All I asked for was 1 week...

[Inforapenny]

Vent warning....
I don't get much time to myself, my ex finds it hard to stick to a regular timetable for access - don't ask, he has issues over cost of fuel etc...(don't get me started on how his cs payments have dropped just because they decided to change the formula - when did inflation and the cost of raising children get put into that formula :banghead:)
Anyways in APRIL I asked him to take a week off so he could have DD and me and my Mum could have a short holiday together. He agreed and arranged it. This holiday is due to start this Saturday - so he had 3 months notice.
Last night he rings and is wanting to know if I will be back by Friday so he can go to a mates bday party - and I hadn't planned on coming back until Sunday. So I said no, I had booked accommodation and I was not able to get a refund. This caused a fit "my mate really wants me" to go blah blah "he is moving to another town for a year and I won't get to see him" blah blah blah.
So now he reckons he is going to take DD to this party - full of single (yes all his mates are still single) men, drinking, smoking, probably some drugs, definetely doing stupid pranks. WTF - she is 2....
So now I am thinking of cutting my holiday short because I don't want her to go to this party.
Why can't they just let you have a hassle free break? :hissy: I know I am lucky to even get some time away on my own, but geez it would be nice if I could go away and not stress about DD and if she is going to be all right. I let him use my house when he has her for long periods (he has nowhere that is safe for her to stay) and I make sure there is food, gas, wood, etc in the house. He doesn't need to buy anything else milk and bread. He doesn't need to clean anything I do it all. I know it is a bit OTT, but he wouldn't have her otherwise. I wish he would get his s*** together and start setting his life up so he can get more involved with his DD and I could have my own space and time.
Aargh ex's.... :banghead:
Thanks for reading, vent over...feeling better already, might stick to the plan and make him figure out what to do with DD for the party.

[the_original_duchess]

oh hun i know how you feel, sorta...
my ex was supposed to take my 3 for a week and then backed out last minute. we booked tickets to melbourne and everything. paid for accomadation and then he tells me he cant get time off work and his gf doesnt feel that she should have to watch them as they arent her kids. why get into a relationship with a married man with 3 kids, if when he leaves his family fopr you, you dont want to accept the kids??
sorry thats my vent.
some parents are selfish and unfortunately your ex is one of them.
tell him to deal with the fact that he has your dd and too bad he can mis out on the party.
also get someone to check while you are away on that firday night that he didnt take her.
do you know the friends address where this party is?
if so and you assume there will be drug use, call the police and send them round. that'll make him have to go home with her for sure.
that way even if he does take her, it will only be for a short time before the coppers rock up.
good luck and enjoy your holiday

[wiggleslover]

This may be an out of wack question, but is there a reason why DD can't go on your holiday too??

[OneNowOneLater]

I would imagine, so she can have a break herself. Being a single parent is hard. You dont get any time by yourself, and the only time you do have, is while the kids are sleeping and tidying up the house etc, or you are asleep yourself. Which, really, isnt any time at all! In cases like that, you dont get a chance to wind down yourself and there is no time to de-stress. Everyone needs a break, and if going on holiday without the child/ren is the only way to do so, i say jump at the chance if you are able to.

IMO OP, he should for go his friends party. Geez, its not like he's gonna never see him ever again.

[MummaBear03]

I know it's not really the same thing, but my mum has said she's taking my daughter for 2 to 4 days (depends how she feels at the time) in December, she'll be 5.5 years old and it's the first time she'll have been away from me except on days I'm working and she's in childcare. I'd be mega p!ssed off if she cancelled and didn't take her as I have plans at that time which mean I'll be sleeping on the couch and rearranging the entire house and where each room is situated meaning she can't be here for that. So I can understand how it would make you feel for someone to say that and if it looks like you'll have to cut it short.:hair:

[Inforapenny]

thanks guys, appreciate the support and understanding.
Normally I would take DD, but this time I am having an adults only holiday and joining some girlfriends at a health retreat, and I have been looking forward to it for months, we are so excited to be going away without the kids :).
Can't ring the cops on him or the party - because I don't know where it is, but he has organised for his sister to babysit - which I am really happy about, she is great with DD and has a DD too - so all's great today.
I wonder if he only mentioned the party to wind me up, good thing is - I only vented here and I let him think I was OK with it all, I am definetely getting better at being calm and sharing parenting...thank goodness, has only taken me 18 months..:cool:

[wiggleslover]

I would imagine, so she can have a break herself. Being a single parent is hard. You dont get any time by yourself, and the only time you do have, is while the kids are sleeping and tidying up the house etc, or you are asleep yourself. Which, really, isnt any time at all! In cases like that, you dont get a chance to wind down yourself and there is no time to de-stress. Everyone needs a break, and if going on holiday without the child/ren is the only way to do so, i say jump at the chance if you are able to.

IMO OP, he should for go his friends party. Geez, its not like he's gonna never see him ever again.

I certainly know its hard hun, I have been one since i concieved my child! Just thought it might make the situation easier on her!!!!!

[wiggleslover]

thanks guys, appreciate the support and understanding.
Normally I would take DD, but this time I am having an adults only holiday and joining some girlfriends at a health retreat, and I have been looking forward to it for months, we are so excited to be going away without the kids :).
Can't ring the cops on him or the party - because I don't know where it is, but he has organised for his sister to babysit - which I am really happy about, she is great with DD and has a DD too - so all's great today.
I wonder if he only mentioned the party to wind me up, good thing is - I only vented here and I let him think I was OK with it all, I am definetely getting better at being calm and sharing parenting...thank goodness, has only taken me 18 months..:cool:

aw the Health retreat sounds devine...I 'd love to do something like that too when my son i s little older!