View Full Version : The "SMART" way to begin a family..???
There's a topic in the Young Parents forums on Bub Hub that has made me think about what other members think is the smartest way to begin a family.
Should it go:
Career then Kids
Kids then Career
It doesn't have to be what YOU did...there are plenty of things I've done in my life that weren't necessarily the optimal thing to do.
You can even add in little extras - like finding partners or buying a home to make it more interesting!
well i dont know how it should go... but this is how it went for me...lol
Met DH while at uni
Finished Uni (started 3rd year when DD#1 was 6 weeks old)
And now I'm doing a post graduate degree while on maternity leave.
hmmm we did it THIS way ... but only because we didn't have any surprise pregnancies :rolleyes:
I will definately be putting the kids before my career... but it helps that I have my degree first?? less juggling... with the stress of assignments etc.. now that I have my degree and a little experience I can put my career on hold for awhile :D
that is just our experience... quite traditional really... but not 'deliberate' we just rolled with the flow :)
I think it is such a personal thing. I personally, never had my sights set on any type of a career, all I ever wanted was to be a mum! I think a person can be well educated with or without formal education, with or without a career or career path. I have been to uni and am glad I have done, I may even do further study in the future, who knows. Different people need different things to feel fullfilled in life. That being said, I think it's probably to your advantage to have some life experience up your sleeve prior to having kids!!
Anyway, so far this is the order I have done it in......
work(certainly not career)
I don't think there is any 'right' way to do it at all.
Whatever works best for your given your circumstances, I figure. It would be very tiring if we were all the same...:thumbsup:
Well its such a personal choice,
Its funny some people I talk to wish they had waited to have kids and then some people wished they had of had kids earlier.
I am glad I did it this way as it made me the person I am today.
bought house with dh
Without getting into a debate for no real reson i will just say....
there is no right time for any one (to have the 1st, there is always something else to be done or paid or wat ever)
And when its ment to happen, it will surely happen! regardless of how much u want it or dont!
Thats my thoughts, and my experiances :thumbsup:
career (well wouldn't exactly call it a career - I worked for lawyers/barristers for 22 years as both a secretary/paralegal until I was 8mths preggers with DS)
bought a unit together in Sydney
paid unit off
bought investment property in QLD
if I could do it all over again I would have wished that I met DH 20 years earlier so that we could of had more than 1 child but I still would have kept what we've achieved together in the same order as I have done it.
I have a friend who had her 3rd child 6 weeks ago and is studying part time to be a school teacher. She's 23 and seems to be coping quite well. She wanted to have her children whilst she was young but also wanted to study whilst the kids were still at home so that when they went off to school she would then be able to get a job in the education system rather than wait to study until the kids were all in school. She seems to be managing very well, has a supportive DH, the kids are all healthy and happy and certainly are not affected by her decision to study whilst they are at home.
depends on what you are able to cope with. Some women can handle both a career and/or studying and children at the same time others can't so IMO it's not a matter of which way is right/wrong it's a matter of what works for you and your household and what you can cope with at the time.
This is how mine went
Bought a house
DS is 14months old and I just started working for the 1st time doing part time work.
Getting married June 2007 hoping no more babies till after that!!!
I don't think there is any 'right' way to do it at all.
Whatever works best for your given your circumstances, I figure. It would be very tiring if we were all the same...
Hear hear :smiliedance: :yelclap: :hugs: :thumbsup:
I have no idea what's next! :)
I don't think any one person is better off in the order they have done it. It's whatever you feel comfortable with and works for you.
Society sets the standard but we don't have to abide by it.
This is what I did......
I did all I wanted ( even some naughty things)
at 28 got a surpise with an unexpected pregnancy being married 3 yrs
had him and he has changed our life and taught me more about life than the uni degree I did 6 years earlier.
In my experience whatever you get dealt with in life you cope with and either you can make the best of it or think of it as a total mistake. Often I thought my son was sent from someone trying to punish me but everyday I can see him growing into a beautiful human which my husband and I are nurturing the best we can.
Isn't it true I thought I knew every thing at 19 then at 30 I know now I was so stupid back then to think like that. Everyday I am learning on my journey through life even when you get thrown a curve ball. While I am here (did my will today) I will do my best to raise a good person who I can be proud of.
Here's to all the parents doing the best they can!!!!:smiliedance:
here's our story so far -
move in together
dog (big committment)
now please soon one day baby :fingerscrossed:
Of course, career continued throughout all this.....
Well i personally feel that it should go in the order of :
move out together
I dont see career as an "important" part of life.... As long as im bringing in money and enjoying it....thats all i need, so thats why i didnt include it!
The way it happened for me :
Gave birth to beautiful Peter
Moved out from parents and renting.
So my life didnt exactly go as i thought it would, but i wouldnt change it as it all still feels right :):p :smiliedance:
I'm a traditionalist.. but it didn't go "traditional" for me!!
Moved in together
I started studying
Partly finished my study, took time off to work (to earn money to pay for rest of study)
Got back together
Got pregnant again
and here we are. :D
Haven't bought a house yet. Haven't worked at one job for longer than 2.5 years. Haven't got any qualifications (except a TAFE certificate 3 in Child Care). I studied Child Care, and to be honest, will never finish my studies or work in child care again. I don't have the passion to do it for the pittance you get paid. I have ENORMOUS respect for those who do.
I thought I was grown-up before I had Vallerie, but now know that I wasn't yet. I'm 27 now, I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up!!!! I'll probably study some more when I'm in my 30's, but if the only job I ever have is "mother" then I'll be a proud woman. :thumbsup:
who knows what's next???
I was right for *me*. We had the house paid off before we had Jade and now have no debt which enables me to be a SAHM.. which works very well for the way I wanted to raise my kid/s.
But I agree, that the *right* way is the way you want it, not a set formula that works for everyone.
OK, this is how I did it:
Started dating partner,
Finished High School,
Moved outta home,
Had another baby,
Gained 2 step daughters,
Moved in together,
Bought a car(we have 2 now),
Got a job.
We plan to buy a house next year. We're trying for a baby and I will continue to study and work(casual). Then when I finish my degree, bub will be a bit older and I can really start my career.
I thought that I would have my career first, but I'm happy it turned out this way, after we have this baby, it will be my last child, so I won't have to leave my career to have a baby, etc.
Story up until now has gone a bit different to how we really wanted it to be...
Lived, worked, travelled (enjoyed single life ;) )
Moved i'state w/ partner
TTC #1 and lost first bub
TTC #1 and lost second bub
Now hubby is o's for 6 months so TTC is on hold, but I plan on HOPEFULLY finishing my story like this when DH gets home...
TTC #1 and Healthy Pregancy & Bub
TTC #2 and Healthy Pregnancy & Bub
Complete degree in 12 years lol
Live Happily Ever After
Oh and buying a house would come in there somewhere too! lol :fingerscrossed: that my story ends that way
I think the optimum way for it to have gone would have been:
Tertiary Study and Part-Time Job
Full-Time Job to Save
Move Out Together
Maybe more kids later...
The way it went was...
1st tertiary course
2nd Tertiary Course and Part-Time Job
Fell Pregnant part way through 2nd course
I STILL haven't moved out because I'm super poor...lol. Well, I'm not. I could afford to move out...but it's really hard to GET somewhere to accept us..we've never rented before.
i think its each to there own....
for me definitely kids before career... all i ecer wanted to have kids:smiliedance:
this is how i did it...
had ds #1
looking at buying house.....
maybe next baby 2008:cool:
this is me:
met DH at 16 - platonic
met DH again - no longer platonic
six months off uni - nearly developed PND
more uni :D
then there will be:
probably a job...someday LOL
(i never want to leave uni LOL :D there are about three degrees i want, not including all the post-grad i'd like to do)
I don't think there is a right or wrong way, each person does it the way that works for them.
I don't think either way is smarter but I am a firm believer in the old statement...
No matter how much you think you are ready to have kids, you aren't and never will be.
Or something like that...
Because it is life changing once you have kids I don't think you can ever be truly prepared.
But I did it this way...
Study, kid, work (kind of career focused), kid - now I am considering being a SAHM until they go to school!!
I definatly dont think there is a right or wrong way casue It takes all types to make a world!
We however did it this way
Met at 14 satrted dating at 16
engaged at 19
married at 20
brought a house at 21
due for the first bubba n 16wks and Im 22
we both did apprenticeships so we both have a career at such a young age... Im happy with how we did it and CANT wait to finally be a mum!!!
