Need advice for my bestie- Can a person with a drinking problem ever drink again??

[Jax Tellers Old Lady]

Hi guys I am after some advice for my best friend she knows I am a member of a large forum and asked me to post with some feedback.

Her husband has admitted that he has a drinking problem and wants to seek help but also doesnt want to stop drinking altogether.

In short he works in an industry where the blokes drink after work and often have work functions. This is fine but he cant seem to stop at one or two drinks and stays out to the wee hours of the morning when he has said that he will be two hours.

He also drink drives more times than he bothers to get a taxi and that for me is just wrong on so many levels.

He admitted to her when he broke down on the weekend after another bender and said he wanted help in the form of councelling. She wants to support him, but is also worried that due to the nature of both of their jobs that he wouldnt be able to totally give it up as silly as that may sound.

My bestie has a corporate job where entertaining clients is a frequent occasion and partners are often requested to attend.

What I would like to know is has anyone or their partner ever had a problem? If so have they had help to learn to drink responsilbly or is a drinking problem always an issue if they drink any amount. He is the sort of person that has good intentions to have only a few but never pans out that way.

Sorry for the ramble would just love some feedback.

[KatiesMum]

I havent had any experience and dont know the answer, but I can certainly sympathise.

it must be hard to give up entirely with those circumstances ... alcohol is just such a huge part of the social situations in Australia.

:hugs:

[EvangelinaOne]

Thats a tough one. I used to work in this environment and it is not easy to avoid drinking with people. From my experience I used to drink a fair bit "socially" with work clients :barf:etc and these days I would be lucky to drink one glass of wine per week. I enjoy that I am always alert, have more energy, my brain functions properly and have energy for my daughter. I couldn't imagine waking up hung over anymore. On top of that my career has taken off since then.

The people I work with do go out for drinks but I will only join them occassionaly and I usually have one and then go home. I would definitely advise them to seek some counselling if they are having trouble giving this up on their own. Switch to lite beer when out with colleagues and think about the future. Focus more on the work and less on the socialising and I will guarantee them it will pay off in the long run.

I do think it is possible to change your drinking habits, however it is not easy. As for the drink driving :no:. If he is that desperate to get home would his partner go and pick him up. It doesn't matter what the hour my parents always said - never, ever get in your car drunk we don't care what time it is. Call us. And never get angry with someone who makes that call. Good luck to them:fingerscrossed:.

[Jax Tellers Old Lady]

Thanks for your responses they will be much appreciated. :)

[Lastcenturymum]

No experience, but I was reading a book recently that this topic was included in (two actually by same author) and I would say no, or not for a long time. Alcoholics are unable to control their ability to drink, it's the craving and once they have one they can't stop. Some can have one or two years after giving up, but to be honest I think he would be fooling himself if he thinks he can go and just have one or two. It's an addiction, yaknow?

Even people who don't drink for years and have one or two end often end up back in the cycle. That is why at AA they always start of fby saying 'Hi I'm so and so and I'm and alcoholic. I haven't had a drink for x years/months' They are acknowledging that they will always be one and are always prone to the temptation.

He may need to either NOT go to the pub after work, not every has to - and avoid work functions, or get someone else who doesn't drink to be his buddy and stick with him at those events. Or he may need to change jobs - if he is really serious.

He has a long hard road ahead of him, but if he has admitted he is an alcoholic, then he is part way to doing something about it, and that is a postive sign.

I hope it works out for them.

[~Bec~]

Gosh it's tough. I think my exDH has (had?) a drinking problem. My definition of a drinking problem is someone who's drinking is affecting their relationships with their family, friends and themselves.

I think it's only a professional counsellor who could advise if they would be able to not give up altogether. I would imagine though that they would/should spend a period of time (weeks/months) and completely go without a drink.

The drink driving is most definately not on. What gives him the right to put my child's life in danger?

I used to always argue (or at least point out) to exDH that by him staying out drinking all night means that for him it is more important to be out and drink that the welfare of his marriage (we didn't have children *phew!*).

[Mamaduke]

A person with a drinking problem, which is, an addiction to drinking, an alcoholic, cannot drink at all, let alone 'responsibly'. It's an addiction and the only way to overcome an addiction or to live with an addiction is to stop the act which causes the addiction...in this case, drinking alcohol.
Alcoholics are cunning, they'll usually be so remorseful and full of apologies after going on a bender, make promises to get help and counselling, but give themselves little leeways like "With your help and the help of counselling I'll be able to only have a couple and then stop"...WRONG. They're kidding themselves (and they know it) and they're filling their partners and/or family members full of false hope.
He needs to get serious, he needs to admit he's got a problem (and by admit I mean be fair dinkum about it, not just pi$$ in his partner's pocket) and be prepared to stop drinking.
Just because he is works in an industry where men have a few drinks after work doesn't mean he has to. It's a cop out on his behalf & he sees it as a way to justify remaining an alcoholic.

[Funkychicken]

Put simply? No, alcoholics cannot drink again in safety. Why would they be able to? If they can't control it now, why would a "break" make any difference?

Alcoholism is a three fold disease. It is physical (cravings, desires), mental (all the reasons in the world why it is OK to just have one...), and spiritual/emotional (all the internal stuff that goes on inside an alcoholic).

It is also the first drink that gets someone drunk. Contrary to what someone may say, it is not the 3rd, 13th or 23rd, it is the first, because without the first, there would never be all those that follow.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) an alcoholic cannot pick up one or two drinks and be done with it. They cannot stop after the first drink and this is the difference between a social drinker and an alcoholic. And no amount of time off the drink can change this. It is what it is.

There is no such thing as a little bit of an alcoholic. You either are or you aren't. Just as you cannot be a little bit pregnant, nor can you be a little bit alcoholic.

There is so much more I could offer on the subject but keeping it simple is the key for an alcoholic to start getting help.

One of the simplest things to remember is:

Don't pick up the first drink and you can't get drunk.

:):)

[Mathermy]

:no::no::no::no::no:

[Angelmist♥]

What MD said.

Sounds to me like he's trying to make her feel better but still have justification for 'having a few'. There's an old saying for people with alcohol problems "one's too many, 20 isn't enough".

[KapowSchazam]

A friend of mine is in AA...they say it's not the 10th drink that does the damage, it's the first sip...

[Jax Tellers Old Lady]

Thanks for your replies I have passed them on to my friend. She has said that she doesnt think her usband is an alcoholic as he doesnt depend on it so to speak. He is a binge drinker ( her words) I guess they will see what happens at his first counselling session.

[suemp]

i think its individual. my friends dp constantly promises to give up..but always goes back

HOWEVER i used to have a drinking problem. i nearly died on huge drinking binges acouple of times. yet im able to have a mid strenghth bourban every second week or so and stop at one. i have no interest in gettin drunk ever again. so i dont think you can put everyone into one category

tell her to take her hubby to a local nursing home and introduce him to those with alcohol related dementia. he will never want to drink again:no:

[naiwen]

I used to drink excessively, for me it was related to lifestyle and unhappiness, whenever I went out I would always drink until I was sick, I never could stop at one.

It has taken time and a total change in lifestyle to stop it and now I can have one or two glasses of wine and that is it.

For me being married and having stability helped, but mostly I had to decide I didnt want to live that way anymore.

So for me yes I can drink one or two but I was never fully alchoholic, maybe borderline though (binge drinking)

HTH

[NibbleCurlynBub]

My only suggestion would be to stick to social situations in restaurants and not pubs, in your own home and not someone else's to try to avoid the temptation of being surrounded by it.

I would say if it has been an addiction in the past it would be tempting to make it an addiction again, however much he doesn't want that to happen.

I'd say he would need some ongoing support not only from his wife but from an outside unbiased source that has experience with addictions.