What do people think?

[mof2bz]

Hi,

Just a question to get other people's opinions on this as I don't know if i'm being neurotic or overprotective. My in-laws are from the philipines and they keep telling me they want to take my oldest boy (now only 21/2) away with them when they go back to the philipines. They have now said that they are going back next year for 5 weeks as he will be old enough! (He'll be a big 4 1/2) I am not comfortable with this and have kinda just smiled and said I didn't think he'd be ready. But it keeps getting brought up and every time we get together with his family they ask if I'll let him go overseas with them and they wait for my reaction. I am quiet shy and not good with confrontation at all. :(

Would do others think? Should I relax and let them take him or do you too think that this is a bit early for him to go away for such a long time. I just wish they'd drop it but i don't think this will happen....

Lisa

[razzle]

I don't think you're being neurotic or overprotective at all. There is no way I would let my 4 1/2 year old go overseas with ANYONE other than me and DP. No way. In fact, I wouldn't let anyone take my son for 5 weeks ANYWHERE without me or DP.

[giggles]

I agree......I don't think it is overprotective at all.

A few days away with Nanna and Gramps might be OK but not OS and not for that long.

Hope it works out alright for you.

[misskittyfantastico]

I don't think I could allow it either....It's such a long time and he'd be so far away. I hope you can find a way to deal with this:)

[aggero]

Not at all. I am freaked out about my 8.5yo DSD going interstate with her Uncle's family for 2 weeks.

[Ange&Seth]

No I don't think you're being neurotic at all. Maybe next time they bring it up, just smile and say 'why don't we wait and see if she's ready then?'

Other than that I don't know how I'd handle it. How does DP feel about it?

[diamonds22]

I don't think you're being neurotic or overprotective at all. There is no way I would let my 4 1/2 year old go overseas with ANYONE other than me and DP. No way. In fact, I wouldn't let anyone take my son for 5 weeks ANYWHERE without me or DP.


I totally agree...its just to dangerous...you really don't know who is going to be around your child if your not there and to me that is a big safety issue.

I think the only way to get around it is if you and dh/df go there for a holiday...but if not, I dont think its unreasonable at all to say your not comfortable with it. I'm sure you MIL is mature enough to understand..and if not...well she will just have to accept it cos your the mother so what u say goes.

What does your partner think about it?

[Kirstlea]

I miss my dd too much as it is after 2 days never mind 5 weeks.

I really think your inlaws are expecting way too much of both of you.

I took my dd to England for 3 weeks and my dh had to stay at home for the business. He was beside himself when we got back, he missed us so much and dd missed her dad too.

Next time they say something, maybe you could say that you don't think you could cope with your ds being away that long and you also felt that your ds would not cope with being away from his parents that long.

If that doesn't work, then tell them flat out no unless the rest of the family is going too.

I don't know many kids under the age of 10 that would be happy to be away from their parents for that length of time, and in a strange country to boot.

Remember you are their mother not the inlaws.;)

Goodluck

[brooke]

i agree... you are not too over protective... I would never let our princess go over seas with some one else...
just tell them you dont feel ok with it and would appricate if they would stop asking... :hugs:

[veve]

hmm I'll keep it short and simple.... NO WAY!!!!!! :shame: - too little... AND if any thing happens TOO hard to get over there or get your munchkin BACK.... :eek:

if they want to show off the little guy ... they have to take you too!

xx

[Ana Gram]

I certainly wouldn't let my child go overseas without me and certainly not for 5 weeks!

[Bellarose]

No way ..... I completely agree with you.

I know someone who recently went to the Phillipines. Its extremly crowded and not the safest of places. My friend (who is white) had to be careful where they went. They also got sick with the food/water. Theres no way I would go there let alone a small child.

Trust your instincts. If you dont like confrontation, why dont you say that you will only allow your son to go if you go with him. But dont get yourself pushed into something you dont want to do. There are so many other safer and cleaner places in the world...

[kymmy]

definitely trust your instincts
my mil would love to show off her moko
in Nz
but no way not without me...:no:

[MumsieMel]

My In Laws are phillipino also and im sure they mean no harm in suggesting to take him overseas, as i know of many families where the grandparents look after the kids full time while the parents work, or come to australia to work.

Its just part of their culture, the big/extended family thing.

But if you feel uncomfortable about it then politely explain your situation, trying not to offend but be firm, they will push you around if they feel they can IYKWIM.

Good luck! :thumbsup:
Pm me if you wanna chat :)

[MamaSage]

No way. What Mel said makes sense, but I would not be happy to let my child go anywhere for 5 weeks, let alone overseas.

[Mamaduke]

My oldest son is 4 1/2 now and there is no way I would let him go away for 5 weeks let alone overseas! What if he gets homesick? It's not as if you can jump in the car and go and get him. I wouldn't do it.:no:

[SassyMummy]

No way in HELL would I be letting my daughter go overseas with anyone other than myself (yep...not even with just my DP!)...especially not for FIVE WEEKS!

Aside from the fact that it's five weeks overseas without his parents...

Does he actually even know his Grandparents very well? I would assume that because they live overseas, he doesn't. Imagine being 4, and being taken to a strange place with strange people? That's asking a bit much from a 4 year old, don't you think?

I'm certain they mean no harm...they just want to get to know their Grandson better...and maybe teach him about where they come from...etc. Still, that doesn't mean they can snatch up your son and take him away for 5 weeks.

You HAVE to lay down the law. I know it's hard - I don't like to do it either...but if there was a time you HAD to do it, it would be now. Just tell them: No. If they ask why, explain that you're not comfortable with it, and that you do not think your son will be either. If they do the "oh come on, come on" type of thing (I'm sure they won't use those exact words, but you get my drift), just stick to your position. Be strong.

If they don't like your reasons...well, too bad for them. You are the parent and keeping your son's best interests your number 1 priority is your duty. You know your son far better than they do after all...so only one of his parents would be able to know if he is ready for such a thing.

(Oh - and I stayed with my Grandparents for a week when I was 11...I was older than your son and it was only interstate...but it was HORRIBLE. They were NOTHING like my parents and had crazy rules. It was also horribly boring because they didn't have anything for 11year olds to do... I'm sure your son would be equally as bored and fed up...).

[bec79]

I agree with everyone...Definately not!! 5wks is a long time to be away from mum...not to mention the fact that you would be worried sick the whole time.
Trust your mothers instinct.

[Funkychicken]

I have had similar issues with my own mum. She plans all these little holidays to take the children on and the last time I agreed, she went and booked a 10 day holiday. Admittedly it was only to Yarrawonga but I still didn't want them to go for that long. I told her it was too long and she kept saying "They'll be right". She just wasn't listening to me at all. I had no intention of letting them go for that long but she still didn't get it. In the end I spoke with my dad and told him it wasn't going to happen. He was happy about that too as he really couldn't take 10 days off from his business so between he and I, we rescheduled the trip for 5 days-even this was long, I thought but the children seemed to enjoy it.

[jessgray]

i wouldnt let him go alone with just the in-laws. if they persist suggest you all go as a family :) see how that goes down :thumbsup:
every child gets homesick and stuff when they are away from home but at 4 /12 it would be hard to explain why mum and dad werent coming too if you get me.

[Sabby]

I'm from the philippines and so as DH.. I even would not recommend that you let your 4 1/2 yr old son go unless you and your DH will be there. It's an experience that your son is going to go through so why miss it.
Maybe the in laws are just doing it thinking that they might help you and your DH out for 5 weeks to have some quality time together...
Also depends how your child's relationship is with your inlaws, if they are really close and you can trust them that they will really look after your son 24/7. Mind you while they are there, there would be so many helpers to help them mind your son... If it was up to me I wouldn't let my child go with my in law but if my parents wants to take my child at that age and it was ok with DH then I would let them.. but that's my parents so I feel comfortable with it.
It gets very hot there and depends where they are going then that's when I would say it's safe.
I suggest you tell your DH that you are not comfortable with the idea and to tell your in laws to stop nagging you about it.

[p4purple]

If you don't like confrontation, write them a letter and state your truth calmly and firmly. Explain to them that it really concerns you and that you find it hard to talk to them because you know it is important to them. Appeal to his mother and ask her if she would have been comfortable parting with her child for 5 weeks. I think that they are way out of order. The phillipines is also not the safest place in the world and 5 weeks is a long time for a kid.