they want me to terminate

[lil miss]

I found out i was pregnant yesterday. I rang dp and told him and he was not happy. We spoke again last night, and he said he wants me to terminate the pregnancy (we already have a 10 month old dd)... which is something I dont think I can do, nor do I want to. I told my mum today, and she was even more angry than dp... she wants me to terminate as well. They are both really pushing me and I really dont want to go thru that. I know if I do, I will resent them for it. Dp also said if i decide to keep the baby, there is no point us being together. I dont know what to do!! They think that I wont be able to cope with another one, and dp and i are int he middle of sorting our debts (not that much) and stuff out. I am so confused!! My whole family thinks i should terminate... i'm the only one who doesn't want to!!!! Please help!!!

[moonblossom]

Hi, I think a lot of us have given you advice on your other thread

Take care :)

[Ffrenchknickers]

Far out brussel sprout:( How hard......hopefully dp will come around to the idea? You say you cant do it so stick to what you believe!

I dont know what to say :hugs: Congrats on your pregnancy:hugs:

[motherof4]

i think you should do what is right for you not everyone else :thumbsup:

[bootiful]

what a scary issue to face.. :hugs:

personally, and that is all i can comment on really, i would seriously think about what life with another baby so soon would mean, financially, emotionally, physically etc. Do a pros and cons list if need be.

you also need to think, (sounds harsh sorry) is this worth losing your partner. i have had a termination before and i can say you do get over it in time, there are some days when you wonder what if you had done different, but i know from my experience that my life would be a mess if i kept the baby.

normally your family is there to support you but as they against your thoughts maybe talk to a councillor or your child health nurse.

these decisions are never easy, hence why doctors push birth control after having a baby like lollies.

i wish you all the best and only you know what is right for you and your family.

[♥Heaven Sent♥]

OMG if my partner or mother TOLD me to terminate a pregnancy i'd definitely be telling them if they don't want the baby in their life then they don't have a relationship with me.

That is just my opinion,no one can force you to do something you don't want to do :hugs:

[ComeBackKid]

Just to comment on angelbaby's post... You will only 'get over' a termination if it is something you wanted or were comfortable with in the first place. You will not get over a termination if it is not something you want. And is it worth losing your partner? You dont deserve to be with someone that will abandon you if you dont terminate. Whether you terminate or not you deserve a much better partner and a much better father for your child/ren.

[ComeBackKid]

OMG if my partner or mother TOLD me to terminate a pregnancy i'd definitely be telling them if they don't want the baby in their life then they don't have a relationship with me.

That is just my opinion,no one can force you to do something you don't want to do :hugs:


EXACTLY! :iagree::yelclap:

It is your body, your baby, your future. You are already this baby's mother and you are in control of the decisions you make for 'it', your other child and yourself.

[2sweetgirls]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:What an awful situation you are in.

I was 19 when i had a 9 month old and fell pregnant. We are doing great. Pm me ANY TIME

[cocobambino]

Just to comment on angelbaby's post... You will only 'get over' a termination if it is something you wanted or were comfortable with in the first place. You will not get over a termination if it is not something you want. And is it worth losing your partner? You dont deserve to be with someone that will abandon you if you dont terminate. Whether you terminate or not you deserve a much better partner and a much better father for your child/ren.
:iagree: completey you deserve better, dont terminate your pregnancy to keep other people happy

[ComeBackKid]

I fell pregnant when I was 15 and had a termination. It ruined my life and I deliberately fell pregnant when I was 17 to have my replacement baby. When my DS was 4 months old I fell pregnant again accidentally. Life is hard and we certainly don't have any spare cash. But I can tell you that what ruined my life was terminating when I didnt want to, not having two babies (especially so close in age). It can be done. It isnt easy, but either is coping with an unwanted and forced termination. Read my termination diary and you can see how much I am struggling 5 years on, even though I have my 'replacement baby'. Also, read the thread in the termination section about GOOD outcomes of unintended pregnancy.

I am not telling you which way to go either. But you need to trust your instincts and only do what you want to do. PM if you want to talk.

[♥Heaven Sent♥]

If they cannot allow you as mother to protect your child than who can ? :( thats so sad

[bootiful]

Just to comment on angelbaby's post... You will only 'get over' a termination if it is something you wanted or were comfortable with in the first place. You will not get over a termination if it is not something you want. And is it worth losing your partner? You dont deserve to be with someone that will abandon you if you dont terminate. Whether you terminate or not you deserve a much better partner and a much better father for your child/ren.

i think you misunderstood my post....i was implying that life does go on, and it may seen like your world will end if you lose your baby, but you do manage.

and for the record, i didn't want to terminate, my partner at the time, my parents and everyone who knew told me i would be an idiot, living in a homewest dump on the dole if i went through with it (worst case senarios in my family). in the end i didn't want to lose my partner and be kicked out of home, i was only 17 at the time.

i do agree that only you know what is right and you shouldn't do things to please other people, but a baby is not a light decision and in the end we must live with all our decisions.

my comments are meant with the warmest compasion, its hard to know this from text on a screen. in the end, you will do what is right for you, i guess that is the bottom line.

[Teley]

And what right do they have to tell you these things?

You are the baby's mother. YOU make the decisions.

What they are doing is called emotional blackmail.

I'm sorry, but it just makes my blood boil. If a man cannot stand by his pregnant partner, than what exactly is he good for?

It is YOUR decision. Imagine the joy you will feel when you hold that baby in your arms; imagine the joy both your little ones will have when they are growing up close together in age:smiliedance:.

Congratulations on the pregnancy:hugs:.

[forbetoel]

Stick to your guns. It is your baby, and it is you who has to live with your decisions.

And I don't agree that woman eventually 'get over' the termination of thier baby. Some may, but for others it is a life long sentence. You have to think long and hard. It is your baby we are talking about.

[naebie]

I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like an awful spot to be put in.
Like others have said, it is your body, your baby, and your emotional state that is at risk here, and you are going to have to live with your decision for the rest of your life.
Your DP should realise that it "takes 2 to tango", and he should support your decision- I'm not trying to make light of the situation but what would he do if you told me that you wanted him to have a vasectomy- In a way it is a similar scenario.

I had a termination as a teenager, and while I thought it was the best thing to do at the time, there are times when I really regret it. I am not trying to scare you out of it, but my termination left me with a (rare) complication- 'Cervical Incompetence'. This caused me to miscarry my second pregnancy at just over 16 weeks.

Whatever your decision, YOU have to be the person who makes it. :hugs:

[Emi]

first of all sending you lots of hugs!!!!

i think you should do what you feel is right!!! go with your instincts!!! and trust them!!! its your body, your life and your baby!!!

only you can make a decision that you can you can live with!!!

good luck hun!!!

[bubbleyblossom]

I cannot believe they are telling you to do this!
There are so many things I want to say but cant on here!
Firstly, it is your body, you are carrying this baby, not them so they cannot tell you to do something to your body.
I cannot begin to imagine what you are thinking hun!
We are all here if you want to talk.
And congratulations on your pregnany hun! Only you can choose what you want to do

[Sarahmum24]

Just sending you lots of :hugs:, and I agree you should only do what is right for you.

[Lilyloo]

Just to comment on angelbaby's post... You will only 'get over' a termination if it is something you wanted or were comfortable with in the first place. You will not get over a termination if it is not something you want.

I agree, that you need to think long and hard about this. Many people never 'get over' a termination. The pain, regret and guilt can stay with a person for a very long time.

:hugs:

No one can tell you what to do- I hope you make the right decision.

x

[munchkins]

Just to comment on angelbaby's post... You will only 'get over' a termination if it is something you wanted or were comfortable with in the first place. You will not get over a termination if it is not something you want. And is it worth losing your partner? You dont deserve to be with someone that will abandon you if you dont terminate. Whether you terminate or not you deserve a much better partner and a much better father for your child/ren.


I fell pregnant when I was 15 and had a termination. It ruined my life and I deliberately fell pregnant when I was 17 to have my replacement baby. When my DS was 4 months old I fell pregnant again accidentally. Life is hard and we certainly don't have any spare cash. But I can tell you that what ruined my life was terminating when I didnt want to, not having two babies (especially so close in age). It can be done. It isnt easy, but either is coping with an unwanted and forced termination. Read my termination diary and you can see how much I am struggling 5 years on, even though I have my 'replacement baby'. Also, read the thread in the termination section about GOOD outcomes of unintended pregnancy.

I am not telling you which way to go either. But you need to trust your instincts and only do what you want to do. PM if you want to talk.




:iagree::yelclap::yelclap::yelclap::yelclap::iagre e:

[Zara15]

Terminating a pregnancy is a very personal and private decision... it is not somthing that is done by group consensus!

NO ONE has the right to tell you that you should have an abortion. And NO ONE has the right to try and emotionally blackmail you into making a decision that you are not comfortable with. Bluntly you dp sounds like a selfish *******! (can I say that?? Sorry if I cant!) Who does he think he is demanding that of you and threatening to end the relationship if you dont follow his command? You are better off without him cause sweetie if he is making controlling threats like that then the relationship is doomed anyways. If he honsetly loved you then he would support you and the decision to keep the baby BOTH of you made. His attitude makes me SO MAD!!!!!! :mad: I cant evenbelieve he would think he had the right to ask that of you.... but to blackmail GRRRR he makes me :barf:.... he isnt a man he is a little boy!

As for your mum, she'll get over it. Mums tend to panic and overreact. But im willing to be when it comes to the cruch she will be there for you.

I say keep the baby and terminate the dp... he is a losser anyways and you deserve much better... and so do your kids!