My friends child - what should I do?

[toblerone]

I think there may be something not quite right about my friends child.

He is almost 24 months now. He now says a few words but you can hardly understand what he is saying, only his mum understands. He also uses a few hand gestures which have special meaning to him and only those who know him understand.

He shows very very little emotion. I have seen him smile at his Mum once but this is incredibly rare. He is emotionless and if you try to interact with him he stares at you blankly which is very disconcerting.

He doesn't interact with other children EXCEPT he does interact with his brother sometimes. He likes to play by himself and you sometimes find him just lying there doing nothing. He seems to be very smart but he cant express himself (apparently he can point to letters and so knows his alphabet). He also has very good concentration.

He is also quite clumsy.

He is mild mannered and doesn't have tantrums much, however interestingly when his mum sends him to the "thinking spot" when he doesn't listen, she will ask him if he is ready to come out and he will shake his head and stay there for 20+ minutes of his own accord.

I think there is *definitely* something wrong - maybe mild aspergers (he definitely fits some of the signs, but not others) or at the least hearing problems or something.

I have tried to tactfully bring this up to his Mum but she got very offended and literally screamed at me. I have hinted about it again and she is very sensitive. It's as if she knows something isn't right but won't admit it to herself and so has a defence mechanism.

I am very good friends with her and realise I need to be sensitive and supportive and maybe wait for her to confront the issue herself... but I am worried that early intervention won't happen.

It's really upsetting me. What should I do?

[meggs]

Hey there,
Im not a medical expert but in my experience it sounds like it could be autism...def be supportive with your friend parents are usually the last ones who want to admit something is wrong..he is only 2 so it is hard to push too much and if anything he will get help when he gets to school....

[toblerone]

Hey there,
Im not a medical expert but in my experience it sounds like it could be autism...def be supportive with your friend parents are usually the last ones who want to admit something is wrong..he is only 2 so it is hard to push too much and if anything he will get help when he gets to school....

Do you think this is too late though? I thought starting intervention earlier is better but maybe the over protective side of me is coming out !

[Benji]

Is he like that when others aren't around?

Maybe he's just shy.

Anyway, I'm sure his mother knows him and knows what's best I think I'd leave it to be honest.

[meggs]

unfortunately it is entirely up to the parents..as hard as it is to watch it is their call and the best thing you can do it help them and not alienate them... he is only 2 he may just be going through a stage it could be numerous things...

[Seekrit]

I'd be upset if someone too told me they thought there was something not right about my beautiful child. I'm sorry, but I think it's up to mum to decide.

Autism and Aspergers is being diagnosed so so so much these days and people are often quick to leap onto that 'diagnosis' immediately, a few years ago your friend's tot would simply be normal and quirky... you know? he's ONLY 2... my 23 month old says HEAPS that only I can translate! I'd say, at 24 months, that the speech side is completely normal.

I could diagnose so many kids/friends/adults/whatever with autism and aspergers given the "signs" and "symptoms" are so regularly available and bantered about...

[HugsAndKisses]

have to agree with the majority that at 2yrs old the speach is still very limmited and devoloping...i know at 2 my son was rarely understood by others, i was always translating...now though I am always told how well he speaks and he's 3...
also i did childcare for a while and some children do like to just play alone they dont really devolop the "want" to play with others till 3 upwards...
anyway i think its sweet you care so much....but best to leave it to his mum and dad to decide if treatment is nessacary:yes:

[delirium]

I'd be upset if someone too told me they thought there was something not right about my beautiful child. I'm sorry, but I think it's up to mum to decide.

Autism and Aspergers is being diagnosed so so so much these days and people are often quick to leap onto that 'diagnosis' immediately, a few years ago your friend's tot would simply be normal and quirky... you know? he's ONLY 2... my 23 month old says HEAPS that only I can translate! I'd say, at 24 months, that the speech side is completely normal.

I could diagnose so many kids/friends/adults/whatever with autism and aspergers given the "signs" and "symptoms" are so regularly available and bantered about...

:iagree: I'd be upset, however well meaning it was. As mums we know our kids. imo you should let her make the decision to get him seen to. As Seekrit said, 'normal' speech falls into a wide range, and at 2, I've known heaps of kids (mainly boys I've noticed) are lagging from the 'norm'. He does show some signs of autism/aspergers, but again I agree that it is overdiagnosed.

A friend's boy is nearly 4 and has quite poor speech, he doesn't have autism or anything but I believe there might be a bit of developmental delay. But I don't say anything because I know she already knows. If this little boy you are talking about really has something wrong, I bet you his mum knows deep down.

I think your motives are coming from a loving place, but I wouldn't say anything. Particularly that you have already said something.

[punkbaby]

I think its the mums decision really and i would be pretty upset if someone stepped in and told me what was wrong with my child he is only 2, still very young, his probably shy, nothing wrong with that, as for speech i know none of my kids really actually chatted in sentences etc till they were at least 2.5.

I wouldnt say anything :)

[SassyMummy]

I'd be getting pretty offended if someone suggested my child was "behind" or whatever.

If she has any major issues, she'll get them looked at when she's ready... he's only little, and I thought that, generally, diagnoses of many of those types of issues aren't made until they're a little older.

Speech is hard to use as a "symptom" and at 2, most kids don't really play TOGETHER as much as play side-by-side anyway.

I'd leave it - I wouldn't have gone back to say it again if she got upset the first time. It really none of your business unless you suspect his behaviour is a result of abuse or something, which it doesn't seem like you do.

I'd leave it alone.

[WorkingClassMum]

I can hear that your mummy-instincts are ringing warning bells, but it's not your call.

I'd just be prepared to be supportive.

I'd also be careful about using lables. As you said he's mild mannered and doesn't have much of a temper, few (normal) tantrums and he's not being intractable and difficult - it actually doesn't sound like either syndrom. Maybe the boy is a late bloomer or he may indeed have a few on-going issues.

I understand that you only spoke up as you care and have concerns - and good on you for speaking up, but as per PP's now that you've said something and his mother doesn't agree - back off or you may lose the friendship and then you wont be there if she does need a shoulder or a helping hand.

As for your other concerns; Many 2YO's don't have a good vocabulary and many stil do parallel play - that's not unusual, occassional interacts with an older child/sibling - quite usual for a 2YO 2nd child. He has good contentration - rare in a 2YO, knows his alphabet (slightly above par for a 2YO) and he can express himself as his mum seems to know what he wants. Most 2yo boys can be clumsy, and this child is either day dreaming (come and meet my 7YO:rolleyes:) or a deep thinker.

But I can hear that your worried with good intentions. Just be there if it does turn out that there is something wrong.