View Full Version : Not wanting to be called Mummy?
I want my baby to call me by my name. I've always felt this way. I'm not saying I'd not let her call me Mummy, it's just that I'd rather be known by my name. It hasn't occurred to me that it might be a controversial issues, until I mentioned it to my friend, who is really concerned about it. Thinks it's a bonding issue! But I just see it as being about me and my baby having a relationship based on respect and equality. I won't be called her daughter, so I don't see why she should have to refer to me by a title either. It's not like she'll not realise I'm her mother! If she naturally calls me Mummy, then that'll be fine, but I'm not going to do that 'Come to Mummy' business.
Is this really so very odd?
onemummmy
14-06-2008, 18:51
yes. Lol sorry but to me it is odd. I would think the best thing ever is to hear 'mummy' from your little one.:cloud9: Gosh even 'aunty' is great:goodvibes:(I even get called uncle sometimes:laughing:)
punkbaby
14-06-2008, 18:53
It doesnt mean your child wont have respect for you or you wont respect her from her calling you mummy, nothing beats it sorry JMO but i think its a little odd thats all
i just get the mum, never been called mummy when they call my by my first name i know that they have done something wrong LOL
Blueberry Crumble
14-06-2008, 18:55
Hmmmmm... that is very strange. Very strange.
My nephews just call me by my name too! But oddly enough I don't have a problem with my mother being Granny.
punkbaby
14-06-2008, 18:57
Is it just the word mother/mummy/mum etc?
megaminz
14-06-2008, 18:59
I find it a little weird. Also think it might be confusing for the child also as kids do compare their lives and parents to their peers. I personally also dont think mother/child relationship whilst still a child should be equal either. Someone has to be 'the boss', but I could have read what you meant there the wrong way.
Its your child though and your opinion and your choice at the end of the day so if you don't find it weird thats all that matters iykwim.
Mamalicious
14-06-2008, 19:02
I don't see anything wrong with it if that's what you want, it doesn't sound as though you would tell your child off for calling you Mummy, just not start it up in the first place, is that right?
I don't see why not. :)
I have a friend who calls her parents by their names, and her daughter calls her by her name. I also know quite a few lesbian mothers who are called by their names. I just really like the egalitarianism of it. And I'm quite fond of my name.
Incidentally it would also solve a few of the questions about what to call her father, if he ever turns up!
missie_mack
14-06-2008, 19:07
I must also say once I felt like you do, but now I know there is nothing better than when DS calls 'Mama! Mama!'
We have a friend whose kids call them by their first name. I don't think it was something he planned it just happened that way and he never corrected them. For a longtime he liked it but it more recent years he says he feels he missed out on something special with his kids because of it...... he might be blahblah to everyone but he can only be their Dad.....
My step siblings also call their father by his first name and when his granddaughter came along he requested that she call him by his first name too. However my Mother encouraged her to call him Poppy which is what has taken place and for the most I can honestly say he has really taken to it and even caused arguments with my Mother and I about wanting my son to call him Poppy too.
Of those I know who do this I would think that it would be fair to say that aren't the most nurturing of parents... that doesn't make them bad parents though... I dunno its a individual decision and I have never been one to follow tradition for too many things like this. I would not call it strange just simply not the norm.
You don't have to be simply Mum.... there are so many alternatives if it is just the title you don't like......
I wouldn't think whatever name they call you will ensure that you are equals and friends either :no:
Jelly Baby
14-06-2008, 19:09
Hmmmmm... that is very strange. Very strange.
:iagree:
I find it a little weird. Also think it might be confusing for the child also as kids do compare their lives and parents to their peers. I personally also dont think mother/child relationship whilst still a child should be equal either. Someone has to be 'the boss', but I could have read what you meant there the wrong way.
Its your child though and your opinion and your choice at the end of the day so if you don't find it weird thats all that matters iykwim.
I don't think discipline will be a problem! I'm a paediatric nurse and known as quite a little tyrant around the home too. I have very firm views about parenting, rules, boundaries, manners, etc. I don't feel I brought up with a very clear set of values and I don't want to perpetuate that model. I really love the UNESCO Living Values project. The values are: Simplicity, Responsibility, Happiness, Humility, Honesty, Respect, Peace, Love, Tolerance, Cooperation, Freedom. For some reason this is connected in my mind to being known by my name.
megaminz
14-06-2008, 19:17
lol I wouldnt worry about it then. Its got to be what is natural to you. Just cause its weird to me or someone else doesnt mean its wrong.
Its not like you are doing it for pretentious reasons so just ignore your friend or anyone else who may feel the need to critique, people are always happy enough to do it with other peoples lives and kids!
I call my mum Moti though, which is a european thing for me, I probably won't be mummy but mum or moti.
Ana Gram
14-06-2008, 19:19
I don't find it strange. I hate being called "mummy",
It's just you and me in that club then Chelle! :laughing:
As someone who grew up with my Mum not wanting to be called 'Mum' I just want to let you know that it's actually quite hurtful to a child. To be denied the acknowledgement of that connection.
Kids can call ANYONE by their name, they can only call their Mum 'Mummy".
food for thought....
forbetoel
14-06-2008, 19:26
The word mummy for me is pretty special, and I think it is a special word to children too. Everyone gets to call me by my boring old name....but only my children get to call me 'mum' So, yes, I find that very odd.
CorbinSethLincoln
14-06-2008, 19:26
I love being called mummy:). I like mummy more than mum or mama. Especially after being at work or picking Corbin up from kindy:cloud9:
Ana Gram
14-06-2008, 19:27
It's just you and me in that club then Chelle! :laughing:
It's nice to have someone in my square for a change! Gets a bit lonely in here sometimes :laughing:
The word mummy for me is pretty special, and I think it is a special word to children too. Everyone gets to call me by my boring old name....but only my children get to call me 'mum' So, yes, I find that very odd.
:iagree: I love "Mummy" it's very special.... My DD is just learning to say it, (comes out mumma at the moment) and it melts my heart.
kezzaskids
14-06-2008, 20:03
On a bit on a side note ....my DP is not my 3yo biological father even tho he has been with us since before Ds birth he decided not to be called dad unless the baby said it and then it was fine. For the first year DS said nothing so all was well.....then he started calling DP 'Da' do Da he was. When DS was about 2.5 yo he started calling DP daddy Da and it stuck. Ds did it by himself ......soooooo your child may end up calling you mum just because thats what kids do with their parents....they lable them. I wear my label with pride :)
It's just you and me in that club then Chelle! :laughing:
I'm not overly fond about the whole "mummy" title myself..... I don't know what it is....
By all means I leave it up to Miss P to make the choice what to call me when she is old enough... I would never tell her she couldn't call me mummy, but I wouldn't say I encourage it either.... like I'm not one to say things like come to mummy, that's mummy's etc.... but not sure whether I'm a fan of her calling me by my name either... I'm not sure what, in an ideal world, I would like her to call me.....
You will always be her mum and her lifeline, nothing will change that, but I see no reason that being a mum, a loving and tender mum, has to be exclusively linked with the title of mummy....
Parenthood is a very individual experience, and each must do what is natural for their family.... I would never consider someone weird just because they don't raise their children in the same manner I do mine....
Yes, it sounds odd to me but then again it really is just your choice. I'm all for people making their own choices, even if it's not conventional.
I love being called "Mum". It's music to my ears as far as I'm concerned. I'm known by my first name to everyone else but being called 'Mum" is the most special thing in the world.
I think the mother/daughter relationship is something to be cherished. My DD will have plenty of friends but only one mother.
UmmInayah
14-06-2008, 20:23
The word mummy for me is pretty special, and I think it is a special word to children too. Everyone gets to call me by my boring old name....but only my children get to call me 'mum' So, yes, I find that very odd.
I agree. Your child will only ever have one Mum (in most cases). I know you're not denying them of calling you it, but why even pressure them to call you by your name in the first place? Children will naturally start calling you "Mama" without you even saying that's who you are. I kept saying to my little one that I am "Ummi" but she started calling me "mum" of her own accord.
Personally, that is a little bit different.
I know you probably won't take this seriously, but I think that you are taking the concept of egalitarianism too far. A parent is a parent, after all, and being called mummy means so much more than being called just by your name -- only your children call you mummy, it's just so special. Being called Mummy......having a Mummy......that's the most wonderful thing in the world.....:cloud9::kiss:....
It's your choice, but I wouldn't encourage you to do it.
i have not read through all the replies but I have to just say...
Just wait until you hold your baby in your arms for the first time... you will be looking forward to the day they utter the word 'Mummy'... :cloud9:
Each to their own, just wait and see, allot of feelings change when you have a baby. I know from recent experience.
every day i am called "****'s mum" or "*****'s mum" by my childrens friends at school.
Will you run around telling your childs friends not to call you by that title?
Are you ashamed of this title? or really do want your child to see you as an equal?
No way would i let, or want, my children see my as equals, equals to things on their level? like their little friends at school or the family dog.
i agree with you hun...i would rater be known by my name and thats what (when we have kids) our kids will be told..and my friend has a 3 yr old who calls her by her name and the is no problem at all..They know who their mother is and TBH IMO Mum,Mummy and mother are just a title of supiriority it doesnt show equality which is what we as a society clam we are giving children..
I say do it your way cause i know when we have kids they wont be calling me MUM!!!!
SorenLorensen
14-06-2008, 21:26
yes. Lol sorry but to me it is odd. I would think the best thing ever is to hear 'mummy' from your little one.:cloud9: Gosh even 'aunty' is great:goodvibes:(I even get called uncle sometimes:laughing:)
:iagree:
mum to me is a special name. they are my children and i am their mum, anyone can call me by my name but mummy is something special for my kids.
and i have never thought of it as having anything to do with respect, i kinda find it odd that one would think that.
but hey, what ever floats your boat :)
The term MUMMY is somthing that all kids all over the world call their female care giver so to speak (have to include adoption so cant say person of birth) Its a TITLE and thats it it shows superiority it doesnt show resepect how can it again its just a title. Children know who their parents are so they shouldnt be made to call them mummy or daddy that should be given as an option along with your real name...your parents didnt call you mum or dad thats not the name on your birth cert and if thats what you were ment to be called then you better hope your parents called you that
It's strange to me to hear people not wanting to be called mummy. I LOVE being a mum! I am a mother to a child. Child isn't a title IMO, and neither is mum.
Each to their own. Good luck with the birthing of your baby:)
xxoo
WorkingClassMum
14-06-2008, 21:36
My sis#1's kids aren't hers by nature - but they sure as hell are hers by nuture
I cannot convey her over-joyous emotions the day that her kids called her "Mummy".
Sis#1 inwardly celebrates that day as her "Mothers Day"
mum2bubba
14-06-2008, 21:40
I couldn't wait until my kids could call me mum or mummy, what if your daughter wants to call you mummy though?
SorenLorensen
14-06-2008, 21:53
It's strange to me to hear people not wanting to be called mummy. I LOVE being a mum! I am a mother to a child. Child isn't a title IMO, and neither is mum.
Each to their own. Good luck with the birthing of your baby:)
xxoo
:iagree:....sir, mr, miss, mrs, ms, to me they are titles.
and no my parents didn't name me mum so yes people should call me by my name (mind you they didn't put my nick names on my birth certificate either but they still call me them) but my children are able to call me by what i am to them 'mum'
i actually find it a little sad that people think that mum is just a title....it is WAY more then that.
but again to the OP, if its what you want then while yes i think its odd i don't think its wrong. have your family the way you want it, not how others do
I think it's not for me but I don't think it's odd or wrong. Each to their own.
I think you will have some trouble though - children naturally make the "mum mum mum" sound as one of their first sounds. And you may not be able to help but react to it because it is heart warming.
our little treasures
14-06-2008, 21:58
I have to agree with others that have said there is just a special feeling when you're called, mumma, mummy, mum! All so beautiful warm and fuzzy:bee: The only people to call me those names are my children and that is also something very special.
I think you can do as you please but I worry about you wanting to be equal and also how your child will feel when everyone else has a mummy but they don't.
Imagine mothers day, they wouldn't buy a cup or something with best mum in the world:eek:
twotrunks
14-06-2008, 22:00
I'd say what is important is you and your child. If it suits both of you, fine...
But as someone else said, being encouraged to call your parent by their name can be hurtful to a child. It can make them feel as though the parent is not proud to be their parent, and wants to hide it. Or as though the parent wants them to be more grown-up than they are (as in, on the same level as the parent) which can be a scary concept for a kid.
Perhaps you could come up with a compromise? We have had a few "odd" grandparent names in our family, that become really special over time, because they are unique. Maybe you and your baby will be able to come up with a special name that is just the baby's to use with you, but doesn't make you feel the way "mum" or "mummy" does?
TT
TeamAwesome
14-06-2008, 22:00
I have to say it's not something I would do but then I don't believe we are supposed to be equals to our children. We are superior (for want of a better word) "in a way", we as parents are their mentors, we are to bring them up in the ways we wish them to go and I believe that you can teach equality and earn respect whilst still being called Mummy.
In saying this we asked what our parents wanted to be called as grandparents. FIL wanted to be called Granddad as he was the GRAND Dad. MIL is called Lola as it is filipino for Grandmother and felt she was too young to be a grandma. My parents wanted Grandma and Poppy.
My children call me Mummy, and my baby just started calling me Mama and I love it!
I agree what until you actually have the baby and a child that can talk as you may change you mind.
I love being called Mummy, I think it's an important in building respect and guidance with your children.
I don't see it as a title or being superior at all.
I am not their Mummy because they belong to me but because I belong to them.
BlakeNatsMum
14-06-2008, 22:51
Yep.. that is strange in my books.. Very confusing for a child as well... Just my opinion, but I do not approve of not using the word Mum for a mother... I think it's absurd..!
I would be trying not to overthink it atm, it's not like you have to decide now!
Wait till you hold you baby and see how you feel then, and then wait until they are making noises like ma ma ma and see how you feel. I changed my mind about so many thing when I actually had DS so just go with the flow maybe?
MIL is called Lola as it is filipino for Grandmother.
Wow cool, same here.
Also i grew up with my mum's best friends kids who are like cousins to us, they were encouraged to call their mum and dad by their first name it was a little odd but we got used to hearing it. We also used to call our parent's friends Aunty.... and Uncle... even though they weren't related, we just thought it was a sign of respect. The particular parents who didn't like titles asked us also to just call them by their first name not have Aunt or Uncle in front of it.
Another friend i went to school with called her parents by their first names, the parents felt the title of mum and dad stifling and made them old. My personal opinion is that there is only a select few people that can call you mum why not encourage it? Also i have friends who don't like their own mothers and actively call my mum mum as they like my mum better! lol My mum loves it. :D
Ana Gram
14-06-2008, 23:10
I actually don't believe that children naturally call us mummy on their own accord. We implant it into their heads before they can talk.
Chelle that is really interesting - I never thought of it like that.
But it does make me wonder why does the word for mother in so many languages contain the "m" sound? In so man languages the word has a thread of similarity.
(For example - French - mere/maman, Italian - Madre/Mama, German - Mutter, Hindi - Maji/Maa, Urdu - Ammee).
I suspect that babies make the sound automatically - it's one of their first sounds. We don't make them use the sound in the first place, but we make them repeat it by our reactions to the sound. As we do with any other word.
In this case, when SPCs baby starts to make the "mamama" sound, as babies do, it is possible she might reassess. Or not. Whatever she decides is her right.
Hmm, I think it is a little odd. I don't see Mum or Dad as a title or as a superiority thing. It's more like having a nickname, it's a sign of affection. Your children may call your next door neighbour John or Jane but you are more special than that you are their mum, so why wouldn't you want them to call you by your special name. You don't have to actually use Mum, maybe you can come up with your own special nickname that only your child can use? A friend of mine's kids call their grandparents by special names they came up with themselves.
As some other's have said, I would worry that your child may be hurt by it. As in "Don't you want to be my Mum/Mother?"
I suppose as long as you don't force your child to use your first name, and let them know it's perfectly all right for them to say Mum if they wish.
I can't wait to hear my DD call me Mum! She's getting really close!
Blueberry Crumble
14-06-2008, 23:28
I actually don't believe that children naturally call us mummy on their own accord. We implant it into their heads before they can talk.
And so we should.
Ana Gram
14-06-2008, 23:30
Sure, they make several sounds naturally as they develop, same with the dada sounds. I just don't think that without us encouraging a particular word to represent a person they would come out with it naturally. They learn to speak by listening to the words we are saying, so if we are using the word Mummy when talking about ourselves, they are going to use it too.
I don't think it is something we consciously do though. It is just something deeply ingrained into us.
Ana Gram
14-06-2008, 23:30
And so we should.
Why?
SpecialMumma
14-06-2008, 23:32
Not my cup of tea, but its a personal choice.
The bit thats stuck in my mind is the taunts and teasing the child will get at school. Imagine how ripped off the child will be that he/she doesnt call their mother mum/mummy/mama. Children these days are terribly nasty and will find ANYTHING to pick on. My 7 year old brother gets picked on because he doesnt have brand name clothes.. at 7 years old!!!!
So imagine something so different. 29 children call their mother mummy, and 1 calls their mother by her real name. All I can think of is the teasing. Sad, but true. And it will happen. It does happen :(
And so we should.
:confused:..I'm a little curious on this one too.... Just because it is a long established social convention doesn't mean everyone should conform to it if it doesn't fit for their family.......
Lollie86
14-06-2008, 23:37
I dont really find it weird. I call my mum by her first name sometimes and she doesnt mind. I have also taught DD what my name is and she went through a stage of trying to say it which was cute but has gone straight back for mama as its easier to say for her.
Maybe wait until you have bubs and then see how you feel about it. :)
i have always been mum or mumma (not so much mummy,only when they are asking something that they think i will say no to and it's more like muuuuummmmyyyyyy!!)I love it,it's not a 'name' to me or a label but it it is what i am-a mum!My eldest started calling me by my first name at around 2 as he had heard DH calling me obviously and i hated it,especially out in public as people would then assume that he wasn't mine and ask if he was my nephew etc.When i would say no i'm his mum,well,i did get a few funny looks!I guess it's up to you but if you were 100% comfortable with it,would you have asked what we thought?I realise all we're offering is our opinions and everyones vary and i think it's your personal choice but i do think it's a little like de-taching yourself from that role.As i say,that's how i feel when my kids have called me by my name for some reason or other.More recently my 2 yr old daughter did it and my 4yr old daughter was so proud (and let everyone know it too!) that she had only ever called me mum (not like her older brother and younger sister)I guess what ever you teach your child to call you is what will become normal practice but i would think as they get a little older and start at school etc they will wonder why other kids say mum, and they would probably be in a very small minority caling a parent by their name.I realise that we don't and shouldn't do as everyone else does all the time but i think it's natural for a child to call their parent/s mum and or dad.And on the whole "equal" thing,we tried this(when we were first time parents) and found we had a 5 year old who thought he was 20. We quickly changed things with the kids that followed!LOL!Our kids get all the respect and time in the world from us but i think that they still need to be bought up with firm guidelines as such and should really have decisions made for them up until such time as they can make an informed choice for themselves.
Chelle that is really interesting - I never thought of it like that.
But it does make me wonder why does the word for mother in so many languages contain the "m" sound? In so man languages the word has a thread of similarity.
(For example - French - mere/maman, Italian - Madre/Mama, German - Mutter, Hindi - Maji/Maa, Urdu - Ammee).
I suspect that babies make the sound automatically - it's one of their first sounds. We don't make them use the sound in the first place, but we make them repeat it by our reactions to the sound. As we do with any other word.
In this case, when SPCs baby starts to make the "mamama" sound, as babies do, it is possible she might reassess. Or not. Whatever she decides is her right.
I wouldn't stop them from calling me mummy if they wanted; it's their choice, but I would prefer to be called by my name. I'm an 'M' name anyway, so it won't be difficult for them. I reckon I'll get a mixture, depending on the circumstance, which is what a friend of mine's little boy does.
I know that my friend who grew up calling her parents by their names wants the same for her children, so I don't suppose she found it hurtful.
I really do think that striving for equality is important. I believe that we are all equal and deserving of respect. I have known parents who seem to think they own their child. I've known parents lie to and manipulate their children and take advantage of their trust in them. But then again I've spent my career with families and children; I've seen a lot of bad and good.
Like I said - whatever suits you - go for it. No judgement here :thumbsup:
Not my cup of tea, but its a personal choice.
The bit thats stuck in my mind is the taunts and teasing the child will get at school. Imagine how ripped off the child will be that he/she doesnt call their mother mum/mummy/mama. Children these days are terribly nasty and will find ANYTHING to pick on. My 7 year old brother gets picked on because he doesnt have brand name clothes.. at 7 years old!!!!
So imagine something so different. 29 children call their mother mummy, and 1 calls their mother by her real name. All I can think of is the teasing. Sad, but true. And it will happen. It does happen :(
I'm a British, veggie, single mother. I believe that television is bad for children. I have never learned to drive and am morally opposed to cars. I grow my own veggies and shop locally. My daughter's closest 'relatives' in Australia will be my gay best friends. And she'll be wearing my charmingly irregular hand-knits. The little bigots at her school can take their pick of things to pick on! I've picked her out an eco-hippy school, so I hope there will be a bit of diversity there. Maybe they'll pick on the kids with weird names instead...
Ana Gram
15-06-2008, 00:26
Where is she being nasty??
reAllytee
15-06-2008, 00:58
I'm a British, veggie, single mother. I believe that television is bad for children. I have never learned to drive and am morally opposed to cars. I grow my own veggies and shop locally. My daughter's closest 'relatives' in Australia will be my gay best friends. And she'll be wearing my charmingly irregular hand-knits. The little bigots at her school can take their pick of things to pick on! I've picked her out an eco-hippy school, so I hope there will be a bit of diversity there. Maybe they'll pick on the kids with weird names instead...
:laughing::yelclap:
I love it !!!!!!
Seriously it isnt for me cause im a sucker for being called 'Mama' but then ( after 52 times in one day it gets a little tedious though heh ! ) im not this bubs mum nor is it my relationship !
If you wish to do this then so be it & i honestly believe if its done in a way where its not you trying to separate yourself from your child & be cold, unemotional etc then i think all will be fine !
Love isnt about names & titles etc :)
I call my father by his first name, and I always have...but having said that, my parents have been seperated/divorced since I was two... so I don't really see him as my father... so the situation is a little different I suppose.
I call my mother 'mum' and my kids will call me "mum" or "mummy" (DS1 is still learning to speak.. and DS2 is still in utero :D ).. and I quite like that title.
If you want your daughter to call you by your first name.. then go for it I say !!! It doesn't matter what anyone (other than her) thinks.
delirium
15-06-2008, 07:49
I am not their Mummy because they belong to me but because I belong to them.
Aww, that's so lovely and sums up how I feel too. Mum was the first word both my kids said, and while the "mama, mama, mama" chorus (which is common in this house) can become like a broken record, it's the sweetest word to my ears. You never know, the word might grow on you when your child first says it ;)
My thoughts are that in many ways, our children aren't our equals (they still have the same rights, but they are children and thus we guide them) and there is nothing wrong with showing repect to our parents.
It's entirely up to you OP. Not a path I would chose, but you do what feels right. :)
I find it odd and a bit sad, but that's just me.
My DD is 20 months and still doesn't call me mummy, doesn't call me anything really. I'm constantly prattling about mummy doing this and mummy doing that but she doesn't feel the need right now to label me anything. She talks all day long, lots of words, just no label for me.
A few times though she has snuggled up to me and said mum and its the loveliest feeling in the world. I just look down and say "yes, my love?". We aren't a very name-y house so she will probably settle on her own made-up name for me eventually.
I like having the title "mum" and being called so, I earned that title and I earned the right to have someone say it to me with love in their eyes.. I also agree that my children are not my equals... some may think that that's a bit 'sad' but it's not as though my boy walks around down-trodden because I'm "above" him, but I do have to be boss, I do have to command respect for him (at this early age, when he's older he'll hopefully gain respect for me) and I, personally, believe that having the title "mum" will help with that.. if that makes sense. As OJandMe said, he can call everyone else by their name (well, you see, then there's the whole mr/mrs surname thing that I'm yet to broach with friends) but at the top of all should be "Mum" in his book!
That all said, this is how MY family works... it's not how everyone should feel, does feel or will feel :)
So imagine something so different. 29 children call their mother mummy, and 1 calls their mother by her real name. All I can think of is the teasing. Sad, but true. And it will happen. It does happen :(
In my years working at primary schools this has never ever come up as an issue worthy of bullying in the playground. Ever.
Well just because the OPS child won't call her it, doesn't stop the fact that she IS her mother/mum etc.
Think of the times you get asked "Are you so and so's mum" or you sign something under "mothers name"
Its an interesting topic, for me I am so proud I am my kids mummy I want everyone to know...no... I'm not the aunt or the nanny I am THE MUM! (unless they are really naughty that day.) :laughing:
susmamma
15-06-2008, 09:36
I don't think there is anything unusual about your daughter calling you by your first name.
I knew children growing up who called their parents by their first name and they had a wonderfully egalatarian childhood... they were the only children I knew who were not disciplined with smacking... which in my generation was the "only" way any parent ever gave any consideration to disciplining (I'm 35... so whenever then was!)
I think getting your child to call you by your first name sets up a series of unconscious standards that can only have positive ramifications in terms of respect. I'm quite sure my friend's parents were more inclined to treat their children with dignity in terms of their discipline and in regards to the "adult" way that they spoke to their children because they were refered to by their kids by their first names. (not that this is to say children who call their parents mummy and daddy are disadvantaged in that respect if they are conscious and thoughtful parents, but i do think if your child calls you by your first name you have changed the status of your relationship to one of more equal standing).
This obviously does not negate the fact that my friend's parents loved and cared for their children (as if what you call your parents changes what child feels about mother or mother feels about child... ridiculous assertion).
Anywho, it's a long way of saying.. I'm in favour! :thumbsup:
Keep up the good work and dont let the conservative mummies dull your enthusiasm for it. It's what makes the world more interesting, the delightful differences in the ways in which we raise our children.
:thumbsup:
BTW: my children call me "Honorable Omnipitance." a little more of a mouthful than Mummy, but not too difficult once they got a handle on it.
CorbinSethLincoln
15-06-2008, 10:08
Well, well, well what a thread:)
Im 25 and i still call my mother mum, and my dad dad.
I heard my sons cousin call his grandparents by their first names and it honestly made me angry. It just sounded so wrong:no:
I dont think i am superior to my children, all that talk is just ridiculous. We are our childrens mothers and it has nothing to do with all of society saying mum! OMG, why would you want your child calling you by name like everyone else? When they have a really special word like mummy, that is only made for you! I think the names we call each other are beautiful. Like mummy, daddy, nanna, poppy, grandma, grandad, aunty and uncle, etc. I think it is making your children be respectful to their elders aswell, its not just about the words.
Your choice is your own but dont get defensive when other people dont agree.:)
emilysmumma
15-06-2008, 10:12
I don't think discipline will be a problem! I'm a paediatric nurse and known as quite a little tyrant around the home too. I have very firm views about parenting, rules, boundaries, manners, etc. I don't feel I brought up with a very clear set of values and I don't want to perpetuate that model. I really love the UNESCO Living Values project. The values are: Simplicity, Responsibility, Happiness, Humility, Honesty, Respect, Peace, Love, Tolerance, Cooperation, Freedom. For some reason this is connected in my mind to being known by my name.
I admire your values and I'm sure everyone here hopes to raise children in the same vain, it's just we don't have a title for it as such.
Now there is nothing wrong with having set views about parenting before your little one arrives, we all do. But from experience be prepared for some of these to change once bubs arrive. They have a tendancy to change your life and even your way of thinking. Just be flexible is the best way to go sometimes. It's not the end of the world to change your mind about how you were going to do things because it doesn't go under a certain title you aspire too. A babies love changes that. You may think you know the ins and outs of children since you work with them but nothing can prepare you imo for your own.
But back to your original OP. I think it's not the norm, but hey go with what you want. I think there is more important things to worry about or do with a child than bother about a name. It's just a name after all and what really matters is the love that you give that child.
"I love you lots mummy" sounds so much better to me than "I love you lots Sarah" :)
Best of luck
Blueberry Crumble
15-06-2008, 10:18
I am going to be honest and say that there are times in our lives where it is better for our children if we just choose to conform to what society ingrains into us. Not all things ofcourse, it is great to be different and bring our children up as individuals. However, to not have them call their mother "mum" is to me in a way, denying them something special.
As other people have said, the kids will call everyone else by their name- there is only one mum- why would you want to deny them calling you mum?
Commentng on what other people have said about equality- It is a sign of respect, and Im all for equality but truthfully, I am my sons MOTHER, not his friend. There is a big difference... he will have many friends, but only one mum. I have the authority in this relationship- I need to, he needs me to.
Maybe it is because I can not possibly fathom why anyone would not want their child to call them mum... I just find it really sad. I admit that yes, I am quite narrow minded on this subject which is not a good thing... but I cant help it!
LittleButton
15-06-2008, 10:22
IMO I cant understand why you wouldnt want to be called mummy....
But again, its your own choice and whatever you choose should be because its right for you...
Just a question: so when your kid comes home one day from kindy or something and calls you mummy, what are you going to do?
Get up them or something?
SalTheGal
15-06-2008, 10:42
I would be trying not to overthink it atm, it's not like you have to decide now!
Wait till you hold you baby and see how you feel then, and then wait until they are making noises like ma ma ma and see how you feel. I changed my mind about so many thing when I actually had DS so just go with the flow maybe?
I agree...you've got plenty of time!
Just a question: so when your kid comes home one day from kindy or something and calls you mummy, what are you going to do?
Get up them or something?
She has already stated that she won't be upset if her child chooses to call her mum...it has been mentioned in a couple of posts.
I think if you decide once your child is born thats what you want then go for it- but maybe wait till you hold siad child in your arms...I had many many perceptions and decisions made about my parenting that changed once I had DS, its a whole new ball game and bundle of emotions then!
I grew up with a friend who called her mum by her name- she didn't start till late primary (mum before then) but it seemed totally natural, and to us extremely sophisticated and grown up, and she had a wonderful close relationship with her mum, still does....so I can totally get that it can be a good thing.
But in the early days there is nothing quite like hearing your child call you mum!
SorenLorensen
15-06-2008, 10:47
She has already stated that she won't be upset if her child chooses to call her mum...it has been mentioned in a couple of posts.
:yes:
it was in the first post
If she naturally calls me Mummy, then that'll be fine, but I'm not going to do that 'Come to Mummy' business.
Oops:o. Then that's okay.
Pina Colada
15-06-2008, 10:57
[quote=singlepregnantchick;2757193], but I'm not going to do that 'Come to Mummy' business. quote]
TBH, I said this exact same thing before I had children, but I did and I still do ;):laughing:
I'm not big on baby talk, and I don't baby talk to my children, but IMO saying things like "Ta, Mummy" or "Come to Mummy" helps to distinguish who is who, as "me", "you", "I" and "them" is hard for infants and toddlers to comprehend (that's JMO ;)).
In regard to the OP, I love being called mummy and would HATE for my kids to ever call me by name (and I mean ever!), I still call my mum, Mum, and my dad, Dad (sometimes Daddy :p). I don't understand why anybody would want their bubs to call them by name, and would think it incredibly strange (and sad) if I heard a toddler calling their mum by name. JMO of course!
diesal444
15-06-2008, 11:11
The word mummy for me is pretty special, and I think it is a special word to children too. Everyone gets to call me by my boring old name....but only my children get to call me 'mum'.
:iagree: Perfectly said! I would be very surprised if you still feel the same way about being called "mummy" once your little one arrives, and more so when she/he starts to communicate! :)
This is so interesting. I hope I'll give her a free choice. Maybe when she starts babbling I'll say, 'M m m m...Miranda; I'm your Mummy." I'll also be baby signing, so I suppose she'll have to use the sign for Mummy, as signing my name would be too complicated. She's likely to sign before she speaks.
alphafemale2901
15-06-2008, 11:17
I don't find it strange or odd. I think if that is your preference then go for it. Its your child andtherefore your business entirely. Before I had kids I thought it would much more preferential for them to call me by my first name, but since having them I can't imagine them ever calling me anything but mum/mummy/ma or whatever. Nevertheless - what is right for me or anyone else may not be right for everyone. Do whatever you want chick.
CorbinSethLincoln
15-06-2008, 11:28
This is so interesting. I hope I'll give her a free choice. Maybe when she starts babbling I'll say, 'M m m m...Miranda; I'm your Mummy." I'll also be baby signing, so I suppose she'll have to use the sign for Mummy, as signing my name would be too complicated. She's likely to sign before she speaks.
Can I just ask why is that?
I personaly wouldnt do it cause the words 'I love u mummy' are the best words in the whole world to me. :D
But i also dont see anything wrong with what u want to do, its your child, ur choice and so u have stated u will also give ur child the choice if it decideds to call u mummy.
Congratulations on ur bundle and good luck for ur birth:babydust2:
My dh was never allowed to call his mum "mum".. She decided she was going to call herself a name, and pretend to be his sister that's a few years older then him..
Ok, so your not a psycho like her, and not extreme like her, but not being able to call his mum mum.. Well it certainly damaged the relationship..
He's allowed to call her mum now...She's decided to try and be normal (try be the operative word).. He has a lot of trouble calling her mum now.. Just from years of not doing it..
Whatever floats your boat I guess :) If you want your child to call you by your name, go for it.. I'd just make it clear when they can understand, that they CAN call you mummy if they want to.
Can I just ask why is that?
Why I'll be baby signing, or why she'll sign before speaking? I'll be baby signing because babies' gross motor coordination allows them to communicate with signs before they can speak. It's quite common where I come from in the UK. There's been some studies that show it helps babies in their language development. I'm just in the process of ordering a load of baby signs story books from amazon.co.uk. Like this one:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1904550045/ref=ord_cart_shr?%5Fencoding=UTF8&m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE
and
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1904550800/ref=ord_cart_shr?%5Fencoding=UTF8&m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE
Ana Gram
15-06-2008, 12:35
BTW: my children call me "Honorable Omnipitance." a little more of a mouthful than Mummy, but not too difficult once they got a handle on it.
:laughing: Ruby calls me Master sometimes, which I prefer :D
Something else I do find interesting, it has been mentioned several times that SPC shouldn't get "defensive" if others don't agree. I am actually yet to see her do so. She has been very patient and responded in an articulate manner even though some posts have been a tad harsh. Don't mistake merely responding as defensiveness.
Ana Gram
15-06-2008, 12:42
I've picked her out an eco-hippy school, so I hope there will be a bit of diversity there.
I forgot to ask you, where is this school??
Pina Colada
15-06-2008, 12:43
I would assume if you baby sign you say the word as you sign it? So if you are going to use the sign for Mummy, you'll be referring to yourself as Mummy verbally as well, while you are signing? So, your bub will probably end up calling you mummy (verbally) initially.
Not making a judgement either way, just pointing out what I think will happen if you use the baby sign for Mummy :)
SalTheGal
15-06-2008, 13:03
Maybe when she starts babbling I'll say, 'M m m m...Miranda; I'm your Mummy." I'll also be baby signing, so I suppose she'll have to use the sign for Mummy, as signing my name would be too complicated. She's likely to sign before she speaks.
I think this sounds perfect, you are getting her to understand who you are as in name, but also tying it to the relationship you have with her, just like teaching a baby an aunt or uncle- this is x, your aunt.
It will still give your bub the choice what she chooses to call you, but don't be surprised if it is just mummy till she is old enough to comprehend the choice that she has.
Oh and Chelle- what does Ruby tend to call you most of the time?
Susan Mac
15-06-2008, 14:06
Ultimately it is up to you, really.
I personally think that Mummy and Daddy are really nice, kind of demonstrating verbally a special bond. When I was seven and my mum married again, I made a concious decision to call my stepfather Daddy, but know that I want nothing to do with him I struggle with what I should call him. I don't want to call him Dad anymore, but that's the easiest way to refer to him.
Actually, the sermon at church this morning was on Proverbs 31, which is a passage about 'the wife of noble character'. verse 28 says 'her children rise up and call her blessed', so I think that's what I will expect now....
susmamma
15-06-2008, 14:23
:laughing: Ruby calls me Master sometimes, which I prefer :D
:laughing::laughing: love it!
sometimes when i'm feeling indulgent i let them call me "your holiness"
otherwise we stick to honorable omnipitance.
or omni for short.
mum2bubba
15-06-2008, 14:38
My sister and I called my Grandfather "Whippy" (never Grandpa or Pop or anything) because he had a truck that looked like an Ice-Cream truck. It has stuck years later. He wants us to call him Grandfather or Granddad but its hard now because we're so used to calling him Whippy. :o
He always signs birthday and Christmas cards etc as Grandfather Les "Whippy" (His name is Leslie)
It was my mother who said to call him that too.
OneNowOneLater
15-06-2008, 14:56
The bit thats stuck in my mind is the taunts and teasing the child will get at school. Imagine how ripped off the child will be that he/she doesnt call their mother mum/mummy/mama.
So imagine something so different. 29 children call their mother mummy, and 1 calls their mother by her real name. All I can think of is the teasing. Sad, but true. And it will happen. It does happen :(
In my years working at primary schools this has never ever come up as an issue worthy of bullying in the playground. Ever.
I think the point she was trying to put across is that kids can be mean and nasty. It is always possible that they may tease the OP child for calling her mum, by her name, not by mum/mummy. From a kids perspective, it would look like that the OP's child doesnt have a mum, and then tease her bout the fact that she doesnt have a "mum/mummy"
As i said, kids are really nasty these days. It was bad enough for me getting teased in jnr primary, and primary school cos i had a difficult surname to pronounce.
But in relation to the OP, it is your choice! Only you can decide what your child calls you!:yes:
I forgot to ask you, where is this school??
http://www.greenhillsps.vic.edu.au/
I like the values and the permaculture/wormfarms bit of it. As state schools go, it's fairly forward thinking. Unfortunately it's in a very white suburb, but you can't have everything.
Bewitched
15-06-2008, 18:01
I find it a little weird. Also think it might be confusing for the child also as kids do compare their lives and parents to their peers. I personally also dont think mother/child relationship whilst still a child should be equal either. Someone has to be 'the boss'.
I agree with this part of this post. I find this idea very odd sorry :o
michelleB
15-06-2008, 18:22
is this an identity thing? are you scared you are letting go of the person you are by becoming someones mum?
*~alegna~*
15-06-2008, 18:50
Wow what an interesting thread:yes: I've never even thought about families that call their parent/s by their 1st names. For me it is very special to be called Mum/Mummy, the best thing in the world. Just as wonderful when my neice started talking & called me Aunty.
In my family we were'nt allowed to call any adults by their 1st names, It was seen to be disrespectful eg. It was either Aunt, Uncle (if they were really really close freinds & TRUES A & U's ofcourse) or Mr/Mrs, Miss if they were aquaintences. if we knew them a little better we could say "Mrs Kath or Mr Pete rather than their last name eg. Mr Smith. Hope that makes sense. I have to say that I'm 24 now, & STILL call everyone a fair bit older than me the same..Mr or Mrs etc. I just feel horrid not too. In saying that too, I will insist my babies pay their elders the same respect.
I don't think what your doing is wrong at all, jut what you think is best for your family. However I can understand where your friends are coming from only from my upbringing...I guess I'm a little traditional...
Good Luck though, I bet your super excited to meet your little love.:thumbsup::hugs:
SalTheGal
15-06-2008, 19:12
In my family we were'nt allowed to call any adults by their 1st names, It was seen to be disrespectful eg. It was either Aunt, Uncle (if they were really really close freinds & TRUES A & U's ofcourse) or Mr/Mrs, Miss if they were aquaintences. if we knew them a little better we could say "Mrs Kath or Mr Pete rather than their last name eg. Mr Smith.
Sorry to hijack for a sec, but I love this idea! I grew up calling all elders by there formal name too, and I would love to instill some of this respect in my children- but was struggling with how to merge modern day ideals (such as calling people by there first name) with my own feelings on what worked for my childhood. :cool: :)
Your child, your choice :)
Personally, I wouldn't do it, but I'm pretty conservative. And I kind of like the idea of being 'mum'. I feel like I've waited a long time for it to happen! Everyone else seems to have been 'mum' but me, IYKWIM.
2sweetgirls
15-06-2008, 21:37
Hmmmmm... that is very strange. Very strange.
I dont think its strange, Might seem strange to YOU! Everyone has something that they do that seems strange to others.
I don't see anything wrong with it if that's what you want, it doesn't sound as though you would tell your child off for calling you Mummy, just not start it up in the first place, is that right?
I don't see why not. :)
:iagree:
As someone who grew up with my Mum not wanting to be called 'Mum' I just want to let you know that it's actually quite hurtful to a child. To be denied the acknowledgement of that connection.
Kids can call ANYONE by their name, they can only call their Mum 'Mummy".
food for thought....
Definitely Food for thought, coming from someone who went through it, as the child:yes:
I went to school with a guy, he called his mum by her first name, we thought it was cool, I dont know if she wanted it that way, or the boys just chose to call her that.
littlerayofsunshine
15-06-2008, 22:03
my daughter is only 11 weeks old but i cannot wait until she calls me mummy. I am her mother and that is what she should know me by until she is old enough. By having children you are in society a mother it is cruel to not let her call you what you are and wanted to be.
im sorry if thats harsh but so is what your thinking of doing
motherhoodlmb
15-06-2008, 22:38
Hi there, I haven't read any of the other responses but my partner (who is 43) and his 4 siblings (3 older and one younger than him) call their mum and dad by their first names. Our kids call them by their first names too.
xlouxloux
15-06-2008, 23:21
I do find this a bit strange but as so many people have said its ur personal choice.
I have a friend who calls his dad by his first name but he does this because he doesnt like his dad.
I love thinking about the day my daughter runs to me excited saying 'mummy'. I dont think of it as a 'title' or being superior its more of a love connection. a closeness.
