going to live with dad

[MrsDribbleDrawers]

In just short of two weeks DD1 is going to live with her dad.

This is a great opportunity for her, getting to spend time getting to know him better, and *hopefully* coming to understand that life doesn't *suck* here with us.

However, it makes me sad too - chatting on Saturday morning with her about which "special friends" (bedtime toys) she was taking... and the conversation ended up being about where she could hide them in her room, so dad doesn't find them :(

I'm also still more than a little p!ssed with him, cause he still hasn't given me his new address and phone number (he's lived there for 6mths), I'm tempted to not turn up with her until he gives it to me (it's a private arrangement, no court involved, so nothing he can do if I decide to do that - unfortunately, that works both ways, he can decide to not allow her back, and I have no leg to stand on)

I'm trying to make it a positive experience for her - I scrapbook, so I'm sending an old digital camera with her to take photos of "a day a dad's" (and we'll create it together when she comes for visits here), and the all important "first day at school", and I'm making a few keepsakes for her - a journal and a photo frame, but I'm still sad... :confused:

Thanks for reading my ramble - I'm sure I'll be back, rambling some more in the weeks to come!

[sam's mum]

:hugs: that must be so hard for you.

it sounds like you are doing a very good job of doing the best thing for your daughter - not putting her in the middle of fights and letting her try things out her way.

I hope that it all goes ok and you don't cry too much.

[alphafemale2901]

I can't imagine how much of a heart ache this is causing for you and I think you are both brave and wise for doing what your daughter wants to do, and not letting the rift between you and your ex influence your daughter's wishes.

Nevertheless my heart goes out to you and I will look for posts by you to see how you're going with it all.

1000 :hugs: for you and keep your chin up hun.

[raisingthree]

You are truly an amazing person to be so positive for you daughter is inspirational.

I was just about to post a thread about how my ds1(5 years old) talks about how much fun Dads house is and that our house isn't as fun.

My ex husband rang me on the weekend and suggested that maybe DS1 and DS2 could go and live with him because he thinks they would be more settled. I said no - not until they are old enough to make an informed decision and then maybe they could BUT I could never imagine having to do this and I dread it.

I know how much you must be hurting and you are definately the "bigger" parent for not being sour and remaining positive although deep down you may feel that way.

I wish I could be as supportive and positive. :hugs:

:thumbsup:

[MrsDribbleDrawers]

I was just about to post a thread about how my ds1(5 years old) talks about how much fun Dads house is and that our house isn't as fun.


:thumbsup:

Oh, I hear you on the "fun dad house".... we've only had issues since I married and added more children to the family...

A court considers children old enough to make their own decision at twelve, and while she's only ten, she's a grown up ten (besides, I'm still hoping she'll realise it's no fun at dad's without her brother and sister, and want to come back!)

[Mum2Bella]

my daughter made that desicion n her 1st year of high school,i told her if thats what she wants then i will let her,
really i had no idea where the father was,so i told my eldest that she had to wait till school holiday(3weeks away) n that i had booked her a ticket to his home town for the 1st day of the holidays,she seemed happy to know this
i told her i had to ring the school,she didnt want me to so i told her that she had top go chat to the principal as he will have to get all the schooling transferred in the holiday b4 you start your new school.

i rang my daughters PC teacher n spoke to her about my daughter wanting to go to her father,n explained to her about her father,
she had a little chat to my daughter without her knowing that we had spoken she spoke about when she was a child in a blended family etc.
her PC teacher rang me n told me my daughter was upset as she really didnt want to go live with her father just angry that when she did visit he brought then stuff,took them places but forgot their birthdays n christmas etc,he seemed to care for them while they were there n not while they were here IYKWIM

my daughter told the PC teacher that she had to go because i had booked the ticket,the poor girl thought i had spent mega dollars to get rid of her LOL,her PC teacher explained that i could get the train fare back n if i couldnt it would still be OK,she told my daughter to talk to me

when she got home my daughter started crying and saying she really didnt want to go,n was only going in the end because she thought thats what i wanted her to do.


MrsDribbleDrawers-could you tell your daughter that she can stay with her dad during school term n back to you on holidays,or come home on weekends?

have you spoken to her teachers?
is this what she really wants?
have you told her she is welcome to come home at anytime BUT she needs to finish the school term

have you been to counsilling with your daughter/

[sam's mum]

its easy to have a fun house when you haven't got them 24/7 and you haven't got to live with the repercussions of letting them do whatever they want. She might find the reality of actually living there a little different.

[MrsDribbleDrawers]

MrsDribbleDrawers-could you tell your daughter that she can stay with her dad during school term n back to you on holidays,or come home on weekends?

have you spoken to her teachers?
is this what she really wants?
have you told her she is welcome to come home at anytime BUT she needs to finish the school term

have you been to counsilling with your daughter/

She changed schools this year, so her teachers wouldn't have a clue!

Yes, I've spoken to her - she will still see us fortnightly (like she currently sees him), we will just pick her up the weekend we would normally have her at home, and drop her back at the end of the weekend (so the same amount of driving, etc)

She is finishing the school term, school finishes on friday (and she listened to me on that one - when this originally came up, she told me she was going after her birthday, whihc is in may)

She is welcome home at any time (or if she chooses, she can stay there at the end of the six months) - if she chooses to come back, I'm not going to make her finish the term out, she can come back whenever she needs to.

We haven't been to counselling - at this point, I don't believe it's necessary - I'm not sure she's going for the right reasons ("to be an only child again" to quote her at some stage in our year long discussions), but I think she will get a lot out of it - and I'm still hoping that one of those things is that she doesn't have it hard here... bearing in mind that this is the father who told her when I was pregnant that I didn't love her anymore, cause I had DS and soon a new baby - and that she would be responsible for getting up to the baby during the night, and changing nappies all the time!

[MrsDribbleDrawers]

its easy to have a fun house when you haven't got them 24/7 and you haven't got to live with the repercussions of letting them do whatever they want. She might find the reality of actually living there a little different.

That's right - they're not the ones who get called to pick her up from school when she's sick, or deal with the "I don't feel well" every morning... or even catch her out in a fake "I've lost my voice" just last week!

They both work, I'm a SAHM... I asked her who would be at home for her when she gets home from school... she tells me dad will, but I don't know about that!!

(we've also had the "I have to go, they will have wasted all their money [buying a unit/painting my bedroom walls] if I don't go..." we said "how would it make you feel if we said that to you {we'd not long bought a house and painted her walls here}", "not good" she says.

It's so hard :hair: I don't think she's going to be happy there, I think she will miss her brother and sister, and I think she will even miss DH (and I'm hoping, me!) but going to live with him is a good idea, even if it's only to come to terms with the idea that he's not "fun dad" all the time!!

{please excuse my disjointed ramble - I still haven't figured out how I feel about all of this, and DH and DS haven't even started to deal with it yet!!}