Depression and anxiety in 10 year old..?? (long and confusing)

[CJJHRA]

I am really at a loss of what to do with my (almost) 10 year old son, hes a real tuff nut to crack.

He has been seeing the school phsyc now for about two years (well they really only see him once a term, and they, I mean, have changed people 3 times)

Anyway, he never likes to smile (thinks he looks silly) He very rarely shows any emotion to anyone (he does to a point with us, but gets anngry if we happen to make him laugh or smile) Its really hard to tell how he is feeling by just looking at him, he looks so I dunno, sad I guess you can say, but yet when he's asked, he says hes having a good time.

He's doing rather well at school, very good actually (that is when he chooses he wants to do the work!) he scores good in spelling and Maths, getting like 97% and all, but yet he feels he is stupid and hasnt done good enough.

He did PEAC testing in year 4 and got in (like his elder brother did) so theres no real problem that he doesnt understand the work there again, but the first lesson he got there, he just stared at every body, and refused to join in with getting to know you games where he had to be a part of a group.

The next week he didnt go to school because he made himself sick with worry about his PEAC classs in the afternoon.

I rang and spoke to the co-ordinator and she promised that the teacher wouldnt bring him up so attention was bought to him and he didnt have to out loud answer questiosn and she would go to him on the side kind of thing... now thats what he needs, but at the same time I think its highly unfair on the other kids, and they would pick on him for getting 'special' attention.

The week after, he promised me he would give it one more go, but he got next to the door, and his throat strted burning and he got a sore stomach (his words) and went back to his normal class, then proceeded to get in trouble and refused to join in with group activities and got sent to the office and refused to speak and say what the problem was ( they are used to his ways in the office). Then after school instead of coming home, he hid from me until it was time for PEAC to finish (PEAC goes 30 minutes longer than school hours)

and this is where alot of the problem lies, its very hard for him to adapt to new people, and he wont acknowledge that they are there, and you would look at him and think he is totaaly not taking in anything, but he does, he takes in everything and analyses it all.

Hes very easily upset, he gets upset over news when he hears someone has died, or been hurt and he really feels sad over it all and sometimes makes himself feel sick over it, very over emotional. I think to a point its good, shows hes caring, but it really eats into him and he starts to feel really bad wishing there was something he could do for them.

He said to me, if we won lotto, can we please give it all away to those that need it, he said, ok, we can buy a house, but nothing more because there are people that need it more.. what 10 year old think like that??

He says he wishes he wasnt here, he doesnt actually say he wishes he was dead, just that he wasnt here, and he will hide his head under a pile of pillows and blankets, or go off and hide. Now if I go look for him, he says dont bother, and if I dont, he just goes, see, hate me, I want you to hate me.

I think hes too smart for his own good, because there is just no winning with him, he's always one step ahead, I just cant answer him! becuase its damned if you do and damned if you dont. Lets see, whats and example of what hes done (DH has the tv too loud and I am finding it hard to think right now).. umm...

anyway, the new school phsyc said she thinks he needs to see a clinical phsycologist.. so I went to the DR's today asking for a referal Now I am thinking, is it just the way he is, or is there really something not right, what can/will a phsyc do anyway?

Is he depressed?
Is he over anxious?
Is that just him?
what is normal?

I'm just LOST!

[nemosmum]

Hi,

your son sounds like his a wonderfully complicated little soul:)

I havent had much experience with 10 year old boys Im afraid but I know as a child I suffered from depression and anxiety from as young as 4 yrs old (well thats my first memory of having those feelings)

I wonder what you dh thinks? I mean he was once a 10 yr old boy:D

I would be seeking counselling for your son, at school it sounds kind of like a quasi effort to help your son. I mean how is he going to open up and discuss problems with someone when they keep changing the counsellor and only offer to talk once a term???

I would look at getting a really good child psycologist (sp :o )

Your son seems like a beautiful child who just feels things really deeply and maybe he needs to learn to relax and enjoy life, but its not easy so he may need that extra help iykwim.

I wish you and your son all the best.
and keep us updated:)

[Tea Lady]

That does sound like unusual behaviour for a 10yr old boy to me (I used to teach 10 yr olds). I think seeing a clinical psychologist is an excellent idea - it would be a good idea to see one who you know is good with kids (if you know anyone else who has taken their kids to one it might be good to see it they can recommend someone). In the meantime, don't be hard on yourself if you can't "change" him - you will probably get some good ideas from a professional about how to deal with him at home.

It's so hard when kids seem unable to interact appropriately with others - I hope you get some good answers from the psychologist. :hugs:

PS can I just say how lovely it was to hear that you were worried about his treatment might seem unfair to the other kids - there are surprising few parents who consider the needs of the rest of the class when their child needs special help :thumbsup:

[CJJHRA]

Thanks for the replies.



PS can I just say how lovely it was to hear that you were worried about his treatment might seem unfair to the other kids - there are surprising few parents who consider the needs of the rest of the class when their child needs special help

I know how hard it is (with having 6 kids) and you just cant afford to treat them differently at times, it becomes too hard, and if you treat one child different, they all want it, and pick up on it, and think, well, what makes them so special. I know to a point, with my kids, they understand to a point, but they do feel they get less attention at times, and they will then start to copy J's behaviour, as they think thats what they have to do to get noticed.

I have had talks with his teacher (he's thankfully got a really good teacher this year, and the treacher hasnt really had too may problems with him) Its a male teacher, so I think perhaps he gets on better with him, he seems to have more patience with the kids, and everything (one of the most fav teachers in the shcool for everyone)

I know I have to get J help, as like I said, the younger kids are starting to copy him, and the eldest is really worried that he will actually start hurting himself when hes older, or worse, actually do him self in.

Just have to wait to hear back, the DR told me if I havent heard my Wednesday, to give them a call.

Lucky when I went to the DR's J just sat there and stared and glared, and didnt say aword, so I didnt look like I was making it up kinda thing. SOme how I feel I havent been doing stuff with him like I should, but then I look at the other kids and they all seem pretty ok with it all. The eldest is shy, but thats it, hes just shy, and he will answer and smile etc.

I know he doesnt just behave like that at school, its at home (not as much, but it still happens) and at my mums (again not as much at school, but it does happen)

Certainly I suppose, he does need help in learning to deal with his feelings.

I dont know anyone here whos seen any phsycs etc.

The school one he is seeing this year, is actually very good, and suprisingly, J likes her (and I must say I feel more confident with her too) THe one last year, to me, didnt have enough experience, and J knew it too, he had her figured out more than she did him

[Tea Lady]

I hope you get some answers soon Alannah's mum. Keep us posted won't you? :hugs:

[CJJHRA]

Just updating, hes on the waiting list, which could be 12 months, but the school psychologist is going to give them a call and see if she can push it foward, as I got a referal from our local GP.

[Tea Lady]

I hope he does get in sooner :hugs: