lonely

[chloe010988]

I just miscarried at 13 weeks. Im only 16 and it was so hard to decide whether or not to even keep this baby but i decided i would keep it. I really thought that i could offer this baby what it would need i was finally over the how-will-i-cope stage id even told my mum and dad. started getting really heavy bleeding last week to the point where i was faint my boyfriend took me to the doctor and he confirmed that i had lost the baby. i feel like i killed it cos when i first found out i just wished it would go wished it wasnt happening and now its not and i cant help but wish i could take back all those terrible thoughts. noone who hasnt experienced this could understand the devestation.
just wish i could hear from someone who knows how it feels

[pippa]

Hi Chloe,

I am so sorry to hear that you miscarried. I am 28 years old (a bit older than you) and I too lost my baby 3 weeks ago today. I was 7 weeks and 4 days pregnant so I know what you are feeling. But please don't feel like it was anything you did or thought that made you lose your baby unfortunatley it is just what happens some time. I thought the same things that you are probably thinking but it is just natures way. Maybe there was something wrong with the baby or something like that.

I know you must be really hurting but over time I have found it gets a little easier as days go by. You wil have your good days and your bad days, I am still having them but you do start feeling a little better. You will never forget your first baby he or she will always be a part of you.

Maybe it would help if you created some memories of the baby if you can. I bought a litlle box covered in angels and put all the little bits i had collected for our baby over the seven weeks i was pregnant and put them in the box. We are also going to buy a rose for the garden in memory of our litlle angel we lost.

All i can recommend is get lots of hugs and love form those around you who care and just give yourself time to heal. You are only young and Im sure just like me there are plenty of other little angels just waiting for us to be there mummy when the time is right.

Sorry it's a long thread but feel free to email me privatley if you need to chat.

Take care Pippa

[angie]

My name is angie and I lost my son kyle do to preclampsia now Im just feeling lost and sad I don't know what to do with myself the pain hurts so bad

[Lucybelle]

What a terrible thing to happen. I lost my baby at 12 weeks, and it was horrible. I'm not being rude but being so young would only make you feel very isolated. A woman never forgets a pregnancy, and no one here expects you to get over it in a flash. None of us have.....

Please, please, please stop blaming yourself and the negative thoughts. Just know, it was not the way you were thinking that caused this. When I lost my bubs I felt terrible because I had a lot of negative thoughts. I already had a 5 month old (who never slept) and I wasn't sure if I could handle it or not. Just as I decided I was actually very happy about it, bang, it was all over.

Lots of us have strong reservations about becoming preg - for all sorts of reasons, can we afford it, what will my parents/friends think, then go on to have babies we adore. It's natural to be worried about such a massive change and responsibility in your life no matter who you are or what the situation.

I'm just sorry you found out how crappy the world can be so early, but we do live to fight another day. Miscarriage happens to many of us. So now you belong to the club no one wants to join - but you will find warmth and understanding from all of us.

Hugs

[kiara]

Hi Chloe,

Sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my baby at 12 weeks. I too was very undecisive in the start about whether it was the right thing for me but I could never have terminated my pregnancy. I was 21 at the time. After 4 days of initial shock I wanted nothing more then to be a mum. I had organised everything and had bought heaps of stuff. I was actually shocked how much one person could buy in 6 weeks. I had no support from the father as he wanted nothing to do with either of us.

After I lost my baby I had so much support that I felt it was going to be ok, but at the same time I held everything in cause I didnt want people (especially my family to feel sorry for me) silly I know but I was protecting my stubborn pride.

Miscarriage happens for a reason and nothing you did or thought had an influence on what happened.


So now you belong to the club no one wants to join - but you will find warmth and understanding from all of us.

That is so true.

My heart is with you. Feel free to private messge me and if you want to talk I'll be more then happy to give you my email address

[rynosmum]

I too miscarried at 13 weeks. My husband was interstate when I found out and I don't think I have ever felt so alone. I was devastated as was he - at that point, you realise how quickly you build your life and future around the promise of the new addition !

That was the Easter weekend (2003). Since then we have been blessed with an adorable little boy who has just had his first birthday.

We will never forget our first little baby-to-be and I certainly shed a few tears each year on her anniversary - and believe that I always will. I remain however, acutely aware that if we hadn't lost her, we wouldn't have our beautiful little boy today.

K

[rubyred]

Hi Angie, we lost our baby Tessa to SIDS at 4 1/2 months almost 2 years ago. Although it doesn't feel like that long. The pain does lessen. Have you talked with SIDS? Our counsellor was great as was our doctor. Talking with my husband helped us both too. We now have a gorgeous 4 month girl and life is getting back on track. I do hope you talk with someone and know you aren't alone in your feelings. Try to keep positive. :)

[maybe1more]

This is an incrediblly sad thread, i have never experience a miscarriage, so really i dont have the right to be in here but i just wasnt to say how strong you women are, tears came to my eyes reading all your threads and i cant comprehend how painfully it would be to go thru the loss of your own baby. No one deserves to have to go thru this. All i can say is all your babys were all angels and god needed them more in heaven.They will always be in your hearts forever.

Mum to Connor 14/07/03 :)

[Joey]

I’m really sad to hear of your loss.

My wife Joanne miscarried at 13 weeks in Feb. last year. It was the most emotionally and physically devastating experience either of us has had to face. The wonderful advice and support you are receiving here and hopefully from your parents and friends, will go some way to assisting your recovery, but as Pippa says time will help heal. I found time by myself in the weeks immediately following, was more helpful than seeing and hearing from relatives and friends keen to offer condolences. A good cry at the most bizarre times of day also helped me feel better – the strangest things set me off!

Joanne and I also planted a lemonade tree in the back yard shortly after she arrived home from hospital - as something to remember the little fella by.

This probably hasn’t been much help, but I thought I’d let you know our best wishes are with you too.

Keep your chin up.

Andre and Joanne.

[reflect169]

you poor thing.

16 is such a confusing age as it is, ( i know, i was only there 2 years ago myself) but believe me, it does get better. slowly but surely, and as hard as it feels now, and a depressing as it all is, dont loose hope.

i miscarried at 16 too, and i didnt even know i was pregnant til i miscarried. i also aborted at 17, and earlier this year i lost one at 22 weeks(different partner), i know it sounds like a terrible load of things, but im still here, and so are you, u never know what would have been wrong wth your babay, remember, its not weather u decide to keep the child or not, its weather the soul is ready for this world.

your child is not all YOURS, your child has a mind of its own from conception, and is its own person, its not your fault it happened, chances are there was a chromosone problem. but my advice to you would be to talk to your partner all you can, my ex was a b*****d to say the least, and wouldnt tlk about it, infact he made himself not take notice of me telling him that i had a miscarrige, that was difficult.

feel free to pm me or email me at any time, it helps to talk, from my side too, your_band_sux@hotmail.com
these will be hard times, but it eases with time...

ami xxx :p