need some help

[soontobenewdad]

Hi fathers well l am not sure if this is the right plcae to write this but l thought some other faters could help me.

My partner is is expecting our child l really cant say our first child as she had still born twin boys last year, well l dont know if it is her hormones but she has days were l am afraid to open my mouth and other days she is the best she was suffering from postnantal depression and was taking medication for it and when she fell pregnant it came as a total big shock to both of us, l guess it was harder on my partner as she was still trying to deal with the loss of the boys.
my partner has days were l would get text messages where she cant cope anymore and hates being pregnant and why do l love her and how could l love someone fat like her, its really hard sometimes l dont know what to say to her and all l say to her is l love you and no you are not fat l am running out of things to say to her, but on her good days she is the best its like the person l fell in love with can do everything with her and she loves herself and loves being fat and having the baby.
I NEED HELP>>>>>

[misskittyfantastico]

Just keep listening and reassuring her....I know it must be difficult but the fact that you're here asking for help shows how much you love your partner and ultimately that will get you through:)

[quintets]

Hey there. Sounds like you've got a tuffy of a situation. Now you're probably a great guy and a well meaning husband and father-to-be. I gotta tell you...from what I've read, you're doing and saying all the right things. :smiliedance:

Keep listening and keep rolling with her moods. You're the man and the most important thing you gotta do is "just be there". It means being fully present in the situation, listen, nod and holding back on the urge to "fix it". Kind words and encouraging and supportive sounds (y'know...supportive grunting..heh heh) are all part of building layers and layers of understanding, connection and intimacy. A pregnant woman is NEVER fat; their curvy shape carrying your/my/our child is the most beautiful thing in the world and always, always remind of them of that. Saying it is like sending flowers...they feel a better...sometimes a little...sometimes alot...it just works...don't ask why...so just keep saying it. Get a copy of Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" and play it softly to her while giving her a gentle footrub (if she's okay about being touched...that is). Or buy a fresh rose, pluck all the petals off and write Love, Baby, Beautiful Body, and other warm fuzzy phrases on each petal with a soft felt tip pen and put them in a pink envelope for her.

When we were in birth class, I used to get annoyed at the midwives because they would give hours and hours of attention to the mothers-to-be only. Advice on this sensation. How to deal with that emotional roller-coaster. Practical advice on breathing, positions, when to push and the never looked at me. At the very end of the last session, one looked me in the eye and said in a quiet, serious voice. "And your job...is to be strong."

I sat up ramrod straight. Oh...okay. I can do that! Best damned advice I ever had.

Enuf said.

Jireh

[quintets]

IMHO, this is still the best site for new dads. Great writing from guys about being a great father. The best bit is still the article on "Troubleshooting the Crying Baby"; it's written like a car repair manual. Heh heh.

http://www.newdads.com/pages/new-dads-info.htm

Enjoy.

Jireh

[serenitynow]

Hey there. Sounds like you've got a tuffy of a situation. Now you're probably a great guy and a well meaning husband and father-to-be. I gotta tell you...from what I've read, you're doing and saying all the right things. :smiliedance:

Keep listening and keep rolling with her moods. You're the man and the most important thing you gotta do is "just be there". It means being fully present in the situation, listen, nod and holding back on the urge to "fix it". Kind words and encouraging and supportive sounds (y'know...supportive grunting..heh heh) are all part of building layers and layers of understanding, connection and intimacy. A pregnant woman is NEVER fat; their curvy shape carrying your/my/our child is the most beautiful thing in the world and always, always remind of them of that. Saying it is like sending flowers...they feel a better...sometimes a little...sometimes alot...it just works...don't ask why...so just keep saying it. Get a copy of Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" and play it softly to her while giving her a gentle footrub (if she's okay about being touched...that is). Or buy a fresh rose, pluck all the petals off and write Love, Baby, Beautiful Body, and other warm fuzzy phrases on each petal with a soft felt tip pen and put them in a pink envelope for her.

When we were in birth class, I used to get annoyed at the midwives because they would give hours and hours of attention to the mothers-to-be only. Advice on this sensation. How to deal with that emotional roller-coaster. Practical advice on breathing, positions, when to push and the never looked at me. At the very end of the last session, one looked me in the eye and said in a quiet, serious voice. "And your job...is to be strong."

I sat up ramrod straight. Oh...okay. I can do that! Best damned advice I ever had.

Enuf said.

Jireh

Apologies for venturing into the men's room, fella's....

Jireh, might I just say

Applause :yelclap: Take a bow:yelclap:

Wise words indeed.

More wise words with Milliesmum's post.

Soontobedad - I'm so very sorry for your loss and wish you all the best for this pregnancy.
Your road sounds a very tough one....patience, understanding and that old chestnut of taking one day at a time....sounds like you are doing a terrific job of looking after your good woman.

Don't forget to take care of you as well.

[Jax Tellers Old Lady]

Hey there firstly i just wanna say how fantastic it is that you are reaching out for help on here i think more dads need to get involved. I am deeply sorry for the loss of your boys and cant imagine the pain you both must feel. Sorry that im not a guy but i can give you some advice from a womans view. I guess you just have to be patient and trust me i know all about hormonal woman cos i am one. Its soo hard on the male partner i think they cop it bad sometimes i know my partner does. Men think so much different than woman they dont seem to have the insecurites that a woman does. It is an amazing thing being pregnant but can also be difficult the body goes through so much changes and a woman can find it really hard to deal with. I am sorry that you are finding it tough i think if you love her just stick it out things will get better. take care

[wattle]

Hi there. I'd highly recommend talking to someone at PANDA. (Post and Antenatal Depression Assoc)

They're so helpful and are trained in this area. They are patient, understanding and can give you really good advice, oh and it's free.:D

www.panda.org.au you can find the number for your state on the website.

Goodluck.