The effects of termination when you didn't want one but had one

[HunterzMummy]

I need to speak with people who did not want a termination and went through with it due to emotional issues, circumstances etc (but not medical)

I would so appreciate to hear how this affected you even to this day? Do you find it hard coping do you forgive your self, how do you get by every day. And above all do you regret it and if you could do it over would you do things differently.

Ultimately what made you go ahead with it if you didn't want it

Thank you for your honesty and help - you have no idea how much this means and will help:hugs:

[sam's mum]

:hugs: I can give you information about how DH feels if that helps. not sure if you are interested because he is a he and not a she.

[ml2tope]

Hi,

I was thinking about this same thing last night; contemplating about whether I should start a thread and see if there were girls out there coerced into abortion.

I was and it has ruined my life. It was direct violence or threats or anything major like that, I just know that I didn't want an abortion and I was pressured into having one. It has taken me a while to realise it because I have put so much guilt and blame on myself because I did this to my baby. I knew I should have been stronger and braver.

I had an abortion 5 years ago and at times it feels just like yesterday but at the same time, it feels like it has been a million years since it happened. I was 15 and my DP was 10 years older than me. My parents had freaked out and called the police etc. They were looking to press charges against him but had no evidence as I wouldn't co-operate. So when I fell pregnant, my DP saw 'it' as DNA evidence that would send him to jail. I loved him and wanted to protect him, so I terminated. I was young, stupid and had no support. DP was only out for himself and my parents were only out to get him locked up. I was let down by so many people, my parents, DP even the doctors who saw me. I was never given the required counseling or spoken to about options. It was never something that I wanted to do. I wasn't coerced as physically threatened by my DP and held down by the clinic staff as has happened in some cases I have heard of, but I know I was pressured and if it wasn't for all these other external pressures, my baby would still be with me today.

I still have so much anger and hatred at these people and at myself. I have so much guilt, regret and grief that to this day I struggle to deal with. I am struggling to heal because I just cannot comprehend what I did or forgive myself for taking my baby's life when it was something I just didn't want to do. I should have been stronger and fought for me and for my baby.

Termination is a hard enough decision to make and deal with even if it is something you do want, having an unwanted termination will destroy you.

[LittleOldMe]

Everyday i wake up and i hate myself for what i did..... I may not think about it all the time but without a doubt it will pop into my head sometime and i wish i was a stronger person....

[Freya]

Hugs to both of you and to your DH sam's mum.:hugs:

[youngmum2b90]

Hi Hunterzmummy,
i went thro an abortion purley because my DP didnt think it was the right time for a kid, plus i wasnt sure if we were gonna last. (plus i was 17)...

It kills me to this day thinking about it... when i woke up after the procedure i didnt stop crying and this lasted about 2 months... :'(

Luckly i when i fell pregnant this time things with us were settle we had even spoke about family.. I couldnt have gone through it again!!

i believe things happen for a reason & i think i am very lucky now that i am having a baby with a guy i no is here for the long run & i am glad things have worked out the way they have....

Although my advise never do something you dont want to because someone else wants you to! They should support your decision... your the one that has to live with the effects either way!! :)

[supa_star323]

I did, and although I dont want to go into details, I have never given myself for it. Every tiny thing that happens with DS I seem to blame on myself and my termination and yes I know that is irrational, but I do. I want to move on and have closure but I just don't know how.

[sam's mum]

I did, and although I dont want to go into details, I have never given myself for it. Every tiny thing that happens with DS I seem to blame on myself and my termination and yes I know that is irrational, but I do. I want to move on and have closure but I just don't know how.

:hugs: that is pretty much where DH is. He blames my mc on him having driven a previous gf to get an abortion. He didn't want her to have it, but never told her because he felt it was her choice and not his.

[hayleysmummy]

:hugs: to everyone I feel your pain

I had a termination at 15 @7weeks (the date is in my sig) so many people think I miscarried but It was an unwanted termination so I acknowledge that as losing a wanted bub

The father was 22 we had been together for a year he was very abusive and controlling, I was also on the pill and didnt realise I could get pregnant, when I found out I was full of mixed emotions and sat in the doctors office bawling my eyes out not knowing what to do I went home to mums and she goes "well are you" and I said "yes" she then turned around and said "oh well of to tweed" (the abortion clinic) :crying: My DP at the time didnt want the baby either so I felt as though the desicion was out of my hands I really felt as though I had no say in the matter and it breaks my heart to this day to think of what I did to my baby because I felt pressured, Why didnt I stand up for myself? My mum even asked me if I really wanted to do it while we were sitting in the waiting room of the clinic because I was crying so much (It was too late then) so many what if's go through my mind but the one that keeps me going is "If I had had that baby I wouldnt have the kids I have today" and this has been a lesson for me, a part of growing. I know my :angel: is up there watching over us and I'll meet him again one day

I also believe I didnt recieve the propper councelling I should have been given otherwise I wouldnt have done it :hissy:

[4B2L]

:hugs: to all of you. :hugs:

[naebie]

I wasn't really coerced into having a termination, but have regretted my decision ever since. I was 17 at the time (It was just over 4 years ago), and the baby was due right in the middle of my HSC- I just thought that there was no way that I could have finished school while having a baby, and nobody really opened my eyes up to my options. So at the time I thought I was making the best decision, and my DP also agreed that we weren't in the right financial situation, or even mature enough to bring a baby into the world. I was brought up in a very financially unstable house, and all I wanted was to be able to give my baby everything.
I actually have suffered so much from my termination, as the doctors believe that my miscarriage in '06 was directly caused by my previous termination. Apparently in some rare circumstances terminations can cause 'Cervical Incompetence', and this is what I ended up with.
I am now pregnant again, and have a high risk pregnancy, all because of a stupid decision I made when I was young... I always think that I should be having my 3rd baby, instead I am pregnant a 3rd time with my first... It breaks my heart.

[alphafemale2901]

Congratulations on your pregnancy. :yelclap:

Try not to let your concerns over whatever potential risk you have been deemed to be, cloud your enjoyment of this pregnancy.

The angel growing inside you is no doubt perfect. The decisions you have made in the past can't be undone and hanging onto regrets about them is not useful for you hun.

Make the most of this experience and trust in the ability of your body to do what is requirered when the time comes, no matter what happends on the day.

Have some :hugs: from me.

[Ethereal]

I had a little tear in my eye when I read this thread.
This hasn't happened to me but a family member has been suffering depression for the past 12 years because of the regret & betrayal she feels. The regret that she lost a precious part of herself and the betrayal of Zero counselling.
It's very sad to see her suffer in silence.:(

I am sorry for all of you, but I think you are all very brave women to speak out about any regrets.
I want to say that: Armed with your heartfelt experiences, You can empower women that need it. :hugs:

[Rating]

I had one under these circumstances and had alot of trouble accepting it at the time.. ALOT OF TROUBLE!
But no now its years later and i dont accept it nor do I really think about it...

When I do there is no feelings involved... I cant change the past so wont dwell on it. But in saying that if I could go back I wouldnt change a thing...Things turned ok out anyway.

[84zsazsa]

When I do there is no feelings involved... I cant change the past so wont dwell on it. But in saying that if I could go back I wouldnt change a thing...Things turned ok out anyway.


Hi,

I am sort of the same as above. I was with my Ex who was 9yrs older then me and he would not except his part in any of it (raising a child) and tortured me about it when i told him i was pregnant. For fear my relationship would fall apart under the pressure of continuing the pregnancy i terminated.

I had trouble with the guilt of what i had done for a few yrs after, until that man after 6yrs together cheated, bashed me daily, and controlled me terribly and ultimately walked out and left me in a big heap of mess.

I believe everything happens for a reason and am at peace with the bub that never was because i know now it was the right choice. I look back and think of what our relationship became in the end and am so glad that a child was not a witness or part of it. Plus i have no ties too that man and at the time i was really not ready for a baby. This is evident now as i stayed in the situation tooooo long for knowing no better.

Right time, right place........and that was neither for me.

I am pregnant again now with my current hubby and it feels soooo right. This is something we both wanted and will love without any resentment. My hubby is a beautiful man and i am glad this event has taken place with him and not the other guy.

Danni

[moftwo]

i also had an abortion, some years ago now. For the reason that i was young, still at achool and had no idea if my relationship would last. Ultimatley i considered what kind of a life would i be able to provide my child with if i was to have it. This was the most important factor to me when making the decision. My DP wanted me to go ahead and my parents were mortified, but the decision was mine in the end and i hope i made the right one. I still think about my angel baby nearly every day, but i dont so much regret what i did, just wish it had of happened in another time so maybe i could have given the baby the life it deserved so the outcome may have been different. I have married the DP from back then and we now have 2 lovely children so i guess i have been blessed that way.....
It is a hard decidion to make a everyone make sthe decision for different reasons. My advice would be to make the decision that is right for you and the baby, not anyone else and then hopefully it will never be a regret