should I be tough?

[lea21]

Help, my little boy is now 7 months old and not putting himself to sleep at all. He wants to be nursed or rocked to sleep day and night. I tryed controlled crying and at 2/3am in the morning I could only let it go for 40 mins, it broke my heart and I was afraid he would wake up my 9 and 5 year olds. Should I persevere? Has anyone stuck it out and if so, how long until you saw results?
Please all of your advice would help, I feel like a walking zombie....:sleeping:

[InSaneOne]

i have had the same problem for the last 2 months. my dd used to sleep through but has started waking since 6 months. she is now 81/2 months and refuses to sleep without be rocked and cuddled to sleep. if you get any hints please let me know. i have had no luck with the controlled crying method and if i go in to pat her back to sleep she screams until i give in and pick her up - then falls asleep in 10 minutes of sitting in the rocker being cuddled.

[Nickster]

From what I have been able to gather, babies generally can't put themselves to sleep - their brains aren't developed enough.

I have always rocked/nursed my DD to sleep (except for one horrible and never-to-be-repeated week of attempted controlled crying), and that works for us - because I figure when she's old enough, she will be happy to go off to bed by herself. But for me, bedtime is really another time for quiet winding down, cuddles and togetherness, and that's how I want her to view it too. It really depends on the type of parent you want to be, and the type of child you want to raise.:)

My personal opinion is - isn't 10 mins of rocking better than 30 minutes of crying?

For some more help, you could check out Dr. Sears website for some tips.http://askdrsears.com/default.asp

[Rainbowbrite]

Nickster it is so refreshing to see that someone thinks like I do :hugs: :) As I type this MJ is asleep in my arms waiting for me to put her to bed :sleeping:

[misskittyfantastico]

Sometimes my DD drifts of to sleep in her cot but quite often we cuddle to sleep too....takes about 5-10 mins and sh'e gone. I just figure sometimes she needs more security/comfort and I reckon it's my job to give it too her - plus I love the cuddles:hugs:

[chloe1]

dear lea21, you r situation sounds exactly like mine. I also have a 7 month old boy who will not go go to sleeop on his own at all. He wakes pretty much every hour and a half o/n and i have to let him have a quick bfeed and rock cuddle and put him back to bed. We also tried ccrying for a few nights but he kept waking my 5 year old. I am a waling zombie too and would also like some advice..Let me kknow if anything works for you. I also tried a sleeping bag pretty much $70 down the drain....anyway please send more advice our way

[Imogensmum]

Hi,

My daughter is able to settle herself to sleep without any tears and she is 9 mths- she started doing this at about 7mths-- if i recall correctly.

I didn't do c/c as such- it was more of a gentle settling experience.

I would put her in her cot, with dummy and glowworm and turn on her music box. I then said good night and walked out. When she started to cry i would go straight back in- not allow her to get fully upset. roll her over dummy back in, shush shushing and bottom pat. When she calmed down walk back out. etc- continue to do this til bub asleep- it doesn't happen straight away- it does take some work but eventually they are able to self settle.

This unfortunately is not working for me at 3 in the morning at the moment- but i gave in a little when she was sick- cause all sick bubbas just need mummy cuddles- but we are trying again now- so will see how long it takes to get back into the swing of resettling late at night.

Good luck with it all,
Shannan

P.s- My daughter also gets lots of cuddles, and lovely calming down time with me- I just believe that children need to be shown/taught how to self settle- in a gentle and soothing manner. Routine is the key- ie bath, bottle/boobie, boo, bed etc- this helps them to know what is going to happen next.

[Carlz]

My DD is 9 months old and i had the exact same problem! She is teething too so i think that's one of the reasons for the broken sleep.

My mum gave me some advise and it actually worked :thumbsup:

She told me it would take 3 nights and we would all be havin a good nights sleep, and it took exactly 3 nights!!

Basically you put bub to bed in the cot while they are awake, i got in the habit of rocking / bfeeding to sleep and then putting her to bed, and she was waking up more than 2 or 3 times a night doing the same thing.
The little monster had worked out if she screamed i would come and get her, so the aim is to teach them that Cot means sleep and screaming won't work anymore.

Heres what i did:

Put bubba in the cot, kiss goodnight, turn the lights out and leave the room.
Of course they will cry and it will be hard, but as long as you know they are safe, it is worth the trouble, remember only 3 nights!

Night one: Screamed (and i mean screamed) and cried for 20 mins, then slept right through till 7am! - was so hard to listen to it and i almost went and picked her up a couple of times but i had to remind myself she was fine.

Night Two: I Fed her then put her to bed while asleep (naughty), she woke up once at 2am, cried for 5 mins, went back to sleep, woke up at 4.30am whinged for a few mins, went back to sleep. woke up 7am.

Night Three: Put to bed, cried/whinged for 5 mins, slept right through till 6.30am.

Night four: put to bed, didn't cry, checked on her 5 mins later and was asleep!, slept right through! :smiliedance:

Night Five: same as night four

So basically the first night was the hardest, i suggest you do it when they are already tired, so they don't scream for too long.
But every night the screaming/crying got less and less and now we all sleep well every night.

It worked for us, so i hope this helps you out and you can all have a good night's sleep:sleeping:

Good Luck:hugs:

[Crazy Monkey]

I would put her in her cot, with dummy and glowworm and turn on her music box. I then said good night and walked out. When she started to cry i would go straight back in- not allow her to get fully upset. roll her over dummy back in, shush shushing and bottom pat. When she calmed down walk back out. etc- continue to do this til bub asleep- it doesn't happen straight away- it does take some work but eventually they are able to self settle.



P.s- Routine is the key- ie bath, bottle/boobie, boo, bed etc- this helps them to know what is going to happen next.

This is pretty much exactly what I do with my DS... It took about a week and a half for him to get what was going on and now I very rarely have to go back in - things go a little haywire when he's teething, but gets back in the swing of things very quickly afterwards...

All the best...

[melbryan]

It's good to see that not all mum's have to use control crying I tried and tried but made myself more upset by doing this.
Some children are not calmed easily and any patting, stroking or rocking would make my son worse. Call me a heartless mum but after 17 hrs of crying a day started to make me hate my son which I never intended to do.
I have a friend who could cuddle her son to sleep and I wondered why my son would kick, scream, cry at any attempt I made even sitting in a rocking chair and shushing him to sleep made no difference until I left him to scream it out, otherwise i might have thrown him out the window. Now my friend has a second child just like mine. My reasoning all children are different and do not respond to the same comforting techniques.
My son is not worse off for it he is a very loving intelligent boy, who becomes frustrated very easily and trying to coax a strong willed child is like banging your head up against a brick wall.:banghead:
He would not have a bar of it and still cannot be held without struggling out of my grasp.
He has been in his own bed for half a year and is great night sleeper.He is 22mths.

[lea21]

Thanks to you all for your great advice, i will try all you have suggested, but i have to say i agree with nickster, I love the cuddles and being my last baby i am hesitant to let him grow up too fast, so i guess you either take the strong way or you give in and enjoy all aspects of the baby be it 3am or 3pm. A friend actually said to me today 'it is only short term before you know it he will be in a big bed'. I will discuss with hubby what we plan to do. I will also give the 3 night plan a try, thanks carlz and thank your mum for the advice, it's great to know we are not alone in our battles with our babies.

I love being able to feel normal amongst you all.
cheers
leanne

[cjb/jbvd]

hi

i cuddle my boy to sleep every night. he's six months old. he wakes once through the night for a quick bottle then straight back to sleep. as i work, his daycare mum puts him to sleep in the pram, sometimes has success with the whole 'bottom patting'. niether ever worked for me. i figure he's only young once, and if he needs some extra love and security for a while, then who am i to say no. just for the record, i did try all the suggested techniques for sleeping/settling, but none of them worked at all. i felt incredibly guilty about this for a long while until a very sensible nurse told me that whatever makes the two of us happy is fine. i can only say the same to you.

good luck
cinova

[TwoBlue]

Its really important to learn what workd best for your baby

my first Ds was cuddles / rocked to sleep and eventually we did a short and light stint of CC and he was self settling very quickly and with no real dramas (at around 10mths of age)

My second Ds WILL NOT be rocked to sleep, he will take no affection whatsoever when he is tired, all i can do is put him in his cot and listen to him cry / scream for however long it takes for him to fall asleep, its heartbreaking but if i pick him up, he is not comforted he just gets more tired and more hysterical...


My personal opinion is - isn't 10 mins of rocking better than 30 minutes of crying?


absolutely but it just doesnt work for some people !!


As I type this MJ is asleep in my arms waiting for me to put her to bed :sleeping:

This was how i put my first Ds Samuel to bed too... but if for any reason Ethan does fall asleep in our arms the minute we put him in his cot he wakes (and i mean the minute!!) and starts screaming again... so again this is lovely that it works for you (and me with Samuel) but its just doesnt work for everyone... i wish it did... :o

[Nickster]

Oh yes samsmum, I know every baby is different, and how lucky for you that you know your baby best and have figured out how to best settle him.:)

I just think it is sad that some mothers would prefer to let their babies cry themselves to sleep because it is "inconvenient" for them to actually nurture their child. Why should parenting stop at bedtime?:crying:

[Maghan]

If my 5 year old DS would still let me cuddle him to sleep I would. My 3 year old DD cuddles me to sleep most nights. I love it, because I know it wont last forever. 5 year old DS used to be the clingiest baby, the all day/all night breastfeeder, very shy and wouldn't go to sleep without me. He sleeps in his own bed now, gives me a kiss good night and toddles of to his own bed. Even today he went to a friend's place for a play and pushed me out the door to leave. They grow up too quickly... :crying:

[MissBrightside]

Mel your son sounds like my 2nd. He is also very strong willed and will not be cuddled to sleep. He is generally a great sleeper at night dont have to go in often. But the nights he does wake are hell. I just have to let him cry, he dosen't want a bar of me soothing him.
My 1st son was completely different I could not get him to sleep without him in my arms. When he did go to sleep in my arms as soon as his head hit the mattress he was awake! This was a nightmare. I ended up going to a sleep school with him which helped heaps while I was there. But at home was a different story and it didn't help having an unsupportive partner around who liked his sleep!:banghead: But thats another story!
My 1st son is 4 in August he went through a stage of sleeping through in his own bed but have had some major changes at home recently so I think he feels safer sleeping in my bed! I'm just waiting for the day he will sleep in his own. Hopefully soon, but I'm not pushing him!

[SnoozesWithCats]

Its really important to learn what workd best for your baby

My second Ds WILL NOT be rocked to sleep, he will take no affection whatsoever when he is tired, all i can do is put him in his cot and listen to him cry / scream for however long it takes for him to fall asleep, its heartbreaking but if i pick him up, he is not comforted he just gets more tired and more hysterical...


Ha! I can soooooo relate to what you're saying here.

I'm just in the process of deciding what to do about little miss 6 months who WAS a great sleeper until recently, would wake just once for a feed, get milk, go back to sleep ... easy ... then within the space of two weeks (during which time she had a bug AND the weather suddenly froze over AND we had DST finishing) she somehow forgot how to self-settle and now she's waking ever hour and a half during the night and re-sleep options are only

a) into bed with us for applications of Magic Boobie of Sleep every hour or so
b) let her cry for an hour/hour and a half (on one memorable night THREE hours)

having mum there/rocking/patting/music/picking up for a cuddle ... nothing really makes any difference it's the boob or nothin'

We did CC with girl #1 ... it was a horrible horrible experience (all 6 weeks or so of it) but it did work eventually ... it's all a matter of how much pain it takes your particular baby.

Oh dear, I hear the 9:00 cry ... off to give the Boob of Sleep ....

[elissas]

Go the cuddlers, boob-sleepers, rockers - I figure there'll come a day when DS won't want or need it anymore. For now I'm savouring every minute.

It's so nice to hear other Mum's saying the same thing.

Sometimes, if I catch DS at the right moment, I can put him down and rock him gently for a couple of minutes and he's out like a light. Other times it takes more persuasion.

But for me the first year is about DS establishing trust - in me, DH, in others. How can he do that if when he asks his needs aren't met. There's all the time in the world later to finetune it. For now, if he needs me he's got me.

I wish from the start I'd put a sign up on my front door - 'The following phrase is not to be used on this premises - "...making a rod for your back"'. Oohh how my stomach curdles and my blood boils. And everyone from my Mum's generation spews it out at any opportunity. Seems to think they are the ultimate words of wisdom and should be heeded :banghead:

Because, of course, babies are deceitful and manipulative, and we need to make sure they don't get too demanding... :devil6:

[elissas]

Sorry if I hijacked the post a little, but I needed to vent :ecomcity:

[mrsrobo]

Sorry for hijacking this site just wanted to get information on what to do in this situation. You guys are world of wisom I hope I can be a good mother like yous.

[kymmy]

YOU MISS THE CUDDLES AND DEPENDANCE AS THEY GET OLDER
ENJOY YOUR BABY!:hugs:

[Fairyfloss]

wow, here is some thing fro me to learn,:fingerscrossed: thanks ladies

[Nickster]

But for me the first year is about DS establishing trust - in me, DH, in others. How can he do that if when he asks his needs aren't met. There's all the time in the world later to finetune it. For now, if he needs me he's got me.



I so completely agree with your thoughts, elissas!:thumbsup:

And it's not just the first year - establishing and maintaining trust is a life's work!:yelclap: