I cried...

[singa06]

When did you last cry about this whole TTC journey?

I think it would be nice to share our tears...it helps to know that you are not alone :hugs:


I cried last night. Dh and I were getting ready to go to bed after he finally got the fish tank external filter working (after my help!). I was just thinking about the stupid pimples on my face and related it to the fact that I am hormonal at the moment (since my lap surgery (2 weeks ago) to remove an ectopic pregnancy my whole reproductive system will be up the sh!T for the next 4 weeks).
Anyway I went to bed and just started to cry, I am sick of waiting and want these next 4-6 weeks to pass so I can start TTC again.
That was it, a few sobs, Dh grabbed me a tissue (first he said no, because he doesn't like to see me cry as it upsets him) But I said, its too late now I have already cried and im ok now, just need a tissue!
Thanks for listening ladies, sorry about the :ecomcity:. It was nice to get it off my chest.


Any one is free to share their tears (long or short!)

[Allegra]

:hugs:

After TTC for 18 months on and of, I don't think I have had a good cry yet. I do have this fear that I will never have a baby but I try not to think about it too much. My doctor did ask me the other week how I was coping and I just said fine. But I think I am actually terrified that I will never have a baby.

Okay now I am crying.

[sexy_minx]

hugs singa :hugs:

[drewid]

I've been through the whole run of tears...I've spent the last 3 years in various stages of upset about not falling pregnant. And then after my ectopic...those brief few weeks of utter joy...followed by complete heartbreak... Its been a few months now, and I still have the odd night where I just crumble and want that baby so much. The thought of it being another 3 years before i fall pregnant again just makes me want to curl up and hide somewhere.

I think sometimes a good cry is helpful...sort of clears the system a little, and then you can get on with things, as hard as it can be. Bottling it up just ends up with me being wound up so tight that the smallest things get to me. But if I can have a few tears here and there...it is easier to deal with the other things in life.

[Refresh]

:hugs::hugs:

[2sweetgirls]

:hugs: I just cried reading your post Singa06.

I wish you all the best of luck TTC:goodvibes::wizard::babydust2::fingerscrossed:

[kelpat]

I cried for most of Tuesday. I was sure I O'd last week, I had all the CM your supposed too have then I had some wierd spotting that I was sure was implantation over the weekend. Then on Tuesday I rang to get my test results to see if I really had O'd and was told my Dr is away and to ring back next Tuesday. And I got BFN that day aswell.

[KatiesMum]

I cried yesterday ... and the day before .... and the day before that.

While ttc I think I cried on average of once a week or so, as well as a major cry when I got af every time.

:hugs: Singa.

[Baldie's Mum]

my last real cry like uncontrollable tears that wont stop flowing was when our last IVF cycle finnished. I can remember going in for a shower and looking at my naked self in the mirror and i had ***TMI*** blood over my thighs like a butterfly painting a 3 yr old does at kindy. I thought to myself, this is the only butterfly painting i will ever get. :crying:

After i spent 45 mins in the shower i got up off the floor, got dresses in my pj's and just lay on the couch. Every time someone walked passed me i just cryed again. Uncontrollable tears.
:(

[singa06]

WOW

I didn't think this thread would get such a response.
Thanks for your responses and thanks for the support ladies :hugs:.

Big :hugs::fingerscrossed: to everyone.:babydust2:

[ness27]

:hugs: :babydust2::babydust2:

[Baldie's Mum]

oh singa....:hugs: sweetie.

You will fall pregnant soon darling! You deserve that sticky pregnancy!!!
:babydust2::bfp::babydust2:
:D

[misskl]

my last real cry like uncontrollable tears that wont stop flowing was when our last IVF cycle finnished. I can remember going in for a shower and looking at my naked self in the mirror and i had ***TMI*** blood over my thighs like a butterfly painting a 3 yr old does at kindy. I thought to myself, this is the only butterfly painting i will ever get. :crying:





After i spent 45 mins in the shower i got up off the floor, got dresses in my pj's and just lay on the couch. Every time someone walked passed me i just cryed again. Uncontrollable tears.
:(



This post made me get tears as well because I can relate to this. After trying for a year I start thinking that it's never going to happen. I cry when I get AF, and last time had a huge fight with my partner before telling him I wasn't pregnant. Although I do try to stay positive, it just really gets me down. I start thinking it is my fault because I partied so much when I was younger instead of having babies. The truth is I probably would have had the same trouble conceiving when I was 10 years younger...who knows.
I like to tell myself..It will happen soon :yes: , for me and all the other girls who are trying so hard.

