View Full Version : Don't worry your a good mum.
Okay since this is the pro CC thread,I am going to start this topic for the mums who have had enough of :ecomcity::ecomcity::ecomcity: of the CC and FF bashing that goes on.
It is time that mothers are supported no matter what choices they have taken.
Seeing the effects of PND and depression that Mums go through i find it hard that we are so critical of each other rather, yet the males are more understanding and non judgemental than we are too each other (hence why i choose a male obs ad gp).
See i don't care what a parent chooses to do with their kids (lovingly ofcourse).
I feel no threat for myself as i am strong and i really don't care what is sad about me or my choices but i do care for those who may feel so judged and made to feel so evil for their choices.
All i am saying is that i am really saddened by peoples forceable opinions and dictacting other mothers how to feel, that they must suffer cause their baby is far more important than their own mental health or the rest of the family.
This does not make sense to me i can not for the life of me understand that reasoning, women have killed themselves cause they have had PND which may have been caused by sleeplessness or an unhappily fed baby, but yet a woman is not allowed to say this or think it cause ofcourse the baby is the ruler and your life is not worth anything so you are meant to shutup and bear it.
CC is not evil
Formula Feeding is not poison
Circumcision is your choice as a mother and father.
Cesareans - you still gave birth
Enjoy your family don't let anyone spoil it.
This may thread may be removed and i am sorry if i have done wrong, but my inner self has to fight for women who need a helping hand and a good hug.
This thread has been inspired by a personal experience.:(
forbetoel
10-07-2008, 22:33
I agree that there is way too much judgement going on around here.
The term 'Child abuse' is thrown around so lightly that it makes me feel quite ill.
A lot of loving mothers and fathers just do things differently, and as long as a child is loved and nurtured then..whatever...
If some feel that they have the 'good mother role' perfectly covered, then good for them, coz I have that role pretty well covered too.:p
I agree.
Each mum should be able to do what they feel best, or what they have had to go through out of necessity without being judged by others.
:yelclap::yelclap::yelclap::yelclap:
GummyBear
11-07-2008, 09:35
What a great thread!
I have never experienced the judgement for my choices IRL like I have here.
And I never questioned my choices until I started spending time here.
I stay because of the refreshing opinions and frankness of threads like this and because now I feel stronger in myself I like to encourage those who are being judged and questioning themselves for similar choices.
It blows me away how people can be "anti" this or "anti" that.
I don't co-sleep. I am not anti-co-sleeping, good luck to those who do it, I just don't do it. It baffles me that many of those who do feel I am psychologically damaging my child by letting him self-settle, rather than just respecting a choice.
Mrs Potts
11-07-2008, 10:00
Nice one Candyn! And I agree with everyone else here too.
No doubt I'm going to hell for having c/s births, formula feeding, using disposable nappies, and sending my babies off to self-settle in their own room, but whatever. It all worked for us, and I have 2 happy, loving, well-adjusted, clever kids.
Personally, the thought of co-sleeping or having a bub hanging off my breast 24/7 leaves me cold, but I don't go telling ppl that because that would make me an unworthy mother. At least according to many members on here.
I'm all for ppl sharing information in a friendly and non-judgemental manner, but sadly that doesn't always happen.
WorkingClassMum
11-07-2008, 10:04
:yelclap:
We are all passionate about our kids and forget sometimes we forget that differing opinions are not necessasarily wrong decisions.
Aussiemummy
11-07-2008, 10:27
I agree.
Each mum should be able to do what they feel best, or what they have had to go through out of necessity without being judged by others.
:smiliedance: :smiliedance: :smiliedance:
Okay since this is the pro CC thread,I am going to start this topic for the mums who have had enough of :ecomcity::ecomcity::ecomcity: of the CC and FF bashing that goes on.
It is time that mothers are supported no matter what choices they have taken.
Seeing the effects of PND and depression that Mums go through i find it hard that we are so critical of each other rather, yet the males are more understanding and non judgemental than we are too each other (hence why i choose a male obs ad gp).
See i don't care what a parent chooses to do with their kids (lovingly ofcourse).
I feel no threat for myself as i am strong and i really don't care what is sad about me or my choices but i do care for those who may feel so judged and made to feel so evil for their choices.
All i am saying is that i am really saddened by peoples forceable opinions and dictacting other mothers how to feel, that they must suffer cause their baby is far more important than their own mental health or the rest of the family.
This does not make sense to me i can not for the life of me understand that reasoning, women have killed themselves cause they have had PND which may have been caused by sleeplessness or an unhappily fed baby, but yet a woman is not allowed to say this or think it cause ofcourse the baby is the ruler and your life is not worth anything so you are meant to shutup and bear it.
CC is not evil
Formula Feeding is not poison
Circumcision is your choice as a mother and father.
Cesareans - you still gave birth
Enjoy your family don't let anyone spoil it.
This may thread may be removed and i am sorry if i have done wrong, but my inner self has to fight for women who need a helping hand and a good hug.
This thread has been inspired by a personal experience.:(
Magnificent Post Candyn:yelclap:..
Ange&Seth
11-07-2008, 12:07
I have never experienced the judgement for my choices IRL like I have here.
And I never questioned my choices until I started spending time here.
Me either. One of my very first posts here was met with people telling me I was disgusting, alot of these icons :barf: and being called a monster - and that's just the nice stuff :laughing: But at the time, it wasn't nice at all.
We all love our kids and want what's best for them so I really don't understand the great divide on so many issues.
Great thread Candyn :yelclap:
WorkingClassMum
11-07-2008, 12:10
Me either. One of my very first posts here was met with people telling me I was disgusting, alot of these icons :barf: and being called a monster - and that's just the nice stuff :laughing: But at the time, it wasn't nice at all.
We all love our kids and want what's best for them so I really don't understand the great divide on so many issues.
Great thread Candyn :yelclap:
One of my first posts asking for advice also resulted in me being howled down for being a terrible mother...:yes::yes:
Blueberry Crumble
11-07-2008, 12:16
Im CC right now- he is 2 years old. I am at my witts end and I am setting down the law.
I refuse to be ruled by my 2 year old.
He has been screaming for about 20 minutes. I am about to go in for the second time.
Wish me luck.
sockstealingpoltergeist
11-07-2008, 12:26
Good Luck ^^^^^:)
I agree, I have soem parenting issues that I disagree with, of course. However most of these debates where some women say things, like if you tried harder you could have breast fed just P!#S me off. Or oh it was painful for me as well, but I love my baby too much not to keep doing it.
Or some women don't want to mess up their hair that's why they are having C sections, bla bla bla. These people are so self righteous, and obviously have had the mechinisms to cope with things that others just can't. However mothers who have to FF, or have C sections, or CC also have to cope with some things, that others can't imagine either.
I am waffling, but my point is we are all parents, and no one knows what exactly is behind every womans decision for her family. Some people need to get a life.
Blueberry Crumble
11-07-2008, 12:32
UPDATE!!!
20 minutes of CC and my son is asleep!! I only hadto go in there once. I just went up and checked on him after it all went silent, and he had thrown all the stuff around in his room in a temper. But he must have put himself into bed, pulled the covers up and now he is fast asleep! AWWWWWWWWWWW
Go CC!!
I have cleaned several off topic posts from this thread.
This is a support thread and lets try and keep it like that.
I would like to emphasise that in this thread if you do not have anything nice to say then don't say it here.
I wanted this thread to be in support of our great mums on bubhub who are constantly judged and made to feel less superior to others who think their parenting choices are the ONLY way.
JBelle - Thats is wonderful!! Look at that!
You are happy, baby is happy it is obviously working for you i am truly happy for you, and you are obviously a great mum cause your instincts are spot on.
SSpolteigeist - Yes Yes Yes i so iagree with you hold on where is that little man:iagree:.
When anyone says that, you didn't try harder, oh i had PND and i did it, it makes me soooo angry cause I am not them and they are not me, this comments are designed to make you feel inferior.
This thread is for the support of you mums who have had enough.
If anyone of you need help re anything without feeling the judgement you are most welcome to come in here and vent away with the support of great everday Mums.
I will not tolerate any backlash in this thread and this is not a debate re CC.
Also as far as me makeing an even bigger gap amongst BH's i think there are members who have done that all with out my help;)
forbetoel
11-07-2008, 15:12
You know, I actually don't need support as I am lucky to have a pretty resilient attitude, and a great support network IRL.
My happy healthy kids are proof that I am doing pretty darn good.
Not everyone is like me...some mothers come here for support and guidence and reasurance. They are loving mothers doing a great job.
You know, I actually don't need support as I am lucky to have a pretty resistent attitude, and a great support network IRL.
My happy healthy kids are proof that I am doing pretty darn good.
Not everyone is like me...some mothers come here for support and guidence and reasurance. They are loving mothers doing a great job.
Yes, you have hit the nail on the head.
You know, I actually don't need support as I am lucky to have a pretty resistent attitude, and a great support network IRL.
My happy healthy kids are proof that I am doing pretty darn good.
Not everyone is like me...some mothers come here for support and guidence and reasurance. They are loving mothers doing a great job.
Exactly !!!!!!
Beautiful!!:thumbsup:
I think we need this support for our Mums on Bubhub who need it. :hugs:
Hope we can be of comfort to anyone needing it.
gizmoduckus
11-07-2008, 15:28
:yelclap: This is a great thread :yelclap:
To all you mothers who have happy and loved children, you are all doing a fantastic job! :thumbsup:
Well said Candyn.
My friend is constantly picking at my "young" parenting and always prodding me for info about how I raise my son because apparantly HE is an all-knowing parent :rolleyes:
All it does to me is make me feel less confident in myself as a mother. It doesn't make me strive to do "better" (and to be honest I'm doing a darn fine job - my little boy is such a great, healthy little man).
I think that all criticism does is make mothers feel less confident and question themselves OR think "man, that person is rude downright rude!!"
I don't have a problem when people offer research, statistics, studies, or opinions about CC, FF, Csec, whatever, but when it gets personal it's just not fair.
Parenting is such a long, hard job and there are no hard and fast rules. No one is a perfect parent, and if they think that they are they're just kidding themselves.
However most of these debates where some women say things, like if you tried harder you could have breast fed .....Or oh it was painful for me as well, but I love my baby too much not to keep doing it.
Good post Sockstealer I agree with you. I personally believe it is dangerous to be this judgemental and to say these sorts of things to mums who really are trying to do their best.
A new mum who is exhausted, upset because she couldn't breast feed or is very distressed because her baby is not sleeping, can be tipped over the edge all together by statements like these.
People don't know the harm they could be causing someone by persistantly expressing cruel put downs like this.
It is unnesesscary and heartless. If mums are wanting advice they will ask for it, they don't need to feel like they are bad mums for asking for assistance to solve a problem.
Well done Candyn for starting this thread. :yelclap:
I may not believe in much of the current parental ideology going around either, in fact there are one or two ideas that I personally abhor, but I respect everyone's right to choose what is necessary and right for them and I would never dream of being snide to someone on a thread because I didn't personally believe in what they were doing.
There are ways to help, assist and guide mums who are trying desperately to do their very best without causing suffering to do so.
Good post Sockstealer I agree with you. I personally believe it is dangerous to be this judgemental and to say these sorts of things to mums who really are trying to do their best.
A new mum who is exhausted, upset because she couldn't breast feed or is very distressed because her baby is not sleeping, can be tipped over the edge all together by statements like these.
People don't know the harm they could be causing someone by persistantly expressing cruel put downs like this.
It is unnesesscary and heartless. If mums are wanting advice they will ask for it, they don't need to feel like they are bad mums for asking for assistance to solve a problem.
Well done Candyn for starting this thread. :yelclap:
I may not believe in much of the current parental ideology going around either, in fact there are one or two ideas that I personally abhor, but I respect everyone's right to choose what is necessary and right for them and I would never dream of being snide to someone on a thread because I didn't personally believe in what they were doing.
There are ways to help, assist and guide mums who are trying desperately to do their very best without causing suffering to do so.
Yes so true! Thats the key isn't it RESPECT.
mikaylasmom
25-07-2008, 13:26
:yelclap:
What a great thread! Thank you for starting this. Although there are some parent techniques I don't follow, I would never think to judge or consider another parent's self worth for following it (as long as it's not harmful to the child). It's bad enough having your mom or MIL judge you, let alone other strangers putting you down when you come here for support and advice.
I think that all women should learn to to respect each other and not think that it is a competition as to who is more perfect (whatever that means :rolleyes:)
miloand4
25-07-2008, 14:00
great post! as young mum when i had ds1 and dd1 i always felt judged for my choices but i look at these two now 15 and 13 and know that my choices where the right ones as they are wonderfull happy well adjusted kids so now i dont care what anyone else thinks of what im doing with ds2 and dd2 as i know i am doing an awsome job! No one has the right to judge someone badly for the choices they make with their baby The onlly "judgement" that should be made is that we are all mums trying our best for our kids and i think we should all pat ourselves on the back for being the best mum we can be:smiliedance:
Ticklebugg
25-07-2008, 15:51
Thank you so much for this thread. :hugs:
I couldnt agree more. There are things out there that all of us do that not everyone else will agree with, but the one thing we all have in common is that we love our children and do the best job we know how. I would like to discuss some issues im having with my son at the moment, and when im ready, i hope i dont get judged, because im trying to do the best i can. Thank you again.
Keep it up girls!!
Hold your head up high and be confident in your parenting decisions - trust your instincts, don't feel judged and if someone does then those people are the ones with their own issues.
Hey there!
I'd just like to say to those people who are against CC - why do you come into a Pro-CC thread?
It is really undignified to go out looking to 'batter' another mum, simply because she has different needs to yourself.
Same with mum's who have kidlets on a lead... if they feel they have a little more control over their kiddy in a carpark:thumbsup: to them... at least their child won't be run down;)
Live and let live:flowerz:Each to her own:thumbsup:
Mummaholic
26-07-2008, 18:19
Good Luck ^^^^^:)
I agree, I have soem parenting issues that I disagree with, of course. However most of these debates where some women say things, like if you tried harder you could have breast fed just P!#S me off. Or oh it was painful for me as well, but I love my baby too much not to keep doing it.
Or some women don't want to mess up their hair that's why they are having C sections, bla bla bla. These people are so self righteous, and obviously have had the mechinisms to cope with things that others just can't. However mothers who have to FF, or have C sections, or CC also have to cope with some things, that others can't imagine either.
I am waffling, but my point is we are all parents, and no one knows what exactly is behind every womans decision for her family. Some people need to get a life.
:iagree:
beccyboo
22-08-2008, 12:03
:yelclap::yelclap::yelclap:
Thank you for this awsome thread. I have started CC today, i posted this on the thread that i chat on along with a apology for offending anyone that i felt i had to make.
I dont have to make any aplogies, i am commencing CC because my family are my heart and soul, because i love them so much. I am a very sleep deprived mum i belive teetering on the edge of PND. DS 7yrs is suffering the conseqenses of a very tired grumpy mum, my heart bleed when he told me that he thinks i dont love him because im always yelling at him lately. DD 9mths has a mum that is always on edge and tense because she is thinking of sleep!!! Hers and mine.
I am confident of a positive outcome and in a couple of weeks it will be all good:thumbsup:
So again congrats on a awsome thread, and no we shouldnt be so judjemental on others parenting choices as they are made from love:hugs: our pedestal may not be anothers!
This is a wonderful thread. Thanks Candyn! :yelclap:
I'm sure I am not the only one but I admit there are certain sections on BH that I stick well clear of because I do not want the abuse directed at me that some other members feel is acceptable to write about some of the choices I have made or have HAD to make as a mother.
I think most people join BH to chat with other parents of children of a similar age or who are willing to share their experiences. To be criticized for your actions is certainly not what we join for - there is enough of that IRL!
wattlebird
22-08-2008, 21:16
This is a wonderful thread. Thanks Candyn! :yelclap:
I'm sure I am not the only one but I admit there are certain sections on BH that I stick well clear of because I do not want the abuse directed at me that some other members feel is acceptable to write about some of the choices I have made or have HAD to make as a mother.
I think most people join BH to chat with other parents of children of a similar age or who are willing to share their experiences. To be criticized for your actions is certainly not what we join for - there is enough of that IRL!
:iagree:
Also wanted to add - Candyn - you are a legend!!!! :thumbsup:
Candyn, I have read a lot of you posts over the past few days and just wanted to say I think they are awesome, good on you for standing up to people who try and be negative about others choices.
My son always cries for 2mins before he goes to sleep, he has done that for months and if I tried to stop him he would just become overtired.
Poeple find this hard to beleive but he settles better in his cot!
forbetoel
22-08-2008, 21:31
Naiwen...all of my boys were the same. They wanted to be in their cot, and that is where they settled best.
DustyPeach
22-08-2008, 21:36
Nice to see this thread. Ive not posted in this string as my experience with other threads has been "interesting" Like many of us we are touched by our own life experience. Does not give us the right to howel down anyone for something we hold dear to ourselves.
I think we forget the fact that our children are our own and ultimatley the choices for our family are ours alone to make.
Both my kids slept in their own cot, room and self settled from the first night they came home. They were both brest fed in a chair in their room. Am I to assume from the common thought/feeling I am going to hell for this and that I was only able to have DD vag DS was Csect. DS was a big baby and would have become stuck had I been given the option to deliver vag.
Enjoy your kids and move onward, upward. They are small once and that little person only once. Before we know it they will be in their own places asking us for advice on these issues.
Thanks girls - sometimes we need to come together and support each other with kindness and opinions should be given with kindness not with judgements attached.
I have received persecution for my openness but if it helps just one mummy then i am happy to be one of the supportive ones on here.
Please remember that those who bully or pass judgement on other mums for such miniscule things like FF and immunisations and even Circumcision eventhough we may not agree with these things it is always nice to remember that parents usually do these thing with the best interest of their child and their family.:hugs:
Awesome post Candyn. I think people have some really odd idea's when it comes to CC. Its very much about being in touch with yourself and your babies signs. :)
threechooks
24-08-2008, 11:13
Awesome post Candyn. I think people have some really odd idea's when it comes to CC. Its very much about being in touch with yourself and your babies signs. :)
:iagree: since starting a version of controlled crying, my bubby is happier, content and settled. My DS would think I was playing with him if i tried to rock him to sleep now. Occasionally he gets fed to sleep if he is unwell but on the whole CC works for us. He now only cries for two minutes and mosts times not at all :smiliedance:
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.1.9 Copyright © 2012 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.