Have/Would you foster a baby/child?

[SixtiesChild]

Hi All :wave:,

I was talking with dh about recent tragic events involving child neglect and he told me that every 2 days, a baby dies because of abuse. (Not all abuse is reported in the News)
That is here in our country, beautiful Australia!

I'm not sure where he got these statistics from
(He's a health professional)
but I find that very disturbing.
Lately I have been having thoughts of fostering a child.
Has any one fostered a baby/ child? Would you consider it? If you have fostered before, how did it impact the dynamics of your family?
I feel that with recent tragic events, I feel compelled to do something.

[prideNJoy]

I havn't, but it's something DP & I have been looking into and discussing for the past couple of months.
My parents were foster carer's also, so it's nothing new to me.
Were still trying to work out how we would work around it all.
The info packs you can get from .gov website are very handy. :yes:

[SurpriseBubba]

I was looking into it before I fell pregnant! :yes: but because I am now pregnant it has been put off for a bit as I'm a single mum.

However, once this bub arrives and is a little older, it is DEFINITELY something I want to do! :yes:

[jag5000]

I have been a foster parent. I probably have had about 30 different kids stay with me in the 5 years I did it for. I had one gorgeous boy full time for 6 months and part time for another year. I will do it again in the future. a wonderful (yet challenging and at times very hard) experience for me and my DD (it was just the 2 of us when I was a carer)

I'm happy to answer any questions that I can. I'm no expert, but I can share my experience.

[Baldie's Mum]

I would LOVE to foster a bubba or lots of them! :D

but apparently in NSW you cant foster whilst going through IVF....which is SILLY! :hair:
You also cant go on the waiting list for adoption whilst on IVF! :banghead:

Stupid laws that havent been changed since 1971!!!! :hair:

[84zsazsa]

:yes: Yes but my hubby wont let as he feels it would break my heart too much.

I would want to keep them all and would have a really hard time giving them back when the time came.

Danni

[Fostermumof5]

I am a current foster carer and currently have five little ones in my care, all under 3 years old. One I have had for almost 18 months and she will be going home soon, and another I have had since she was 26 hours old and she is now almost seven months.

It is very challenging, and can be very frustrating at times, but it is well worth it, knowing what you are saving these little ones from.

[grass is always greener]

I would love to in the future, when my kidlets are older. DF's nanna did it for ages and she even adopted one. I think it would be great to carryon- so to speak- her tradition.
I know that it would be very hard and challanging at times, but its something that i have always wanted to do.

[meggs]

I would love to one day...being a teacher it breaks my heart when i see some situations of what kids live in and would do anything to make it better for them...hopefully one day we can do it...

[ForeverMine]

I'd also love to be a part of something like this... and actually started thinking about it yesterday when I read an advert in woman's day.... very compelling stuff...

....But can single mumma's be carers?

[*butterflykisses*]

we are planning to foster kids as soon as we get a bigger car and a spare bedroom

DH was a foster child himself and this is somethingwe have always wanted to do

I cant wait to help these little tikes out as much as I can

[SorenLorensen]

I would LOVE to foster a bubba or lots of them! :D

but apparently in NSW you cant foster whilst going through IVF....which is SILLY! :hair:
You also cant go on the waiting list for adoption whilst on IVF! :banghead:

Stupid laws that havent been changed since 1971!!!! :hair:
thats just stupid.
there you are willing and able to care for a child, to offer it love and comfort and they wont let you....what a kick in the teeth.



i would foster. i hope to do it one day but do it when my children have started school

[PinkBinkie]

I'm reading my second book by Cathy Glass. She has been a foster carer for more than 20 years. The first book "Damaged" and the book I'm reading now is called "Hidden". I have nothing but admiration for her. She has fostered children that have suffered extreme abuse and neglect. She has 3 children of her, one of whom that was a foster child she adopted. Her children are teenagers and understand what the children are going through and can handle the terrible stories, also the foster children acting out by being violent themselves, or stealing etc. So for me if I were to foster my kids would have to be older I think. But fostering children is one of the most selfless acts you can do. :thumbsup: to foster parents.

[Freya]

I would most definatley do it!:yes::yes:

[SPC]

Ethereal- Australian stats are really hard to find. I've been looking for my students. The UK population is about three times Australia and the figures there show about 80 children a year are killed, 80% of those by their parents. The UKs, NSPCC website has some amazing resources. There are some stats here:
http://www.nspcc.org.uk/Inform/research/Briefings/prevalenceTable2_wdf49716.pdf After the Victoria Climbie tradgedy, [similar to the Brisbane twins- www.victoria-climbie-inquiry.org.uk], there was a huge public outcry and reports and changes to the law. There was also a BBC event, Family Wanted, where they raised the issue of fostering across all the programs, [in Eastenders etc]. There are 60,000 chidlren in care in the UK, needing families. It made me convinced that it's something I want to do when my bub is older.

[zenifa]

DH has previously worked in child protection and understand the value of good foster homes for kids.
I think that we will consider being foster parents (to babies 0-3yo) when our girls start school, so in 5 or so years. At the moment we find our two challenging enough, but its something to consider for the future.

[neostudded]

Fostering is something I will do one day aswell.

[jag5000]

I'd also love to be a part of something like this... and actually started thinking about it yesterday when I read an advert in woman's day.... very compelling stuff...

....But can single mumma's be carers?

I was a single mumma when I became a carer

[*butterflykisses*]

heres some information I found from anglicare

http://www.anglicare.org.au/our-services/child-youth-and-family-services/foster-care

there is abooklet you can print out also

[rollercoastermum]

I was once a foster carer.. I only gave it up as I was pregnant with my second set of twins...

I have thought of going back to it but have decided against it since being sick...

Foster carer's are wonderful people.

[SixtiesChild]

Thanks for your replies,
It's been a bit of a crazy weekend with dd having come down with gastro, and then myself coming down with it, so I couldn't chat as I would have liked to. (I did lose about 5kg though:thumbsup::laughing:)

I'm so glad that people are interested in fostering kids - that's marvellous to hear and it's made my day! :)
I take my hat off to the ones that are fostering and have before etc....
A question though: How safe are the kids when they go back? I mean how do you know that they'll be ok for sure?
Thanks for all the links girls, I will definately be learning more about it and looking into it.
I may do it short term sometime down the track and see how I go.

Thanks again.

[sandy_1902]

yup once DP and i get our own house and have the kids we want to im going to start fostering.. i just love kids and IMO its giving back to the world (just me)

[MummaBear03]

I would do it, but only if it was either permanent care or if it was for the same family. A girl who lives nearby often has her children removed from her care, she has 4, and they go to wherever they can, so sometimes they are even split up and they are rarely with the same carer. i think kids need stability, so for their sake and my child's sake I would like to do it for a family like that, or respite care for a family who needs regular breaks from their kids. I know this particular girl, even when she has her kids with her, they are in care every second weekend. I think it would be better for them if they were with the same carer/s on those weekends, and would be more than willing to take them on. But that's the only time, I wouldn't have different kids in and out of here, that would be disruptive to family life in this house.

[jag5000]

A question though: How safe are the kids when they go back? I mean how do you know that they'll be ok for sure?


you generally don't :(

- most times you will only know anything if they come back into care (that happens a lot sadly) children in your care often leave with very little notice too.. eg, the boy had full time for 6 months, I got a call at about 10am that there was a court ruling and he was going back to mum and have him packed and ready to leave in an hour. THAT's hard! .. sadly he came back into care as mum couldn't keep it together and I had him again.. actually he came back to me 5 times all up.

once in a while the parent is happy to keep in touch, but this is rare. For most parents the time in their lives when their child was in foster care is a chapter they would rather close.

as for how safe they are - well, that decision is made by the childrens court (as in if they go back to the parents), the parents have to satisfy certain criteria before they will allow children back. Sometimes it's a good decision, sometimes not - but at least the children are monitored after they go back to the parents for a period of time.

The standard of care that is acceptable by law can be pretty shocking though (well, it is to me!) Don't get me started on the childrens court though :mad: - serious reforms are needed there!

[rollercoastermum]

I was a single mumma when I became a carer
I wasnt even a Mum when I first registered as a Foster Carer...

[MummaBear03]

The standard of care that is acceptable by law can be pretty shocking though (well, it is to me!) Don't get me started on the childrens court though :mad: - serious reforms are needed there!

They have to be provided with a place to sleep and that could mean they are sleeping on a blanket on the floor with another blanket/sheet over the top of them. They have to have sufficient food and that could mean a vegemite sandwich, an apple and a glass of milk. I can't remember the other things right now but those 2 things got me so mad! Oh, they have to have a minimum 2 sets of clothing! I know my daughter has too much clothing, but how can a child remain clean and comfortable with just 2 sets of clothing, particularly those that are messy children or toilet training :(

I just don't get it!

[Littletreasures]

i would really love to foster children but Dh doesn't think its a good idea he is worried that he wont be able to show as much love attention and affection to a foster child compared to what he shows his own babies and that it wouldn't be fair on the child.. And but its something that i would love to do he is also afraid that i will get to attached as i did with our dog when we fostered her through the RSPCA i couldn't let go and we ended up keeping her..

