how young/old to have baby?

[bronny-jane]

what are everyones opinions on this?
i was 22 when i had kaliah, and even though i had done alot of things, i think i was too young to face the reality of being a mother.:D

do you have an opinion?

[Lauz]

i thought i would have been ready at 19, and although i could have coped, i dont think i could give her/him the life i may be able to give them in 5 years time... im now 22 and think.. if it happened, well i could cope, but we're still not really ready- still trying to sort my own life out first, to make things steady and secure-ish.

[shed]

I'm 36 and hope to be ready by August...:D

[Cinta]

Well the plan was to have a baby when i would be about 23 or 24. But then i accidentally got pregnant :o Blessing in disguise :)

I wouldnt change a thing. I was a lot more mature than many of my friends before i got pregnant and now im pregnant im even more mature. Pregnancy helps you become more of an adult and helps you learn to deal with things better :)

I think age doesnt matter. However, i personally wouldnt have a baby at say 14 or 15 etc but now that im in a steady relationship and engaged and we have bought a house etc it doesnt make a difference. We will get married in a couple of years and be the perfect family :)

[polony]

I think that even though the body can allow baby making to occur at such a young age, it doesn't necessarily mean you are ready. I think it all has to do with whether you are mentally ready to take it on, whether you are 12 or 62!!

I spose what I am trying to say is that you know when you are ready, even if the conception was an accident(which mine was!) but you just know whether it is the right time for you or not. JMO and I apologise if I offend anyone.

[xkwzit]

LOL @ shed :laughing:

And wanted to take Jacinta's thought a bit further. I think age does matter, but not your age in years IYKWIM? I know 14 yos who are INCREDIBLY mature and I certainly know some 40 yo who aren't. I don't think your age in years is a real indication of your ability to parent.

Just my thoughts...Cheers

[Cinta]

And wanted to take Jacinta's thought a bit further. I think age does matter, but not your age in years IYKWIM? I know 14 yos who are INCREDIBLY mature and I certainly know some 40 yo who aren't. I don't think your age in years is a real indication of your ability to parent.

What i meant to say was that it doesnt matter, as long as you are ready for it :) Sorry i probably didnt word it very good the first time hehe

[bronny-jane]

i thought i was ready:D , i was 10 days overdue on the way to hospital to be induced for the second time when i realised.....i wasnt ready to be a mother:laughing: . bit late for that thought

[shed]

Just a tad late bronny-jane! You should have read the fine-print - No Return No Exchange for Change of Mind!!

[xkwzit]

Hi Jacinta
No worries, I understood what you meant but I just think there's so much more to "age" than simply how long you've been on the planet. But ppl often will say things like 21 is too young, 23 is just right when it actually depends on the individual. If they are ready, they are ready :D

Cheers

[Sarie]

We were 22 when we started TTC #1. We thought we were read. When we finally got those two pink lines 3years later we weren't so sure!!

[Cinta]

Hi Jacinta
No worries, I understood what you meant but I just think there's so much more to "age" than simply how long you've been on the planet. But ppl often will say things like 21 is too young, 23 is just right when it actually depends on the individual. If they are ready, they are ready :D

Cheers

Yep thats pretty much what i meant. That age doesnt matter, its whether or not you are ready :)

[*My Lil Blondie*]

i became a full time step mum when i was 16, i had no problem with it but my friends often made fun of me, i think this is when i realised my maturity levels were beyond others my age. my ds was conceived on my 18th birthday and although he wasnt planned i believe we were ready for him.:o i dont think there is a right age, however i dont think rod stewert is a little old :confused: just my opinion though!

[bronny-jane]

Just a tad late bronny-jane! You should have read the fine-print - No Return No Exchange for Change of Mind!!
tell me about it, i'd never even changed a nappy before, i was useless:laughing:
i had to get the lady next to me to change my dds nappy, whats worse was it was a disposable:o

[catalicious]

Hi just giving my opinion.....

I am 21 now and had my second son on the 5th of Jan, I was 16 when I was pregnant with Lachlan and 17 when I had him.

Both of my pregnancies where unplanned, on depoprovera with second, but i guess this is just one of those tests..

I thought I was ready with Lachlan and I was, I have raised him on my own so far and he is such a good little boy almost always does what he is told, uses manners etc. The only bad thing is he is a bt girly, like he whinges about EVERYTHING!!

"mummy she touched me" and then cries!!!:laughing:

I am now raising Jack on my own too and whilst this is soo Bloody hard, I wouldnt send them back even if I could.

I do get judged though people sometimes still go oh look how young that girl is, but I mean I know 35yo married mums who dont give there kids as much time as I give mine. And I also study too.

So I do agree that it doesnt really matter how old you are in years, but I also think that is only for some people. I know many ummmm lazy older mothers I know alot of Lazy young mothers.:thumbsdown:

So it all comes down to the individual... I just wish in my situation there was diff circumstances, like for eg, I had a partner and my kids had a father figure but since both dads have just left theres nothing I can do to change this just make the most of my situation and I do this every day...

