is it possible that we all try too hard??

[deb&patrick]

Got to thinking today that maybe we all are trying too hard to conceive. I know for me I am desperate to be pregnant again after my last preg. ended in mc and find myself having sex just for the chance to get pregnant.

Are we taking the enjoyment away from having a fun healthy sex life with our partners out of desperation?????

[nicoleE]

I dunno, we BD to TTC for the first time last night and we had fun :D :smiliedance:

Didnt hear hubby complaining :laughing:


In all seriousness, to some extent you are probably right, particularly as the months of no results go on.... BUT you can still have sex to TTC and still make it romantic... Get some candles out, music on, start with a nice massage....you fill in the rest! :p

[deb&patrick]

True - my husband not complaining either:o :o

I guess for my the desperation comes in the time between ovulation and AF being due. Waiting, testing (constantly!) I finding myself creating preg. symptoms in my head which aren't really there. Then of course the stress that this causes delays the arrival of AF and causes more stress!!

After reading alot of posts in the TTC threads I think most of us do the same.

[MrsElle]

I have to agree. I find that when it is around time to o, that once is ok but having to do the deed ove and over again its gets a bit boring.

So to make it fun for him i let him have his way with me. He can do whatever he likes (sorry for TMI). But i dont mind and neither does he. So its a win win situation.

[My3kids]

A friend of mine has been trying to fall pregnant for about 2 year, Her hubby went away for a few months for work and she went down for a visit half way through she comes back up and finds out she was pregnant. She due in near the end of the year. She said for next time she sending him away!

[nicoleE]

i just read that a blood test can tell a week after the possible conception if you are pregnant, if this is true we should be able to book in with our GPs a week later to find out instead of having to wait a couple of weeks to see if AF arrives or not.

Has anyone done this? Seems like a good work around to me, take half the wait away! :thumbsup:

[deb&patrick]

not for me - I'd rather give birth again than have a blood test:crying:

[camira1976]

I'm new to this but was feeling a little down and thought i might be able to get some support. We have been TTC for just over 14mths, it wasn't until this week that my doctor suggested we may have a fertility issue that it has started to really bother me. Then today a friend told me she was 5 wks pregnant. It was her first month of trying. I am really happy for her but feel disappointed in the fact we haven't been able to get pregnant yet.

[Jack'sMum]

This is so funny - I just posted on the TTC April thread that I want to be taken off the lists. This is our 1st month TTC #2 and I have done my ehad in well and truly. Right from CD1, I have donme nothing but wait, calculate, read others' symptoms, invent my own symptoms I think, and make it so "now now!" for my DH it has taken the romance out of it.

So, I have decided we are not TTC anymore - we are "waiting and seeing what our love brings". Corny I know, but I don't want this to take over my life.. and that is a real possibility I think.

m_adams: Hang in there, if you're like me, you hear all those stories about people who fall pg when they give up and go with the flow. Any chance of giving that a go?

[Kells]

I agree! There is no passion left in my side of the bd anymore, just thinking of TTC. I used to be thinking - 'oh no, not already, not so soon' and now it's 'come on, hurry up, give me the sperm baby!!' :laughing:

It really does take the pleasure out of it. (although DH is enjoying himself:D )

The TWW is a killer though. It can turn a normal, sane, level headed person into a raving lunatic!!! (but only on bubhub, in real life we say nothing.......:detective: )

[MumsieMel]

LOL kell that is so true.

But i think it is up to us as individuals to control oursselves, as hard as it is :rolleyes:

[Lilith]

Well this is our 7mth of TTC #1 and I'm still enjoying "the process". I enjoy reading about other's bliss and empathise with their heartaches. I enjoy setting my bathroom up as a scientific lab with my OPKs, maybe baby and HPTs. The only thing I don't enjoy is people telling me I'm trying too hard and therefore it won't happen. If I was trying too hard and it wasn't fun, I would agree. Did some research on the net about all this and liked this info from justmommies.com

If you have been trying to conceive for any length of time you have probably been given advice from well-meaning or not-so-well-meaning friends or family. You have likely heard the suggestion that you need to relax and stop trying so hard. Maybe you were told something like this “I knew this couple that tried for years to get pregnant and as soon as they stopped trying, they got pregnant”. Or another common statement you might here is a story about someone who finally decided to adopt and then they turned up pregnant.

What about the stories of couples adopting and later becoming pregnant? Does fertility improve when you stop trying? This is simply not true. Although, it is not completely unheard of for a woman to get pregnant after adopting the statistics do not show any improvement in fertility. The percentage of women getting pregnant after adopting is about 5 percent, which is the same as women who have infertility and do not adopt. (source: www.resolve.org)

The bottom line is that there is no such thing as trying too hard. The difference between a couple that conceives when trying and a couple that does not is not based on how hard they try. Implying that relaxation or not trying increases your chances of getting pregnant, only alienates couples that are trying to conceive and adds to their frustration. Exactly how do you try less when you desperately want a baby? There are no penalties for trying too hard. If you and your partner have been trying to conceive for over a year consult your doctor for fertility treatment options. Trying or not trying hard enough does not cause infertility.

[Lilith]

Hi Karen, yes I know there are lots of women in the same situation as your grandmother and my aunt TTC without success and so adopted a little boy. Less than 3 months later she found out she was pregnant. I'm just saying that I am enjoying the whole TTC process at the moment. Maybe in another 5 months or so, if I haven't conceived, than I will :banghead: become frustrated and stressed and I'm sure that would have an impact on TTC. My older sister gets pregnant at the drop of a hat and it took my younger sister 2 years as she has PCOS. They both didn't talk to me about TTC and don't really want to listen to me talk about it. I'm just grateful to bubhub.

Good luck to all.

[camira1976]

I think it really is a presonal thing. We stopped using contraception 17mths ago and just wanted to let "it happen". However we are still waiting and now looking at our options as far as fertilty tests. We were very lucky with our first born, it took us only two months. My thinkingis I want an answer as to why I am not pregnant yet, your mind tends to wonder...what if. Really as long as you can keep a balance and have lots of fun trying without letting it completely control your life then we should just enjoy ourselves.:smiliedance: :smiliedance: :ecomcity:

[Kirstlea]

My first pregnancy was a surprise we weren't trying at all,

My second one took 8 months but m/c.

My third one that is a different story, it took 10 months as I was starting to wonder what was wrong with me. Had some tests and a scan done, discovered I had something wrong so assumed that was why I wasn't getting pregnant. While waiting for my appointment to see a specialist I got pregnant. :smiliedance:

I think worrying each month and trying to time it right does make it harder to conceive, but how do you stop worrying. Its almost impossible not too even when you think your aren't you realise afterwards that you were.:rolleyes:

[QTB]

trying too hard ISNT a cause of infertilty, of course as we all know. but in my case, the stress of not getting preg (with #1) the doctor told me i had never ovulated in my life, so we booked into the fertility clinic, and of course, stopped trying. a week before the appointment i found out i was 10 weeks preg.... go figure. lol BUT in my saying that stress from not getting preg caused me to stop ovulating (possibly?) here i am trying for #2 lol -not stressing YET

[mim1]

Thanks for this thread. We're TTC #1 and it's only month #2 off the pill and yet I'm already way too stressed for my liking! I'm very busy with work and honestly not quite ready to mix pregnancy and work, but I'm SO ready to be a mum ... yeah, I know quite a conflict there! This month I didn't O until Day 23!! Last month it was Day 13!! I was getting pretty upset every morning when my temperature didn't rise. I got so frustrated that I joined a TTC forum on another board, but reading everyone else's frustrations actually made it worse for me. I do think we can obsess over it too much and it definitely takes the fun out of it.

On a brighter note I'm now Day 7 post O, so not that many days til I can start testing again! Didn't even get to test last month, AF came 10 days post O. I'm 30 at the end of the year and I'd really like to have this baby before I'm 30 (it would have to be a few weeks early, but hey!). I did wake up hungry at 4am this morning, so maybe ... then again it was probably just the thought of all the chocolate sitting on the bench in the kitchen!