Im sure u will do what u want anyway regardless of what anyone here has said but alot of it is very interesting and after all u did make this post with curiosity, asking what people thought.
has any of it made u think/change ur mind?
Edit: not that i think u should change ur mind...just curious :)
studyingECS
15-06-2008, 23:29
It's up to you.:)
For me though, my mum and me aren't equal, and I don't want to be.
Sure I understand it with anyone else but my mum and my dad aren't my equals, they are there to raise me and do what they think is best for me even if I may not like it at the time. I respect them for being my mum and dad. Its hard to explain what I am on about.
studyingECS
15-06-2008, 23:58
Glad what I was trying to say came across BG:)
Also just as much as some mum's enjoyed being called "Mummy", I enjoy being being called my parent's "daughter". It makes me feel proud. If my parent's didn't label me that I would feel like a failure. That's just me though. I can't talk for every other daughter or son.
my son uses both my name and mum and i respond to both no problems but he only really calls his dad by his name and he hates this (dad that is) i think he feels that he is missing out by only being called by his name and not being called dad
i think your children need to know your name
lunawolfspirit
16-06-2008, 04:37
i think you do what you want.
i had friends who only called their parents by there first name, or nick names and i found it disrespectful. when i first moved to nsw from qld my cousin from nsw didn't call my mum aunty till she told them "thats aunty cheryl to you" and i recently got to see family from qld after 11 years and i notice they still called my mum aunty, and i liked that, to me it showed respect.
maybe im old fashion. but you do want you want and i think you will be fine.
I would be really sad if my kids didn't call me mum:( They are the only ones who can call me that....anyone can call me Katie. I agree that me and my kids are equal (as in equally as important but not equal in our roles) but I have the role of mummy which is a different role to their role as child and for me, being called mum is part of that.
It is so lovely when they first start calling you mum, nothing compares:flowerz:
You've got plenty of time to decide though...good luck:bee:
motherhoodlmb
16-06-2008, 10:14
Interesting responses. As I mentioned before, my partner and his siblings call their mum and dad by their first names. I'm talking a conservative, middle class family (if that makes any difference :laughing:).
I'm not sure how long they've been doing it - perhaps it was when they got a little older - but they are such a close family, so close, and the respect for their parents is very high. They are much closer than my family and I call my parents mum and dad. I'm not sure whether what you call them makes a difference?? I believe it's the feeling in the heart, not what name you call them. Horses for courses...
wattlebird
16-06-2008, 10:18
I think each to their own.
Personally, I can't wait for my DD to call me mummy or mum!!! I can't think of anything better!!! She melts my heart now with her babble - don't know what I'll be like when she finally calls me mum!!:smiliedance:
subaruforestermum
16-06-2008, 10:31
I too never wanted to be called mum..... I was 24 weeks when I found out I was pregnant, so I was in shock, and people calling me a 'mum' didnt sit well with me...
I struggled to come to terms with the fact I was going to be responsible for a baby, so I had the same thinking. Being called mum would change who I was, how people seen me, how my child seen me....
I slowly got use to the fact I was a mum, and hearing DS call me that was so heart melting....It was something I had to deal with, as it comes naturally..
By all means DS knows my name, and calls me it sometimes, but I think personally him calling me by my name would show less respect than him calling me mum.... I agre with what fFrenchstar said too....
It is your choice though in the end....
Ana Gram
16-06-2008, 12:44
Also just as much as some mum's enjoyed being called "Mummy", I enjoy being being called my parent's "daughter". It makes me feel proud. If my parent's didn't label me that I would feel like a failure. That's just me though. I can't talk for every other daughter or son.
But Kate, they don't call you Daughter as a replacement for your name. They would introduce you as "My daughter, Kate" or talk about you as "My daughter" =. Even though they call you by your name, doesn't stop the fact you are their daughter.
My point is that what ever your child calls you to address you, does not change the bond you have or the relationship you have.
susmamma
16-06-2008, 13:02
But Kate, they don't call you Daughter as a replacement for your name. They would introduce you as "My daughter, Kate" or talk about you as "My daughter" =. Even though they call you by your name, doesn't stop the fact you are their daughter.
My point is that what ever your child calls you to address you, does not change the bond you have or the relationship you have.
I still rather like the fact that Ruby introduces you as "This is my Master.."
OMG that is STILL cracking me up :laughing::laughing::D
sunnyflower
16-06-2008, 13:10
mmm i have to be honest,it seems that not preferring a child or wanting your child to call you "mum" is a bit of a distancing technique!
JMO
I say do what you want to do. If your daughter really wants to call you mum/mummy then you are going to let her so it's no big deal. I love being called mum but my niece doesn't call me aunty...just calls me by my first name because I prefer it that way. It's no big deal really...my niece knows that I'm her aunty, just like I'm sure your daughter will know that you are her mother.
Meh...whatever floats your boat really.
She's your daughter and your her mother so you two set the ground rules..no one else.
I'm sure it's not going to make her love you any less or vice versa.
I couldn't do it, I love it when i hear I love you mummy but thats just me.
I also have days though, that the kids are instructed to call me by my real name (usually by late afternoon)- Not mum- those are the days that I have been spoken at all day long and am over that 'title':laughing:
Threadkiller
16-06-2008, 13:28
i love being called mum/mummy, my oldest 2 call me by my name sometimes just to see how far they can get i put them right into to place and say im mum to you not christine :laughing;
My cousin's Mum refused to be called "Mummy". And my cousin used to really believe she didn't have a Mummy like everyone else - she used to cry about it. It was sad.
There's a difference to a child when you call someone a title versus just a name. Its different when they are older. But hard to understand when they are little. JMO.
Sue
My cousin's Mum refused to be called "Mummy". And my cousin used to really believe she didn't have a Mummy like everyone else - she used to cry about it. It was sad.
There's a difference to a child when you call someone a title versus just a name. Its different when they are older. But hard to understand when they are little. JMO.
Sue
That is sad, and I can see how a very little child could be confused about it. Everyone else has a "mummy" and they have a Sue, or whatever....
I love the name "mummy" more than I like mum or muma... I still call my mum, "mummy" and i'm 26. And I really hope my DD is still refering to me as mummy when she's my age. :)
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