[jag5000]

I wasnt even a Mum when I first registered as a Foster Carer...

that's wonderful :) and it didn't put you off kids I see :laughing: it's a hard but wonderful thing isn't it? and you only gave it up when you had your SECOND set of twins? wow! .. you are a real supermum! ... I think a lot of people think you have to be married or a parent yourself etc etc to be eligible to foster, when really, as you know, agencies just want caring people who love children and can provide a stable home. I want to go back to it but DH is undecided, I don't think it's fair to push him into it, but I'll talk him around one day :)


They have to be provided with a place to sleep and that could mean they are sleeping on a blanket on the floor with another blanket/sheet over the top of them. They have to have sufficient food and that could mean a vegemite sandwich, an apple and a glass of milk. I can't remember the other things right now but those 2 things got me so mad! Oh, they have to have a minimum 2 sets of clothing! I know my daughter has too much clothing, but how can a child remain clean and comfortable with just 2 sets of clothing, particularly those that are messy children or toilet training :(

I just don't get it!

sad huh? basically children will be taken from their parents if there is some form of abuse. including physical abuse, neglect, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse. The neglect one is hard to define legally. It baffles me though, like if a child attends school 2 or 3 out of 5 days - that's ok :(

[MummaBear03]

sad huh? basically children will be taken from their parents if there is some form of abuse. including physical abuse, neglect, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse. The neglect one is hard to define legally. It baffles me though, like if a child attends school 2 or 3 out of 5 days - that's ok :(

The school one is changing, or has changed this year maybe. I can't remember now, but I know if it hasn't changed it will be brought in next year that children only miss school for valid reasons. It will be treated more like work, as in if they have a sick day before or after a weekend/public holiday, they must provide a medical certificate, and more than one each term requires a medical certificate or a signed note to say exactly why the child wasn't there, for instance if they had to go away to attend a funeral or wedding or something similar to that where they really had to have the day off. It's been a long time coming, I wonder if it will work. Oh, I think what happens is that parents will lose centrelink payments if their child misses school without a reason because it's often the children of low-income families surviving off payments from Centrelink to survive.

[jag5000]

that's great news mummabear!

[Smurfettesdream]

:wave:I am also in the process of possibly being a long term foster parent and am going through the paper work / traing sessions at the moment and am gob smacked BUT am proceeding FULL STEAM AHEAD and hope that i will make at least some small difference to a childs life and be there for the long term to give something a bit more :sunshine: :)

[Kazamataz]

My mum is a foster parent.
I would totally foster a baby or a very young child however I would be more wary of an older child.

We fostered a lot of teens when I was growing up and they were a handful and had the hugest impact/distribution on our family.

(If you wanted to foster tweens/teens you really need as much back ground info as possible and you really have to be prepared for a battle)

The younger ones were a lot easier and once they worked out we weren't going to hurt them, that there was always food available and that our house is a fun, safe place.
They caused very little fuss.

The hardest part about fostering young one's tho is when they leave.
We had one young girl come in and out of our family a few times and each time she came back she was more and more damaged.
It was so awful and now today the cycle is continuing with her own children, it's very sad.

HOWEVER having said that there is a much bigger push in the foster care system to provide as much stability to children as possible.

Making it slightly easier to adopt (although this is still not an "easy" thing) or they take more time in assessing all the options for the child.

In the case of the girl who we fostered on and off for many years. She kept being put back with her family due to the fact that they had friends in high places.
They also had drugged her so much she suffered a lot of brain damage and was not considered a "creditable" witness.

If your considering fostering you have to be prepared for the fact that most of these children are damaged in one way or an other and some are so badly hurt that it can take years to help them.

Fostering is a very hard road and you need to be very very patience.

You can't push your ideal or your beliefs on them.
You can't expect them to behave the same way your children do or "fit" into your family.

And most importantly THE HARDER THEY PUSH YOU, THE TIGHTER YOU HAVE TO HOLD ON.

By that I mean you have to be prepared for them to throw everything they've got at you and you just have to keep fighting back to show them that you CARE and your NOT going anywhere.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do and good on you for wanting to help these beautiful children.

[SixtiesChild]

Kazamataz,

Thankyou for that, it was very informative.
It certainly sounds challenging and tbh, I'm not sure how I would go.
I'd definately be a better candidate to look after babies & toddlers as I haven't parented teenagers of my own yet.
I'd be really upset to see them coming back more damaged.:( This shouldn't be allowed to happen. That must have been so sad to see.

Actually, I think I'd have trouble handing them back tbh if this was happening.
Perhaps adoption is something I also need to look into.
Our family have a lot to give in many ways but am yet to learn which avenue would work optimally for the child.

[Jinglebells]

I have thought about fostering, and will probably do so in the future, once my kids have growen up a little

I have been around lots of people that have fostered before, so have see what its like, and yes it definatly is hard

some family friends of ours has been running and home for kids, they take up to 10 kids at any one time, ranging from 7 to 15 years, and 99% of them are well and truly a handfull

I take my hat off to anyone that fosters, its a very demanding thing to do, both physically and mentally, its a wonderfull thing, to give a child a great home to live in, even if it is only for a short while

[FishFace]

I would LOVE to foster a bubba or lots of them! :D

but apparently in NSW you cant foster whilst going through IVF....which is SILLY! :hair:
You also cant go on the waiting list for adoption whilst on IVF! :banghead:

Stupid laws that havent been changed since 1971!!!! :hair:

I totally understand why that law is in place.

If you were to then fall pregnant, that would leave the foster kid in a very strange enviroment.
I dont think a home with a foster child is a good place for your own new baby.



In answer to the OP..no I would not be a foster mum.
I was fostered on and off for years and I had some bad experiences.
I would be way too scared.

Its not just babies..its kids who are very damaged and need to much.

I dont think they are meant to be LITTLE FUSS... I mean hell they are coming from abuse and neglect and rape.

Its nto about going for only the young and cute less damaged ones!

[Kazamataz]

Kazamataz,

Thankyou for that, it was very informative.
It certainly sounds challenging and tbh, I'm not sure how I would go.
I'd definately be a better candidate to look after babies & toddlers as I haven't parented teenagers of my own yet.
I'd be really upset to see them coming back more damaged.:( This shouldn't be allowed to happen. That must have been so sad to see.

Actually, I think I'd have trouble handing them back tbh if this was happening.
Perhaps adoption is something I also need to look into.
Our family have a lot to give in many ways but am yet to learn which avenue would work optimally for the child.

Hey no worries, I think it's fantastic that you want to help.
I would totally encourage you to look at all your options and I hope you find a way to help that also works for you and your family.

Cheers to you for having a heart and wanting to help :thumbsup:

[FishFace]

[removed by admin]


I agree they could possibly ask for short term..But really do you have any idea how hard it is to be moved to another family?

Foster kids are not rent a kid.


If on IVF you go through huge emotional pressure yes?
Do you really think you coudl give your heart and soul to a foster kid?

[Kazamataz]

[removed by admin]

Although I agree with the short term placements.

If you are taking children who need a long term placement and then you get pregnant and want to move them on.
This is very detrimental to the child.

Where possible children who need long term foster care need to be in homes that are willing to have these children until they are 18 if that is the case.

One of the biggest problems and complaints for foster children is the constant bouncy around.
Everyone need stability in their lives and foster children are no exception.

IMO You shouldn't take on foster kids if your not prepared to be in it for the long haul.

[FishFace]

Although I agree with the short term placements.

If you are taking children who need a long term placement and then you get pregnant and want to move them on.
This is very detrimental to the child.

Where possible children who need long term foster care need to be in homes that are willing to have these children until they are 18 if that is the case.

One of the biggest problems and complaints for foster children is the constant bouncy around.
Everyone need stability in their lives and foster children are no exception.

IMO You shouldn't take on foster kids if your not prepared to be in it for the long haul.



Exactly. :hugs::hugs:


As a foster child I can honestly say , its heartbreaking to be moved.

[Kazamataz]

Foster kids are not rent a kid.


:yelclap: Well said, I think people can sometimes forget this. There are a lot of people who also see it as a money making scheme, very terrible IMO.

Being a foster carer requires more of you than you can imagine and no one should enter in to it lightly.

[LittleButton]

IMO You shouldn't take on foster kids if your not prepared to be in it for the long haul.


What about going into short term placement? I've looked into this, it seems the best option for me. I wont like giving them back... not always knowing if they're going back to their families who have REALLY changed....

[Kazamataz]

Exactly. :hugs::hugs:


As a foster child I can honestly say , its heartbreaking to be moved.

Hey your talking to someone who lived in 12 different foster homes in the space of 12 months.
Yep thats an average of 1 home a month.

Not an easy task at all and not something I ever want to see any child go through.

[Kazamataz]

What about going into short term placement? I've looked into this, it seems the best option for me. I wont like giving them back... not always knowing if they're going back to their families who have REALLY changed....

Yep, but you do have to be prepared for the fact that they may not be such a short term placement.

I started out that way a "short term placement" and ended up being in care for 8 years.
Could you have a child in your care for that long?

I was lucky tho my mum (foster mum) adopted me in the end :D

[LittleButton]

Yep, but you do have to be prepared for the fact that they may not be such a short term placement.

I started out that way a "short term placement" and ended up being in care for 8 years.
Could you have a child in your care for that long?

I was lucky tho my mum (foster mum) adopted me in the end :D


I guess overall it wouldnt matter as the child in my care would be loved as my own, just thinking if the child stayed like 3 and over years i think i might adopt if possible... im a very attachment"ing" person.... in which case means i get attached quickly,

[Kazamataz]

I guess overall it wouldnt matter as the child in my care would be loved as my own, just thinking if the child stayed like 3 and over years i think i might adopt if possible... im a very attachment"ing" person.... in which case means i get attached quickly,

Well thats a good attitude to have, that you will love them like your own.
If your prepared to have children short term and forever then I personally think thats a good place to be coming from.

Attaching can be a very hard thing, Growing up we had some little cuties in our house that eventually had to go back and that was very very hard.

[LittleButton]

Well thats a good attitude to have, that you will love them like your own.
If your prepared to have children short term and forever then I personally think thats a good place to be coming from.

Attaching can be a very hard thing, Growing up we had some little cuties in our house that eventually had to go back and that was very very hard.

Im not sure id wanna let them go whether long term or short term... letting them go is all about the "wat ifs"

[FishFace]

Im not sure id wanna let them go whether long term or short term... letting them go is all about the "wat ifs"

well thats the attitude a foster kid NEEDS!

I was the same as Kaz.
I started as a short term and then ended up in and out of homes for years.

[LittleButton]

Id foster, but i need to feel a little more stable in everything whether finacial and emotionally ready, i think it'l be soon but I just want to make sure i've got all the information and very prepared as i know its somthing you dont rush into....

Plus I dont want to have to raise the child and look after it thinking ill survive off "the gov payments" I want them to be happy and carefree, eat healthy but have treats and toys of their own...

[Kazamataz]

Id foster, but i need to feel a little more stable in everything whether finacial and emotionally ready, i think it'l be soon but I just want to make sure i've got all the information and very prepared as i know its somthing you dont rush into....

Plus I dont want to have to raise the child and look after it thinking ill survive off "the gov payments" I want them to be happy and carefree, eat healthy but have treats and toys of their own...

Well yes you should try to be in best situation possible, that way you can give a lot more to the child.
(and I don't just mean monetarily)

[jag5000]

I agree totally with Kaz and sassafras...

I would recommend that anyone wanting to foster but not sure about the time they were willing to have a child in their care to either look at respite care or make it known to their agency that you are looking for short term placement ONLY (and they can place children with you that need this rather than ones that are just being shuttled around - this is what I did

I mostly had children as an emergency carer.. they were placed with me after a crisis, being removed from their family, awaiting a court date etc. Meaning a had a lot of times when I'd get the call at 3am and have a scared confused child on my doorstep within the hour :( - heartbreaking! I did my best to comfort the child, not scare them further and prepare them what was to come. It can take time to find a suitable long term carer available and I hope that I filled the need for those 'inbetween' times.

just to prepare you further - you have to be willing to do a lot more than just care for a child sometimes. For example; taking them for assessments (medical or physical), taking them to court dates, taking them to access visits with bio parents or if the child is very young sometimes having access visits at your house, liaising with case workers, etc

it is a hard road - but I would do it again in a heartbeat (and I will be again soon)

could you cope with a child coming to you covered in cigarette burns? destroying your things because they are angry? screaming, swearing and hitting you? not talking for days on end? a baby crying 24 hours a day because they are having withdrawals from heroin? because these are things that have happened to me

I might sound like I just tell the horror stories.. and in a way I suppose I do sometimes, I have been asked by many people what fostering is like and I like to tell the realities, because I think that you need to know what you are getting into

if after all this you still want to go ahead - bless you! there is a critical lack of carers and you are making a difference

wow - long post. This is a subject that I am passionate about, as I'm sure you can tell

oh - and on the money front, don't think for a second that the subsidies that you get from the government will cover all of your expenses.. they don't

[Kazamataz]

Jag 5000
:yelclap: to you and you should tell people the realties I had one family boot me out in 24 hours for swearing :eek:

clearly they thought a child was going to come in and fit right in to their life from the get go.

I swore for a good reason, burnt my hand while cooking something.

But still they were totally not prepared for life as foster parents.

Having said that tho, I was a very easy foster child and considered very low maintenance.
This is because I was used to taking care of myself and my sister from the age of 5.

I generally caused very little fuss, although if you backed me in a corner I had a terrible temper and an over tendency to swear. (but what teenager doesn't?)

[FishFace]

aww wow kicked for swearing.

I was kicked from a family for moving a cupboard in front of my door.

they said I was too hard to help.
But I had been moved from an abusive house where it all happened when I went to bed..so the cupboard seemed like a pretty smart idea to me!!!! lol.

I was considered hard..only cos I was majorly jealous and very angry.

I have to admit if I had been in a foster family where they had a little baby I would have lost the plot.

[jag5000]

I'm so sorry to both of you for having to go through these things! :hugs: I'm sure you were both normal but scared or angry children! I commend you both for overcoming your far less than perfect childhoods and becoming the women you are today. I had a dream childhood, which is one big reason I wanted to foster - I felt I owed it to the world, or karma, or whatever, to give something back for me being so blessed.

see, now that's why I don't think anyone should go into fostering 'blind'! kids don't come into the system for no reason, and most of them are 'damaged' (if you'll excuse the term) in some way.

you need to be prepared for everything kids can throw and you and not be too fazed.

The hardest for me was always the point when some kids would open up to be about what had happened to them.. hearing those horror stories from innocent children is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life. it is sooo hard to stay composed and respond appropriately!

but brings home why you are doing this and why these kids sometimes 'act up' ... most haven't learned the skills that we teach our kids and take for granted.

[Kazamataz]

Sassafras: awww :hugs: to you mate, putting a cupboard in front of the door sounds like a pretty smart idea to me.
I seriously don't/didn't get what some people were thinking when they took on me or any foster child.

People need to be alot more open minded, clearly there was a reason for the way you acted.

Jag5000: Thank-you, I had alot of help to become the well adjusted person I am today.

Becoming a parent really shook things up for me too. That was the point when I really let things go.
I decided I could no longer be a victim of my past, My son needed me to move on so I could be the best mama possible.

I had no choice over the things that happened in my childhood but I have a choice now and I choose to not give my power away.

You sound like such an amazing person, so giving and to give back out of your blessed childhood is just so beautiful.
Kudos to you my friend :yelclap:

[SixtiesChild]

Im not sure id wanna let them go whether long term or short term... letting them go is all about the "wat ifs"
I feel this way and that's what makes it so hard to decide.
You'd just want to give & give but then, it would be like having one of your own children taken away and not knowing what has happened to them. :(
And I don't know if I'm strong enough to bear them going back to a (possibly) danger filled environment.

If the parents prove to be unloving- Can they be adopted into a family that would give them all the stability they need to become well adjusted adults? (I mean if the child's parents are willing.)
I just don't think I'd be very good at letting go,
some people are stronger than others at this.

Sassafras & Kazamataz & others- thankyou! :hugs::)
Please continue to use this thread to inform others about fostering- It's so important that people are informed. Some people have a lot to give to a child that is in hardship.

[LittleButton]

i just want to give back to the world who has given me so much happiness, i was fortunate and had my parents the whole way through.... but id like to give back to society and children who dont deserve bad treatment or some who have lost all the loved ones they ever had....

I want to show them that they deserve love, care, attention and affection....

I want to show them the world is a beautiful place.

Helping children and young people to reach their full potential.

Enhancing my own parenting skills and knowledge.

[Kazamataz]

Also not every state in australia actually allows the foster or permanent care child to be transitioned over into adoption, from my understanding the only state that allows this is NSW however I could be wrong on this (?)

Yep you are wrong on that one they allow it in the ACT it happened to me.

[FishFace]

I still disagree with it.

IVF is such an emotional journey and the parents go through so much.
Its hard to be focused on anything else.

Fostering a bay or a child or a teen needs all your attention.

[studyingECS]

In theory I would like to foster.

I don't think emotionally I could ever do it though. Some people are strong enough, I don't think I would be.

[Kazamataz]

I still disagree with it.

IVF is such an emotional journey and the parents go through so much.
Its hard to be focused on anything else.

Fostering a bay or a child or a teen needs all your attention.

:iagree: But we already knew that :D

[trixiebelle17]

i just wanted to reply to the discussion on couples not being allowed to go through IVF while fostering. My understanding of the situation is:

Firstly, the child protection legaislation in NSW is always about what is the in the child's best interests (not the need for an adult to have a child in their life, which is one of the main reasons people decide to foster, but this hasnt come out on this thread).

Secondly, the more placements a child has the more 'damaged' they become... due to the length of time court cases take /parents to get their acts together etc short term care placements can last up towards two years!!! if carers have to time limit a placement then they are doing even more harm to the child (systems abuse).

Thirdly, IVF / infertility is an extremely stressful time for people. A foster child needs EVERYTHING you have available to give. The reasons alot of agencies have made them as their policies is due to the fact the grief of not falling pregnant is enormous and time starts to lessen that pain. It is very difficult for a person to meet the needs of a child when they are 'busy'. Foster children often have attachment disorders and need quality time with a carer to start to reverse some of the damage that has been doen and build a healthy attachment (even in short term care this is crucial!).

It's great to hear from so many people who are fostering.. i know a number of people who are foster carers, it's hard work but it can be such a reward when you see a hurt child start to shine!

[trixiebelle17]

oh and in answer to would i foster... DH and i have discussed it and we might look into weekend care (where u have a child stay with u one weekend a month to give their parents some respite from the child) later in our lives.. we have just started ttc#1 so it isnt something we would do until we had had our own family.. fingers crossed we are able to :)

[BJsMummy]

I would love to do it, but my emotional attchment is standing in my way, I dont think that I could let the kids go. I am thinking of being an emergency carer, have the kids for only a few nights until they found a permanant place for them, so I wouldn't get that attached to them.

If you were a foster parent what type of care would you do?

[Kazamataz]

If you were a foster parent what type of care would you do?

If I was going to be a foster parent I would totally have them long term as long as possible.

Foster children need stability so I would open my home to them for as long as they needed.

I would also make sure they understood that my door was always open to them if the courts ordered them to move somewhere else then they could always come to visit if they choose.

[LittleButton]

Can u do all the training for it and stuff and then put it on hold? I just feel i could benefit by having all the information i possibly could.

[Kazamataz]

Can u do all the training for it and stuff and then put it on hold? I just feel i could benefit by having all the information i possibly could.

I don't know much about the training, my mums has been a carer forever and never did the training.

I'm fairly sure just because you do the training doesn't mean at the end they start giving you kids.

I think part of it is to educate people as to what to expect.
I'd give to agency your thinking of going through a call and ask them some question.

[LittleButton]

thanks hun

[Ky]

Dh and I are doing our best now to prepare for fostering.

We are on a low income, but have a heap of love, common sense and compassion to give. We do well as a family and our kids never go without and we would like to be able to provide this for other children who haven't been initially blessed with this. As a result, we are slowly gathering beds, preparing rooms, study areas, carseats etc that we may need as carers.

Our kids are both at school, so would probably cope with having a couple of little ones in the house. They are wonderful with small children and would open their hearts readily.

Having just recently lost our precious little girl, we want to try again for a child of our own before we launch fully into fostering. We know that we are still grieving Ruby deeply, so need to go through counselling etc before we can lay our hearts bare to these beautiful children.

It has been a passion of both mine and Dh's since before we married 8 ½ years ago to foster and do our best for some children who could do with the love and stability we could provide.

It's all a question of timing now ...

[Kazamataz]

Dh and I are doing our best now to prepare for fostering.

We are on a low income, but have a heap of love, common sense and compassion to give. We do well as a family and our kids never go without and we would like to be able to provide this for other children who haven't been initially blessed with this. As a result, we are slowly gathering beds, preparing rooms, study areas, carseats etc that we may need as carers.

Our kids are both at school, so would probably cope with having a couple of little ones in the house. They are wonderful with small children and would open their hearts readily.

Having just recently lost our precious little girl, we want to try again for a child of our own before we launch fully into fostering. We know that we are still grieving Ruby deeply, so need to go through counselling etc before we can lay our hearts bare to these beautiful children.

It has been a passion of both mine and Dh's since before we married 8 ½ years ago to foster and do our best for some children who could do with the love and stability we could provide.

It's all a question of timing now ...

:yelclap: You are amazing even with the loss of your beautiful little girl your still wanting to help others.
Your an inspiration :hugs:

[tessag]

hi im just wanting to know if you were able to give me any advice on foster care ,as me and my husband had previously done it and had a bit of trouble. but we are so wanting to do it again and have spoken to someone and they are willing to come out and see us. so im just wanting to know if you have any advice theat you could share with me please. thank you.



sincerly

tess.:)

[miloand4]

I currantly do respite care for a little boy and am doing the training to become a foster carer. I love being a mum and have a load of patience for anyone. There has been some great feedback on here though it is good to here it from the side of the fostered. The only thing Is whats the best age group to have in your house. I am flexible and open to anything I have a 15, 13 ,7 and 3 month old I geuss I will figure that out as I go through all of this. I am also willing to help the kids return to their families and keep my door always open to them. We had an old friends son come live with us last year and he had a lot of issues with abuse etc.. We dealt with having him very well and I like to think he went away a better person for it (he says he did) He went back to his mum but is now with his grandma but knows he can come back anytime. My kids were great with it all to. I just love kids so much and it breaks my heart when families have problems and the kids suffer because of it. Hopefully our home will be a nice safe haven for someone special.

[ontheway]

Can u do all the training for it and stuff and then put it on hold? I just feel i could benefit by having all the information i possibly could.
Yes you can, that's what we have done.

[hope20]

I think fostering a child or a few of them would be a great experience - I love kids & helping them also.

Yes Im also wanting to know if single mums can be a carer & what do u have to do to become one?

