5yr old and 4 month old and there are some days I am just sick of being touched and sick of being the parent who provides this comfort and food. I always try and keep in the back of my mind that this isn't forever; babies grow up so quickly and before I know it they will be grown and I'll be watching my DD feed her child.

I do get jealous sometimes of my friends who have girly weekends or weekends away with their DH and leave bubs with others but my time will come when I wont be feeding and I can do those things too.

As for the breast size, mine were a B cup before having children and are a C cup now; not a huge increase in size. When I was feeding DD and she was over 12 months old they were back to B cup size.

[chococat]

If you really feel that way, perhaps you shouldn't do it. :)

You are obvioulsy well informed about BF benefits, and I am an older first time mum too with F cups and yes it does take some practice, both from mum and bub too get it right. Take advantage of all the help out there, the midwifes will show you how to correctly atttach and the ABA is fantastic. I am loving BF and love knowing that my baby is thriving due solely to me, i love the time that we spend together.

If you decide not too breastfeed dont beat yourself up about it. Happy mum, happy bub!!