I need to vent!!!

[em's mum]

Hi all!

Firstly I apologise for the length of this as I really need to vent! And secondly, as this has a lot to do with religion, I really hope that I do not offend anyone by anything I say in this – that is not my intention.

As my husband and I are both catholic (though we don’t head off to church every Sunday) we decided to have our daughter christened. We sent out the invitations and had a strange phone call from my husbands 2 sisters saying they wanted to come see us. About 12 years ago my husbands sisters and families created a rather big family stink by joining Jehovah’s Witness. We know that they don’t celebrate birthdays, Christmas, Easter etc, but they arrived on our doorstep that fateful night to tell us that they won’t be coming to DD’s christening. Their reason for not attending (and this is the part that has really got up my nose) is because they said that what we were doing was wrong and you just don’t do that to a poor little baby. My husband sat there with them arguing the issue saying how we are not trying to convert them, they didn’t need to believe in what we were doing, we just wanted them to come along, put their bum on a seat and join a family occasion for our DD. That was all too hard for them, they said they couldn’t do it, but then had the nerve to say “please don’t shut us out”. To cut a long story short, after telling them how narrow minded they were, my husband ended up telling them they could leave.

The thing that annoys me is that for the last 4 years that my husband and I have known each other, we have gone to every wedding that his sisters have had for their kids without blinking an eyelid. We have sat there, respectfully, at family bbq’s when they have said their “grace” before meals. When it came to our wedding a little over 2 years ago, we were told they wouldn’t attend if it were in a church, so we had a garden wedding, which was a HUGE issue in my family as my parents are VERY religious people and everyone else in the family has had a church wedding (I never told my mother the real reason why we wanted/had to have a garden wedding). Yes, we could have again been accommodating and chosen to have a naming day over a church christening, but this is our daughter and we like to think that there is a greater being out there watching over her and keeping her safe, and we are our own family now and don’t want them dictating our lives. (And they will definitely not be dictating the wedding my daughter has!!) We were SO annoyed that they had the nerve to sit in OUR house and tell us what we were doing was wrong after we have never questioned joining in family occasions with them. I felt so sorry for my husband because apart from his parents, there was not one other family member of his at our DD christening!

I consider myself to be a very easy going person. I don’t judge people and in my husbands case I have bent over backwards to be liked and accepted by his family, though at times it feels like I’m beating my head against a brick wall as his sisters are VERY clicky. Now I have lost all respect for them, and as far as “shutting them out”, in my opinion they have done that themselves. My husband used to be fairly close to his sisters and now we rarely see them. The only time we will see them is if his mother organizes lunch or something.
Why should we be the ones to come crawling back to them? They were the ones who broke our hearts. Are we wrong to think that way?

Thanks for listening, I hope I haven't offended anyone at all.

[suziebear]

Dear Paula,
Boy your story sounds similar. Not over religion thankfully but over family issues to do with our wedding a couple of years ago and my husbands family.
Thing is we now have not spoken to his brother in 4 years and he has never met our son. We arrange to still see the rest of his family and also his children etc but he will never be permitted into my house again.

Thing is as hard as it sounds do not let it get to you. The main thing is that both yourself and your husband do what you think is right for you and how dare anyone tell you otherwise. We had Jayden's christening not long ago and it was a great day that he slept through but we all enjoyed. Make sure you enjoy the day and try not to let it stress you out.

If you want to vent more or a venting partner please email suziebear@bigpond.com

[Maxs_MumMy]

I hear you....

My husbands side don't belive in christenings or naming days and they sent back the invitation in the mail and on the front of the envelope it said how could you?

( as at the christening my husband and max are getting done on the same day, which i thought was nice)

[alicesmum]

oh dear they are a weird bunch those JWs aren't they (not as concerned myself about offending any jw's reading this!!! :p . they come round regularly to my house asking me if i'm concerned about the future. i mean, who does that? what is that?!?

we had a zen buddhist welcoming ceremony for alice at the centre where i meditate and almost all the friends and family thought it was strange, but i didn't care. u have to do what you want when it comes to your offspring.

hope it all gets sorted soon! :)

[xkwzit]

Hi
I understand your need to vent and I think that its a shame that your SILs can't respect your religious beliefs, when you have been respecting theirs.

Try not to get worked up about it though, if they don't want to go - you can't make them. Could you invite them for a coffee afterwards? (only if you can tolerate them right now though :D ). Life is way to short to carry a burden like this around. I would try to let it roll off your back and keep inviting them to family occaisions, but don't be bothered if they snub you. Keep turning the other cheek - who knows, you might wind up converting them!

Cheers

[Milly]

xkwzit: I understand your need to vent and I think that its a shame that your SILs can't respect your religious beliefs, when you have been respecting theirs.

That is exactly what I was thinking! They are being very hypocritical! I definetly understand that their behaviour would be upsetting. I personally think that you should go ahead and do what you believe in. You have had to compromise to them so often and they can't even do a little thing for you, that you might as well just go ahead and do something for yourselves and your daughter. If it is what you believe in then go for it.

My MIL told her relatives not to bring gifts to our DD's Christening ( we were not expecting any anyway, and if the child gets something it is just a lovely little religious item. Well, that what it is in our family) and I was gobsmacked. What did she think we were getting our DD Christened for? Gifts? The way she carried on about it you would think it was the reason for the whole affair. "I hope that you will not be disappointed. Our church does not bring gifts for Baptisms so I am just letting you that she won't be getting any" and the real reason for that "I told my lot not to bring a gift for her (my DD) as she has received too many already" and so on and so on. I was so annoyed. She cited religious denomination as her reasoning, but I knew that it was a load of bologne as my dad used to attend that denomination anway, so we knew she was just making it up. It is entirely up to the family and friends if they want to bring something. It is not her place to tell them what to do. She was just having issues with our daughter having recieved so many lovely things after her birth from family and friends other than her side. She did not like that. I also think that deep down, despite the smiles and apparent "that's fine", she was not happy our daughter was being baptised in another denomination. She had a few digs about it here and there. My annoyance is quite minor, but it was the passive aggressive way she was saying she was not to thrilled about my DD being baptised in another denomination. Family and religion can be funny things.

