Problems with sex? (TMI)

[mummy2jack08]

well i need to ask a question ladies!!

How do u ladies, when nt interested avoid sex?:laughing: i know a strange question...
but ever since doc said its ok to have sex... thats all he has wanted!! i have tried the whole im tired thing, and he just waits and wakes me at 2am wanting :laughing: i cant win :no:

any ideas would really help :yes: especially as he is taking me out tonight just us and i am sure will want more! any advise would be helpfull :yes:

[haileye]

Leece, maybe try to be honest with him about it,
Try to explain to him how you are feeling at the moment and that the last thing that you are up for at the moment is sex.

I find that when I'm honest about how I'm feeling with my DP that he seems to understand a bit more about what I do and don't want.

Its better to be honest rather than make excuses. IMO anyway....

[kymmy]

Honesty is best policy and is better for strengthening your relationship.
If I am tired I just say so and he will treat me!

[mummy2jack08]

I try honesty, i do tell him but feel a bit bad when he is making such an effort to try and be good!! and treat me right :laughing::yes:

[susmamma]

how is this thread still open??? :p
:laughing:

you girls are wanton pregnant hussy's!

:laughing:

[hayleysmummy]

how is this thread still open??? :p
:laughing:

you girls are wanton pregnant hussy's!

:laughing:

:laughing: Your a crack up Sus

I honestly have no idea I dont venture into this part of town much I dont remember what sex is:o

[GeorgiaAnne]

lol Susanna!

Me too Jordan, I haven't got much to add to this thread

[Mia]

We've managed it TWICE since DS's vomit night, I think that's a record lol!

[mummy2jack08]

:laughing:Sus

ok now i fell bad!!
DF and i were unofficially engaged ... we didnt have money etc for ring!!

well tonight i gots ring and he asked OFFICIALLY!! omg i am soo happy :yes::D

i guess i better be nice to him tonight:laughing:

[Mum2Sierra&Caelyn]

how is this thread still open??? :p
:laughing:

you girls are wanton pregnant hussy's!

:laughing:

Hahaha!!, that made me laugh so hard... I dont even know what I could say to redeem ourselves in your eyes susmamma!.

Leece- I agree it would have been hard to say no to your DF after that!!. But I agree with what the other ladies said that you should be honest with DF and tell him when you really dont want sex... maybe offer him an alternative?;)

:smiliedance:For everyone else who has managed it!.
I have so:eek: much pressure down there at the moment that I feel like if DH and I had sex he would put me into labour!!. I think that its just not going to happen now till after!.

someone actually asked me yesterday if I was overdue!!

[mixy]

Yep, I'm pretty sure that you're right, Mickie. DP seems to have forgotten that part so I intend to have a word with the surgeon on Friday to ensure that DP understands. No way am I gonna let this one go for too long.....I'll go insane! :laughing:

yeah it could end up being a really long time!

someone actually asked me yesterday if I was overdue!!

How rude!!! i dont venture out enough for anyone to ask me that, although i actually dont think im that big this time around..... correct me if im wrong :laughing:

leece i agree with everyone, GL working it out

and im sorry sus, but us ladies have alot of stuff to work out!!! :laughing: haha for the ladies that dont venture in here!!! lol

[BecNBub]

hi, im just over 13 weeks now and im starting to feel like my partner REALLY doesnt understand my feelings with sex at the moment.

We've been together for 9 months now and since he's been with me he's wanted it everyday, and if anything he only wants it more since we've found out we're expecting our first child.

I've "given in" a few times (ive struggled with morning sickness thats lasted all day and all night and generally feeling extremely tired) just to "keep the peace" but when after i/we climax im so sore, It doesnt matter what position or how soft we are. Then my partner tries again a few hours later and im still in pain.

Needless to say all hell breaks loose when i say no cos im sore or tired etc and he cracks the $hits and puts the guilts on to me and basically makes me feel even worse. I've explained to him that its not that i dont want to, cos i really enjoy sex with him, its just that i cant cos it hurts but he just doesnt get it...

Any of you had this prob or anything similar? Any ideas how i can get through to him??

[kymmy]

I have had some discomfort lately. Maybe BH and pre labour. Sex seems to calm it! :detective:

Jealous Sus? :p

[kymmy]

:hugs: Becnbub. That isn't fair.
Apart from talking to him it can be hard.

[Mum2Sierra&Caelyn]

Bec- :hugs: thats no good about the ms, and the fact that your DP doesn't seem to understand how your feeling!.
Not sure what advice to give you other than explaining to him that pregnancy is very straining on the body and that its working overtime to create this new life so your going to be tired a lot. The second trimester, if your MS settles down you will probably feel more like sex then...
Also you wont be able to have sex up to 6 weeks after giving birth, so hes going to have to be patient then!

[mixy]

BecnBubs :hugs: that sounds like it is very difficult. all you can really do is tell him how it is. goodluck with it.

Alison it took 11 mths after DD was born, my poor DH!

[Mum2Sierra&Caelyn]

Mickie- aww your poor DH!!, but atleast he was patient enought to wait!!.
I gave in to DH at about 4 or 5 weeks!!, but I think I was just as eager as I think I just wanted to feel normal again!. And as Susmamma said, im a hussy :laughing:

I couldn't believe that lady asked if I was overdue either!!, she couldn't believe I have just under 5 weeks to go!

[loz10]

Ah girls, I just read the last few pages and it had me in stitches (the funny parts that is, especially the soldier comments LOL).

Becnbubs You poor thing, your partner is just going to have to be more patient :yes:. The 1st Trimester is hard enough just dealing with the sickness and the rest. Tell him to look forward to the 2nd trimester when you will BOTH feel like it. Hang in there, but make sure u talk to him, he needs to understand. Good luck :hugs:.

Now, I feel guilty about DH not getting much at all, the kids just burn me out too much at the end of the day. However, I will try to satisfy him prior to the birth as the drought will be on. After witnessing the birth they don't want to bother you anyway, iykwim.

[loz10]

:confused: Mickie, do u mean you didn't do it for 11 months? Or it took that long for you to recover? Just curious

The boys are asleep and DH has just nodded off so I should hit the pillow. I used to day nap everyday when pg with Nicholas as James used to sleep but now no nap, not ever :thumbsdown:.

I had a DF come over today and she had been up since 4:50am and had broken sleep all night, she has 3 kids and her youngest is 8 months. This will be me soon :hissy:.

[KatieLou]

Oh the 2nd trimester! Wasn't that fun :D Provided I was fed and rested I was up for it anytime! :laughing: Yes Sus, mybe I'm a hussy too :laughing:

Leece - if I'm not up for it and talking about it obviously isn't working (don't get me wrong, dh wouldn't insist on it, just be obviously disappointed and then I feel bad), then the easiest and fastest thing to do is make it all about him. Tell him it's his special night and he's not allowed to touch you. After about 10 mins of kissing, cuddling, playing and HJ it will all be over with, he's content for a little while longer and you can roll over and go to sleep. Given you probably wouldn't get any sleep in that 10 mins anyway as he's probably trying to convince you and making you feel guilty, i find it's the best way to keep the peace and get to sleep fastest :p

[Mum2Sierra&Caelyn]

lol Kat!, well said!

[mummy2jack08]

Kat :laughing:thanks... it sounds very similar to what i try and do with DF!! altho he is very good most times... i said the other night i wasnt feeling well and he sort gave it away after about 5 mins.. then he rolled over and said "how bout before i go 2 work?" :laughing: i had to give him credit for trying but 4 AM what does he think i am ??!? lol i gave in, in the morning tho!!

[mixy]

:confused: Mickie, do u mean you didn't do it for 11 months? Or it took that long for you to recover? Just curious


11 mths before we could have sex, yep 11 mths! we did actually do it maybe 3 times in that 11 mths, but it was really painful, so that got us no where.
I seem to get this unexplainable thing (like a red sore area off to one side at the opening of the vagina) after the births, it turns out that regular massage is the best thing for it :laughing: so after DS i wanted to do it at about 4 weeks and we found a possition that did not press on the sore spot to much so guess how we massaged it! lol anywho it only takes a couple of weeks to get better once 'treatment' starts!!! (lol i was having a little laugh as i posted that!)

[♥Heaven Sent♥]

Mixy i have been having the same problem with this pregnancy,except even if i don't get the big o i still ache all over :(

My stomach tenses up and so does my whole body.I have noticed though that different positions (pm for more details :o lol) are alot better and doing it slowly also helps alot.

My poor df didn't get it much for the first 6 months of this pregnancy,well maybe once every 2 weeks but now hes lucky as he gets it about twice a week.If it gets too painful though i just ask him to stop.

[mummy2jack08]

mickie - 11 months would have been hard :no:

i have decided untill 35 weeks there will be NO more at this end... with having the show and such now i really dnt want anything being stired up from it!! which is nt good cos i was only just starting 2 really fell like it again :(

[Mum2Sierra&Caelyn]

Thats prob not a bad idea Leece!!. We want bubs to stay put atleast a little bit longer!.

[mixy]

leece yeah we are waiting untill 35 weeks to, we have not done it for at least a couple of weeks now, because the last tiem i had some really convincing 2 min contrations, and they took ages to stop, so once 35 weeks comes it will be all systems go (i hope :fingerscrossed:)
i think hubby is counting down only 5 days to go!

[haileye]

Have any of you ladies got the problem with your DP's not wanting to shag?

My DP said that he doesn't want bubs to come early, so he won't touch me...
needless to say it doesn't make me feel all that great.

We have gone from being a really touchy feely couple at home to nothing....:(

I tried to explain that by doing this it has made me start to think that he doesn't find me very attractive right now.:crying:
Silly I know, but this is what my stupid hormones are making me feel.

I sat and explained that it was reccommended to shag to bring on labour etc, but he won;t do it.
he said that if bubs has not come by the 1st that we will shag till he does... but this also means that if bubs does come before the 1st that we won't be intimate untill weeks after the baby comes if at all.:(

I'm so sick of feeling like a whale, everyday I have put an effort into making myself look nice before he gets home, I have even made candlelit dinners but nothing is working.

I am so over this.:crying::crying:

[JJJ&D'sMum]

Hailey my DP has spent the past few weeks recovering from the snip and I have missed out all that time...so I sort of understand what you're going through. DP actually thought that we COULDN'T dtd in the last month because it would hurt me or the baby. I set him straight on that one and let him know that if he hurts me, I will tell him so that he knows. That way we can try something else without either of us missing out. The last thing I want is to go without for the next 2-3 months !

Rough shagging is recommended to bring on labour but generally not your average shag. Maybe that will help your DP relax and give you what you need.

Good luck sweetie.....:fingerscrossed: you don't have to wait much longer for either the shag or bub to arrive. ;)

[GeorgiaAnne]

:hugs: Hailey, my dh isn't at all interested in me. Try not to take it personally and soon enough you'll be back to it i'm sure. It is just another phase in your relationship :yes:

[mummy2jack08]

hailey:hugs:that must be hard... ur nt a whale, im sure your DP thinks hes doing the right thing

i wish i could say i knew what u were going thro... i have the opposite prob
thats all DF wants to do hehe nt that i mind but can drive me insane... :laughing:

[Jel]

my hubby must be used to not getting any - he's already resigned to the fact that in another 3 months he might be with a chance!

[mrsmamo]

HI Ladies, im not due in September, but i have a question of sorts to do with this topic lol :o yes very embarrassing!

So normally i have quite a good 'drive', however since falling pg, i would rather chew off my left toe than do the deed...much to DH dissapointment lol.

Now when we DO do it, its all good for 5 mins then its like, someone turned the tap off (if u get my drift) and i just cant do it! Has anyone else experienced this? its really very frustrating - on both counts lol. Also i am finding as im slowly getting bigger finding comfortable ways is getting harder lol.

Any suggestions? or hopefully this is something that will pass after birth... :) Thanks!

[mixy]

haileye - i think you have gotten some good advice already, but dont forget that if your baby comes now, he is by no means 'early' he is perfectly formed and has been for a couple of weeks. he would even be a good size by now, so tell hubby that not a reason!

mrsmamo- no help from me sorry, i have been on a bit of a drought! hopefully someone else can help more. lots of forplay useually helps witht the 'tap turning off' thing i have found. try some new positions to combat the growing bigger

[mrsmamo]

thanks mixy. :) at least i know its not just me lol.

[haileye]

mrsmamo- i had the same problem a few months ago... the only way that I managed to get through it was to use a water based lube... If I didn't use the lube, I felt like the skin was so dry that it was tearing...
DP got annoyed sometimes when I pulled it out to put it on, but when I explained why I was doing it he understood.

This dry phase shouldn't last too long, but at least the lube will help you guys through it anyway.

[haileye]

Mixy- its not because he thinks that the baby will be "early" as in prem, he just doesn't want bubs to come before his due date. Weird I know, but I think he like the idea that bubs b'day will be so close to his own which is on the 4th. :confused:
In the mean time I am doing squats, and anything else that I can think of to help get bubs moving.

[mrsmamo]

mrsmamo- i had the same problem a few months ago... the only way that I managed to get through it was to use a water based lube... If I didn't use the lube, I felt like the skin was so dry that it was tearing...
DP got annoyed sometimes when I pulled it out to put it on, but when I explained why I was doing it he understood.

This dry phase shouldn't last too long, but at least the lube will help you guys through it anyway.

thanks so much for your help! i didnt even think of that you know. (i guess thats pregnancy brain for you!)

I might pop into woolies on my way home and surprise hubby hahaha. I think the poor guy feels its not only our country thats in draught :laughing:

[Mum2Sierra&Caelyn]

Sorry in advance for any TMI moments lol

I feel so sorry for DH, hes so horny at the moment, and hes being so patient, but Im not sure that even when Im physically able to have sex again that im going to want it. After giving birth to Sierra it was only 4 weeks before DH and I were at it again and even earlier I was getting impatient too. This time the thought of it just doesn't appeal to me at all and I think it will be a bit longer before Im ready to DTD again. I feel guilty though cause Im sure DH is counting down the days!.

Ohwell, I guess hes in for dissapointment.

[TrulyBlessed]

Alison don't worry too much. Tell DH that mine hasn't had any in just over 7 weeks lol. I had the op done on my boob so didn't want it knocked & any movement hurt haha. Then my waters broke once stitches & clips came off (waters broke the night i had the clips taken off). & since I haven't had my bleeding stop long enough to dtd he's suffering big time haha.

[Mum2Sierra&Caelyn]

:laughing:I guess its a small price to pay considering all we have just been through because of them!.
How is your boob going btw?

I cant remember the last time we DTD, as it was getting too uncomfortable towards the end of the preg... and I was in hospital the last two weeks... Im thinking it must be atleast 2 months since we have... not sure.

[mini munchkin]

My poor DH went almost the whole 9 months without (we DTD once) and then about 3 months post birth...:o

It nearly killed him I think, but thankfully he's a strong one;)

[Mum2Sierra&Caelyn]

The poor dear :laughing:

They always seem so hard done by when they havent had sex in a while... I dont think they would complain so much if THEY had to push out a baby!.
What was i thinking feeling sorry for DH! lol

[mummy2jack08]

Haha!
My DF isnt gonna no what to do for 6 weeks after bub, he hasnt been with out it for more than a few days when i am with him!!

[Mum2Sierra&Caelyn]

Oh no, hes really going to be upset!:laughing:

[mummy2jack08]

I am thinking bub being around will be enough to keep him occupied and he wont even notice the time going by :p hehe wish me luck :)

[kelly2781]

:yes: Definite uterine contractions / braxtons after sex... apparently this is normal... maybe it's the position that is causing you to ache??

I wish I was more help but sex rarely happens at my place, not for DH's lack of trying :laughing:


everytime after whether i O or not, but :iagree: sex rarely happens and not for his lack of trying

[Mum2Sierra&Caelyn]

I am thinking bub being around will be enough to keep him occupied and he wont even notice the time going by :p hehe wish me luck :)

Maybe he will notice but will just be too busy to do anything about it!:laughing:.