alone and feeling it..

[meljackson1]

I'm 34 weeks pregnant.

To date, not ONE single person has called me or visited me just to see how I am.
Does pregnancy make you an outsider alien?
I feel like I've lost everything, my life and my so called friends.
But then I think about the treasure growing inside me and I feel whole and loved and needed again.
But I still feel alone.
So I resort to the internet to find comfort in anything to do with pregnancy because I feel like I can't talk to anyone else about it without burdening them.

I also feel like it's not my duty to call anyone and they should be calling me.. right? At least they would if they really cared.
No one cares.. woe is me.:thumbsdown: :( :crying: :confused:

[bronny-jane]

:hugs: you know, we care
sometimes i feel like this as well, im actually feeling quite low at the moment:( , but alot of it is hormones, and you know what if you cant talk to anyone else, we are all here, plus you could probably hook up with some girls from your area if thats what you wanted:D

look after your self, you are wanted and loved, and special, i hope you have a brilliant pg and a safe and memorable birth:hugs:

[moonblossom]

Oh HUGE BIG MASSIVE hugs to you.

I sorta know how you feel None of my family approves of this pregnancy, never asks me how I am, or how i'm feeling, have completely shut me out of everything, but hey...thats their loss not mine :)

Cheer up hun, I get a lot of comfort from the wonderful ladies here, and I hope you do too.:kiss:

[*Country Bumpkin*]

Yeeeep I can totaly relate.... If I want my friends to know what is happening with my lil one I have to call them... My mum and Nan are realy the only people who actually make an effort apart form DP of course...

It does get hard- thats why I spend so much time here on bub hub - I realy dont know how Id get through this pregancy without all the b/h gals!!

Hugs to you- dont be so low- everything will be ok.... And yes you are wuite right for feeling like people should cal YOU!!:hugs:

[misskittyfantastico]

You poor chicken:hugs: Pregnancy and motherhood are the greatest things that have ever happened to me but at the same I've never felt so lonely before. Bub Hub has really saved my sanity because people here can relate to how you're feeling and will always offer support whenever it's needed:hugs:

[meljackson1]

wow.. you guys have made me feel so much better!
Just knowing that other people are feeling the same way makes me feel more normal.

I always find myself wishing and wishing that someone else I know will fall pregnant too just so I have someone else to share everything with.

But knowing you bubhub ladies are here to talk to just makes all my lonliness worthwhile because if I wasn't lonely I wouldn't have looked for this forum!

Thanks ladies you mean alot! :hugs:

[moonblossom]

Never forget that Mel...there is always someone here to chip away at that lonelyness...

[Veritas]

I know exactly what you mean....

Although I have a few friends who are occassionally interested in whats going on, as much as they may listen i get the feeling they don't really understand... its good to know, as complicated as my situation of impending single motherhood may seem sometimes, that people here have gone through it and genuinely understand where you are coming from... I find everyones stories inspirational and a great support...

To be brutally honest, I never thought I would be someone who would join an internet forum, don't know why was just hesitant about them.... but I can definitely say joining bub hub was one of the best moves I have made.... I am pleasantly surprised about how many real connections you can make here that I would never have had without bubhub.... don't know what I'd do without it now!

[jessi]

i feel the same too!

i feel like ive lost 99% of my friends! I have one who msgs, emails and drives all the way from Brisso just to spend the day with me... probably only 2 or 3 times a month, but she makes an effort!!

My phone bill has gone from being around the $300 mark to being less than $50. If I see friends out, they say "i'll message you" or "i'll call you and we can do something" but then dont hear from them until I run into them again or make an effort to go see them. Even if I sms them, I dont get any reply. A friend called me last night and he was like "why werent you at the such and such party over the weekend?" My only reply was "I dont get invited to hang out with anyone anymore" cos its true... Its like everyone has forgotten me. Sure, I may be pregnant, and engaged now- but that doesnt mean I should be bannished to the "dont hang out with" basket.

I havent met anyone from this website yet- and it really has been my life saver so far... I feel closer to the girls on here than to my own friends! and I hardley know anyone here! I think that the only way I am going to have contact with people is if I actually go to one of the bub hub meets and meet people who are going through similar things to me...

Dont worry... Your definatly NOT alone.

[ButterflyKisses]

BIG HUGS :hugs: to you Mel. Whilst ever you stay on BH you will never be alone. I know it's not the same as having face to face friends but I've met a really lovely mum on here and we email each other all the time as well as chat on BH. It's just the same we don't live in the same state as one another so we could pop over to each others house for a cuppa.

when bubs arrives if they have an Early Childhood Clinic nearby make sure you go there as it's a great way to meet people when bubs is brand new. I met 2 ladies there when my DS was a new bub and we are still good friends now and see each other at least once a week and talk or messenger each other all the time.

then join a Playgroup which is also a great way to meet mums. I thought because I was an older mum that I'd have trouble fitting in because I pictured all the mums there would be in their 20's. I was wrong and I've now got some really great friends who are in their 20's, 30's and 40's like me.

I've lost a lot of friends who I thought were my friends but things changed once I had bubs because some of them who were my age had been there done that and others wanted a career not kids so I was in this "nowhere man's land" and thought "what the heck I've got a beautiful little boy now and my life revolves around him so if I lose some friends along the way then it's really their loss not mine".

take care and just think that you will have your little bubs soon and all the thoughts that are currently in your mind will be a thing of the past because bubs will be your no. 1 priority not people who can't make up their minds if they want to be your friend or not.

[ElectraJewel]

Hey girl

It is so fantastic to hear that I am not the only one who has felt this way. Just sitting here and reading all of the responses that you have got on this website....made me cry with relief and happiness...that we are not alone!!

Just recently, a previously "good friend" (or so I thought) of mine...from BEFORE we had our baby....wrote to me to tell me how "worried" the rest of the crew was about me because I wasn't my "old self". When I asked her exactly "what the old self" to her was....she told me "the party girl...the one who was so laid back and fun to be around". AFter I almost teared her nostril hairs out....I tried to explain to her the concept of sleep deprivation, the constant demand of looking after a little baby, the inability to have enough time for yourself in order to feel "relaxed"...the change in priorities from "partying" to "motherhood" and responsibility. She had absolutely no idea what I was talking about.....I don't even think she wanted to understand what I was talking about.

BAsically....I think that we lose certain friends along the way because quite simply...we cross an "identity barrier" that our child-less friends have not much connection with. Having said that though....there are just a "few" special (childless) friends....who aren't so selfish and have the ability to empathise and be there with you cause they have a better mind-set. We just have to move on and hope that one day the others will understand too :)

Anyway take care and know that all the mums here on bubhub are fab :)

[CarolineF]

Its so nice seeing all the love and support that you get from BH and all its members. Many of us are very lonely, in strange countries (like me), etc and I look forward to logging on every day to read about other people's experiences.

It makes me feel part of a community and like I am in a room with people..not just on a comp.

Mel, I hope that things turn around for you soon. We are all here to give you virtual hugs:kiss:

Take care

[meljackson1]

I never imagined this kind of response when I first started this thread. I seems unreal that soooo many ladies feel this same way! It seems like it's a symptom of pregnancy and motherhood. (it might be..)
It mind sound horrible but it has been so fabulous to hear that you all feel the same.
I wish I could go to each and everyone of your houses and give you some flowers and a hug and sit and chat with coffee (or hot choccy) and just listen to how your feeling and just talk about things on the same wave length :hugs: Cause that's what I think everyone needs.
I'm home all day every day and my DP is always at work (which I guess reluctantly is a good thing :D ) and all my 'friends' know that. So one 1-minute phone call from SOMEONE or a 2-minute visit from ANYONE would be so appreciated but they have truly forgotten I exist.
I think what gets me down the most is the fact that this other friend of mine recently had a baby. Whilst she was pregnant and afterwards she had a non-stop array of visitors so bad it drove her nuts.. and here I am dying for a bit of warmth.
Doesn't matter anyway.. Screw them.. i'll have my baby within 5 weeks then I'll never be alone. Just tired and snappy.

ElectraJewel - It really frustrates me that childless people just expect you to be the same as you used to be 5 minutes after giving birth. Like the child doesn't exist. "Just find a sitter you'll be right" they think.. It's like use some common sense people!! I just can't understand how they can't realise having a child is different even if they don't have one. I think THEY should change and embrace us and our babies and start doing motherly things rather than expecting us to automatically revert back to our good ol' selves. :mad: ;)

CarolineF- The love and support from the bubhub community is what keeps me sane!!!!!