Sorry for rabbling :ecomcity: , once I start sometimes I cant stop :laughing:

[mum of 2]

:D I was 21 when I had my first baby and I definently wasnt ready for the challenges ahead. If I had my first child now that I am 25 I still dont think I would have been ready. Nothing could have prepared me for motherhood as it is so different to anything I had ever experienced.

I take each day as it comes and when I face certain obstacles, like their first tooth, their first visit to the hospital at 2am in the morning, & now we are into the first football injury from my son and my daughters first graze from running too fast & falling over, it makes me realise that I am stronger than I ever thought I would be and I am a great mum and I can only try my best.

One of friends had her baby a year ago and she was 35 and she comes to me for advice and support. Age doesnt matter - I think aslong as you are willing to learn and adapt to your new life as a mum, things will work out just fine. :)

[*My Lil Blondie*]

i became a full time step mum when i was 16, i had no problem with it but my friends often made fun of me, i think this is when i realised my maturity levels were beyond others my age. my ds was conceived on my 18th birthday and although he wasnt planned i believe we were ready for him.:o i dont think there is a right age, however i dont think rod stewert is a little old :confused: just my opinion though!



ooops i meant he IS a little old!

[littlepickle]

I dont think you are ever really ready until they arrive! Then of course you adapt. I am 30 and expecting my first in July. Even now I have little moments of panic where I think, I'm not ready, or a little scared of the responsbility. I never felt anywhere near ready until the last year or so, there were so many other things going on for me and at the time my priority was to travel the world. I did that, then met DH, got married and felt more settled in myself and ready to be less selfish IYKWIM.
I dont think that there is a right or wrong time to have kids really, it depends on the individual and on circumstances.

[catalicious]

I was about to say, I wonder if he is quite done yet???:confused:

I just saw pictures in one of my mags, gosh.

Thats not good about your friends teasing you and its not very nice, heres a hug for you :hugs: .

I found that when I was pregnant with Lachlan I kept it a secret until I finished year 11 then when I left and started to show all bar one of my friends wouldnt speak to me.... I guess it all goes to show doesnt it.
:eek:
I find now that most of my friends are either in the same position as me or are older, I think I have had to grow up quicker so the things that interest most people my age dont interest me... ie: clubs

[*My Lil Blondie*]

I was about to say, I wonder if he is quite done yet???:confused:

I just saw pictures in one of my mags, gosh.

Thats not good about your friends teasing you and its not very nice, heres a hug for you :hugs: .

I found that when I was pregnant with Lachlan I kept it a secret until I finished year 11 then when I left and started to show all bar one of my friends wouldnt speak to me.... I guess it all goes to show doesnt it.
:eek:
I find now that most of my friends are either in the same position as me or are older, I think I have had to grow up quicker so the things that interest most people my age dont interest me... ie: clubs


yeah i saw him in a mag too! isnt he like 60? imagine being a 10 yr old with a 70 yr old dad!

i had major probs with friends when i fell pregnant! first q? i was asked was "so when are ya guna get rid of IT?" i think that just about sums them up! needless to say i dont associate with them anymore! and it sickens me when i run into them and they say how cute he is! but ur so right about the different interests! grrr enough bout that!

[misskittyfantastico]

I personally don't know If even at 26 I was "ready" Ive certainly been blown away by how much having Amelia has totally changed our life. Sometimes I miss being able to be selfish......but that said, she's the most precious little person in the world to me:)

[mum of 2]

all bar one of my friends wouldnt speak to me.... I guess it all goes to show doesnt it.


I experienced the same thing as you. I suppose it was because none of my friends had children and still now the old group I use to hang around are 25 - 26 years old - none of them have children yet - none are married - all still live at home - and they are all still in the same position they were 5 years ago, still going to the pub every second night and drinking till they are blind then stumbling home then onto work the next day probably still half drunk. I did go through that stage too before I had children but you definently grow up when you have little lives in your hands 24 hours a day.

[rynosmum]

When I was 18, I had steady boyfriend and we planned to get married and have kids straight after Uni....although we broke up by the time I was 21. After that, I went out a lot, built a really good start to my career and travelled etc. When I met my now Husband, I was 26 and for a couple of years we just loved living as DINKS - travelling, dinners, very focused on work.

I'm now 34 and have a 2 year old son. I personally believe that this timing was right for us as there is nothing that we feel like we're missing out on, and I feel mature enough in my own self to know that we are bringing our son up in a loving, stable and financially sound environment. Having him truly is the best thing in the world.

That said, we'd better hurry if we want to have more ! The only problem with age is if you do wait to have your kids, your run the risk of not being physically able to have them once you're 'ready'.:eek:

[natasha]

I accidentally fell pregnant just before my 21st birthday. At the time I always knew i would keep her, but man I was scared. I didn't think I was ready at all! I mean seriously, people had always told me I was "wise beyond my years, very mature:ecomcity: ' but being ready for a child is a WHOLE nother ball game.

