Hubby none emotional??what to do

[samantha75]

Hello people,

Just wanted some feedback from others who might be in my situation. Im about 35weeks with DD and our DS is 5yrs old so second time around with a big gap.

I am having concerns that my hubby isnt so excited on the idea of baby number 2 and over the last 2 months has become very distant from me. He rarely if ever touches our growing bump and hasnt attended the last 3 OB appts or the last growth scan.
Sex or any kind of intamacy is none existant and im starting to get very emotional over this.
A cuddle would be great or a massage or something !!!!
Its like im not his lover or partner any more and he has said that all i do is complain, if its not my back its something else...which really frustrates me as you all no in this last stretch you do feel a little like you want your body back and it does feel like u constantly ache.However i wouldnt say that i complain about my back on a daily basis...most days im happy and energetic and have no issues , but the last few weeks have been tough i reguraly go to bed on my own and then find him asleep on the couch at 1am and unless i iniate anything intimacy is a thing of the past. He doesnt seem excited about the upcoming birth or have any interest when my next Ob apt is...Im actually worried he is having an affair....which with my hormones i could just be over reacting but it has got to the point now that i dont no what to do ....ive tried to talk to him and explain how i feel but am getting no where any suggestions ....sorry for the long story but just wondered if anyone elses partner is distancing themselves also or is it just me ????:confused:
Thanks in advance

Sam

[tahnee11]

Hi sweety,

I'm also due in about 5 weeks. I have one DS already who is almost 2 and i have felt through most of this pregnancy that DP doesn't seem as interested in this bubs. Quite a few times I have told him that he doesn't seem interested and he gets really cranky that i say it. Lately he has started getting better and is touching my belly etc. Have you tried asking you hubby if he is interested or why he isn't showing interest. I think my DP was just thinking for ages that this bubs is only going to bring more financial concerns but he has recently started to be more involved. He is coming with me to my next hospital appointment but he doesn't come with me to the ob visits but thats because i prefer him to watch DS.

My advice would be to talk to him and ask why he isn't showing much enthusiasm as you would like. If you ever want to chat just pm me:hugs:

[chicky2lala]

DH was like this. Went on for months. In the end we had a long chat and it turned out he was petrified about how we (he) was going to afford another baby. He couldnt get excited as he was just too worried about the money side of things. Oh, that and he didnt find me sexy when i was Really pregnant, and he was scared of hurting babe when we did have sex.
Plus i know a lot of men don't feel any emotional connection to the growing bump at all, to some all it is is this thing that's making his beautiful wife fat and grumpy.:p

We women forget sometimes that it's hard on the guy too, not just us. He's going through many many changes too and having to deal with many things we don't really give a second thought to.

Honeslty hun, id give the guy a break, but try try try and talk to him about it. Tell him you are just wondering why he never feels your belly ect , why doesnt he like it?

Be careful not to appear like you're attacking him and what he feels, just be very understanding and accpeting of whatever it is he says, then you can both choose to deal with it in whatever way u want.:hugs:

[icugal]

My DF is a little like this too (I'm also 35 weeks pregnant). He has never attended appointments with me.. though he has reluctantly attended some ultrasounds with me. He rarely touches the bump and the first time I went to share the baby's heartbeat with the doppler at 13 weeks... he turned over in bed and pretended to go to sleep. He also says I whinge to much.

He's probably got a little better as the pregnancy has progressed and although he wouldn't admit it, he acts like this because he is worried about getting attached to the baby and then losing it.

The only thing that annoys me now is that my caesar is in two weeks and he seems to be more excited about the fact that he gets to have some time off work than he is over the actual arrival of bub.

Also he is planning a big night out at the pubs after the baby's arrival... it's like I do all the work, and he gets all the glory !!! So unfair !!

[jakeanteleahsmum]

my dp was a little like this at first.now though i cant get him to leave my bump alone,he is always wanting to rub it and says good morning and good night to her.when it comes to cuddles we dont really get a chance as our ds who is 2 in 2 weeks has decided that he wants to sleep next to mummy.he did admit that at first he was more worried about the money.good luck hun

p.s your hubby wouldnt want to be living with me when it comes to whinging,im 38 weeks preg and am always complaining of a sore back or the pre labour ive been having for the last 2 weeks

[samantha75]

Thanks for the replies...we had a chat last night and he has said he will try and make more of an effort :fingerscrossed: he will because any more things to worry about at this stage will send me loopy...



** being induced on the 22nd July**

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[tahnee11]

Thanks for the replies...we had a chat last night and he has said he will try and make more of an effort :fingerscrossed: he will because any more things to worry about at this stage will send me loopy...



Good to hear your chat went well:thumbsup:

[meggs11]

I think it is fairly normal, lost of men don't get the attachment that we do to our bellies.

I remember having awful morning sickness (all day) and begging hubby to stay home with me, he was really puzzled and said him being there wouldn't make any difference if he was there or not, I would still be sick and went out anyway, I was so angry.:banghead:
He also used to say to me that pregnancy wasn't an illness when I used to whinge about feeling so tired all the time, turned out I had gestational diabetes, I made him feel really bad about those comments.:laughing:

I also noticed he wasn't as interested in my second pregnancy, it didn't bother him to miss the ultrasound and it really upset me, he explained that we'd done it before and he just didn't feel as excited this time like I did as he had seen it before, I was extremely upset that time, but he did say he couldn't wait to meet our baby and he thought I was beautiful he just was honest about how he was feeling (wish he had lied;))

But as soon as Jasper was born, it was on, daddy kicked in!!!

When we lost our babies, so early I thought he would have no clue as to how I was feeling and would be hopeless, he was in Sydney when I got rushed to hospital and couldn't get back till the next morning and he was great with me, it wasn't till I got home that he let himself grieve, he was crying and I was so relieved I thought to myself (selfishly) thank god he is suffering, he really does care and he 'gets it'.

I guess we just deal with it differently, I don't think it is uncommon for Daddy not to kick in until he sees his little miracle in real life, it can be very surreal.

Take Care

Meagan

[bettyzealous]

Hello people,

Just wanted some feedback from others who might be in my situation. Im about 35weeks with DD and our DS is 5yrs old so second time around with a big gap.

I am having concerns that my hubby isnt so excited on the idea of baby number 2 and over the last 2 months has become very distant from me. He rarely if ever touches our growing bump and hasnt attended the last 3 OB appts or the last growth scan.
Sex or any kind of intamacy is none existant and im starting to get very emotional over this.
A cuddle would be great or a massage or something !!!!
Its like im not his lover or partner any more and he has said that all i do is complain, if its not my back its something else...which really frustrates me as you all no in this last stretch you do feel a little like you want your body back and it does feel like u constantly ache.However i wouldnt say that i complain about my back on a daily basis...most days im happy and energetic and have no issues , but the last few weeks have been tough i reguraly go to bed on my own and then find him asleep on the couch at 1am and unless i iniate anything intimacy is a thing of the past. He doesnt seem excited about the upcoming birth or have any interest when my next Ob apt is...Im actually worried he is having an affair....which with my hormones i could just be over reacting but it has got to the point now that i dont no what to do ....ive tried to talk to him and explain how i feel but am getting no where any suggestions ....sorry for the long story but just wondered if anyone elses partner is distancing themselves also or is it just me ????:confused:
Thanks in advance

Sam


Hi Hun,

Similar scenario - any intimacy isn't the easiest to get - but entire situation is very complex... feel free to pm me and I'll be happy to talk it all through with you. x:fingerscrossed: