too harsh? advice needed please!!

[jag5000]

hi there,

I could really do with some advice please. My DD (9yrs old, grade 4) is a good kid, but we have been having issues with her lately. They are pretty normal, things that most kids do at some stage I believe. Like lying, not being very organised, doing things a bit 'half-arsed' kinda stuff. We have talked to her until we are blue in the face, taken away TV and computer rights etc.

so today after school - she tells me "oh, btw we have an excursion tomorrow", I say "um, I don't know anything about it. Where's the notice about it?", "in my schoolbag" she says. So later when we are home I ask her to get the notice, she looks and says she can't find it, then says "oh Mr.B said we can just bring a note saying we are allowed to go" ... now, I know full well that not only would this teacher never say this, isn't also illegal. I asked her was that the truth...she said yes. I gave her one last chance and again she said yes. I told her that I will be asking the teacher about that tomorrow...she tried to backpedal, and in the end admitted that was a lie.

so.. what do we do? I have sent to to her room to go to bed early right now. What I can't decide is do I let her go to school with no notice and therefore miss the excursion (if students do that they have to spend the day in the office or in another classroom I think) - or - do I go to school in the morning and get a new notice and sign it, so she can go?

I don't want her to miss it - but want her to learn a lesson

what would you do?

[Myztik]

Well if you hadn't gotten the truth out of her she'd miss out anyway as she wouldn't have a permission slip signed iykwim.

Personally I'd make her miss out. She is old enough to know that she has to give you the forms to sign and also old enough to know that lying is wrong.

[KatiesMum]

Yeah - sorry to say I would make her miss it too - for the lying about it.

:hugs: (will be harder for you than her)

[punkbaby]

My ten year old did this quite a lot, forgot to give me notices or forgot to remind me of special days at school (dress up, footy days, etc) even though i used to read the newsletter i didnt get it till a week later LOL.

She learnt the hard way and now she always hands me her notes. She knows if she throws something at me at the last minute then she doesnt get to go and she knows i wont go cooking something or helping her make an outfit for special days the night before. Yep call me a horrible mummy but hey, she soon learnt that notes were there for a reason :) despite asking her every night if she had notes and having her say no when there was, she soon worked out its alot easier to throw it on the bench (the note spot)

JMO but at that age i think that they are old enough to remember notes :) and not lie about it

[WorkingClassMum]

I'd send her to school and not let her go on the excursion.

I'd also send a note to the school, expalining to her teacher why she's not going and ask for a "receipt".

It's a horrible lesson to learn - but she's done this to herself and really it's the only way some kids do learn - to miss out.

I wouldn't want my child to miss out either - but it's not your doing - the life lesson learnt is just as important as the excursion.

And yes - it'll be harder on you than her

[jag5000]

thanks heaps for the replies and advice ladies

oooh, I think I'm going to have to do it! send me "be strong, it's for her own good" vibes.

this parenting a pre-teen gig sucks sometimes!!! :crying::laughing: - gimme a newborn anyday!

good to know the lesson worked your DD punkbaby - I'll join you in the 'horrible mother' club! ;)

[KatiesMum]

You are not a horrible mother Jo - you are an awesome Mummy.

Sometimes lifes lessons are hard. That is the way we learn.

Be strong. Be sympathetic - but stay strong.


:hugs:

[punkbaby]

Ohh i only said horrible mummy as i thought some may think i was nasty sorry i didnt mean it in a bad way :)

Mind you dd and i have a really good relationship and she always sais how good i am and relaxed i am i havent been called horrible yet from her so thats a good thing :)

sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and i am finding that girls at this age are sooo lazy LOL

[Ky]

I don't think that by making her miss her excursion that you are being harsh at all ... in fact, you are teaching her a valuable lesson in telling the truth and taking responsibility for her actions!

Just let her know that if she had have told you the truth in the first place, you would have done what you could to get her on the excursion, but now, seeing as she lied, you don't know what to believe so she will just have to miss out!

It is so hard being a mother first and friend second ... especially in this sort of situation :hugs:

Just take comfort in knowing that we all think you are doing a fantastic job ... :thumbsup:

[jag5000]

Ohh i only said horrible mummy as i thought some may think i was nasty sorry i didnt mean it in a bad way :)

oh no, don't get me wrong - you're not a horrible mum! (me neither for that matter) - I just meant that if you ever get called horrible (in a joking way) for teaching your DD a life lesson, I'll join you! - btw, I think you seem like an awesome mum PB, I really enjoy reading your posts and I admit I've even pinched a few of your ideas (like the play mat with the tags you made :))

thanks for the support KatiesMum and Elias :hugs:'s - it's always a buzz to hear others say they think you're are doing an ok job with this parenting thing :D

[WorkingClassMum]

How did it go this morning?