sick of "those" looks

[sharvs]

My DF and I have a 4 month old son. I am 26, he is 25. Both my partner and I are blessed (or cursed) with looking a lot younger than what we are. Whist I was pregnant, and now we have DS, we get alot of disapproving looks from people because they think we are too young to have a baby. I know it doesnt matter what they think, & somedays I dont care at all but other times it really bothers me. I suppose one day I will be thankful for looking younger than I am, maybe when I hit 30!

[Jem]

know how your feeling.....
days when i need to run down to coles with the 3 kids... one in the trolley (food part) one in the baby seat part, and one dragging behind.....lol
i always feel as though ppl are shaking there head in disapprovement :mad:

[Mum&bubs]

Yep i get the same thing because I am only 18 espeically at play group all the older parents look at me like i dont have a clue what im doing & dont deserve to have a baby it will probably get worse when my belly starts growing...

[Starlet]

I hate it too. It drives me insane! Especially when my 2 stepdaughters are out with us because people tell me I look 16(I'm 22), so we have 4 kids with us that all look like that could be siblings and yeah...I usually get the looks when one of them is crying...ugh.

[ann n mick]

my sister goes on and on that she is so good but she is 27 and has 2 kids she only looks like she is 17 me on the other hand i look my age im only 19

[Jackson84]

i try not to notice...and i remind myself that when all the older mum's are 80 and still have teenagers, i will be clubbing in london. LOL hehehehe

[Femme-Fetale]

Well hello Jackson, now i know where else ur going in your net time haha :laughing:
Anyhow, now to the topic of convo

Im 25 now and i have a near on 11 mth old but i must say i dont really get any looks, i mean i dont look old, but nor do i look way young either, i guess im just a typical 25 yr old.
The one time i have been started and scoffed at was by a old couple, (50-60 ish) so i thought i'd better enlighten them
I went over to them and gave them to biggest smile with the most polite hello and intro'd myself ina very respectable manner, just so they could see not all young ppl are all about 'yo wassup dawg' and that jazz, that we are actually capable of a real conversation too!
They were a bit taken back but happily responded etc, followed on with how cute my son is, and where is the father.
Thats where the fun began.
I told them i am no longer with the father, that i askd him to leave becoz he had broken the laws of any r/ship. They werent liking that too well but understood it. Then they asked how do i cope, it must be hard on my own and being young too. I asked her how old she was when she got married and had kids, and she said 17. i said "right, so now wat gives u the right to pass judgement on any woman of any age for having a child??"
Well, haha, yea that really didnt go down to well.
So maybe next time ur getting the evil-steves, just mention that those ppl prob had their kids quiet young too, and age is a number, not a barrier! :ecomcity: Oh well ive rambled on so much now havent i

Oh forgot to say, HI IM ROZA haha, and im new, i use another website forum but was suggested to come join a few of you here that i know from the other site, so i have :D I run the young mums section on the other site and mod singles AND young parents too, so this will be nice here, just being a regular memeber!
Hi to all, and lok forward to getting to know u more :smiliedance:

[Maghan]

You should see the looks we get when we "elephant walk" the six kids through Coles to grocery shop! People will look at me, look at DH, count the kids, look at the oldest kid, look at DH, look at me and then shake their heads.

They don't know you, so it doesn't matter what they think, let those people judge, it would be all they have in their pathetic little lives!

[WeThree]

this topic has got me thinking about a point someone made in another thread, how often are people really looking at you disapprovingly? and how often is it more that you percieve it to be so, because you are feeling self conscious about something? i know when i am out with my kids i dont think anyone gives us a second glance, and if they do i am to busy with the kids and shopping etc to notice:confused: i just find it hard to imagine that there are so many people out there who care how old a mum is, i understand that there are some out there who look twice when they see a really really young girl pushing a pram, but for the most part i think most people are just going about their day the same as you and when you think they are looking at you disapprovingly they are probably thinking 'gee did i remember detergent?' or 'gosh i need to go to the toilet' anyway the point im trying to make is that sometimes we project our own insecurities onto others and that maybe we shouldnt always look so much into it, im sure most people are just admiring what a lovely little family you are. :)

[Maghan]

this topic has got me thinking about a point someone made in another thread, how often are people really looking at you disapprovingly? and how often is it more that you percieve it to be so, because you are feeling self conscious about something? i know when i am out with my kids i dont think anyone gives us a second glance, and if they do i am to busy with the kids and shopping etc to notice:confused: i just find it hard to imagine that there are so many people out there who care how old a mum is, i understand that there are some out there who look twice when they see a really really young girl pushing a pram, but for the most part i think most people are just going about their day the same as you and when you think they are looking at you disapprovingly they are probably thinking 'gee did i remember detergent?' or 'gosh i need to go to the toilet' anyway the point im trying to make is that sometimes we project our own insecurities onto others and that maybe we shouldnt always look so much into it, im sure most people are just admiring what a lovely little family you are. :)

Not me, not insecure, I think I read people quite well. I should've probably mentioned, we do get nice looks and smiles too!

[*Chels*]

yes i agree with erin,maybe you are just jumping to conclusions?im 22 with a 6mnth old son and i dont think anyones ever given me a "look".if they did,i would kick their *** :laughing: hehe just kidding.dont worry bout silly old biddys,you are all great,youthful mummys!!

[WeThree]

hey maghan, i wasnt talking about you personally, and i was also just talking generally, that sometimes lots of us can for instance, feel fat, so we think everyone is thinking we are fat, or the kids are playing up so we think everyone is thinking what a hopeless mum we are.
i dont doubt that you and your little ducklings get lots of smiles:thumbsup:

[Maghan]

Hi Coops, I wasn't cranky, it was a bit tongue in cheek! :p

[Jackson84]

well, i dunno how often it happens to me, but i have noticed it.

once, when i was pg and at the checkout at the super market chatting to the bloke behind the counter (we went to primary school together) i mentioned that i was pg and engaged, and the little old ladyt standing next to me said,
"so are you happy about the baby?"

WTH? i mean, i wasnt complaining. i was updating and old friend about what was going on. if i was 30, would i have gotten the same comment, in the same tone of voice?

[SassyMummy]

When I was in ante-natal classes, there was a young girl who was only 15 and was about to pop any day (she didn't even complete all the classes because she had her bub). She was LOVELY though and I'm certain she would make a terrific mother.

I must say that I've never really gotten too much of a look from anyone regarding my age. I think if anyone said anything to me, it would be someone who knew me. Mostly because teenage mothers have a stigma attached...as being some drugged-up skank who hasn't got 2 brain cells to spare and who is sleeping around with anyone she can. I was a "smart" girl at school...so I'm sure a lot of people are surprised that i have a little one.

Actually, my friend Felicity informed me the other day that she bumped into an old schoolmate (not schoolFRIEND...just someone we sort of knew). When she told this girl that I had a baby, the girl replied: "Well she's f***ed up then isn't she?"

When I heard about it I was really furious. How dare she make assumptions about my life based on one tiny fact: that I'm a mother?

If anything, I sometimes feel ABOVE my peers (not my friends...just some people my age who I know and generally don't like...lol) because I feel that I am actually somehow contributing to life...whereas they just get drunk each weekend and work at Coles (nothing wrong with that of course...but you get my point).

I DO look down on some mothers...but I have good reason to. Most of them have:
*About 20 kids by age 25
*Are scraggy looking
*Manage to multi-task: Smacking kids up the side of the head whilst swearing and smoking at the same time
*Are just generally unfortunate and imcopetent as mothers

Perhaps I'm still a snob for doing so - but so what. They're practically asking to be judged.

Anyway...

Just ignore stupid old bats having their say. It's more than likely they'd popped out 2 by the time they were your age (only it was more accepted back then...).

[shed]

well, i dunno how often it happens to me, but i have noticed it.

once, when i was pg and at the checkout at the super market chatting to the bloke behind the counter (we went to primary school together) i mentioned that i was pg and engaged, and the little old ladyt standing next to me said,
"so are you happy about the baby?"

WTH? i mean, i wasnt complaining. i was updating and old friend about what was going on. if i was 30, would i have gotten the same comment, in the same tone of voice?

Umm, yeah, you probably would have. I am 36, DP is 39 and one of his old mates asked him if "this is what he wants" when told about the baby. I was indignant, but then I realised, he was just asking, because who really knows how other people feel?

Don't worry, its just stupid people. Sometimes I feel paranoid about being pregnant and so old. Its just paranoia, I feel like people are going "ooh look at that old boiler up the duff!".

So I am on the other end of the spectrum.

Oh, and by the way, enjoy your clubbing in London (previous comment). Been there done that, but as a sexy twenty-something, not as a wrinkly 40 year old like you'll be LOL (just joking!!).

[diamonds22]

I haven’t had any looks yet..Though to be honest I really don’t even notice anyone when I’m at the shops.

I do have to say though, I was sitting next to an elder lady at the shops (umm 70ish?) and I noticed a very young teenager struggling to push a pram in her heels and in a boob top, ..all I was thinking that it was great that she’s confident enough to keep wearing her normal clothes and she looked like she was struggling but had everything under control...anyway I seen the 'elderly lady' give her a look that I swear if looks could kill... well you get my point then as the teenager walk past she 'tsks' (hehe don't know how to spell...you know the noise with your make when you disapprove of something!)
and then said under her breath 'disgusting' (loud enough for her to hear) The poor girl looked like she was going to cry...so I got up looked down at the older woman and said 'no your disgusting' said to the girl 'your doing a great job and you look hot!' then walked off.

I have to say I find it hard to respect elder people when they can just be so down right rude..as far as i’m concerned, respect needs to go both ways.

If you are getting the 'looks' girls (and I don't doubt that unfortunately sometimes you are) walk straight with your head held up high you have nothing to be ashamed of!!

:hugs:

[jessgray]

when ii took DS to the dr's a few days ago 2 ederly women stared at me as i sat down with DS.i know i look about 15 even though i am almost 20:laughing: i mean sure i get that but they didnt have to stare and really obviously talk about me.

DS had a jumpsuit on and a dressing gown coz i wasnt going to dress him up in something hard to get off just so it took ages 4 the poor dr to check him. anyway DS was tired and was crawling round and laid on the floor and the old woman said to the one she came with " look at that baby she cant even control him"

DS ended up falling asleep on my lap. but i was so peeved by those women. normally we just get the smiles and people chatting away to DS:laughing:

[Ruby Slippers]

You should see the looks we get when we "elephant walk" the six kids through Coles to grocery shop! People will look at me, look at DH, count the kids, look at the oldest kid, look at DH, look at me and then shake their heads.

They don't know you, so it doesn't matter what they think, let those people judge, it would be all they have in their pathetic little lives!


:laughing: My Mum had 8 children , and she still looks good , well when i was young and it was christmas morning , we would line up at the door , to get to the lounge room , where the christmas presents where under the tree we looked like a tour group :laughing: ,

and I used to go shopping with my mum when i was younger and she would have , two trolleys many people would give us funny looks but hey we had to go food shopping too.:D

[Jackson84]

i know that DH doesn't get any looks except "ooooooooooooh, isn't that adorable!"

there is something about young blokes (or any bloke) with babies that makes women go goey. LOL

it's not just the old people who give look/make comments.

a girl i went to uni with, when she found out i was pg and engaged said to me, "oh, i really don't understand why people want to have kids, or get married. it makes no sense. oh, but, if you want to, i hope you're happy."

my other friends who were with me commented to me about it later, how it was such a rude thing to day.

[Lollie]

there is something about young blokes (or any bloke) with babies that makes women go goey. LOL
You got that right! On one occassion I went to the toilet and when I came out there was a single mum chatting DH up, I walked straight up to him and planted a kiss on his cheek and introduced myself as his wife, she left almost immediately.

Happens quite regulary here, I have to practically beat them off with a stick when he's with Corey by himself. Can't say I blame them, he is very good looking :D Should be very interesting to see just what they'll think when he has twins and a little boy with him :laughing:

[jessgray]

my DP gets the "oh isnt he adorable "comments from women when he takes DS somewhere. we were once at kfc i was there with DP and DS and DS was about 4 months old at the time and DP was holdign him and the gilr over the coutner sat there chatting up DP who thought it was funny coz according to him he is old and off the market :laughing:

[Femme-Fetale]

its funny for me becoz u can cleary see my son has mixed backgrounds, as he is a nice tannish colour. (dad is dark and im not)
Now im dating a guy and when he is with my son, ppl look at him, then me and think of who's kid is it and where is the real father or mother :D :D

[bec79]

a girl i went to uni with, when she found out i was pg and engaged said to me, "oh, i really don't understand why people want to have kids, or get married. it makes no sense. oh, but, if you want to, i hope you're happy."

my other friends who were with me commented to me about it later, how it was such a rude thing to day.


In my experience it's usually the people who are jealous of you who make comments like this. They are so scared that they will "never find Mr. right" or "never get it together" that they act like they don't won't to. Sounds like she is palming her insecurities off on you!!

[liah]

Sassymummy- you pretty much summed up exactly what i wanted to say and feel exactly the way i do. I am lucky enough to look alot older than i am so people just assume im older (im too scared to tell them) Id love people to know that not every "young mum" is steriotypically the same. There is no age limit on being a mother as long as you are a good one. I know (just know dont like) a young mum who is every bit of the stereotype. She sits at home and brings in the single parent dole, her 3 year old goes to daycare everyday(even tho she doesnt work), she doesnt know who his father is, he eats macdonalds everyday, she is too lazy to toilet train him, there is dirty nappies all over the floor of her car, she never plays with hims and she dresses with no respect for herself ( like a 2 dollar hooker) Now i dont want to be put into a category with her. I just wish people would see that not all younger mums are the same! :shame:

[CJandMum]

I am originally from America and I knew so many girls who were pregnant in high school. You could walk around in the mall and see all the ladies who were pregnant were young. I find that in Australia it's almost taboo to become pregnant until you finish your degree and have two years experience..:ecomcity: so don't take it personally.. I am blessed/cursed with looking young plus I am only 5 feet tall. When I become pregnant, I expect the looks. Hopefully, it won't bother me too much...:confused: Keep your head up girls.. they are probably looking in jealousy.. I only look because I like to see really cute bubs..:D

[jessi]

a girl i went to uni with, when she found out i was pg and engaged said to me, "oh, i really don't understand why people want to have kids, or get married. it makes no sense. oh, but, if you want to, i hope you're happy."

my other friends who were with me commented to me about it later, how it was such a rude thing to day.

i had this kinda thing happen to me also!! But from my best friend! When I told her DF and I had gotten engaged, the first thing she said was "are you pregnant?"... I was like "what, do you have to be pregnant to get engaged do you??" and she said no, but then gave me a big speil about how unhappy I am going to be, and that I was making a BIG mistake, and how I needed to do some soulsearching and feel complete in myself before I went off and did this and how she thinks i have depression and why would i want to get myself into something like this when im not even happy...

I was appalled... You expect support from your best friend, not her trying to talk you out of it.

When she found out I was pregnant though, she was calling and organising to visit and taking me out to dinner etc... I think almost expecting that I was going to complain to her about being unhappy, and she could say I told you so.