[ringneck]

good thread singa, i cried yesterday after all my opk's kept coming back bfn for the last few days, i am petrified that i havent ovulated and the clomid wont work for me, i am afraid i will never be able to give dp a baby and feel i jinxed myself when younger from saying i never wanted children.
The TTC journey is such an emotional rollercoaster

[singa06]

The first cycle is ALWAYS the hardest. If you have to do another cycle (hopefully you wont), I promise it will be much easier as clomid should make you O around the same day.

[ringneck]

Thanks singa, hopefully everyone having a tough time ttc will get their bfp's soon and have a nice easy pregnancy with a gorgeous bub at the end.
I dont know what i would do without the support of dp and some of the great girls on here

[MoonstoneMumma]

yesterday for me. sometimes it just all gets really overwhelming. it was when my ds took me into his room so he could have some company while he played. he just gets soooo lonely and i desperately want him to have some one to share his childhood with. i just keep thinking that i am letting him down.

being on clomid for about 7 months makes you pretty hormonal as well!

ains - i got so teary when i read your post :hugs:

[Baldie's Mum]

I start thinking it is my fault because I partied so much when I was younger instead of having babies. The truth is I probably would have had the same trouble conceiving when I was 10 years younger...who knows.


I was 22 when i started clomid and 23 when i started IVf and the nurses have all said to me that i would have the same problems if i was 32 or 42 or 52.......its not an age thing for me.......

Babies will happen for us!!! :babydust2::babydust2::wizard: for a :bfp:

[babeone]

It was today for me. I went to an obstetrics specialist who told me he didnt know why i have been cramping for 17 days maybe a UTI or some other infection but probably just my hormones and then proceeded to tell me that if it doesnt sort out i will probably need to go back on the pill to get my hormones back to normal. GREAT.

Took the day off work to see him then went out to shop and get my nails done to make myself feel better and no joke every single girl i saw either had a baby or was full on pregnant- then there was me! So much for making me feel better- huge bawl in the car on the way home.

Why can some people get pregnant so easy- girls who sometimes dont really deserve it or want it and then those of us who really want it and know we would be such great mummies just cant seem to do it. Life sure doesnt seem fair......

[kerrin]

I cried on Monday when I lost my 4th baby in a row. I cried on Tuesday when I had to tell my family. I cried on Wednesday when my OB did an internal ultrasound and said that at least I didn't need a D&C - I would have preferred a D&C to what I went through on Monday!
I'm crying right now:gloomy:

[misskl]

Kerrin - I'm so sorry to hear about the miscarriage :hugs:
It amazes me how strong you and other girls are when handling a miscarriage. I've never been pregnant and can only imagine the heartbreak you go through.

[Baldie's Mum]

Why can some people get pregnant so easy- girls who sometimes dont really deserve it or want it and then those of us who really want it and know we would be such great mummies just cant seem to do it. Life sure doesnt seem fair......


:iagree:

:thumbsdown:

:hair:

:hissy:


:crying:


life just isnt fair..... And i cant imagine what kerrin has gone through. I had tears welling in my eyes reading her post. I am sorry Kerrin. :(

[Grace3]

For me even though ttc has been a tremendous hurdle and I have shed many tears. It was also the easy part, as emotional miscarrying twice was my most teary and upsetting time.

The road of ttc and carrying a child to full term can be very unkind, but when you reach the end it is a beautiful and wonderful moment.

Gracie

PS I've got my DH back :smiliedance:

[Jender]

I cried yesterday when I was going through stuff in my study and found the ultrasound report that confirmed that I lost my baby - next to the ultrasound pic I have which showed a heartbeat of 158. My baby died about four days later....bless you my darling angel....

[hunnybunny]

:hugs: To you all.

I cry pretty often, I think it is good for as I get out those overwhelming feelings and it helps me to keep going.

Not the last time I cried but one of the most devastating cries I have ever had was when I was at the birth of my neice, my sis really wanted me to be there, and I am glad I went, but after she was born I went outside for a break and got to thinking about how I may never go through that for myself, and how desperately I wanted it and there was nothing I could do to change things. It was the middle of the night outside a quiet country hospital and I lay on the bench and just sobbed my eyes out, fr hours, until my Mum came and found me and took me home to my DH, and he put me into bed and I spent all the next day in tears.

[SpecialMumma]

I cried on Thursday morning when I rang the doctors for the blood test results. I howled actually. :(

Actually, the tears are starting again now.

2.5 years of TTC has really gotten to me. I shouldnt complain though, others wait alot longer.

:crying:

[singa06]

:hugs:
Hugs to everyone who has been TTC for so long and those who have M/C.
I am so glad I started this thread, I think that it is important we have somewhere to vent/share our tears of sadness.

[Grace3]

I was shattered when after 2 years well fell pregnant then to m/c.

Its seriously unfair!

[BB78]

:hugs: singa & all who ttc.

[singa06]

I had a small cry AGAIN last night!!! I hate feeling so down.
Dh and I were in the car and i was thinking about how if I didn't M/C I would have been 11 weeks tomorrow. I didn't have a big cry, just a few tears down my cheek.
I was so embarrassed when Dh asked what was wrong. I just wanted to keep it to myself.

[Jender]

That happens to me all the time Singa - very small things can set me off..........I don't like telling DH - he gets a bit agitated....can't really help and to be frank - doesn't really understand

:hugs: for you and lots of :babydust2:

[singa06]

Thanks. My Dh understands, it just hurts him to see me like that.

[Femme la Phoenix]

The last time I had uncontrollable tears was during my last miscarriage. Everything hit me so hard, the reality of the situation and thinking when it's all going to end with a baby in my arms. I couldn't stop the tears falling uncontrollably with sobs even, for over 72 hours....(one of my lowest moments).


~(tears of sadness) each time one of us long'termers or IVF'ers has had disappointment, I feel her pain and sadness and it just hits home.

[MrsPee]

Oh Singa :hugs: Everyone else :hugs:

The last time I really howled was the morning of the 19th May.

It was the morning that I woke up to spotting/AF, so that meant that the IVF had not worked and it was the morning that I said Goodbye to my DH for 14 weeks.

I have since cried a few times because I now have to go through transfer and the FEAR of it not working again all on my own. I know that I could wait until DH was home but I have already waited 8 LONG yrs and I want it already!!!!! :crying:

[singa06]

Oh MrsPee, you are so brave! :hugs:

[XavysMummy]

The last time I cried uncontrollably was on Thurs 19th June when I had my 7.5wk scan to see if I was having twins and found that there was no heartbeat and no sign of a fetus in the sac just a big blood clot. I only just got outside the US clinic and burst out sobbing and couldn't stop...
I get SO ANGRY hearing about children being mistreated and unwanted and I think...why is it so hard for those that want them and so easy for those that don't. IF only surrogacy was legal in Australia so those people who get UTD so easily could help us less fortunate ones...

I just want to be a mum....

[Jender]

Hugs for you Kaz

Its so hard seeing people mistreating children and knowing how much you want them.....I am sure it will happen for you....can you get testing done? If you get demanding I am sure you can get it.

I have a friend who had two miscarriages, demanded some testing and found something that could be easily dealt with, She know has two bubs!

We are all here for you - anytime at all

[XavysMummy]

Thanks Jender,

I am having testing done after the D & C on Friday, my OB is brilliant, she's the one that put me on Clomid a few months ago and I got preg 2nd month, so she's very proactive in that regard...

[giveitago]

My tears came 4 days after my d&c, i was nausea and about to vomit.
I just started crying and saying to dp that it is a cruel joke to make me sick now when I had no m/s when I was pregnant.

[Baldie's Mum]

:gloomy: just now when i read my dear friend backflips post with the news of a :bfn:.

:gloomy: :gloomy: :gloomy: such a cruel and horribe journey. It really sucks. :gloomy:

[KatiesMum]

Oh GIAG, so sorry to read of your m/c. :gloomy:

Life is so cruel.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[giveitago]

Oh GIAG, so sorry to read of your m/c. :gloomy:

Life is so cruel.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Thank you.

Hopefully the next one sticks for 9 months

[XavysMummy]

I'm so sorry to hear of your MC GIAG, I can honestly say I completely understand as I am currently going thru my 2nd one.