Then after I had her I realised I was ready to have her, my life fell into place when she was born, I had a reason to live when i didn't before. Me and DH have spoken about it and we both agree that if I hadnt fell pregnant accidentaly, we would still be sitting here saying we are so not ready for a baby yet, and we would still be saying it in 10 yrs time.

I really don't know if i could have ever said to myself 'right, i'm ready to have a child'.
I would have loved to travel the world, explore different cultures, have a career and all that, but man children grow up fast! DD will be leaving home before I know it:crying: and i'll have time to do all that stuff then


So.......to summarise:p You may think you are not ready, you may thing a 15 yr old is not ready, but until you hold your baby in your arms, you just don't know.
And besides, as someone said earlier, I also know mums who have waited till they were older and they don't have half the energy I do to run around after a toddler:laughing:

[catalicious]

I experienced the same thing as you. I suppose it was because none of my friends had children and still now the old group I use to hang around are 25 - 26 years old - none of them have children yet - none are married - all still live at home - and they are all still in the same position they were 5 years ago, still going to the pub every second night and drinking till they are blind then stumbling home then onto work the next day probably still half drunk. .

HOw fullfilling they must think their lives are!!:laughing:

This is exactly the same postition as most of my old school friends, the rest have gone out and had babies in the almost same circumstances as me but yet still they gossip....and people think I have issues..
:rolleyes:

I agree with rynomum also some of the people I know that are older dont have time on their side anymore and 1 are finding it difficult to get pregnant and 2 cant playy with their kids as long... Im not generalising here thats just how some of my older mummy or potential mumy friends are.. Iv got some who can run around longer than me they are like SuperWoman though!!

[Jo_Jo]

hi ladies,
ya know i had my first 2 kids at 17 and 22 and my last at 32 and i so believe that no one is completely ready to have kids at any age, sure you can be ready money wise, own home, car........etc, but emotionally dosent matter what age you are when you have that first child it hits you for a six, and you really cant believe the love you feel for thiis little human being and at the same time how hard it is as well. I do think it gets a little bit easier the more kids you have but with each child comes different issue,s, its funny because with things that have been happening of late with my oldest teenage daughter i say to my hubby i am not ready for this so it just keeps happening all at different stages.........god im still not ready...lol
cheers..jo

[amandaw]

I agree with all those who say that you may not ever feel totally 'ready.' As soon as that pink line shows you have to be, and like Shed I hope I really am come August :). I guess the biggest thing is being able to accept the changes (something I'm still not really ready to do...love my job...love friends/social life...love the freedom to be selfish about my time when I need to be... but also know that this will change once I have that bundle in my arms and will love all that it entails (well maybe not all :) ).

[SassyMummy]

I honestly don't think anyone is necessarily "ready" for a baby in the way that we all think "ready" is. I mean, given that nobody leads a perfect life, there can never be a perfect time to have a baby.

I had my daughter at 19 after falling pregnant at 18...and I'm now 20. She's 9 months old. I don't think I was "ready" but I know that I made the right decision for me. If I waited until I was "ready" then ready may never come... or when I DID find a near-perfect time in my life, it might be too late to try.

When I fell pregnant, I was faced with 2 options: to have my baby, or to abort it. Back then, I didn't believe in abortion (though I have now decided that it's a woman's choice...I can understand why people feel the need to have them...because being a mother can be really hard at times), so it wasn't really a choice. But to those I knew who thought it would be better if I DID have an abortion...I explained to them that this might be my only chance. Anything can happen between now and my death...I could suffer and accident/illness/disease that may make it near impossible to concieve. Why pass up my one good opportunity?

[jessgray]

i finished high school in 2003 at 17.and had taken a year off to figure out what i wanted to do at uni coz i had no idea.i met DP not long after i had turned 18 and about 2 months later we found out i was expecting :laughing: DP was the expert on changing nappies and stuff so he was more ready then me coz i had no idea about anything but now i would say i wouldnt change it for the world.

[MummyCharmzy]

I found out I was expecting DS when I was 16, I was 17 when he was born and at the time I thought I was more than ready.. I don't think I realised I wasn't ready to be a mum at that age until I was 19. I had DD not long before I turned 20 and was muchhhhh readier then.

I think I was a great mum to DS but I made some wrong choices and did some silly things and simple things like being too young to get him his own library card were annoying little issues from being so young.

When DD came I was much more prepared, I don't think I would have been if I hadn't already had DS because I was still only 19 when she was born but I had grown up SO much in that time.

Now I'm 20 and having my third and have grown up even more in these past 12 months.

I don't think there is a right age to have a baby but I do think 20+ is best because under 20 you're still discovering yourself and its not easy to find YOU when you are no longer 'just you' IYKWIM?

[MummyCharmzy]

Adding in... DS was born 9 weeks premature... I don't think any age is going to find that easy to deal with but barely 17 I just had no clue what it meant short term to have a premature baby, let alone long term with the developmental and growth issues we've had. I think if I was older when he was born I would have been much more prepared for that kind of thing, 16 and pregnant all I did was prepare for the 'good' things.... now at 20 my eyes are open to the fact that things don't go along as planned and bad things do happen.