I don't think there is one 'smart' way but I do think no matter what order you do things in it pays to be 'smart' and do the best with what you've got :)
Our way wasn't quite conventional but it has worked well for us
Both started uni
Met had relationship - 95
moved in together
got married - 97
DH grad uni
had 1st baby -98
I grad uni
DH first job/career
2nd baby - 2000
Me first job/career
3rd Baby -2004
Me worked p/t
Me 2nd uni course
hoping it ends like this
me - second job/career
DH - second job/career
I met hubby at highschool
went to uni
started "dating" hubby
was told couldnt have kids
were over the moon about "miracle" daughter
realised dr who told us we couldnt have kids was a quack
had son 15 months after daughter
were over the moon about "miracle" son
hoping like anything there isnt a third "miracle" for a long while yet!!
Trying to get shares in contraception companies
This is how its gone for me.....not the most ideal situation for anyone, I think i have crammed about 50 years into my 30 year life!!
Finish UNI :smiliedance:
Holy cow, Im exuasted just looking at that!!!:sleeping:
It wasn't how i always wanted it to go but im glad things have worked out the way they did, they have made me the person i am today :) I have always wanted to be a Mum, a career never really meant too much to me, i just wanted to marry and have a few kids and be a SAHM. This is how it went for me...
Met partner when i was yr 11
Started dating yr 12
Started working and studying
Still working and studying
Will stop working soon but will keep studying
Will continue studying and will be a SAHM when our lil girl arrives in June. I will be 19
May do some part time work if necessary
This is how it went for me:
Moved i'state for uni (was 17)
Worked part time/studied full time
Ended 3 yr relationship with boyfriend from 'back home'
Engaged (was 20)
Married (was 21)
Had son (was 22)
Sold house (was 23)
Bought another, moved
Due for 2nd baby in two weeks
I'm a Social Worker, DH is a Disability Worker/service manager
I am 24 and feeling like this will do me fine for a while! I'm a pretty happy girl and love being a young mum :smiliedance:
But I'm also real glad to have a good education and a passion for the work I have been doing.
I've just turned 25 and this isn't really where I saw myself (had I been asked 5 years ago) I don't really want to go back to my old job next year (I'm a teacher) and would like to start something new - but maybe being a mum is my new career??
Well... for me, I'm not that bothered about a career, but I do feel the need for creating my own security (and always being able to provide for my family) - so for me that means a gov't job :p and a house. I also wanted to travel and I have done that. DP and I were together for 11 years before we had our beautiful DS.
Yes - I would have liked to start having kids at 25, but it wasn't the right time for US.
Met DH in first year uni
Moved in together
Completed 2nd degree
Lived and travelled overseas
More travel, then return to Oz
Bought a house, career
part time career
I don't think there is a right or smart way to begin a family, but for me I'm glad that DH found each other while we were young (ie 18/19), so that we could finish, uni, travel overseas and have 10 years together before we 'settled' down with established careers and a mortgage, before our beautiful DD was born.
I find now that I'm a mum, I'm no longer as career driven, happy to work part time. I've got no regrets!!
For me it was...
Finished school at 16
Finished college at 18
Career from 18
Met and moved in with DH at 19 (he was 27)
Got engaged at 22
Got married at 23
Travelled at 23
Career til 28
Had DS 2/4/06 at 28
Working from home and having lots more babies 28 - ?!?!?
I agree there is no right or wrong way, it's what's right for you, and life isn't meant to be predictable. I never expected to meet my soul mate so young but I'm so glad I did. I'm also really glad we had nine years together before starting a family because we've been through so much and our relationship is so rock solid that we know there is nothing that can come between us. I know he is there for me unconditionally, which is so important when you're starting a family together. I'm also glad I have achieved alot of my career goals already, so if I never work again i will be fullfilled, same with travelling. In the future I hope to have at least two more children and also to experience more careers in different areas - but my children and family will always come first. So that's me!
for me it was:
year 12 at 17
tafe at 17 and half
met DP at 18
had DS at 18 (25/4/05)-6 weeks before my 19th
number to due in november 2006- at 20
we arent engaged or anything. but i know he wants to be with me (in his words not mine) "till you get ol and wrinkely and u need a wheelchair for your saggy bum" :laughing:
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