I am finding alot of comfort from people who have also gone thru this as all my family and friends who have never gone thru MC are saying such rotton things... they just don't realise it though...

If I hear about one more 'friend of a friend' that had 8 MCs and went on to have 4 babies or if I am told one more time that 'time is on my side as I'm "only 30" I'll SCREAM:hair:

Sorry just turned that into a venting session...
Sometimes all you can do is vent and Bub hub is such a gr8 place to do as there are so many understanding people on here :hugs:

[giveitago]

I'm so sorry to hear of your MC GIAG, I can honestly say I completely understand as I am currently going thru my 2nd one.

I am finding alot of comfort from people who have also gone thru this as all my family and friends who have never gone thru MC are saying such rotton things... they just don't realise it though...

If I hear about one more 'friend of a friend' that had 8 MCs and went on to have 4 babies or if I am told one more time that 'time is on my side as I'm "only 30" I'll SCREAM:hair:

Sorry just turned that into a venting session...
Sometimes all you can do is vent and Bub hub is such a gr8 place to do as there are so many understanding people on here :hugs:
hahahahaha yes all of a sudden EVERYONE knows SOMEONE who has had a squillion miscarriages.

I'm sick of hearing 'it wasn't meant to be' or 'its the bodies way of getting rid of something thats wrong'.

I get all that, I totally understand that my pregnancy wasn't viable - doesnt change the fact that is still sux. all I want people to say is - 5hit, that sux, really sorry. That is ENOUGH. I dont need gestational history of all of your female friends lol

[XavysMummy]

:laughing::yelclap::laughing:

I LOVE IT!!!

My 2 BFs have both had 2 MCs each and the following was their reactions when I told them....

BF1 "That's F$%ked"
BF2 "Oh Sh!t, what a bugger"

Which were exactly the honest responses I was after!!!

I hope this has put a smile on any sad people's faces in here, it certainly has be smiling:yes:

[logiesmummy]

Kaz that is excatley what you want to hear! When i mc the first time dh bil told me when we were talking how they didn't believe i was even pregnant. Then when we mc the second time i was told by his wife oh well at least you weren't to far along.Some people just have no brains or tact! I was so hurt we never told them when we fell pregnant with DS we let them find out through family members!

[giveitago]

Kaz that is excatley what you want to hear! When i mc the first time dh bil told me when we were talking how they didn't believe i was even pregnant. Then when we mc the second time i was told by his wife oh well at least you weren't to far along.Some people just have no brains or tact! I was so hurt we never told them when we fell pregnant with DS we let them find out through family members!
oh yes i'm sure it would mean it didnt hurt at all if i miscarried at 8 weeks instead of 11 weeks pfft.

I understand people dont know what to say when they find out. So they sort of get foot in mouth disease and say too much.

5hit, sorry is sufficient :)

even dp says if one more person says 'oh it wasn't meant to be' he'll snap it.

but on a brighter note, I have never ever felt closer to dp, and although i thought it was not possible I love him even more than before this happened.

[XavysMummy]

Kaz that is excatley what you want to hear! When i mc the first time dh bil told me when we were talking how they didn't believe i was even pregnant. Then when we mc the second time i was told by his wife oh well at least you weren't to far along.Some people just have no brains or tact! I was so hurt we never told them when we fell pregnant with DS we let them find out through family members!
Oh LM you hit the nail on the head! I copped the "At least it wasn't too far along"... I watched a documentary (can't remember what it was) but it said that when a woman MC's in her mind she's not losing a mass of cells, she's losing a fully grown baby....never a truer word was spoken if you ask me...

I have also been asked by many people, do you regret telling people you were pregnant? The answer: of course not....I only told the people I love and they are the ones supporting me now :):hugs:

On the whole, most people are gr8, and those people outweigh the tactless ones:)

[giveitago]

Oh LM you hit the nail on the head! I copped the "At least it wasn't too far along"... I watched a documentary (can't remember what it was) but it said that when a woman MC's in her mind she's not losing a mass of cells, she's losing a fully grown baby....never a truer word was spoken if you ask me...

I have also been asked by many people, do you regret telling people you were pregnant? The answer: of course not....I only told the people I love and they are the ones supporting me now :):hugs:

On the whole, most people are gr8, and those people outweigh the tactless ones:)
I agree, I dont regret telling anyone. they are the ones who are checking up on me, cooking me things and generally trying to be as supportive as possible.

I think people just dont know what to say and that it will make it 'better' if they reiterate that it 'happened for a reason'.

[logiesmummy]

Its times like that you really find out who you can trust and rely on!

[KatiesMum]

Oh GIAG, so sorry to read of your m/c. :gloomy:

Life is so cruel.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

that goes for all of you ....

miscarraige is so hard - you dont need the extra ca@p that people seem to say - even when they mean well.

[Femme la Phoenix]

hahahahaha yes all of a sudden EVERYONE knows SOMEONE who has had a squillion miscarriages.

what if you have, then, what then?

I've habitually miscarried since 1996 when my DS was only 9mths old....every single time I've became pregnant the pregnancy is lost. It might not be YOUR reality but it is mine and it's so hard to deal with, remain focussed and positive....and too even find out why:gloomy::gloomy::gloomy::gloomy:

[giveitago]

what if you have, then, what then?

I've habitually miscarried since 1996 when my DS was only 9mths old....every single time I've became pregnant the pregnancy is lost. It might not be YOUR reality but it is mine and it's so hard to deal with, remain focussed and positive....and too even find out why:gloomy::gloomy::gloomy::gloomy:

I'm sorry to hear of your losses, and if you take it in the context it was meant in you will see that by no means was it a stab at someone who has suffered multiple miscarriages.

I'm sure being told that a friends, friends, friends, cousins friend has had them too wouldnt necessarily make you feel all that much better.

Nor would the people who say that 'well you already have one child, you should be happy with that', as was the callous remarks a friend of mine received when she miscarried. She feels blessed every day for her daughter, but mourns the lost of the child she never had just as much as I do, I'm sure.

The statement was meant to make note of a persons reaction to instantly compare you to someone they know or heard of. Your grief isn't your own, they want you to feel better because someone else has had one, three or ten more miscarriages than you.

I lost another pregnancy 6 years ago through miscarriage. I thought that those feelings had disappeared, but they resurfaced again.

I stand by my post, it pi55es me off that to make me feel better people tell me of someone who is worse off.

Grief is measured in the moment, and in my reality this is what sucks for me right now - Being told that I shouldn't be 'too upset' because someone knows someone who has had multiple miscarriages.

I would imagine that your 1st miscarriage didn't become any less devastating because you had another.

If YOU want to talk to me about what it is like to have many many miscarriages, I would be more than willing to listen, to learn, and try and even fathom how much strength it would take to keep going. But to hear YOUR story from some person who knows of you through a friend of a friend doesn't make me pay much attention. Each loss deserves its own grief, but my miscarriage is not made any less devastating because you have had more.

I apologise if you took my post the wrong way.

[Femme la Phoenix]

sorry giveitago, I probably didn't explain myself properly, sorry feeling tired...

What I meant was, we all know that it's common to miscarry 3-4 times, it takes time to grieve for and get over your loss. But then you try again you end up back where you were and then each and every time you try again your back at square one....that's what I meant. Sometimes I feel it's a battle just too keep on trying, sometimes I find myself saying that it would be nice to have one more that way I know that it can happen again....how do you get too that point? The more I miscarry the worse it is; I really thought that after the first I would carry to term you don't realise that you'll just keep on miscarrying who would?

I wasn't having a stab at anyone and I certainly didn't think you offended me, at all. I guess someone always says those things without thinking after a miscarriage too 'make you feel better'.....but in some way I know that if I can reach that goal it will heal of those losses.

[giveitago]

The more I miscarry the worse it is; I really thought that after the first I would carry to term you don't realise that you'll just keep on miscarrying who would?

You live with everyday what many of us fear all day everyday.

You found the strength to keep trying. I'm looking for that strength. Cause I dont know if I'm built to handle another one.

But if I dont try now and wait a couple of years, I'll be 30 and putting myself into an instant risk category. I'm stuffed trying to make a decision. I'm ready to go, but what if it happens again, am I TTC too early? etc etc

I have no frigg3n idea what to do.

[logiesmummy]

I think it is a raw pain and most of the people who make dumb ar$e comments are one who have no idea what it is like! I will admit befor i had my two MC i was one of them insencitive people! But now i have been through it and had to grieve it makes my outlook a lot different! I have an appreciation that people need to grieve! I lost one at 8 weeks and twins at 11. I don't talk about it much because it is still very raw!

