Im a wreck I really need advice

[miaz]

Hi everyone
I really need some advice from all the single parents in here. My daughter is now 8 weeks old. She is my angel and i love her so much. Her father left me after 5 years when i was 8 weeks pregnate. He threatned me if i didn't terminate he would kill himself and wanted nothing to do with the baby. I went through my entire preg alone with out a word from him. Even when she was born I sent him a text message to let him know and had no reply. The last time we spoke was when i was 8 weeks preg and he sent me a message saying "ill never forgive you for what you've done" (the preg wasn't planned by the way and I was just as shocked as he was to find out i was preg) I couldn't terminate so I had her. After all this time I just recieved a text off him then appoligizing for not getting in touch with me and saying he still can't get his head around it. He wants to know what part i want him to play in the babys upbringing. He said he is in no state mentally or financialy to be raising a child and what i want him to do ? ? ? ?
I was so shocked to get the text. To be honest I really just want him out of our lives so we can move on. Is that being selfish to my daughter though.Im so angry that he turned his back on us when we needed him. He didn't even acknowledge that she was born till now. He was a bit of a weed smoker when we were together and i def don't want her around that. Do I let him see her or do i tell him where to go? Its just so confusing cause I just wanna do whats right for her. Any advice please be brutally honest with me.

[Benji]

I would keep your DD away from him until he has had some serious help!

He will do more harm than good being in and out of her life and with suicide threats etc. It will break her little heart as she gets older.

[miaz]

thank you thats what i thought too but just felt like a needed an outsiders opinion. Its so hard being a parent you really just want whats right for ur child. thanks again :)

[lovingmotheract]

i would send a sms back saying you would love for him to get some help as later down the track your daughter will thank you and then when you have your head in the mind space that is safe for you to be around your daughter then you can spend some time with your daughter but i have to be there.

hows that.

[purplebutterfly]

I myself would ignore the message, change my mobile number and get on with my life.
What sort of person would threaten to kill himself when you tell him he is going to be a father? Even if it was a shock, that is a very extreme response.
I suppose it depends on your own feelings really and whether you want him around, you have to think of your dd and whether he will be in her life or not. If he is then it needs to be in a positive way or it will just cause more emotional torment for you.

[SPC]

Honestly, having spoken to a lot of people in this situation, I think his reaction actually sounds not that out of the ordinary. Men can be such drama queens! Only you can decide what is in your baby's best interests. I actually count myself lucky that my FOB just ran for the hills when I was four weeks pregnant and hasn't caused me any trouble.

You're a new mum and bound to be feeling vulnerable. How are his family? Do you have other support?

I've said to my FOB that I don't want financial support but that he can 'uncle' the baby, if he wants; come to the birthday parties etc but not make any decisions. I reckon he'll come back at some point and I'd rather that it be on my terms.
Just try to enjoy your baby!

[justme77]

men are knobs.

i would give him the opportunity to see her if i was you. hes showing an interest which is a hell of a lot more then some dads.
if he stuffs it up then you have something to go in the future when u say you want nothing to do with him anymore.

running away when you were pregnant isnt so shocking, and as for stating he'd kill himself, obviously he didnt. id say he was cranky and saying anything to try and get you to get rid of the baby.

i say give the bloke a chance- at least hes trying- you never know he may end up being a great dad for your daughter.

if you dont try youll never know.

[0BleSseD0]

I would not reply. I would just completely ignore him. :yes:

Or, if you want to you could offer to email or post him a photo. and see what he says/does after that.

I don't know.. If you do let him in.. I would do it slowly. Its not just you that has to deal with the consequences of having him around... Its your bub too.

[miaz]

I know ive got so much swimming around in my head at the moment. Im so scared of her getting hurt by him like he has hurt me so many times in the past. He is not the most reliable person. Its just so hard to know what to do. I told him straight out we could never be happy familys again.. its too late for that going through an entire preg alone and giving birth with out him there. Its just so hard cause just when i was getting strong again and thought we could move on with our lives bang he is there. My family are so annoyed with him for contacting me after so long. They don't want him to see my daughter at all. They justr want me to change my number and move on. I just can't understand why after so long he has made contact again. He didn't even reply to me when she was born. The other thing in my head is do i really have the right to cut him off from her life? Will she be angry at me when she is older? i just want whats best for her but am so confused on what is "best"

[miaz]

Ur so right. I think I will do that. We have been doing so well on our own. I have never been so happy and she is such a happy little girl that we really don't need a man to play with our hearts and lives anymore. Im thinking i might change my number just to withdraw him so we can move on and if he is serious about genuinely wanting to be a part of his daughters life its not that hard to find us. Im just not sure if he is playing games or not. Feels like he is bored in his life at the moment and thought "thats right i have a kid wonder what they r doing ill mess with them for a while". Such a drama queen. He was a pro at that when we were together. He also has not offered anything financially toward our daughter says he can't afford it however somehow he has the money to buy weed 4 himself ? ? ? ? That is one huge thing i will not tollerate being around my daughter. anyway ill see how it goes thanks everyone :hugs: