TTC...terrified of a NORMAL baby

[kiwibird27]

Okay, I (and DH) want another baby. For those of u who don't know me my first babies medical history is in my signature. She doesn't eat and doesn't walk but she is so cool and funny and happy go lucky that doesn't matter.

I have the reverse of what u all have, I don't know how to look after a normal baby, I know tube feeding, baby that sleeps 12 hrs at night, and a medical teams for all our problems, I can test blood sugars, seizures don't freak me out, and having a child that has something wrong with all of her (except her lungs, and 1/2 her heart), is pretty normal for me.

We were hospitalised from my baby being 1 week old and spent 3 1/2 months in there that time. I nearly killed her from bf, not my fault though, she had a metabolic condition, and there is a 1 in 4 chance the next one will have the same. We have genetic testing available and will know by 13 wks pg if the next is affected. We will abort if it is cause knowingly putting a child thru a dozen surgeries by the time they are 1 is cruel and I couldn't do it....... although my current daughter has good quality of life now, what she has been thru is ********...... those of u about to post anti-abortion messages don't bother...walk in my shoes an u will get it

So...how do u cope without having nurses to help, having to feed them, and only relying on a GP for help.....For those of u that know the poem how will I go from HOLLAND back to ITALY??????

I do want a CATALOGUE baby though... like the ones u see in the Target or Pumpkin Patch catalogue, that people don't frown at when they see them, or feel sad about.

[WorkingClassMum]

I don't have the answers that you need, but I do have a lot of :hugs: for you

You'll find that your instincts - that are soooo finely tuned now, will shift into a different gear that you'll cope as you've always coped - you'll cope like any other and every other mummy.

You already sound like a terrific mummy, and you've coped under enormous pressure and stress.

Lots and lots of luck and fun TTC;):babydust2::babydust2::babydust2::babydust2:: babydust2:

[lukaelmo]

:)

I think that you'll look at your lovely little catalogue bubba, and love him or her with all your heart and just cope with a "normal" bubba just in the same way that you cope with your little girl... you'll learn as you go along.

And you'll be just fine :).

[DoulaRobyn]

I have two children that are 'normal' and two children that are like me (are effected by EEC syndrome) and you know what - I love them all the same! But they all have their own idiosyncrasies and you learn to adapt to all of them. Just as you have learnt how to care for your little one, you will also learn to care for this next one.

I believe that motherhood is a 'learn on the job' affair, you have to trust that you know the right thing for your family as a whole. Enjoy your family :)

[BreakfastatTiffanys]

I believe that motherhood is a 'learn on the job' affair, you have to trust that you know the right thing for your family as a whole. Enjoy your family :)

:iagree: and good luck ttc:babydust2::babydust2:

[Loopy Linda]

waking in middle of night for feedng, trying to find them when they first start rolling and are nt where you left them and when they put things in their mouths and swallow like another of your friends! it is all part of the fun. you know how to walk the tricky path, now you get to find the average, scary, funny, noisy, tiring and always changing path.

you will be fine, and if you really worried i know where you live, i will drop of 4 catalogues and let you practice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SassyMummy]

I'd say Chanel is pretty normal... if not easier than the average baby. No issues ever. Nothing. She sleeps well, eats well, always has. No health problems.

But it's still scary. It's still new. It's still hard.

You'll find that you'll learn, just as you did with your DD. Just as you went into it not knowing anything to begin with... any future babies that come out "normal" will be the same... you'll learn and it'll become a second nature.

[naiwen]

Stacey big hugs,

I am excited for you but understand your feelings, DS has his own dramas and I am used to turning to a paed or the hospy for help not a GP.

You can do it, SN mums have to be great at adjusting and coping and adapting otherwise we couldn't cope and you will adjust to having one of those normal babies people talk about lol.

[kiwibird27]

Thanks guys...probably just being a drama queen... Am sure it will b fine

[SorenLorensen]

Thanks guys...probably just being a drama queen... Am sure it will b fine
your not being a drama queen :hugs:

your scared of the unknown just like many people are and guess what....its normal :hugs:

you have taken on so many challenges and are doing a great job as a mummy, a 'normal' baby is your next challenge so have fun TTC and just remember its ok to be scared of the unknown

[JJJ&D'sMum]

Being a new mum is scary no matter....whether it's your 1st or 4th etc. All I can say is that you seem to be doing an absolutely brilliant job with your DD and I'm sure that you will do a brilliant job with any other child you bring into this world.

Good luck ttc....may your catalogue child be here soon!

[QTB]

My DS1s special needs are nothing as extream as your DDs, but i still had the same feelings, DS1 has a cyst on his brain, which caused epileptic type seizures, (which they didnt work out for ages, as epileptic medications didnt work etc) as well as a milk protein allergy.

i so badly wanted another baby, and we ttc for 19months to get him, and it wasnt until i was pregnant with him i went thru the 'what if this one has the same problems' 'what if this one doesnt :eek:' etc etc

but hes here, and hes healthy (well nothing so far :fingerscrossed:) and its just amazing, we get to do this on our own, the nurses were like braydens other parents for a while there, and i hated it, but it felt 'safe' yet this time we get to do it on our own, every bit of it, and its awesome! You really do just cope with what your given!

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[reAllytee]

Just look at it like a new slate & being a mum all over again cause seriously even when it is your second child thats what its all about anyways !

You will probably freak for awhile about him/her being 'normal' so to speak but soon enough you will do the " aaaah they'll be right lol ! ".

Least you will be on the ball if something does crop up that doesnt seem right & you then have a team you know & trust huh !

Megan is gonna love being a big sister too cause she just adores other kids so heck she says go for it too i reckon ! Well not quite that way cause there is the eww factor of your parents TTC but yanno what i mean ;)

[kiwibird27]

Ally...I could just tf the normal one, that would make it sleep...........LOL

[branjie]

I can understand why you wouldn't put another child through what your daughter has been through. Hugs.

Having a healthy baby might be like being a first time mum again in a way, as it will be all new. It will be good not having to go back and forth between hospital and home though. There are GPs who take a special interest in paediatrics, so if you ask around, hopefully you can find a good one in your area. Overall it's bound to be easier than an unwell child, and your little girl will probably love to have a little brother or sister (after the inital newborn phase).

I can understand where you're coming from with your concerns, but I have a feeling that you'll be a brilliant mum to your new baby, as you are with your first one. Good luck.

[reAllytee]

Ally...I could just tf the normal one, that would make it sleep...........LOL

Yeah why not ! If the little bugger wont feed even as a toddler you can always get the tube out & scare em into it :p:laughing:

[Nowhere]

hugs stacey congrats on trying for another bub

I know what you mean a typical baby wil be difernt for you guys in so many ways, maybe not harder or easier just difernt, I think the hardest part will be that at first every litle vomit or scream will brong back the memeories of when megan was a neo wich might wory you a bit.

think of the positives, some babies can actualy drink milk, and not vomit, no liveing in hospital, and operations in the middle of the night.

You hope and pray that your next baby will be PERFECT in every way and that you will be at home soon after the birth, and feeding and cuddling your perfectly healthy baby.

Oh and one thing a friend of mine learnt that had a SN baby then a typical baby, typicals can roll real young so no leaving it on the couch at a 4 months old aparently some rol that early.

You will be fun, just think of the night feeds ROFL, but then im sureyou would rather be up doing a feed into your babies mouth in the middle of the night than, fixing a flow error or adminitering 6 or 8 hourly meds dont thye just screw your routine up

good luck hun

[punkbaby]

Good luck with things :) Your a mum, mums have a natural instinct to do exactly that and i am sure that you will do a wonderful job!! I think every baby is scary, the whole unknown what not to expect etc but you will do a fab job and you can have support out there if you need it, perhaps not as intense as you do with your dd now, but its there if you need it.

Hope things go well for you :)

[mim1]

:hugs:

I freak out when I think about ttcing #2 too. My ds arrested at birth and has had his fair share of 'normalish' baby problems since. I long for a real normal baby 2nd time around that doesn't need special care, doesn't need blood tests, medications, frequent paed appt's, etc. But, what I do know is that my ds's paed will be more than happy to see our 2nd child (when & if we have one) - he's already said he will. I assume it would be the same for you. Assuming your DD has a general paed I'm sure they'll be happy to see your #2 a few times in the early months for reassurance and to help you with perspective of what's normal. But then if your bub is normal (and there's a 75% chance that's the case!) then you won't need the stress of more doctors visits, etc and you'll realise that having a normal baby is actually ok :)

[mytwoangelsC&A]

Hi there, i think we spoke months ago my daugter is fed with Ng tube. I know exactally how you feel it is a very tough decision to make, but i believe that special people get special children. There is a lot of people out ther that would not be able to handle what you have been through! I love my daughter to bits and i wouldn't change her for the world but i also for quiet a while felt a bit ripped of i suppose you'd say that ididn't experience the normal introduction to parent hood that most people do ( i hope no one thinks i am ungrateful but its hard when becoming a parent doesn't go down the path we expect!) I also think haveing a normal healthy child after having a special needs bub would be a little like becoming a first time mum again, but look at what you've been through even though it was hard you've done it and are doing it well to the fact that you are thinking of another bub.

[my2angels.0306]

hi, can i put my two bobs worth in:laughing:, i have a 4.6 dd who was originally diognosed with mild autism, she has been attending a special need kindy for a year now and with the hepl from ot and speechys she is improving, the paed and the special needs teacher r saying that she is just gdd now, so we r lucky,my daughter has 2 down syndrome friends and also autistic friends at kindy and , there is also a cerabal palsy boy who is confined to a wheel chair and cant do anything for himself but is such a beautifull child, when u see him smile it make ur heart melt, my point is no matter what our childs needs r (special or not) i wouldnt worry about having a healthy child, my dds two downsyndrome children have healthy sibblings and they treat them all the same, i have a 2 yr old ds and he is up to par in his development with my 4.6 year old, that doesnt bother me as all children are beautifull no matter what, and i dont think there is such a word a s <normal> all children deserve the the same love and respect as each other. before all these specialist doctors put labels on our children we were all normal, does this make sense? u will be fine, and no matter whether ur child is born with a condition or not , it will be ok:)

[becca022]

We're having #2 after a special needs baby & when we found out this one won't have Spina Bifida like her big brother we were happy...... but really scared. We're not used to an able bodied child who can move their feet, kick their legs properly & who can get to where they want to go when they want to go there. We can still leave ds on the floor & leave the room for 5 mins & he's still where we left him.
It's going to be different & even though we're scared, we're also looking forward to it.

[fiona76]

Hi hon,

i feel EXACTLY the same way. As you know, i am in the same position as you. But, as a lot of friends have pointed out to me, it COULDN'T be harder than what you have had to deal with it. I am assured it will be a breeze in comparison. It does feel weird though. Kind of like when you are a first time mum. I used to worry about things like, when will you know to start solids, or how will you know the difference between a hungry cry and a tired cry. When really what we ended up worrying about was, will she make it through the surgery, how will i cope having a baby with a stoma and needs to be fed through a line into her heart permanently.

We will continue to worry, even about the normal things. Except next time, it defintly shouldn't be as stressful

:flowerz:

[Christelle]

I totally understand how you feel.... I spent 6 months with Aliyah in hospital. Tube feeding, medications, oxygen, etc etc.

When I was pregnant with Lachlan I was terrified!!! When he came it was all so "new" to me. I had no idea how to look after a healthy "normal" baby. Mind you, it wasn't as easy as i thought. I used to think, I had a sick baby, of course having a healthy one is much easier. When I had Aliyah, my focus was her and the four walls that surrounded us. When Lachlan was born, there was everyday things to do and I went back to work when he was 8 months so that was hard too. It got easier with time. I spent a week at Tresillian which really helped. It was good to have the nurses that could help me with my concerns.

It does take time and some getting used you but you will get the hang of it!!!!

BTW - what is "normal??" Your daughter is gorgeous.