New to being a Stepmum... Help

[Sarah1974]

Im new to being a stepmum and unsure of the many emotions to being one. My step daughter is 2 years old and I am finding things a little challenging. I have sourced the web for info and found only one place dedicated to stepmums called stepmum.com.au but this site appears to be new. Can anyone offer advise on what I should expect early on?

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

I would say expect tanties and, really at 2 she probably won't even remember her dad and mum being together, so I would just try and be a really good friend to her. Your hubby should be doing any discipline, and to keep it fair it should be worked out with his ex which ways they both agree to discipline.
Hope that helps?????? Good luck.

[alphafemale2901]

From my own experience (and I don't know what sort of person/mother the ex is), I tried to do and be too much because the ex was quite useless. This was to the detrement of my relationship with my own daughter who developed a deep resentment of my time being taken away from her, for what turned out to be seemingly no benefit.

I would suggest that you always remember that your SD has two parents who are fully responsible for her, regardless of whether you think one or both of them are doing a good enough job, and that although you should kind and approachable to her, you might find that long-term your sanity is more intact if you maintain a sense of detatchment to anything but her basic needs.

I sometimes come across as a step-monster in my posts I think, but I have been through hell and back several times in the name of step-parenting. Aside from my bio-daughter, I now have a son with my DH. I am completely removed from anything to do with the 2 SK that no longer live with us and I meet the basic requirements of the SK that does live with us, and I treat him with resepct and dignity. Everything else that involves the SK that lives with us is essentially DH's responsibility, just as my DD is my sole responsibility.

Blended families are not like neulear families and so the expectations have to be revised.

[YMo7]

i am the step mother in quite a large blended family.... all the children live with us now, but even before my DH got custody of his kids, ALL 6 of our kids (3 from DH and X) (1 from me and X) (2 from DH and me) (and one on the way) are treated exactly the same by both of us...
All the children in my family are equal and thats how it will stay.
Things work differently for different people, so you will just need to find the best way that you and your family can deal with the situation to the best of your ability.

[BJsMummy]

http://www.stepfamily.asn.au/forum/

if you try this one it may help you a bit, it is the one my sister is a member of

[WorkingClassMum]

I was older than your SDD when I became a step-kid.

We where always made to feel as unwanted bagage - if the SM loved my Dad, she 'put' up with us.

I can't advise you on how to be a parent.

Please always remember that your SDD is the child in the realtionship.

Do you have access or custody? How often do you have SDD?

I'd alway make sure she is told repeatedly that she is wanted and loved and needed. I'd be telling her that she is an integeral part of your family and that she makes your family what it is.

She may need some one-on-one time with her dad. This doesn't mean you are unwanted or un-needed, it means that sometimes she needs her dad - exactly the same as if you all where a traditional family.

I'd also suggest a communications book b/w you and bio-mum much the same as a child-care centre does. I'd go so far as to list naps/food etc. Ask bio-mum to keep you informed about new routines, habits, fears, likes, dislikes and favourite toys etc. Set some ground rules now that you both agree on about TV and bed time and lollies and treats.

I hope it all goes well for the 4 of you:hugs:

[Sarah1974]

Thank you so much everyone for your helpful responses! It is very much appreciated! I have gone to the stepfamily forum and stepmum.com.au for advise as recommended! They are really good sites and extremely helpful! Thank you again!:yelclap:

[alphafemale2901]

there is also a forum for step-parents through a website called my connected community.

[Ostymum]

Hey there!
I think that the beauty of your situation is that you sd is only 2! My ss was 3 when i came onto the scene and i started out just being a playmate for him. Eventually i became responsible for dishing out some dicipline but at first i didnt want to!
But he has grown up with me in his life (he is 7 and a half now) and cant remember life without me.
I do be very careful though not to try and take over the role of his mother but ss does respect me and we can have alot of fun together too!
So my main suggestion would be just to take things slowly and stepping on some toes at some point is probably enevitable! :)

[musicalmummy]

i am the step mother in quite a large blended family.... all the children live with us now, but even before my DH got custody of his kids, ALL 6 of our kids (3 from DH and X) (1 from me and X) (2 from DH and me) (and one on the way) are treated exactly the same by both of us...
All the children in my family are equal and thats how it will stay.
Things work differently for different people, so you will just need to find the best way that you and your family can deal with the situation to the best of your ability.

:yelclap: wish that worked here