Step-Children

[EskimoMumma]

Hey fellow bubhuber's

Just had a question to start the morning off to to speak..

I was reading about the DP's calling each other mummy and daddy, no problem there,i think its so cute :thumbsup: But i was wondering would you still do that with step-children are in involved? Especially young? wouldnt you feel that they were being confused??:confused:

and if you have step-children, what do they call you?

I feel it is approiate to be called by name up until they are old enough to choose what they want to call you.

[pegasus]

My step children call me by my first name (or a shortened version which I reserve for friends). DH and I are very conscious of the fact that the children already have a mum. I've known the kids since they were 2 and 4 and we're quite clear about our roles.

What annoys me moreso is that they have had ~5stepdads (or men that they've been told to call dad or stepdad) at their other house - this has been a gret concern to me due to the fact that we only started to refer to me as their step mum after I got married to their father (7years ago) and we talked about getting married and having step parents as a forever thing. The kids get attached to their mother's boyfriends and his relatives (eg "step cousins and step grandparents"). I only hope for the kid's sake that this relationship is more lasting than some of the previous ones. It's looking good - it's been about 2years with only a couple of major breakups during that time. It concerns me more the speed which their mother gets the kids to call the boyfriend stepdad etc - it hurts my hubby a lot considering how much we try to keep the boundaries.

In saying that - we refer to each other as mum and dad all the time in front of the kids for our son's sake, but the stepkids are now old enough to distinguish that I am my son's mother but not theirs (13 and 11).

[InSaneOne]

my step kids call me belinda or sometimes mum. around my little one the refer to me as mum (eg: they will say look elizabeth theres mummy.) i told them from the start that i wasn't their mum and i was happy to be friends if they wanted. we have a great relationship and the girls come to me with all their problems. i think it is great that they feel they can trust me enough to share things like periods and boyfriends with me as i am closer in age to them than their biomum.

[EskimoMumma]

Oh thank you all so much for your input :hugs:

I wanted to ask because my DS became VERY confused and i had finally worked out why.. He approached me at 2 years old and said Oh is so and so mommy and i was SOO hurt, i cried and i dont think that person understood how bad i was hurt.

My DS calls my partner His name as well, Just david and he will also do what yours will do and that is say "oh look DD theres your daddy"

pegasus- that is sad, having to expose those children tod ifferent men and 'forced' to call them that so early. I feel for those children as well and for what your DP is going through. Some people are just to callus i think with the term 'mother' and 'father' , i guess it is solely on the children

When my DS starts school i think that is when i will start, i know he understands it all but i will wait for him to approach me when he is ready

[SassyMummy]

I'm not a step-child, nor do I have any, but I have THOUGHT about how I would react if I was a step-child (my parents are divorced).

Since my parents divorced when I was 13, there's no way in hell I'd call anyone else "Mum" or "Dad"...because I just wouldn't feel that way about them. I wouldn't hate them (I'm actually glad my parents divorced)...but I just wouldn't ever call them such a title. I'd call them by their first name.

I think in most cases, the step-children should call their step-parents by their real name. This way, the child won't be confused, and won't feel as if they are "betraying" their real parents. The real parent (who does not live with the child) will then hopefully not feel as if their role is being taken over either.

If there is only 1 parent present in the child's life, then I think it's okay for the child to call their step-parent Mum or Dad...if that is the role the step-parent has taken on. Just as if I adopted a child, I would expect for them to call me "Mum" because that is who I am to them.