Back to my point! Is that people can be insentcitive(sp) can't spell very tired! i have a friend who will change the subject if i talk about it!

[Femme la Phoenix]

But if I dont try now and wait a couple of years, I'll be 30 and putting myself into an instant risk category. I'm stuffed trying to make a decision. I'm ready to go, but what if it happens again, am I TTC too early? etc etc
:hugs: it's not an easy decision to make and yes it very well could happen again...but the odds are after one miscarriage there is 60% chance that it won't so that has to account for something.

I have always being able to have a break when needed, it does get very stressful and too keep on going with not so great odds I find I have too be able to remain focused and positive 'most of the time' that if I'm down or negative it just makes it so much harder to keep going, as your other half has to pick you up constantly takes a lot of time/stress/emotion in an already emotional situation. So if I or DF ever feels that way we have a break, to regroup and focuses....hope it helps:hugs:



I think it is a raw pain and most of the people who make dumb ar$e comments are one who have no idea what it is like! I will admit befor i had my two MC i was one of them insencitive people! But now i have been through it and had to grieve it makes my outlook a lot different! I have an appreciation that people need to grieve! I lost one at 8 weeks and twins at 11. I don't talk about it much because it is still very raw!

Back to my point! Is that people can be insentcitive(sp) can't spell very tired! i have a friend who will change the subject if i talk about it!
You'll find that there will come a time that it will catch up with your friend and you might be there when it does....it has with me recently, hence the long break in between trying again. I tried to forget about what happened, put it in the back of the mind and keep going but there came a time when I just couldn't ignore the pain, loss and anguish any longer I had to deal with it and it all came bubbling to the surface. Since dealing with it though has put it all into perspective - I feel stronger than I have in a while for having done so - but the time has to be right for the person, it's not something you can force.

It takes courage to keep going and I look forward to getting to know you in the other thread too...somehow you move forward and courage is the first step you take:hugs:

[melbryan]

This thread is making me cry:crying:. I feel for each and everyone of you and hope that you can meet your angels soon.
I s'pose I take forgranted I have 3 healthy boys running around my house laughing and crying and having fun together. It makes me hug them even more.
It doesn't even cross my mind that I won't fall ( TTC July) to me it's a short time to wait but for many others its a huge journey that has alot of lows in it.
Makes me appreciate what I have even more thanks for the thread.

[Livy]

You are all such brave amazing ladies :hugs::hugs::hugs: .... your babies will be so lucky to have Mum's like you when they finally come along :hugs:

It took a year to conceive my DS (and clomid) and I realise how lucky I was!!

[giveitago]

I spoke to my GP this morning and they wont do further testing til I have had 3 miscarriages with my current partner - yay DR for the positive attitude grrrr!!!!

Part of me DOESN'T want to have further testing because right now I believe that it was an individual reason why I lost my baby, contemplating that I may have issues carrying, at this stage, is going to cause me nothing but stress.

He said it would be easier to test if I couldn't fall, but thats not the problem here. At the end of the day, providing I'm doing everything right by my pregnancy and my body, I guess its really out of my hands.

And the only thing I didn't do right in the m/c was I had probably 4 cups of coffee over the entire 11 weeks. Coffee will be GONE next time :)

Sorry, its prob not the right spot to be posting this, just felt comfortable here :)

[KatiesMum]

Its ok GIAG. Post wherever you want to.

Its important too that you realise that there isnt anything you did that contributed to the m/c.

4 cups of coffee would not have made this happen.

It is NOT your fault.

There is nothing you could have done to make things turn out any differently.

I hope that you do keep on trying - but you do have to allow yourself to grieve for your loss. It is real, and it will take time to come to terms with it and decide where to go from here.

Many :hugs:

(and to you to Femme - you are so so strong. You are such an amazing person :hugs:)

[giveitago]

Its ok GIAG. Post wherever you want to.

Its important too that you realise that there isnt anything you did that contributed to the m/c.

4 cups of coffee would not have made this happen.

It is NOT your fault.

There is nothing you could have done to make things turn out any differently.

I hope that you do keep on trying - but you do have to allow yourself to grieve for your loss. It is real, and it will take time to come to terms with it and decide where to go from here.

Many :hugs:

(and to you to Femme - you are so so strong. You are such an amazing person :hugs:)
I know it wasn't my fault, but I also think its human nature to try and change things you have done in the past that didn't have a positive outcome.

I was off work the whole time I was pregnant co I couldn't have been any more relaxed if I had tried. I return to work next week, so am looking forward to having something else o fill my time with.

Dp and I discuss it quite frequently as well as the next one and when to start.

I attribute my state of mind to him, if it wasn't for dp I would have bottled it up and tried not to 'burden' anyone with my grief. But he made me talk and talk and talk ( which is NOT like him at all), but i believe that that was instilled in him when he was younger and his mother had a miscarriage. (his fater refused to discuss it and it made his mother not cope well). Its funny how soomething that happened 15 years ago can affect someone in such a way as it did my dp :)

[KatiesMum]

Going back to work will be a really good thing. Will keep your mind busy .....

Sounds like your DP needs a serious pat on the back. That is awesome that he is able to help you get it out and be there for you.

Come over and join us in the BFP club. There is a couple of girls who have had m/c's who will be able to offer a bit more advice and emotional support - and talk about how they coped and went back to ttc'ing. Is such a difficult thing to get back on the horse.

[dawnygirl]

Hi Ladies,

I was reading everyones posts, and even though I am not TTC at the moment felt compelled to write a little something.

When I found out that I was pregnant I was totally shocked. Not trying at all, bawled my eyes out and ran to my mummy. I had a wedding planned and wanted to save some money first, and things just weren't happening to plan. Then I had a bleed and passed a clot at 5 weeks (during a night out where I had told my nearest and dearest that I was expecting). I went to the emergency department that night, who told me that they couldn't do anything until the next day. Had sonogram the next day, to be told by doctor that I had the foetal sac, and the start of a spine forming, but no heartbeat and with my hCg levels I should have a heartbeat. Told inevitable m/c, and offered d&c. Declined offer of d&c as I knew that my body would know what to do and went home for a couple of weeks r&r.

I felt so stupid, and worst of all I felt like I had really let me DF down. He was so excited, and I had failed him. Mind you, he was extremely beautiful and supportive, that is just how I felt. I felt that I wasn't meant to be a mother, and even though I freaked out at first that I was pregnant, as soon as I was told I miscarried I wanted that baby back right then and there. Everywhere I looked on my way out of the hospital there were tiny babies, or pregnant women. My mum and I ended up bursting out laughing actually, because as we walked out of the hospital another pregnant lady walked in and I just yelled out, "there's another f***king one!". If you don't laugh you cry.

As it turns out, the doctor at the hospital was VERY wrong, and three weeks later, after a lot of vomiting, we saw a heartbeat. It looks like I was pregnant with twins and lost one. So I got lucky, but do understand how all of you feel.

Just on a good news note; my mum and dad were TTC 4 years for me and 7 years later for my sister. She has recently had a mum-to-mum moment with me and shared how upset it made her. Physically the doctor had said nothing was wrong and he didn't know why they couldn't conceive. Also my dad had a healthy son from his first marriage, and so this hurt mum even more as she didn't feel like a proper woman or a 'better' wife. My parents were actually cleared for adoption (another very long and painful process) the day that mum found out that she was pregnant with my sister.

So what's my point?! Not to make you feel worst (and I hope I haven't), but to tell you to hang in there. Sometimes miracles really do happen and I hold hope that each of you will be the mummy's that you so deserve to be. It totally sucks, and it's not fair, I agree. There's nothing anyone can tell you to make you feel better, but hopefully time will hold great things for all of you and your families.

Sending some baby dust to you all :babydust2:

[giveitago]

Thanks dawny girl.

Dp and I cracked up the other day when we were in a sandwich shop getting lunch. It had three entrances, and at the exact same time a lady with a stroller came in each entrance with her newborn bundle sunggly in its pram.

I said to dp 'now they're bl00dy chasing me' and we just cracked up on the spot.
Agree with the statement that if you dont laugh you'll cry.

Thanks for your story and congrats on your little girl :)

[giveitago]

Going back to work will be a really good thing. Will keep your mind busy .....

Sounds like your DP needs a serious pat on the back. That is awesome that he is able to help you get it out and be there for you.

Come over and join us in the BFP club. There is a couple of girls who have had m/c's who will be able to offer a bit more advice and emotional support - and talk about how they coped and went back to ttc'ing. Is such a difficult thing to get back on the horse.
Thanks Katiesmum, you are wonderfully supportive.

[Baldie's Mum]

I cried when i had my blood test this morning..... :o

It really didnt hurt much, but ijust dont like them!!


:o :o :o

Oh god,what am i going to be like with my internal ultrasound!!!!! :crying: :crying:

hahahahahahahahahahahhahaha!!!!

[bumblytumbly]

:hugs::hugs:to everyone. For me it was yesterday - I had an ectopic and hence lap surgery and removal of my right tube 2 weeks ago yesterday. I was in the shower looking at my scars thinking how I should have been getting a little belly instead :crying: I would have been 8 weeks this coming Monday and this weekend was when we were going to tell our parents.

I have been told we can TTC again as soon as I have had a full cycle again and AF :fingerscrossed:

At the end of the day though my MIL had DH after an ectopic, and my Mum had such horrendous Endo that she was never suppose to be able to have kids, yet here I am. I know it's hard to keep going, but my Dad used to say "Life wasn't meant to be easy but it only gives you as much as you can handle" even if sometimes it doesn't seem like it.

Now let's all go roll in a truck load of baby dust :babydust2::babydust2:

[giveitago]

to everyone. For me it was yesterday - I had an ectopic and hence lap surgery and removal of my right tube 2 weeks ago yesterday. I was in the shower looking at my scars thinking how I should have been getting a little belly instead :crying: I would have been 8 weeks this coming Monday and this weekend was when we were going to tell our parents.

I have been told we can TTC again as soon as I have had a full cycle again and AF :fingerscrossed:

At the end of the day though my MIL had DH after an ectopic, and my Mum had such horrendous Endo that she was never suppose to be able to have kids, yet here I am. I know it's hard to keep going, but my Dad used to say "Life wasn't meant to be easy but it only gives you as much as you can handle" even if sometimes it doesn't seem like it.

Now let's all go roll in a truck load of baby dust :babydust2::babydust2:

Its **** isn't it :hugs:

Hopefully it wont take too long for our sticky bfp's :)

[giveitago]

I cried when i had my blood test this morning..... :o

It really didnt hurt much, but ijust dont like them!!


:o :o :o

Oh god,what am i going to be like with my internal ultrasound!!!!! :crying: :crying:

hahahahahahahahahahahhahaha!!!!
I've had 8 or 9 needles for blood tests and canula's. 4 normal ultrasounds. 1 physical internal. 1 view of my va jay jay (just cause the nurse wanted too). 1 D&C. 1. internal ultrasound. all in the past 7 days.

I dont think they could actually get anymore blood out of my body no matter how many needles they stick in me. I have cr@p veins.

[bumblytumbly]

[quote=giveitago;2816158]I've had 8 or 9 needles for blood tests and canula's. 4 normal ultrasounds. 1 physical internal. 1 view of my va jay jay (just cause the nurse wanted too). 1 D&C. 1. internal ultrasound. all in the past 7 days.quote]

Aren't the blood tests just a ball of fun :( I ended up with 2 huge bruises on both arms from 2 lots of blood tests in each, then they added a canula on the right arm to spread the bruise even further, and then the hospital needed more blood tests so they added to the bruise on the left arm. I was a walking bruise for a while there :laughing:

[giveitago]

[quote=giveitago;2816158]I've had 8 or 9 needles for blood tests and canula's. 4 normal ultrasounds. 1 physical internal. 1 view of my va jay jay (just cause the nurse wanted too). 1 D&C. 1. internal ultrasound. all in the past 7 days.quote]

Aren't the blood tests just a ball of fun :( I ended up with 2 huge bruises on both arms from 2 lots of blood tests in each, then they added a canula on the right arm to spread the bruise even further, and then the hospital needed more blood tests so they added to the bruise on the left arm. I was a walking bruise for a while there :laughing:
I still have afantastic bruise on the left arm and only let them take blood from the right at the moment.

I stand by that fact that the person who invents a HCG Monitor the same as used for blood glucose levels will be a bl00dy rich person. prick your finger, do the test, done :)