[jag5000]

yes, you can be a single mum! I was :)

check out all the info and contacts in your state at http://www.fostercare.org.au/

[cocobambino]

I have cared for other peoples children for long amounts of time, such as one I had for 6 weeks and another for about 4 the second one I had her mother was handing her over and on the day of the DHS inspection/interview she changed her mind and I hope DHS done something to keep this child safe.

I am 100% going to foster someday.
Im nervous because my Aunty had a little girl from birth and when she was 3/4 the mother wanted her back which broke my auntys heart to peices im scared of this happening

[shaniaap8jh]

:wave:Do what is best for all parties. You'd need a mega heart & lots of energy to make any family work.:hugs::fingerscrossed:

No I've not fostered a child. Yes, we'd do it if we had the funds + meet the requirements.

:iagree:Get your issues first before you both bring a child into your hearts & home (Dr. Phil.com).

[lizzo]

i admire anyone that does fostering - it takes an extraordinary person to do that sort of thing.

I have a friend who does it, she unfortunately couldnt have kids so they decided to do fostering. She has had a pretty tough time of late though. About 2 years ago she was given a newborn little girl to look after - her mother had 8 other kids all of whom were taken off her - apparently its pretty routine, she falls preggas, has the baby, fosters them out then does it all over again.

My friend had the bub for 2 years, she and her husband had fallen in love with her(as she does with all the bubs) but, once they looked into it apparently she wasnt allowed because my friend wasnt the right colour, she had to be aboriginal because the baby was aboriginal:eek::eek: that is the biggest case of discrimination if I have ever heard - I wonder what would have happened if it was an aboriginal mum trying to adopt a caucasian baby!!

The baby had not seen anyone from her family, not one relative had turned up - noone had tried to contact the bub since she was born......so, because of beauracratic bull**** this little cannot be adopted by the only people who have loved and cared for her in her whole life!

Eventually my friend got a call from DOCS who said there was a relative who was wanting to look after the little girl- however they didnt have alot of money so my friend would have to hand over the cot, pram, car seat and any other baby paraphnalia the little girl may need:eek: .......

I would have thought that if these people couldnt afford to buy what is needed to care for the little girl than thye really cant afford to have her at all.........it was just ridiculous. My friend handed the little girl over and is so anxciousover the safety of the little girl - they even changed her name:eek:

I think the decisions made in that situation were not made for the well being of the baby.

It was so sad:crying:

[crazyaboutbubs]

I would love to in the future, when i am able to provide for them both emotionally and financially. I'm getting into welfare work as an occupation and would definately find it hard to say no to someone that truely needs your help.

[peanutbutter&jelly]

I would love to... yes, I know its hard... but if I can help a poor child who's been dealt %^&$ cards in this life and I'm able to help them thanks to the fact I have been absolutely blessed and luckier than some... I'm going to try!
I'll have to try and get my hands on the 2nd Cathy Glass book - I read the first one in a few hours on a flight... just amazing, and breathtakingly inspirational!

[Pax]

I would but DH doesnt want to.

He was fostered/adopted and abused by them and I guess its just too hard for him emotionally to consider it.

[traseal]

anyone can be a carer. They try and match kids to people as close to home as possible...so if thre mum is a single mum they may find it easier staying with a single mum, or if abused by a male etc. EVERYONE can do it.
We started the process after 6 miscarriages we had a lot of love to give, i fell pregnant though and this one has stuck around.....we are holding off but will definately do it in the future

[pinkgingham]

i would, but i am not financially stable at the moment.

but i definitely would if i was able to. especially indigenous kids. Aboriginal kids need Aboriginal carers and they like to place Aboriginal kids in Aboriginal foster families. there isnt enough Aboriginal carers so if i could i really would love to.

[maybe1more]

I would honesly LOVE to foster a child. My brother was in foster care (from the age of 12) and without the help of his foster parents i dont know what would of happened to my brother.
It was such a difficult time for him. His foster parents wanted to adopt him but my parents wouldnt let them, which is a really shame as when my brother hit 16 he wasnt at home long before my parent kicked him :no: so my brother when down the wrong track and im sad to say he passed away at the age of 26. I always think to myself if only my parent would of let my brother be adopted and he would be here today.
He has inspired me to be a foster mum, and i am positive i will treat them like my own.:yes:

[Luna Lovegood]

Without a doubt would I want to foster. I love my bubba girl so much, and having another child of my own would be a huge risk I won't take. Iread stories about abuse and it's so unfair that some people just have as many kids as they want for a bit extra govt $$ and they don't even care. It's not fair.

I hate even the thought of child abuse and just want to cuddle all their pain away and give them a life they deserve...:yes: