Need some reassuring and stories please! :(

[hayleylea]

Hi everyone.

My partner has just got a job in PNG - we could go with him but its not a place i want to take my kids to under them living conditions.

He is thinking of going for 3 months - which means we wont see him at all for that amount of time.

Has anyone elses partner been away for that long?? how did your kids cope? my almost 3 year old adores his father and im so scared of how he is going to cope.

Please any stories, suggestions or anything!? His visa has just come through so he will be going any week now.:crying:

[hayleylea]

anyone? :(

[Seacretsquirrel]

Hi there, My DH is in the Navy and is often away for weeks/months at a time :crying: But we do get by I found this last trip (7 weeks in the south west pacific Islands - hard life lol) better as I spent it interstate at my parents but usually I try to keep DD's routine as normal as possible, same meal, bath bed times etc, we also said night night to daddys photo, which was cute (dd is 18 months) I also have a friend who has a map of Aust and surrounds and they move a little boat around in the water until he gets back and others count down the days on a calendar.

I find the nights after DD is in bed the worst and try to stay busy (TV is my friend sad but true:o) and I usually use this time to ring family and friends interstate to catch up and pass the time.
any hoo hope this helps good luck with it :hugs:

[Kazamataz]

:wave: Hey mate, I was wondering wether you had decided to go or not.

a very big :hugs: to you, I don't really have any tips.

However I just wanted to say you have tons and tons of support in here.
If you ever need to chat or vent or just have a cry there are tons of ladies in here willing to listen and send you lots of hugs.

If I remember rightly one of the reasons you didn't want to go was because you had such a good support network here in Australia.

I suggest you spend as much time as possible with them while you DH is away.

And if you have a dad/grand-dad/brother/uncle/friend that your close to ask them if they will spend some regular time with you and the kids. Sometimes it's good to have a man around esp when your kids are really missing their dad.

again big :hugs: to you and let me know if there is anything I can do to help you past the time.

Kara

[hayleylea]

Thanks kara - unfortunatley the kids dont have a grandad - my dad died when i was little and my partners Dad is away in Adelaide and doesnt havent much to do with us.

My main reason for not going is because i dont think its safe for my kids and i dont want to have to watch my back and worry about them day and night.


Ill be OK. Just really scared. Im not happy with the decision DF has made but i do understand its somethign he has to do.

[Kazamataz]

Thanks kara - unfortunatley the kids dont have a grandad - my dad died when i was little and my partners Dad is away in Adelaide and doesnt havent much to do with us.

My main reason for not going is because i dont think its safe for my kids and i dont want to have to watch my back and worry about them day and night.


Ill be OK. Just really scared. Im not happy with the decision DF has made but i do understand its somethign he has to do.

No worries, If you think it would stress you too much to go then I think you've made the right decision.

If I had the chance I would have gone in a heart beat but each to their own :thumbsup:

Well you have lots and lots of support in here and I hope the time passes really really quickly for you :hugs:

[hayleylea]

Well the time come today when DF flew out to PNG. It was sooooooooooooooooo sad for everyone. And i know its only the first day but DS was hysterical at the airport and has only just cried himself to sleep.

It all happened so quickly - his visa come through monday and he was off today. I havent had time to mentally prepare for it even know i knew it was going to happen i guess i hoped it didnt. PLEASE help me to help my son get through this. The photo next to his bed sounds like a good idea...and a count down calander..

This is so hard. I dont know how all you FIFO ladies do it. You deserve a medal. DF is going for 3 months and thats it i couldnt bare to think id have to say goodbye to him again.:crying: Im so sad...i feel so lonely which is stupid because this is the first night he will be away.

[amandaw]

Some big :hugs: in your general direction...there will undoubtably be days that are really really tough, but use it as a time to love and enjoy your kids. If he has a permanent address over there, get the kids to take photos/draw piccies/whatever to send to Daddy (and make sure he sends some back!) - it'll be over in a flash (even though I'm sure it doesn't seem like it at the moment :hugs:)

[maisymum]

You poor thing!!! The first time they fly out is hard on everybody, my DH has been doing it for a year now 3on / 3off, the 3on does go slow but we get by with e-mailing him photos every couple of days and then he sends e-mails back. The kids love getting home from school and seeing if there are any messages, we have a count down calender as well and we make a list of all the things the kids want to do with DH when he gets home. Small things like bike riding ang going to the park. Night times are lonely, thats when Bub Hub is great, there are a lot of us going through the same thing.
Tonight i send you a big :hugs: try and keep your self busy.
Talk soon Maisymum :flowerz: xx

[earthfairy]

First of all im sending you pleanty of these sweety:hugs::hugs::hugs:

My DH is in the Navy so we often spend months apart - longest being 5 and a half months!

I find the first week is the hardest then i get myself into a routine - try & stay busy hun, keep yourself occupied & try not to think about how long he is gone... i know its hard but you will make yourself more miserable & the time will just draaaaaagggggg........

We dont have kids yet (1st on the way) but all of our friend have & while the kids will ALWAYS miss Daddy/Mummy its important they know that he is coming back. Get them to write letters or draw pictures & send them.
Its equally as hard on the partner away as the one left behind.... sometimes harder coz he isnt with your beautiful kids & you are.

If you EVER want to chat please just pm me - you dont have to do this alone... there are pleanty of us on here to help you through....

Chin up babe & big hugs:hugs::kiss:

[earthfairy]

Oh I forgot to mention that i know a few people who have lived in PNG & just LOVED IT!!!!!
(Including my MIL who grew up there)

Maybe you could go for a visit & see the place... i think it would be a wonderful experience for you & your kids... what an awesome place to grow up for a few years!:thumbsup:

Good luck sweetness:hugs:

[hayleylea]

Thanks everyone.I cant stop crying tonight. I think I held it in so the kids didnt see me. He just rang, its horrible cause i love him so much but im angry at him for not being here. I know tommorrow is a new day and i just have to do what i can to get my little man through this . Shelley is only 5.5 months so she doesnt really know any different.

Thanks for everyones support.

[mummyof5]

Hi Hayley,
My DH is also Navy, actually gets home in a week after 9 away! Unfortunately he is only back for 3.5 weeks, then gone again for 12 weeks. I feel your pain.
Let your DS talk to his Dad as often as is possible on the phone, let him draw pictures to send. My kids like to have their own photo album (it is mostly photos that I consider to be 2nds), and they will often look at the pics of Dad in there. He is also our computer wallpaper, and we talk about him all the time, including about how we miss him, and what he will want for tea when he comes home, stuff like that. I try to remind them he is still part of our day to day lives, even though he isn't physically in the house.
Hope the time passes really quickly for you.

[hayleylea]

Thanks mummyof5 - i just spoke to him on the phone...atleast i know he is there safe and sound. I just wish he was here! I feel bad for complaining seeing as though you guys go through this all the time not just a once off!

[EvangelinaOne]

Hi hayleylea :hugs:
My DH is away at the moment too and can be a little tough when you don't have anyone close to rely on. Just remember to call on people if you need them and you can always come here for support. I am not sure how to see this but it gets easier with time and then sometimes it is tiring. Just think - he is doing it for your family.
I burst into tears myself tonight when talking to my DH cause I have been sick today and with DD I have been struggling. I just know it will all pass and I will feel different after a good nights sleep.

[Kazamataz]

:hugs: to you hayleylea and your little ones

[hayleylea]

Thanks everyone,i feel much better today and DS has been much better too.

Im still sad about it and still a little angry but i think ill be ok. DF rang in tears today and reckons he will only last a month anyway - one can only hope!

[Seacretsquirrel]

first of all great big :hugs::hugs::hugs:to you all.

Secondly I know it is hard but I always find the first few nights the hardest, then you kind of get into the routine (then they come home and stuff it up lol).
For yourself try popping his pillow lengthways beside you in bed a lot of people find this helps with the big lonely bed thing (I often pop a bit of his aftershave on the pillowcase so it smells of him too)
For DS I agree with the others make his routine as normal as pos and make sure he still says night night to dad (even if it is to a pic) and it will get better.

Try not to fret too much with him as they pick up on your stress, often with little kids it is out of sight out of mind a bit (not that they don't care but just that although dad is away not too much actually changes day to day for them - esp your DD as she is so little and you are her whole world)
anyhoo enough of my :ecomcity: good luck and stay strong (I know it is hard) and try to chat with nice supportive people fam and friends are vital when your DF is away.