Anyway... be strong and stick by your beliefs! You have been so accomodating to them, its about time they took time to accomodate you.

[Chickadee]

This thread intrigued me. I don't like when people of one faith try to impose their views on others. But the behaviour of Em'sMum's inlaws made me think of the well dressed couple who knocked on my door the other week, and I went looking for info on JW beliefs. I found these quotes on a JW site called Watchtower (http://www.watchtower.org/library/jt/article_08.htm)

Why do the Witnesses call on people who have their own religion?

In doing this they follow Jesus' example. ... It is vitally important for people to hold beliefs that conform to God's own Word, and the efforts of the Witnesses to assist them in doing this constitute a showing of neighbor love.

Do the Witnesses believe that their religion is the only right one?

Anyone who is serious about his religion should think that it is the right one. Otherwise, why would he or she be involved in it?

If I become one of Jehovah's Witnesses, would I be expected to preach as they do?

When one becomes filled with the knowledge of the promised earthly Paradise under Christ's Kingdom, one wants to share it with others. You will too. It is good news! Doing this is an important way of showing that you are a disciple of Jesus Christ. .... There are many ways of declaring this good news. Conversation with friends and acquaintances often opens the way to do so. Some do it by writing letters or by using the telephone. Others mail literature containing material that they think an acquaintance would be especially interested in. Out of a desire to miss no one, Witnesses go from door to door with the message.

So the behaviour of JW to spread the word and "convert" others is a doctrine of their faith. Kind of like Samaritans (the Salvos) are always involved in community work. But, obviously it goes too far. I don't think anyone, including JW, should try to spread the word of their religion so adamently as to exclude or actually criticise family and friends who have different beliefs.

Maybe you could spout some bible passages of your own back at them? Surely somewhere in the New Testament Jesus said to tolerate other's misguided beliefs & forgive the doubter?

[mumof2girls]

I was baptised as a child and we had our children baptised because it was something that I believed in doing, I however don't attend church so people thought it was odd of us but I still see myself as a christian and had it done. I don't force the issue of going to church to my children but they attend a christian school and they go to REV (teen night church) which they thoroughly enjoy. My girls have bibles on a lot of different religions and they read through them at their own pace and they will choose their religion in their own time, it has to be a personal choice and will respect their choice.

I say do what you want and if they choose not to come then that is their choice and they have to live with it. Continue to support them if you wish as that is your choice and they at least can't come back and say that you don't support us so we don't support you (it happens). I honestly feel that JW are very pushy people who have a hard time hearing no when they come to my door!

[em's mum]

Thanks for all your replies. We went ahead and had the christening and it was a lovely day.

The whole thing has really peeved me off because even before we sent out the invites, I asked them for some of the addresses of their kids. They had plenty of opportunity to say that they don't believe in christenings but they let me go on and would of been talking about it all behind our backs. I was even going to ask them to come shopping with me to buy the christening dress - I am SO glad I didn't do that now - how much of an idiot would I have looked like!!!

You know, if they had just said "we don't believe in christenings", I would not have had such a problem, but the fact they said how wrong it was and how you don't do it to a poor little baby - oh, please!!! It's not like we were dipping her in hot oil!! And to say a christening is wrong when they are quite willing to sit by and let their own child die by not allowing blood transfusions etc,.....they really are in no position to sit in judgement on what is right or wrong! My husband thinks they are all idiots, which is a shame as they are his sisters, we will never look at them the same again and our relationship with them will also never be the same again. You know, they said to us that they knew their reply was going to break our hearts - funny, guess my brain operates differently. I'm the sort of person, if I knew I'd hurt someone THAT much, I wouldn't do it!! And to top it all off - we recently went to a funeral and it was requested "the last post" be played (obviously for an ex-soldier) and not one of them stood up while it was played!!! I was absolutely appalled because that is not a religious song, it is purely out of respect for those that have fought for the life we enjoy today. You can't get more disrespectful than that!!

This is really only the tip of an iceberg in recent events that has led to how I feel about my in-laws. Not long after all this, we were invited to a bbq with them all - and they hardly said 5 words to us, then decided 2 hours into the bbq that they'd all go down to the park and have it down there. That peeved my hubby off as we were just starting solids with our daughter and needed a microwave to heat her food and her bottle. So they all went down the road, we stayed at his nieces house, fed our daughter, locked the door behind us and headed home. Hospitality to a T if you ask me, don't you think??

We will never look on any of them the same again. I know that's probably not the right thing to do or a very christian attitude, but you can't help your feelings.....and I can't wait for the next unsuspecting JW to come knocking on my front door!!!

Thanks again for lending me your ears - it's much appreciated.

[cleighsa]

hey there
i kinda know what its like for u, and i do feel for u. my MIL is JW and my hubby was raised as one too. hubby has nothing to do with the JWs sice he was a teenager. but his mum is very devout, although she doesnt preech to me apart from giving me the odd watchtower magazine. we get along really well because i think we just let each other alone when it comes to religion.
i had a garden ceremony too, mainly just to prevent any tension bcause i knew they wouldnt come if in a church.
we have a 10mth old and i just hope she dosent try and preech to her when shes older. i just think it will be a bit sad when my daughter gets older and wonders why her 'ma' doesnt say happy birthday, and wont come to her partys.
good luck
im glad the christening went well
leighsa