Are you the parent you thought you would be?

[jdsmummy]

My answer to this would be yes and no!
I always thought I would be firm but fair, loving and playful but would say no when needed, not lose my temper, discilpline my child when needed, make all the right decisions for my child.
Well sometimes I do these things but sometimes I do lose my temper and raise my voice, sometimes I say no but give in because that day the whinging is too much and all the time I try to make the right decisions for my child but I get it wrong sometimes and I always worry and question whether I have made the right decision.
Sometimes I read posts on BH and It makes me question whether I am a good mother.
But I am only human and sometimes we make mistakes, all I can do is learn from these mistakes and as long as I am trying my best and loving my child, isnt that what makes a parent?
This post is for all the parents out there that are like me and worry and question every step you make. This makes you a parent, just try your best thats all you can do. :rolleyes:

[Chunkydunks]

Thats a big no for me. I swore I'd never smack and I'd never raise my voice. I swore I'd be a very involved mum and make sure he was the happiest he could be. I'm involved to the extent that I try to teach him things and I try to make sure he's getting the best out of his activities. And unfortunatly thats where it stops. I don't get on the floor and play with him much anymore. I can't stand to have him the kitchen to teach him things. I yell nearly every day. I smack when i feel it neccessary. I'm nowhere near what I wanted to be. But in saying all that my DS is still a very rounded very happy little boy. His needs are met daily and really thats all I can ask for.

[jdsmummy]

I wrote this post because I think we but alot of pressure on our selves to be the 'perfect parent' and I dont think anyone can be. We all do our best and sometimes things get the best of us.
chunkdunks if your ds is happy and well rounded I would say you have done a good job!
Sometimes I dont feel I play with my ds enough sometimes and then I beat myself up about it. Being a parent is hard and all I want is my ds to be happy and to become a happy well rounded indivdual.

[loveshack]

I don't know...there's so much of pressure from withing ourselves sometimes.....to a point that we deny ourselves a break if it means being the perfect parent.It's so confusing...

[FiveInTheBed]

For some reason I find myself thinking more and more about the way I and DP were brought up, and not wanting to say or do certain things-or wanting to do things slightly differently because I know they stick with you forever, and make you the person you are as an adult... Eg, I will never call my kids names that could hurt., and I will teach my kids that picking up after yourself, helping around the house and having manners is a lovely normal part of life.
I admit to losing my temper, my cool, my patience... but it always makes me reflect and learn how to handle it differently next time.
I am a proud non smoker, non drinker, non chemical enhanced parent, who at sometimes feels totally consumed and exhausted by parenthood, but am so ready for the next challenge of this full time labour of love xxx

[BaDaBing]

Actually I think I am a better parent than I thought I would be. We feel pg unexpectantly with DS1 and at that time I was completely involved in my career, friends and myself, I thought I wasn't ready to be a mum didn't know how I was going to cope. I was so scared that I was going to be a terrible mum as I didn't have a great relationship with my mum and for some reason that made me doubt my maternal ability.

Now we have two boys and they are the love my life. Oh I'm sure that could do things better than I do but in answer to the op I'm content with the kind of mummy I turned out to be.

[mayhem]

could i be a better parent probably
but im doing the best job i can
im still the person they want most to give a kiss and a cuddle to even at the end of a really trying day
so i cant be doing that bad a job

[mamajess]

Funny I was thinking about this today...how I am constantly questioning my parenting choices!
I think I do a pretty good job. I have definately shifted my perspective and changed the rules over time. I admit to having some unrealistic ideas about how I would parent....making it up as I go....
I planned to homebirth, totally avoid tv and processed food, not vaccinate, use cloth nappies, never control-cry, never smack, have babies that would sleep anywhere, whenever it was 'sleeptime'
:laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing:
Pretty hilarious...
Well my reality is that my first baby never slept well, certainly not anywhere but on top of me, my second bub I got to sleep while my first bub watched abc kids....

when we tried anything and everything to help dd sleep (including control crying at sleep school-twice!) we realised she slept longer in disposables and they were easier to travel with than cloth....slippery slope and before we knew it-that's all we used.
I have lost my patience with my dd and smacked her and felt sick and sad and ashamed when I did. I still dont think that smacking is a useful or appropriate tool. I've stayed true to my ideas on nutrition and healthy food. My kids dont eat sugar or much processed food- a treat is a museli bar or a frozen banana milk with lsa...
I have decided to selectively vaccinate, starting soon (dd is 3)....both bubs were beautifully homebirthed:thumbsup:
I do try and be the best parent I can be. I think a lot of the choices I make in good faith are not necessarily 'the norm' and come with extra challenges and negotiations. My kids are healthy, loving, vibrant little beans and I think they know they are loved and precious..
wow think Ive rambled a lot!
In answer to the OP...I guess I thought I would be calmer and more wholistic...and maybe that it would be easier than I've found it...I never thought I'd get PND!

[mum2bubba]

I always thought that when I have kids I want to make sure I am a great mum and that they are happy and confident. I didn't want them to go through any of the cr@p that I went through with my step mother and that I wanted to raise them the way my own mother raised me. I am really trying hard to be a good mother I do have a bit of a temper at times though.

[tyler's mum]

I never thought i would be so stressed i get so stressed over silly things. I try so hard not to but i just cant help it:(

[tyler's mum]

could i be a better parent probably
but im doing the best job i can
im still the person they want most to give a kiss and a cuddle to even at the end of a really trying day
so i cant be doing that bad a job

:iagree::iagree: I feel the same

[kiwibird27]

NOPE..... didn't know I would be tube feedign and injecting my child thats for sure

[Nowhere]

umm nope not at all

I didint picute my self tube feeding adminitstering meds all the time, and sat here on a sunday night on MSN talking about kiddie wheel chairs and low blood sugar oh and doing heel pricks on a two year old, not at all what i pictured but you play the hand you are dealt

hey stacey your on here to we can multitask lol

[BB78]

I would say that I am 98% the parent that I wanted to be.
I wanted more kids by the time I was 30, I never planned on being a single mum raising twins for 5yrs but thats how my life turned out & now when I look back I wouldn't change a thing.
Being a single mum made me such a strong, independent woman to the point where I am still getting used to having a husband, partner to share parenting with it will take a very long time.
But being single & alone for 5yrs meant a big age gap between my kids which I didn't want. And now I am TTC at the age 30, I wanted to be finished by 30.
The only thing I hate about my parenting is when I raise my voice at my boys... my mother was a constant yeller and was always yelling at us. I said I never wanted to be that way and even tho I am not always yelling, when on the occasion I do I hate it & I hear my mother instantly.

But other then that I am what I thought I would be, I knew I would adore it & I do. Its everything I wanted & more:cloud9:

[Lastcenturymum]

I think we all have ideals, but fall short of them in some areas when reality hits and I don't think we should beat ourselves up about it. As long as we are trying to do the best I can.

I also didn't think I would be so impatient and lose my temper so much; I initially didn't think I would ever let my kids eat at McDonalds, but I also didn't know it would be so hard to be a parent.

As I look back now, I am happy that I made being a mum a priority and was able to work part time instead of full time, I spent lots of time playing with them, making playdough, letting them paint up a mess and build cubby houses out of sheets and furniture that stayed up for the entire school holidays. I'm glad I coached their netball teams, managed their basketball teams (even if it killed me at the time!) and sat through music soirees and all sorts of stuff. I don't regret that my house wasn't always very tidy either. They ate pretty well and I now love hearing them recount their childhood memories and games and fun, much of which I had forgotten. I'm grateful they have wonderful relationships with their 3 grandparents and constantly tell us how much they love us and what great parents we are.

When it all gets too much girls, hang in there, it is worth it :valentine: And I just want to applaud so many of you for your honesty and balance in your responses here too!!

[rollercoastermum]

I am doing the best I can given the things I have been dealt...

I honestkly thought I could fly through parenting as it was all I wanted to do - be a MUM - not ever imagining what things would be tossed in to make the journey so interesting, difficult and testing.

[munchkins]

No I thought that I would be alot better of a parent... I hate myself for it sometimes

[amandaw]

Nope - I was sure that I wanted to be a SAHM, and after 2 months DH could tell I wasn't coping, so we arranged that I would go back to work at 7 months and he took the year off to be at home with DD!!

In saying that though, it made me a better Mum - I worked harder at it in the time I spent with DD, and it certainly made DH a more understanding and hands-on father :D I don't regret any of the decisons that we've made along the way (but do feel guilty if we get to more than one Hi 5 episode in one day!)

2nd time round, I feel like I'm doing a much better job DD is lovely at 22 months, while DS is still just a normal 7 weeks old with newborn issues...but when I go back to work next year it will only be part time, so I definitely don't feel like I'm trying to escape!!

[Benji]

I'd have to say yes apart from the controlled crying.

[Leisa21]

I am proud of the person that my DS has made me but when I was pregnant I had big ideas.

Before I met my DH I was a binge drinker, smoker, party animal and total mess. I was always fighting with my family I was angry all the time and always hung over. But when your 18 so is everyone. I was sick of dating the 'hot' guys that were jerks anyway. I had the theory that all men are pigs might as well have a hot one. And then I realised hey some arent so bad. I met my husband and he hated smokers so bam there goes the smokes. He was a non drinker so when we went out I didnt really drink. I was healthy and happy. When I fell pregnant all my other bad habbits went out the window. I patched things up with my family and things were amazing. I cant believe how much I've changed.

I've always been a selfish person but now I do everything for my son. I think I sometimes dont do things I wanted. I was never going to give panadol just cuddles lol. But when he was teething at 2 1/2 months with atooth by 3 months it was so hard not too. After he's needle it made him more comfortable. I was never going to CC but the last week I have started and he is so much more settled and happy. He doesnt have grumpy periods and is no longer cat napping.

I think we all think we're going to be super mums because when your pregnant you are so overwhelmed my hormones and love you cant imagine doing anything 'wrong' by your child. But I try not be beat myself up because 90% of tthe time i'm happy with they choices I make. DH is so proud of me. He sends me msg's every day to say how happy I have made him. I always thought Mum was a wonder mother - she is. And Dad told me last week that yes my mother is fantastic but she was never as young or as strong as me and he is so proud of me as a mother. to hear that was such a huge confidence boost. He's only 6 months old so I know I will stuff up plenty more times but I also know I will do so many of the right things by him. :) I think we're all good mums wether we're doing what we said we would or not.

[mayhem]

:) I think we're all good mums wether we're doing what we said we would or not.


:iagree:

[kymmy]

Yes and No also.
I would never expect to have such great kids -I had no expectations. There have been hard times and there have been some joyful times.
I wanted to have independant kids and I think I have helped them be that.
I didn't think I would be so strict!
I also didn't think I would feel so proud of them.

[squiglet]

Same here, Yes and No.

befor mum me: Never ever would I give my child take away, chips, lollys the dummy.
I would never get angry at her but remain calm as possible (Channeling I am the adult here)

After mum me: we use a dummy:laughing: She has had all the bad food things because it's so hard to resist giving them a try when your at birthday partys for other little babies.
Dh and I are so tired now and then we get take away and DD has a little too (not as dinner but a tast):cool: