Parenting your Parents

[zenifa]

Am I the only one that often feels like I'm the one parenting my own parents?
This isn't to say I want to be doing this, but their behaviour often leads me into a role reversal before I Know it.
I know its not my job to parent my parents, but sometimes I feel like I am doing it, more to help them out I guess.
Its frustrating, as on one hand they are both wonderful people who are kind, generous, loving, helpful and supportive and then other hand they can be demanding, needy, helpless, dysfunctional, frustrating and completely lack any insight into their own thoughts, emotions and behaviour - let alone the impact it has on themselves, each other, and anyone around them, especially me and their two granddaughters.

Don't want to bore anyone or vent more than I need to, but they've had health problems and relationship problems recently that have gotten me very stressed out and I've found myself back in this almost 'parental' role with them.
I'm trying to stay out of it for my own emotional and mental wellbeing as well as for my girls.
Just wonder if there is anyone else out there that can relate to this?

[WorkingClassMum]

I think it's aprt of the circle of life

I was bought up by my grandparents for years, and my granddad was a big strong confident man.

He rang me one day when my granny was sick and didn't know what to do.

I still cry when I think about him crying like a lost child because he couldn't work it out

I'm starting to sort out more and more things for my mum now too

[our little treasures]

No your not the only one and it is very stressful!

[Bessie]

Yes, it's hard.
My mum has mental health issues and she skypes me daily. It's hard going. I grew up being her 'counsellor' and things haven't changed much! I tried putting boundaries down before but at the moment she really doesn't have anyone else.
If your parents have other avenues to turn to, then maybe try and have a bit of distance for your own family's sake. One thing which has concerned me is repeating the pattern with my own family.

[Lastcenturymum]

Sorry to hear that and how hard it is for you hun.

Kateyo is right, it is a circle effect sometimes.

I see the future for me, caring for my folks, they are still capable but once dad stops driving (which sound have been 5 years ago!) Emotionally they are great, but physically I can see things changing so so much. But when I think of all they have done for me and all they have done for my kids, I accept it.

But I think emotional would be much harder to deal with too

[LaurenB]

Oh I hear you!

Yes I feel as though I have been a shoulder to cry on for my parents many times over the years and from a young age.

My father had health issues last year, and the specialist said that he must make changes to his lifestyle - he still hasn't made any changes - even with me and my brother trying to encourage and support him.

I think you come to a point where you realise you have a life separate to your parents and it's up to them to look after themselves. I have now tried putting some boundaries in place- for the wellbeing of me and my family. It's not going well:no:

[becca022]

I've had to parent my mother for as long as I can remember. She refuses to do anything. She had a stroke in 2000 or 2001 & another one in 2005 & since her 1st one has refused to help herself. Fair enough no one expects her to run marathons or even do all of the housework, but all she does is sit in her chair throwing orders around.
When DP & I split up last year for a few months DS & I went to stay there until we found a place of our own & my step dad would take off for days at a time & was left to look after mum & my brother & my DS.

DS is physically disabled & I don't want him taking advantage of his problems like my mum.