View Full Version : should we start now?
im having trouble deciding on when i should start a family. im turning 19 this year but my partner has just turned 29 and id prefer to have children at a young age. i know i have all the time in the world but i want a big family and dont really want my partner to be too old. (nothing wrong with mature mums n dads, just a personal choice of my own) i know i would have the support of my family n friends but i just want 2 know what its like to have children at such a young age?
i'm 21 and have a 4 month old baby, i was 20 when she was born. as i didn't mean to get pregnant it was a huge decision for me to make and i believe i made the right one (i love my baby!!) but it has changed my life completely!!! just think it through completely before you go ahead and bear in mind that everything will change, i even lost some friends because they didn't like the fact that i couldn't just drop everything and go out with them. but i think it's the best thing i've ever done having a baby and i absolutely love being a young mum. what does your partner think???
Im 20, had my little girl when I was 19. I love being a mum its so rewarding and exciting. My partner is 26 and we both decided we we're ready and went for it. We wayed up things like social life, cost, etc, but when it comes down to it having a baby dosent really cost at all.
Breast milk is free, cloth nappies dont cost once you have them although i went disposable you buy in bulk, you sacrifice something like takeout once a fortnight.
Its hard work but it comes so naturally.
ANd yes you do loose some friends and you do feel a little isolated but there are so many good playgroups and if you have families support thats the best.
Sorry ive kinda dribbled on a bit.
i become a mother at 13 (not by chose ) and i found being a young mother is great. my first born is now thirteen and i find I'm still young enough to understand what he's going through (puberty). as for cost well i found it will cost a lot even with cloth nappies you have to buy soaks, laundry liquid , water and liners and the rest. but if you can afford it and you feel your ready i say do what makes you happy it's you life.
I'm 20 and fell pregnant at 18. I had my DD at 19...and she's now nearly 9 months old.
I'm so glad I had her, as I adore her with all of my heart...but I must admit that when I hear about young girls deliberately wanting to have babies I just want to shake them and yell "WHY?!"
Having a baby does not end your life, as some people may tell you...nor does it ruin it. But it changes you life SO MUCH. You can try to mentally prepare yourself for it all you want...but you just won't realise how much your life will change until it's already done the changing.
There are so many things you can no longer do...or at least so many things you can't do peacefully/spontaneously/without a babysitter/without worrying that you'll bother someone...etc etc.
Then there's the cost. You might think that you've figured it out...but trust me, you're not even close. Babies cost SO MUCH MORE than you'd think...and the cost is ongoing and never-ending. Not only do you have the "set up costs" (like cot, pram, car seat etc), but you have all of the "little things that add up"...like regular clothing updates, formula, nappies, wipes, bibs, etc etc etc etc.
In my honest opinion, I'd wait. I'd travel. That's something I REALLY want to do - but I'm now very limited. I love my daughter...I'm not saying that I'd give her up in order to do other things...but I really think there are things that you should do NOW while you have the chance.
And, while you may want a big family NOW...just wait until you've had ONE baby before you start planning too far ahead...
Good luck with your decision.
I fell pregnant at 20 with my 1st and had him at 21.
I have nothing against older parents but my prefrence was to be a younger mum as I think you grow with your kids.
I had friends at school with older parents that people use to think were their grandparents picking them up!!
Everyones choice is different and it all depends on the person. Travel is a good option but I also see your point of having a little older partner and not wanting him to be too old.
If you have kids later on you can travel etc before you have them but if you have kids earlier you also have plenty of time to do these things after your kids have grown up.
You really need to talk it all through with your partner and make sure you both agree on all aspects.
You both still have plenty of time to have children and I wish you all the best:thumbsup:
I agree with Stacey. I'd wait.
At 18 you'll still be a young mum even in 3 years but by then will have experienced a lot more.
Being a mum is great of course but it is not easy, as rewarding as it is, its very challenging and the responsibility of it is huge. You cannot possibly even imagine what its going to be like and nothing you do now will prepare you for it.
Babies, toddlers, young children.... they do cost a LOT... and the cost doesnt stop there obviously, it goes on for a life time. Its not just nappies, wipes, formula, clothes... its education, extra curricular activities and just general living expenses which increase of course when you have a bub - that heater that you turn off now and put a jumper on for will be left on when bubs is born to make sure he/she stays warm enough which can double your gas bill... etc
do your friends have kids? if not, chances are if you have a baby you won't be very good friends with them after you have the baby because your life will suddenly be so different to theres and if you enjoy going out, they will soon get sick of inviting you places and you never being able to go.
I want a large family too, and I had my first at 17, second at 19 will have my third at 20 and gained a stepson at 17 as well... so I'm already almost there... and I love it to bits but it is NOT easy and I still have times every now and then when I wish things were different.
All my 'old' friends (who are only casual aquaintances now) are sharing houses with each other, working, finishing there uni degrees, travelling the world, clubbing and pubbing.. etc my life is the 100% opposite of that and I love it to bits but I will never get that back. I'll never be a teenager again, thats over now... so the kids will all have grown up (and by rights) have moved out while im still 'young' but that doesnt mean I can go relive my teenage years and go clubbing etc.
Of course I have a great group of new friends, all of which are mummys like myself - but ask any of us and you'll get the same response: WAIT - you have plenty of time.
sorry for my essay of a post.. if you want to chat pm me and ill send you my msn. lol might have scared you off now - havent been meaning to though!
Good on you for coming on here and asking though - that definitely shows a sign of maturity.. Next you could ask your family and friends... Talk to your mum about what being a mum is REALLY like. Perhaps even find a local young mums group and go along to it a couple of times, they'll tell it like it is I'm sure and you'll also get to see a bit more firsthand... and probably hear them whinging about aspects of it lol
Best of luck.
I had my first at 18 and now were awaiting our second later this year (will be 19), as every one else has said its the best thing i have ever done and i cant say enough good things about it!! (its sometimes hard but then you get your first smile and it makes every thing sooooooooooooooooo worth it!!) :yes:
I had my DS at 18 and it was abit of a shock to the system but the girls r right, it comes so naturally. Ur life changes completely tho. Ive been out with my "friends" maybe 1night in the last year. Although I still talk to my best friend every day I only see her once a fortnight.
This is just my opinion but wait till u r 18 and experience life abit, then maybe u'll decide its best to live abit 1st. DOn't get me wrong I love my life and wouldnt change a thing!!! But just think about it first
In all honesty, If you're having trouble deciding, I'd wait. Time is on your side.
I was in a very similar situation as you as my partner is 11 years older than me. I fell pregnant by accident and my partner was 30 at that time. It's a hard decision to make. I must say though at times i really wish i had waited. I have no freedom now. I have to watch all my freinds go out and do there own thing while im at home. Dont get me wrong i would never take my daughter back no matter what but just really think about the pro's and con's. What does your partner want? Does he want kids now? Good Luck with making your decision.
Feel free to email me at any time or add me to msn. My email addy is firstname.lastname@example.org
I had my first at 20 (I got pregnant at 19) but I was also married at the time and having children young is something we both wanted......DH is 1mth old than me BTW.
Going out was never an issue for me as I'm a homebody, but I did lose the couple of friends I had when I got married.
Cost........they are cheap as babies, even though you need hundreds of dollars for cots, carseats, clothes, bottles, formula, nappies etc. But when they start school, you have uniforms that cost $350 roughly per child (public school), excursions costing around $100 per child, schools asking for money for books, performances, hotdog days, school photos etc.
What does your partner think about starting a family?
I love being a young mum....in the end no matter wat any1 says its ur choice and wateva u do make sure to be happy :D
hope all goes well:thumbsup:
I had my first at 15 and second at 19 and to be honest, I would not have it ANY other way :)
You do what YOU guys want to do, and good luck with whatever you decide!
Well everyone is different so if it is what you want then go for it. Although even if you do wait a few years, you will still be a young mum and be able to have a big family.
I know 25 seems old from your end but its still very young from this angle!! LOL
Your twenties are usually the time for going out and having fun and finding your feet, travelling, shopping and generally just enjoying the freedom. You do change a lot during these years. But if you are prepared to sacrifice that then there is nothing stopping you. Keep in mind that you can have babies later but you can't get those early twenties back.
But if you are emotionally and financially ready then do it.
If you are feeling clucky and not quite ready yet then look into joining the Aunties and Uncles programme first.
I fall pregnant when i was 18 and gave birth when i was 19, i wouldnt change anything at all i love my new life, althou my life has changed so much.
I had a good supportive family and althou my friends where also supportive we kind of drifted apart, i still speak to them now but its not the same.
I know u have to think about finace and stuff but seriously for me its not about wheather u own a nice house and have all these materalistic things, i think its mostly about love and wheather u and ur partner are ready to have a baby.
I also want to have kids young, we are planing on having another baby at the end of this year, and having 4 more after that we both disided from the start we wanted a BIGG family and we want to grow up with our children.
Being a young mum is great i dont have any regrets at ALL, I say go with what u feel is right, dont let other people tell u your to young i dont think age matters its wheather ur ready or not to be a mummy.
Good luck :D
Me - 19
DH - 21
DD MOnique - 6 months:kiss:
i had my DS when i was 18 and my #2 bub is due when i am 20 DS was born 6 weeks before my 19th. i love being a mum but i think if you have second thoughts wait a bit:thumbsup:
In all honesty, If you're having trouble deciding, I'd wait. Time is on your side.
:yes: I agree. :)
I can honestly say, I am so glad I had a fantastic 20s. I travelled for work for about 8 years. I was organising conferences around Asia and the Middle East. Managed offices, managed people, managed my life. Did a couple of years of training for kids. Hung out with friends, travelled to the US, England, Israel... The list goes on. Most of which I would not have been able to do if I was a mommy at 20.
Got my degree and other qualifications which has armed me with confidence to do what I want. This continued till my early 30s. Now that I've met my husband who I can honestly say has done lots more... we are both very happy to start a family and share all the experience with the little one.
I'd say if you can, wait for a few more years. Parenthood is can be beautiful and rewarding even when you are older. You can be a parent for the rest of your life.
I think there are positives and negatives no matter your age when you have a bubs.
I was 22 when I fell pregnant with my first DD and I thought that I was majorly young then....
I had plans to complete uni and start an OE. The hardest part was attempting to complete uni and being a mum at the same time, 'O week' was no longer the same and I had to hear what everyone else had been up to cose I no longer could go out. Then spending my savings on a cot, capsule, pushchair while my friends purchased airfare, quickly followed by waving them (and my hopes and dreams from the last 3 yrs) off at the airport. BUT that all said and done I wouldnt change a thing and could not imagine my life without my baby. I developed new hopes and dreams. She, her sister and my partner are my life now.
I agree having a baby dosnt end your life it just changes it dramatically.
A number of my younger (3 between 16-19yrs) cousins had babys around the same time as me (Between Dec05-Jan 06) & Im flabbergasted as to why they would actively fall pregnant at such a young age. Theres plenty of time to have children why not experience the world first.
As a side note:
I am 28 now and have a 7 year old sister and to be honest my mother is a better mum now than what she was when she had me (she was pregnant at 18 had me at 19, my brother at 21 and my youngest brother 26). She has a lifetime of experience and the ability to provide for her child now. She does worry about being an older parent but she is every bit as active as I am with my daughter. Age is only a barrier if you let it.
You could read hundreds of these type of responses and still not know what to do, everyone is different and will have a different response. You will know when you are ready and if you have great support network you will be fine.
I had my first when I was 21, and I know things would have been so much different if I didn't have my family & friends around. My mum & sister were/are amazing help.
Your life will change but hopefully for the better, it will be hard, exhausting, scary, fun & exciting.
Talk it through with your partner and make sure you both want it 100%.
Good luck with your decision.
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